Beware! You might be consuming chemicals!

I love @buzzfeed. I can spend hours taking their quizzes, binge-watching their videos, and scrolling through their lists. However, when Buzzfeed shared a video about healthy grocery shopping with this tip, I felt hurt and betrayed.

America suffers from chemophobia and this proves just how badly we suffer. We think chemicals are bad - they are toxic, dangerous, and can kill you! It’s what we see in the films, on the news, and in our world. But we have forgotten that we live in a world based off of chemistry. Even our most basic water is a chemical. Does that make it bad?

I can’t blame consumers for being scared of the unknown. We in the food and agriculture industry have failed to educate our consumers about what they are eating. We have made amazing strides in food production, so quickly that we forgot to tell the consumer what has been going on! 

Buzzfeed, I don’t blame you for your mistake. It’s our fault for not reaching out to the consumers. If you’re involved in agriculture, I challenge you to be transparent and reach out to your consumers. And if you’re a consumer, I invite you to contact us in the industry! A happy, well-fed world is one that’s willing to work together. 

Archaeological evidence of 1700-year-old chemical warfare

Almost 2,000 years ago, 19 Roman soldiers ran into a cramped underground tunnel, prepared to defend the Roman-held Syrian city of Dura-Europos from an army of Persians digging to undermine the city’s mudbrick walls. But instead of Persian soldiers, the Romans met with a wall of noxious black smoke that turned to acid in their lungs. The discovery of their bodies provided the first physical evidence of ancient chemical warfare.

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pupnatty asked:

May I request a hairless rubber chastity puppy transformation from T.G.F.T? I'd like a change from the hairy 18 masturbation addicted high school student that I am. Thank you!

Hello, sir! How may we help you today? Oh, a form? Thanks! I’ll take that off your hands and see what your request is. Masturbation addiction? Is that a thing? I though you were fine if you keep under once per hour, but that’s just what my employee contract says.

If you want more control over your urges though, we’ll get you there. Come with me!

Now I realize that in the common world’s book of solutions they would probably have you go through some terrible process to rid you of you “addiction.” What do they use for that? Isn’t it radiation? For cancer? Why the hell would you want to cure cancer with radiation? I’ll tell the Supers division that. They’ll get a big kick out of it.

Anyway, here we are: the shower room. Go ahead. Step in. Don’t be shy. No one else is in here just now. It looks like you’re the only one that ordered a hairless today, so I guess you’d have no qualms about showering would you? Oh, come on. We’ve all been in gym class. I have seen a fair share of other guys’ dicks.

There! You’re naked. That wasn’t so bad, was it? Now, go ahead and take a good rinse. It may be cold out, but you’ll find the water quite warm and relaxing in here… Well, it’s mostly water. Don’t look so scared! It’s nothing as dangerous as radiation. I can promise you that! Besides you’re mostly drenched already.

The chemicals being absorbed through your skin will actually be quite helpful to your unique dilemma. Our scientist have found that the best way to circumvent an addiction is to replace it with another harmless one. When pairing that genius with some hydrotherapy we were toying with, we came to the solution of hydro-addiction!

Oh, there goes your body hair. No, you have to keep rinsing! Otherwise this will never work. Any other side effects? Well, you should probably be experiencing a kind of cotton-headedness right now. Are you feeling it? Do you feel you mind becoming smaller, obedient, or maybe even primal? All of the above? Good! That means we can turn off the shower.

There’s no need to go anywhere. I’ll dry you off. That’s right. Just let me take care of you. It’s really great to do that, isn’t it? To just let other people take care of you? To be subservient to others who know better than you? Why don’t I get you dressed then too?

There we are. You’re locked up and dressed in rubber like a good boy should be, aren’t you? Your little locked up puppy cock can’t be touched anymore, so none of the previous addiction for you. The rubber also keeps you from enjoying your new addiction too much as well.

In the meantime, you will be staying in this Youth program dorm, as we do allow pets, and you will finish your schooling in that way. You will serve as this room’s tenant’s pet, and please him in every way you can. In return, he’ll care for you, his subservient little pup.

Master Fic List, Updated

A few people have requested a complete list of links for my fics, so here they are, in no particular order.  Enjoy!

~UPDATED AS OF 2/6/2016 - New Fics Added~

Penumbraluna added to the list

Weekly Muse Meetings and the Read By Loki Laufeyson series have been added to the list…looks like they’re going to be permanent :)

Chemical - 46 chapters, ongoing

*UPDATED 1/31/16*

Tom & Anja have known each other for years, existing in the same group of friends but never being able to get near each other without insults flying.  He’s a bartender with a mysterious, dark past and she’s an executive assistant with a bright future.  When an incident outside the pub shoves them solidly into each other’s lives, a night of kinky unbridled sex and animalistic behavior bonds them for life as he teaches her just how close to feral creatures we really are.  A dark romance with Dom/sub undertones, very adult themes, and tons of smut including rampant sex of pretty much every variation you can think of.  Male character is a Loki/Tom hybrid, not based on any existing TH characters.


(added 2/4/16) - 1 chapter, ongoing  (NEW)  (20 chapters projected) (chapters are under 1000 words each and for now this story is only being posted to tumblr)

Before Tom bought the pub and met Anja, he was a skinny, determined 15-year old kid who had to make it to San Diego on his own to find his sister.  The pre-history to CHEMICAL, detailing how his teenage relationship with his buddy Chris shaped his future as an adult.  Dark, sometimes disturbing, with numerous references to underage prostitution, male/male sex of various types (both consensual and non), implied/inferred rape, abuse, adult situations involving minors, illegal activity, romance, unprotected sex between males and males/females, and lots of angst/tragedy/heartbreak.  Not for the weak of heart or persons prone to squick.  Male characters are Chem!Tom and Chris.

Body Double - 37 chapters, ongoing

*UPDATED 1/29/16*

Anna’s working as a body double on the Crimson Peak movie set, standing in for an actress with a no-nudity clause in her contract.  Tom is the handsome star of the film with no qualms about doing his own dirty work.  Can an on-set fling survive the real world outside the dark fairytale of the script?  Just how real can love be with a man who shifts from one character to another so easily? Romance, mild Dom/sub undertones, lots and lots of smut, very VERY heavy on the sex, quite a bit of fluff. Male character is TH.

The King’s Heart - 20 chapters, complete

A grieving, emotionally unhinged Loki is handed the throne of Asgard and ordered by royal decree to take a wife.  Unwilling to be bothered with romance or courtship, Loki withdraws into a bitter shell and it falls to his brother Thor to appoint a bride for the king.  Lyra is chosen by default - she has royal blood, she’s unmarried, of childbearing age, and already belongs to Asgard as a spoil of war.  Can she help the king regrow his cold, dead heart?  Very adult themes, heavy on the smut and sex, Dom/sub, romance.  Male character is Loki.

The Wolf King - 6 chapters, ongoing (new) 

*UPDATED 1/25/16*

Sequel to The King’s Heart.  Loki and Lyra’s son is now King of Asgard and once again royal decree has initiated the search for a worthy queen.  But the young king has other things on his mind, including mastering his own special brand of magic and fulfilling a centuries-old prophecy.  Adventure, fluff, frequent appearances by Loki & Lyra, heavy smut in future chapters.  Male character is Loki’s identical son, who shares all his father’s quirks and abilities - minus the bad attitude.

Weekly Meetings of the Most Useless Muses in the History of FanFiction - 12 chapters, ongoing (new)

*UPDATED 2/2/16*

This is what happens when you try to get your inspiration to cooperate.  Weekly one-shots (usually uploaded every Sunday) featuring the muses from my current fics arguing, beating each other up, calling each other names, and generally just not doing their jobs.  Lots of Chem!Tom/Loki fights and over the top animosity. Currently attending muses are Loki and Lyra from The King’s Heart, Tom and Anja from Chemical, Tom and Anna from Body Double, and Adam and Selina from Sanguine, with occasional appearances from Aleks of The Wolf King and Cara from Chemical.  Other random minor characters drop by from time to time.

Chapter 9 of The Night Manager, Read By Loki Laufeyson - first of a series (new)

And this is what happens when you hire Loki to narrate audiobooks.  Lots of unnecessary stream-of-consciousness rambling, rude judgmental remarks, and very little actual reading - presented by everyone’s favorite God of Snark.

Sanguine - 13 chapters, ongoing

Adam is an 800-year old vampire living a hermit’s life, until he takes a young mortal as a blood donor in a business agreement that turns eventually into a sexual relationship.  In an accidental bloodlust frenzy, Adam goes against her wishes and turns her, ending their relationship and driving her out of his life. Now, years later, he’s having visions of her that seem so real they’re driving him insane.  Is she real or is he imagining her?  Dark romance, very adult themes, a lot of smut and heavy vampire sex.  Male character is Adam of Only Lovers Left Alive.

The Dragon Queen - 28 chapters, complete

After his capture and return to Asgard, Loki is sentenced to life in prison.  After a year of incarceration his personality, mental health, and disposition begin to decline, prompting Frigga to convince Odin to allow him some female company. Odin is reticent to fulfill this request until he figures out a way to punish both Loki and another prisoner who is languishing in his prison - but who is getting the worse end of the bargain, Loki or his new part-time cellmate?  VERY adult themes, violent sex, dark romance.  Not for the faint of heart.  Male character is Loki.

The Trickster’s Wife - 18 chapters, ongoing

Asgard - and specifically, Odin - needs Loki’s help.  But his assistance comes at a steep price: one eight-year old child, Odin’s favorite pet, to be raised by Loki to be his wife when she’s of age.  Can the Prince of Mischief handle bringing up a little girl on his own?  Romance, fluff, and intense sexual themes in later chapters.  Male character is Loki.

The Tempest Series - 11 segments, complete

Eleven short stories revolving around Loki’s siege of New York, beginning on the night before the attack and ending a year later.  An unbelievable amount of smut, very adult themes, Dom/sub undertones, violent sex, pretty much Loki being Loki.  Oh and romance, believe it or not.  Male character is Loki.

Smooth Criminal - 1 chapter, complete

The day before his capture, in Stuttgart, in which Loki acquires his famous suit. When the God of Chaos strolls into a shop in search of the perfect outfit for a night of mayhem, an accommodating shop girl suits him up in style.  Dom/sub sex, bondage, oral, heavy smut.  Male character is Loki.

Blue Collar Criminal - 1 chapter, incomplete

Sequel to Smooth Criminal. Loki is king of Asgard now, but boredom sends him back to Midgard in search of the shop girl that gave him the excellent blowjob. Fluff, dark romance, heavy on the sex in upcoming chapters.  Male character is Loki.

Beautiful Disaster - 1 chapter, complete

During a night off from filming in an unfamiliar town, Tom steps into a laundromat to get warm and ends up stealing a girl’s underwear.  The pilfered panties spark an obsession that lasts almost a year, with unexpected results. Fluff, panty kink, masturbation, romance, obsessive longing, basically just a sweet little Tom tale told from his POV.  Male character is TH.

The Good Stuff - 1 chapter, complete

Loki knows where Frigga keeps her booze.  He and Thor raid her stash and a long day of debauched drunken dares gets slightly out of hand.  Fluff, sexual assault, voyeurism, and all manner of perversion ensue.  Male characters are Loki and Thor.

Whisper - 6 chapters, complete

Trapped as the only survivor in post-war Asgard, Loki devises a means of escape with just one drawback - it requires a willing human mind to accept him. Very dark adult themes, talk of violent nonconsensual sex, eventual consensual sex.  Male character is Loki.

No Regrets - 1 chapter, complete

Loki takes the throne of Asgard - but it’s only for an afternoon, and he’s not sitting on it alone.  Plotless smut with graphic sex and lewdness.  Male character is Loki.

Would You Like To Play A Game? Series - 4 stories, all complete

Four short stories following a Dom/sub theme:

Would You Like To Play A Game? -

An executive assistant is called upon to work overtime with her darkly sensual boss and ends up playing bondage games in the conference room.  Male character is a TH variant.

Burn -

Dom/sub play with a hot pepper.  Don’t try this at home.  Male character is a TH variant.

The Way of The Cat -

Being a crime boss’s moll can be a dangerous job, especially when his other love is a big black cat.  Male character is Jaguar!Tom from the It’s Good To Be Bad commercial series.

Sleep -

College somnambulance studies require subjects that are willing to be studied while they snooze.  Extra credit if the subject can’t sleep without masturbating first.  Male character is Oakley.

Civil Disobedience - 1 chapter, complete

What happens when you disobey the God of Asswhuppings?  Dom/sub, nonconsensual spanking, adult themes.  Male character is Loki.

Dandelion Series - 6 segments, scattered

Six single-chapter segments in no particular chronological order, outlining a long-term loving relationship between friends who become lovers and finally marriage partners.  Heavy sex of all kinds, lots of smut, romance, Dom/sub undertones, spanking, adult themes, fluff.  Male character is a TH variant.

Yes Please, Magnus - 1 chapter, complete

Before joining the police force, a very young Magnus Martinsson worked an apprenticeship at a remote forensics facility to gain experience.  The only other resident at the compound is his slightly older boss - and weeks alone together have started to have an effect on both of them.  Sex, smut, shy romance.  Male character is Magnus Martinsson from Wallander.

Golden Boy - 5 chapters, incomplete

Even the most handsome, charming, charismatic matinee idols were once awkward teenagers in high school.  What if you were the reason that gawky boy turned into a sex god?  Sweet smut, lots of fluff, teen angst, first times.  Male character is an AU TH.

Awakening - 1 chapter, complete

Abusive love can destroy a spirit, but loving care can rebuild a soul.  Heavy sex, smut, Dom/sub undertones, spanking.  Male character is TH.

Broken Petals - 2 chapters, incomplete

When a female co-worker is brutally assaulted on the job, Magnus takes her into his care and starts to imagine a relationship with her.  Smut, fantasizing, masturbation, and eventual sex.  Male character is Magnus Martinsson.

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