chen-reads-50-shades

THE LAWSUITE EP1
  • KRIS: (KICKS DOOR OPEN)
  • KRIS: I CANNOT EVEN, LUHAN! I LITERALLY HAVE NO EVENS TO CAN!
  • LUHAN: What's wrong?
  • KRIS: 'What's Wrong?' Have you been on Weibo today?
  • LUHAN: No. How was the fanmeet?
  • KRIS: Funny you should ask... (Opens Fridge)
  • KRIS: That one interviewer kept asking me about TAO!
  • LUHAN: Goodness.
  • KRIS: It's bad enough he kept asking, and now 'TAO, WHAT'S GOOD?' is trending on WEIBO realtime as we speak!
  • LUHAN: ...
  • LUHAN: Duizhang, why not just forgive and forget the whole thing and allow him to move in with us?
  • KRIS:
  • KRIS: Et tu, Luhan?
  • LUHAN: He knows he fucked up, give him another chance.
  • LUHAN: The longer you delay the inevitable the more signatures the petition to remove ZTao's tear glands accumulates.
  • KRIS: Good.
  • LUHAN: Come on...
  • KRIS: You can be forgiving all you want, he didn't drag your name into the dirt.
  • LUHAN: (Disgusted Sigh, takes out phone and opens Wechat)
  • LUHAN: (whispers) Sorry Tao, he's still pissed.
  • TAO: (Cries)
  • KRIS: And now for something to distract my Meigenis with.
  • KRIS: I've got a plan so cunning you could shine your shoes with it.
  • KRIS: Luhan, get the camera ready.
  • KRIS: ROUROU! DINNER!
  • ROUROU THE DOG: ARF!
  • (20 minutes later)
  • KRIS: Aaaaand posted! My cunning plan is coming to fruition!
  • LUHAN: I don't see a cunning plan.
  • KRIS: Luhan, you wouldn't see a cunning plan if it dressed like Xiumin in nothing but a garter belt, singing 'I am a Cunning Linguist'.
  • KRIS: Nothing gains more internet love than dogs, cats, moon moon and gay pride in full force, and Rourou is a dog!
  • KRIS: 1 video of RouRou doing tricks and bob's our uncle.
  • KRIS: They'll forget about the Tao matter faster than you can say 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall'.
  • ROUROU THE DOG: WoofWoof.
  • (KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)
  • KRIS:
  • LUHAN:
  • KRIS: (whispers) Remain silent. They'll go away soon.
  • ???: Guys, open up! I know you're in there!
  • KRIS:
  • LUHAN:
  • KRIS: Alright, what did you do?
  • LUHAN: I DID NOTHING!
  • KRIS: That's what you said last time when that girl followed you home and made you dinner.
  • LUHAN: I didn't leave the house all day!
  • LUHAN: And the last time I told Tao where we were you blew a gasket and insisted we move out.
  • (BANG BANG BANG)
  • LUHAN: Look, maybe he doesn't know it's us!
  • ???: KRIS! KRIS LET'S TALK!
  • KRIS: ...
  • KRIS: The tooth fairy's gonna make you rich tonight, Luhan.
  • (Gets up and opens the door)
  • JONGIN: HYUNG! IT'S BEEN SO LONG!
  • KRIS: (Stunned)
  • LUHAN: (mouth open)
  • JONGIN: ... Um... (Shifts nervously) I love your hair!
  • KRIS: I have no hair.
  • JONGIN: I love the absence of it?
  • LUHAN: Yifan, don't be rude! (Rushes over and gives Jongin a hug)
  • LUHAN: Alright, why the sudden visit?
  • JONGIN: Isn't it obvious? I missed you guys!
  • KRIS:
  • KRIS: You saw the video of my dog, didn't you?
  • JONGIN: What? What dog? Hmm? MM, never heard of anything like that! Heh heh... hehehe...
  • LUHAN:
  • KRIS:
  • JONGIN: So can I touch him?
  • SOMEWHERE IN KOREA:
  • (Suho Arrives at EXO DORM)
  • SUHO: I'm home~ I've bought dinner for you all- (notice Beagle Line) What's going on?
  • CHEN: Jongin's missing.
  • BAEKHYUN: Kyungsoo read 50 shades of grey.
  • CHANYEOL: It's not funny anymore, Kyungsoo let us down!
  • KYUNGSOO: None of you are untied until you tell me where's Jongin.
  • KYUNGSOO: I've waited an entire month for this. I worked hard for this off day to spend with him.
  • KYUNGSOO: My mother died, I hardly noticed.
  • KYUNGSOO: My father chopped his head off and pickled it in Kimchi, I scarcely looked up from my work.
  • KYUNGSOO: Just yesterday, Sojin started engaging in a lesbian relationship with Jung Eunji, I CARED NOT, ALL TO BE REWARDED WITH AN OFFDAY TO SPEND WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.
  • KYUNGSOO: NOW WHERE'S JONGIN?!
  • BEAGLE LINE: WE DON'T KNOW, WE SWEAR! HE JUST LOOKED AT HIS PHONE AN HOUR AGO AND RAN FOR THE AIRPORT! WE SWEAR!
  • KYUNGSOO:
  • KYUNGSOO: Sehun, fetch me the Whip.
  • BEAGLE LINE: JOONMAMA!!!!!
  • SUHO: Hold on...
  • KYUNGSOO: What?
  • SUHO: Did you guys just say... the airport?
  • TO BE CONTINUED