There are more stars in the universe than grains of sand on the world’s beaches.
More stars in the universe than seconds of time that have passed since Earth formed.
More stars than words and sounds ever uttered by all humans who have ever lived.
why my chem teacher is the most dad™ teacher and all-around coolest ever
- spent 5 minutes one day complaining about the transition effects and lame fonts on the old chem teacher’s lecture slides
- had us take a survey the first day of school in which he included a question about being stuck on a desert island with justin bieber
- while teaching us nomenclature conventions for alkanes, pointed at “pent-” and said “obviously you show know some of these already; if you’re a satanist you probably know what a pentagram is,” opened a discussion of temple of satan vs. satanic temple, and said he’d be interested in joining the satanic temple one day
- a lecture slide on calorimetry included a picture of a bomb calorimeter, which he explained in depth, then held up a styrofoam cup and said “here’s a public school calorimeter”
- someone asked a question about when electronegativity becomes polar, so he pulled up a spectrum running from non-polar to ionic and said “it’s a spectrum. like gender. you know how some people think a person is a girl even if they say they’re a guy and vice versa? there are still non-polar bonds with high electronegativity and people think they should be polar but just because they have a certain electronegativity doesn’t mean they’re polar. pls be understanding of ur covalent kids.”
- uses a yardstick instead of a pointer
- waves said yardstick around frequently, mostly for no reason.
- once said (ironically) that he saw less and less bullying in classrooms now and that was a bit disappointing even though it was good. added that “if i had to suffer then you all do too” in a bitter tone of voice. when a english teacher walked in and asked him why he was waving the yardstick around he said it was because he was reminiscing on the bullying days.
- couple of us asked if we should get a new periodic table to take the test with since we’d written all over ours. he said no because if we’re smart enough to think ahead and cheat then we deserve the a.
- actually has a degree in philosophy. he’s so fucking nerdy
- he bikes to school everyday and then carries his bike up two flights of stairs to his classroom
- sometimes during tests he pulls a bagel and peanut butter out of his desk and eats them while watching us silently
- this one time we walked into class and he’d shaved off his half-beard into a mustache and when we asked why he said “i’m not a huge fan of it but my wife likes it so i do it for her”
- used the trump supporter kid’s logic against him without explicitly expressing his political views so no one can actually get him fired
- complains to our class about how much he hates us
- explained catalytic converters to us once, then pointed at me with the yardstick and said “barrett you’re gonna love this because it involves carbon monoxide and like, suffocating yourself”
- i started crying once in class and he literally refused to give me the test because he didn’t think it would be fair to make me test while having an anxiety attack so he sent me into the lab and closed the classroom door and let me ugly cry. i kept begging him to let me take the test tho so he sighed and said “im ur dad right now not ur teacher please don’t take the test just light some incense and listen to some reggae or something and chill”
- i used pig’s blood in my chem internal assessment and when i asked him where i could store it overnight he shrugged and was like “i guess put it in the fridge in the teacher’s lounge and i’ll just tell people not to drink your blood”
- he knows our class so well it’s a little scary. predicts exactly what’s going to happen in certain circumstances with like 100% accuracy
- this one girl in my class didn’t finish her homework but we submit in through pictures on google classroom so she sent in a picture of her dog and he accepted it and gave it 10/10
“Bitch please, you bond more readily than fluorine”
“I think you’ll find I sexually identify as the periodic table”
“Did you just assume my oxidation state?!”
“Honey if you were any more unreactive you’d be a noble gas”
“Wow, fluorine really is a slut”
“So dative covalent bonding is basically atomic double penetration right?”
“Yo, imagine a bath bomb made of pure caesium”
“What’s a commercial use of sodium chloride?” “It’s literally salt, you can- you know what, never mind, you’re white”
“I think you’ll find my enthalpy change is infinite”
“Guys what’s the Avocado constant again?”
“You know that acid is highly corrosive, you probably shouldn’t sit there with it pretty much in your lap”
“You know, our friendship is stronger than a hydrogen-fluorine covalent bond”
“I would literally pay you to set me on fire and calculate my enthalpy of combustion”
“Forget Hess cycles, you’re a fucking mess cycle”