Ash Update - 11/19/2016

Its been a little while since ive made an update. I try my best not to flood everyones pages with the sadness of my Ash going through the pain an suffering of this brain cancer.

There’s not much of an update this time. His surgery is scheduled for January an they are still pretty certain that they will not be able to get all the Tumor an that he does have a very high risk of going into a coma. (God forbid the Coma part to ever happen.)

Everyday is a new symptom for him. (Bleeding, Sickness, Nausea, Passing Out, Not being able to eat, Severe Weight Loss, Vision issues, Dizziness. A headache that never ends, Reactions…. This list never ends it seems)

Doctors has now started him on Chemotherapy three times a week. (Sundays, Tuesdays an Thursdays) at first they was not gonna do it an now they are. Ash told me he was not going to start the treatments but then I came to his mind an he is now doing all these hard treatments for me. He’s fighting to stay alive for me. I cried so hard when he told me.  Love is an amazing thing. It is true, Love knows no boundaries an this is our boundary (Cancer). 

He told me today hr dreads these days an I cannot blame him.

He told me before he went to sleep.
“I used to love Sundays. Now I just hate them.
I am so tired I want to get some rest.”                                                               He said a few weeks ago  "I am unable to smile, I hate myself when I get these injections" 

Its all taking a hard toll on him daily it seems. Last night he had a vision of Heaven an he seen his best friend there. She held his hand an told him to come home that theres so much I have to show you.

He is now unable to talk as much as he used to, But he still comes an tries.
The quiet days are the hardest. You can’t help but wonder.

It’d be nice if there was a way to give him my energy and strength.
I hate to watch him suffer

Only thing I can do is pray for time, healing, comfort an love for him. I know our Father in Heaven can do all things. He is the God of Healing an I really do believe in time God will heal Ash. I really do believe. I cannot give up this hope an prayer. I pray that God always gives me the right words to say to him an that I do not become a burden to Ash.

Ash Covets your daily prayers. Please pray for him.


We’ve got a patient right now with stage lV Hodgkin’s lymphoma with several mets but well over 80% chance at remission. Today I was able to go through, with our pediatric oncology doctor and their nurse, their entire induction phase and helped/observed the nurse give them 4 different chemos today. It began with intrathecal Methotrexate done in the PICU, then Vincristine (fun fact it’s derived from the periwinkle plant), followed by Cyclophosphamide X 2 (which is a by product of mustard gas) and ended with Thioguanine. I see why so many of our nurses don’t want to get chemo certified. Shits scary. And the precision of the chemo calculations has my head hurting.

Originally posted by teachingfeelslike

losing touch

Ghost hands
smoothed down the sides
of her puff-fluff coat
as her cat tail
craned and twitched

I strained to recall
How it all used to feel
When these fingertips
Had eyes and ears
When feeling was a feeling

I still have a touch of sense
But my sense of touch …
… Not so much

Still her purring motor revved
I imagined the silken strands
Tickling nerve endings
Into new beginnings

Love is much the same
And we its gentle pets
Better stirred
Than shaken

In this dumb numbness
Life seems
A half-state of awake

Still they pour
More poison through
These vessels and pores

And I long
to feel that feeling of feeling
a touch of touch
once more.

litglob © 2017


New video on my channel!!! I’ve heard A LOT of interesting things from people since being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. So I decided to take my “favorite” comments and turn them into a comedy sketch. Be sure to check it out!! and subscribe to my channel!!
Chemotherapy Isn't Only for Cancer Patients
Upon hearing the word 'chemotherapy,' most people jump to the same conclusions, with the same general consensus on how chemo works, who receives it and what side effects it has on the body. The truth is chemotherapy isn't only for cancer patients, and affects each patient differently depending on how it is used.

A great wee article. I have had to take chemotherapy drugs to treat my Crohn’s and so have many other Crohn’s warriors


Twenty One Pilots - Cover Cancer (My Chemical Romance) live in Providence (01/17/17)

You are a strong person.
You are walking through hell
With your head held high
As the path burns before you.
But people are made of equal parts
Strength and weakness,
Light and dark,
Ice and fire.
So if you must fall, fall.
If you must break down,
Cry and punch the nearest wall.
That is not you failing,
That is not your undoing.
That is your humanity.
Accept it, embrace it.
—  Tricia Sarmiento, Lessons I learned from fighting cancer #2