chicane

Why I don't dress like a Chola

(some ramblings but I’m trying to process this and explain my perspective)

So I was in middle school in the 90s….
The time that people are now emulating
And I admire the chola aesthetic….
but going to those 90s hood inspired events reminded me why I don’t and will never dress like a chola…

I saw all these girls dressed in the 90s chola style and all of the sudden I was transported back to my brace face self in middle school

I was a nerd. And by that I mean, I was like reading dr. Doolittle books by myself in the library sometimes

And it was the cholitas that would tell me I wasn’t Mexican because I did not dress like them. It was the cholitas that were mean to me for being a nerd. But on the other hand, I defended them when white students would say they were “chuntis” and “beaners” and I just felt like such a confused in between person…. that 90s aesthetic that is so cool right now reminds me of the time that our identities were ridged… a time that wearing hoops and dark lipstick was seen as the ONLY way to be Mexicana/chicana….. and if you weren’t that, you weren’t Mexicana, you were a “white girl”. It didn’t matter that I watched “Preciosa” and “Soñadoras” novelas or that I wore Beaded jewelry or that I spent summers in Mexico with my family…. I was a nerd and so that made me a “white girl”.

The thing is, there’s no one way to be a chicana. And as I’ve said before I’m down for all types of chicanas for chicanxs, for xicanas, for xicanx skaters, punks, rockabillies… city chicanas, small town xicanas, artist chicanas, athlete chicanas, queer xicanxs, multiracial xicanas and of course nerd xicanas.

And so I’ll never dress like a chola most importantly because I’m not one.

Before Today (Chicane Remix)
Everything But The Girl

I don’t want excuses

I don’t want your smiles

I don’t want to feel like we’re apart a thousand miles

I don’t want your attitude

I don’t want your things

But I don’t want a phone that never rings

I want your love and I want it now

I want your love and I want it now

I don’t want your history

I don’t want that stuff

I want you to shut your mouth

That would be enough

I don’t care if you’ve been here before

You don’t understand

Tonight I feel above the law, I’m coming into land

I want your love and I want it now

I want your love and I want it now

My heart is that much harder now

That’s what I thought before today

My heart is that much harder now

I thought that it would stay that way, before today

Before today

But I don’t want a phone that never rings

I want your love and I want it now

I want your love and I want it now

I want your love

[ 21:57, ucsb main library ]

⭐️

finally finished my essay! i’m so happy - this has bee the most stressful one yet just because it’s so unstructured. i had to write an auto-historia for my chican@ studies class and althought it’s been really fun to right, the lack of structure has been driving me absolutely crazy! other than that it’s been a pretty okay day - i feel guilty for ditching my chican@ studies section and chem CLAS but you know what, i’ll make up for it by studying hella hard. my goal for the rest of the quarter is to not miss any more classes though!

⭐️

[today’s playlist]

- lana del rey, born to die - the paradise edition

-the fitzwilliam quartet, shostakovich string quartets 1-15