If a woman has a thing for guys with tats, it doesn't mean she disregards everything else and totally dehumanizes them because of her preference. She just finds that tats make a guy more appealing to her. Same thing with the chair/disability and devs. All of the regular, mundane chemistry and compatibility factors between two people still apply. The handful of creepy devs online are a minority, but they loom larger because they're the most visible. The vast majority are quietly "in the closet".