Starting a website for black artists & those who are over looked. All forms of art is welcomed. Fashion designer, stylists, models, photographers, chefs, poets, story tellers, artist who draw, paint, act, sing, script writers, graphic designers, game programmers, etc! All is welcomed. FUBU ! - SaintHaven is coming. If your interested DM and we will talk and I want to feature you. Your work is your work, your art. No censorship. If your interested. Your art, my art matters !
Summary: Jungkook had everything in life: fame, money and people at his feet ready to every single command he would gave. But the only thing he wanted was you. But you were gone.
[A/N] I’m finally back with a new chapter OMG! It’s been so long since I’ve posted a new chapter and I’m so sorry and I know I say this every single time but I’ve been so busy and it takes quite a lot to write a chapter. BUT! It’s finally here and I hope you enjoy it! Please give me feeback or give me your opinion about the story. Thank youu!
New York City. The city of dreams but mine probably wasn’t there. It was somewhere else in the world and I needed to find it but I was too lazy to do so. New York was a new scenario, a different one from the one back home, a new beginning and I didn’t complain about it because who is so stupid to find New York bad? But, as every beginning, it all started a lot tougher than I expected.
The first month was chaotic. I wasn’t used to the new city and everything around me was foreigner. People talked in a language that I wasn’t used to and I cursed myself for not studying it more at school. Everything looked so big while I was just a little ant in that big city.
At school it wasn’t even easier. Back home, I thought that I was great and my paintings were amazing but during my first day all my beliefs crushed down when I saw how talented all my classmates were. I wasn’t anymore the only one good at painting, everyone in my class was and I felt unmotivated. Everyone was so skilled while I felt like I was the only one still at the base.
During the first weeks, I wanted to give up. My life was so hard there and I missed home. I missed my family, my friends, the food, the feeling of being somewhere familiar and [Y/N]. And I was about to surrender when [Y/N] changed my mind.
“If you’re coming back here without even trying, I’ll break up with you” that was basically what she told me on the phone. It was probably 1AM in Korea when I called her and probably she answered me in that way because she was pissed off for being woken up at such hour but I really needed somebody to talk with, somebody I knew and could understand me. When she calmed down, she answered me in a sweeter way. “Jungkook, I know that it’s hard, I know that you want to give up everything and come back but I believe in you. You can do it. It’s only the beginning and it’s tough but everything is going to be ok.” And those were probably the words I wanted to hear.
After a while I get used to the chaotic life in the Big Apple. My classmates weren’t that bad and I started to make a few friends. One day, they decided to invite me to a party and I was so excited because I always had this idea of the typical American party being something amazing. I was wrong.
After one hour at the party, the only thing that I wanted to do was run away. Everyone around me was drunk or making out with somebody and most of my friends were somewhere else leaving me on a really uncomfortable sofa drinking a tasteless beer. After a few minutes, a couple decided to suck each others face so hard right next to me that I was probably going to throw up. But then, in that chaos, I saw a girl in an angle. She wasn’t like the others in the room – making out with a stranger or completely drunk on the floor – she was instead taking pictures with a really expensive camera. She wasn’t even wearing something appropriate for the party. She was wearing a really baggy t-shirt, a pair of jeans and a leather jacket. I decided to talk to her and ask her why she was taking pictures at such awful party.
When she turned around and faced me, I was taken aback at first. She was really pretty behind her big camera and in some way she reminded me of [Y/N]. Maybe it was the way she smiled at me when she asked me ‘Can I help you?’ Or her features, very similar to [Y/N]’s. We started to talk and I don’t know how I had her number the next morning when she texted me.
Her name’s Mia and she also attended my school but she was in the photography course. We started to bump into each other at school and started to talk. We had a few friends in common so being together started to be something usual to us. And with her, I started to discover my passion for photography. It was so cool and I liked it. She invited me in some of her shootings and I was amazed by how different it was from painting. All those machines, all the technology around. She taught a few tips here and there and in a few weeks I was taking pictures too with my own expensive camera. At first, I took pictures only to my friends and send them to my family back home. But slowly, I started to get carried away and I took pictures of sunsets on the Brooklyn Bridge or the breath-taking skyline of New York or amazing scenarios around the city. My pictures were more professional day-by-day and I didn’t know how, but my name started to be sprea for my pictures. Unfortunately, not for my paintings.
During our first break, I decided to go back to Korea.Taehyung’s smile was so big when he picked me up at the airport and he hugged me for maybe too long making the whole situation extremely awkward but to him it was probably really funny. During the journey in the car to my parents’ house, we talked about what we didn’t catch up. He was in a relationship with a girl who’s a dancer and they were doing great together, he started to work in a really important hospital and it was tough at first but he started to get used to the new environment. When we arrived at my old home, my mother hugged tightly in her embrace and also my father. My brother and my sister-in-law were also there with my new-born nephew and I had finally the chance to see him for the first time. That day, my mother decided to invite a few friends of mine for dinner and you can’t even imagine how happy I was to finally stay with my old friends. But, I have to be honest, the person that I expected the most was only one. And also the last one to arrive. [Y/N] arrived just a few minutes before we decided to start eating. Her smile was stunning when our eyes met. I ran towards her and hugged her making her spin around the room and for a moment I forgot that there were other people around us but I didn’t care. But, when I lifted her up I noticed how light she was from the last time I saw her. When her feet touched the floor again, I noticed how prominent cheekbones were and how her hands were so skinny when I take them in my hands. She looked so tiny in my arms that I was afraid to even touch her. We talked most of the time on the phone or with messages and we rarely used skype because she didn’t want to and I’d never understood why. I wanted to ask her what happened but my mother interrupted me telling us to eat dinner. For most of the evening, I talked about my experience in New York and ate all the food my mother made. But I was worried about [Y/N]. She smiled and talked to everyone but I still noticed how her eyes were off and how she would space out in the middle of the dinner. I tried my best to talk to her but she would just shut me down with a little answer or a smile.
At the end of the dinner, most of the guest left leaving there only the Kim’s and my family. I took advantage of the situation and took [Y/N] to my room, just to talk the two of us.
“Are you ok?” I asked her straightaway when we were in my room and she just nodded. I tried to ask more and I insisted to know the answer but she shut me down with a kiss and only in that moment I remembered how much I missed her physical presence. I forgot about everything I wanted to ask her and I just kissed her like it was the most important thing in the world. And I don’t really remember what happened next, but probably we fell asleep while cuddling. But I still wanted to know. The next day, I met Taehyung in a coffee-shop in front of the hospital he worked. We were talking about everything when [Y/N] came in our conversation. I saw his face getting darker and how his smile faded while talking about her condition.
“She’s getting worst day by day. She’s probably more in an hospital bed than her own. She started to lose weight and sometimes she’s so weak that she can’t even walk alone.”
“How is that possible? Wasn’t she doing well when I left?” I asked worried.
“The doctors didn’t know what went wrong with her old treatment but it started to not work after a few months. She’s now trying another one but her body is too weak and probably it’s not going to handle another treatment. She can be saved only with a donator but it’s so hard to find one.” I remember that when he finished talking, I started crying. I felt bad because for more than three months I was living an amazing life in New York while she was struggling with hers. I couldn’t even imagine the pain that she felt, how lonely she was.
When I met her afterwards at her house, she knew that I knew. She refused to talk to me or even dare to look at me.
“I don’t want you to pity me” it was the first thing that I get from her when I tried to make her talk. She then cried saying “I don’t want to leave” and I didn’t want it too. I hugged her trying to console her and maybe also myself. She cried, I cried too.
We started to talk about anything and trying to avoid that subject. We talk about travelling around the world, to visit every single country. We even made our own bucket list. She wrote something like “ Paris: kiss under the Eiffel Tower” or “ Taiwan: go to a night market and eat all night long’ or even ” London: try to sneak inside Buckingham Palace and take pictures with everything’’. She wrote something for every country she wanted to visit and I was happy that I could finally make her smile again.
While staying there, my inspiration to paint came back. I finally had in my hand a sketchbook and a pencil instead of a camera. I found joy while making a sketch of a simple bird outside of the window. I found joy while drawing [Y/N]’s lips when she was asleep or her hands around a warm mug of tea or her eyes when she looked at me directly in the eyes. I was finally happy with a brush in one hand and a palette in the other one in front of a big canvas while trying to recreate my ideas. I was happy there and I didn’t want to go back to New York.
However, most of the time, happiness doesn’t last for a long period. I had a huge fight with [Y/N] two days before my departure. We argued because I didn’t want to go away and leave her alone but she insisted that I had to go back to New York and I couldn’t understand why she wanted me away when I could just stay there with her. We didn’t talk until the next morning. I wanted to apologise so I went to the hospital where she was. I looked around when a nurse told me that she wasn’t in her room and I found her in the garden while talking with a guy on a wheelchair. She was laughing at his stupid jokes when I decided to stop them. She stopped laughing when she noticed me.
“Why are you here?” She asked me with a really cold tone.
“We need to talk” I replied.
“Not right now” she said.
It was stupid to get mad but I still did “So you want to talk to this one here?” I burst out and just left. She ran to me afterwards, trying to catch my speed. We stopped when we reached my car outside the hospital.
“Why you had to be such a douchebag?”
“Because I wanted to apologies for yesterday but I see that you don’t really want me around”
“Can you please stop being so childish?”
“So, I’m being childish because I wanted to talk with you? You know what, go back and talk with that dude. I’m leaving” I said and I drive away leaving her there. I left the next day, still fuming with anger. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to know directly from her that she wanted me to stay in New York because she feared her end to be really close and she didn’t want me to see her in her weakest state.
For weeks I didn’t talk to her. Our phone-calls were memories and her number wasn’t as called as before. I continued my life in New York. I started to be a professional photographer and my school was long forgotten. It was probably in that period that I started to be the person I am now. So angry with the world when I was just angry at myself but extremely good with a camera in my hands. Probably, the only sunshine in my world in that was Mia. She was only a friend with which I stayed a lot and she always made me smile when I was more dickhead than usual. She was a dear friend. Nothing more. Well, until one day.
One day, she invited me to her flat. It was a really big open space with a high ceiling and big windows with a breath-taking view of New York. She asked me to be his model for a project and I accepted because we were just friends, right? It was a little awkward at the beginning because I didn’t exactly know how to pose but after we laughed about how awkward I was I started to be more confident. It was when she asked me to take off my shirt that the atmosphere changed. When she came to me and ordered me how to pose, she would touch me and they were innocent touches but no one beside [Y/N] was allowed to be so close to me, especially if I was shirtless. But I let it go because it was her job, she didn’t want anything, right? No. It happened when she was in front of me and the tension between us was touchable. She looked at me and I stared at her confuse of her behaviour. And it that moment, she kissed me. I was taken a back at first because I never thought she would do it. But the worst thing was that I didn’t oppose it. I replied to her kiss and I also enjoyed it. For a moment, I thought about [Y/N] because what I was doing was wrong. But, I totally forgot her the moment Mia decided that a simple kiss wasn’t enough. We ended up having sex and the thought of [Y/N] was long gone until the next morning when I woke up. When I opened my eyes and when the situation hit me, all the guilt started to eat me alive. I ran away from her flat and went to my house. I had a long shower and looked at the ceiling for hours, thinking of what I did. I let my body take advantage of my own mind. I let the anger and feeling of revenge to posses my body. I let myself be a sinner.
The next few days, the friendship that me and Mia had started to be awkward. Well, at least to me. Mia tried to talk with me or call me but I would always deny every single chance of connection. One day, she came to my house. I tried to make her leave but she was so determined to talk with me. And we talked and she confessed her feelings for me but I didn’t accept them. But she was so confident and convinced me that she was better than [Y/N] that I just let myself trap me in her net like a stupid. I was so blind from the lust that I just thought “Why not? It’s not that she’s going to find out”.
For a couple of months it went like that. I wasn’t in a real relationship with Mia because I didn’t want to but we still fool around. Maybe too much. She was the body that kept my bed warm and that was probably what I needed at the time.
I was back to Korea after a couple of months later but only for a few days. But during one of those days, I had an unexpected visit from the guy on a wheelchair.
“My name is Jung Hoseok, I’m twenty-three years old” he started happily but I didn’t really pay attention to what he was saying.
“If you’re here just to tell me your biography, then you can leave” I said.
“[Y/N] told me that you were a nice person but maybe she’s wrong” he continued really friendly but it looked like it was all a joke to him.
“Don’t bring her in our conversation.”
“Well I’m here mostly because of her” his tone changed “I know that she needs a heart” he took a deep breathe and then he finally revealed it “ I’m the donator”. I looked at him shocked. In all those years, [Y/N] had never found a donator because her blood type was too rare to find and finally a donator appeared. However, I didn’t really know how to react. I was happy but I preferred not knowing where the heart came from. Even though I didn’t know him, it was bad to know that the person in front of you was going to die and donate his own heart to your girlfriend.
“I don’t have much to live, you know? Maybe one week? Probably less. I’m ill but luckily my heart is healthy enough to be donated and I want to give it to her. She is the only one at the hospital who laughs at my jokes, she’s the only who genuinely talk with me and keep me company. She’s a good girl and I want her to live as much as she can. I want her to live until she’s 90 and have a beautiful life because she deserve it.” I could feel in that moment that he was honest. And I felt bad because I’d been only a douchebag to him.
“What is your request” I asked him.
“Stop being an idiot and love her the proper way she deserves to be love” he replied “ I saw her crying for hours because of you. I know how much she loves you but you can’t see it.”
The next morning I had a phone-call from Taehyung. “We finally have a donator” and I wanted to smile but I couldn’t. That same day I rushed to the hospital and went to [Y/N]’s room. She was smiling, even after he saw me at the door.
“You’re back” she said when he saw me. If it wasn’t for the fact that I saw her moving or breathing, I probably thought that she was dead. Her skin was so white that it matched the sheets of her bed. I walked towards her and I smiled at her. But then she asked a question.
“Where is Hoseok?” No one talked. And she then started to cry and scream. The nurses had to sedate her. And after that, she went straight to the surgery room. Taehyung looked at me and without even saying anything I understood what he asked me with his eyes “You know, right?” And I just nodded. We waited there and after a few hours the doctors came out and told us good news.
“She’s fine” and I was finally smiling for the fantastic new. I decided to stay for the night. And only in that moment it hit me the fact that I was so lucky to be with somebody like her. She was beautiful, talented, and also a good person. While I am sinner, a bad boy who deserves only the worst things in life. But she still loved me. Maybe because she was clueless of all the things I did in New York.
Unfortunately, the next day I had to leave. She woke up in time before I had to leave.
“Can I have at least a kiss before I’m not going to see for another month?” She asked and I laughed at what she said. But I still kissed her. And during that kiss, I started to cry. All the emotions I had inside finally exploded. I didn’t deserve such wonderful person by my side and she needed someone better. But what she said after hit me.
“ We can finally be a normal couple” she whispered while looking at me with all the love that I didn’t deserve.
“How can you still be in love with me?” I asked her still crying.
“Because you’re Jeon Jungkook and I love you” she answered and you don’t even know how fast my heart was racing at her answer “Too cheesy?” We burst out laughing and I left after one last kiss.
When I got back in New York, I decided to leave everything that I had there and go back to Korea. I knew what I wanted and it was to be there with her. But I waited one week to organise all the things. However one day I got a sudden call from Taehyung.
“[Y/N] is gone” it was the only thing the I understood beside him crying. I took the first plane and got back in Korea.
We tried to contact her but she never answered to any of our phone-calls. We looked around for all the city but nothing. We called the police to help us but even with them we didn’t find her. The next day we tried to do the same but nothing. After one week, her face was all over the city and also on tv. His parents didn’t give up. But we were all about to do it.
It was one month later that we started to know something from her. It was first a voice mail to Taehyung.
“Oppa, I’m fine. I’m not dead. But please, stop all what you’re doing.” It was the only thing that she said in that voice mail. She didn’t sound hurt or weak, she was truly fine. Then, a letter to her parents. She wrote simple sentences where she said that she was okay but that she wasn’t going back to home for awhile. And then, it was my turn.
I expected something similar. Not her in the middle of the night in front of my doorway. At first I thought that she was a ghost or something but she was real when she hugged me and I felt the heat of her body on mine. I touched her face to be sure if she was really there, smelled her to remember how sweet and addicting her perfume was and she was there. She looked healthy without any scars on her body.
“You’re back” I whispered on the edge to cry.
“I wanted to see you” she replied with her beautiful smile.
And I cried. “I’m sorry. For everything. I’m the worst and-”
“I know but that’s okay” she simply told me.
“Please stay” And she stayed. I kissed her over and over again and we ended up making love. I never let her go. I tried to stay awake because I was afraid that if I closed my eyes, she would go away from me. But, I closed them when it was dawn. When I woke up, as a clichè, she was gone. The side of the bed where she slept was cold like she had never been there. And I cried again. So much. I felt disgusting because it was my fault and it was awful. I wanted to hide myself from the world forever. But, my punishement was to live like a sinner.
It was probably 3AM when Jungkook stopped talking. He fell asleep right after he told the last part of his story and Namjoon listened to him for the entire time. But not only him. Jungkook was too drunk to notice that behind him there were three people listening to him. One of them was Taehyung who ran right after they told him that Jungkook wasn’t doing well.
“ I didn’t know that your friend, Taehyung, was somebody so emotional. He cried for the whole story, he’s such a baby” Namjoon commented with a grin on his face.
“Namjoon, stop being a dickhead.” A girl walked towards the counter and pour herself a glass of a really expensive liquor “He was so drunk when I took him here and you would do the same.”
“I’m a dickhead because he tried to have sex with you” he growled but the girl just laughed.
“But I’m in a relationship with a dude called Kim Namjoon so I wouldn’t accept any of his requests. But I have to say he’s a cute guy.”
“Sori, are you being serious?”
“I’m just saying. I’m not going to cheat on you with one of my friend’s boyfriend or ex I don’t know”
“Right, why don’t your friend come here?’’
” Shut up Namjoon.“ A female voice echoed in the room and everyone looked at the young woman who for the whole time stayed in the dark. She walked to the counter and sat beside an asleep Jungkook who was clueless of everything around him. She gently caressed his cheeks and hair.
’'I think that he’s still in love with you,[Y/N].” She didn’t listen to Namjoon but just looked straight in front of her. She caressed him gently, trying to not wake him up.
“You know that if he wakes up, he’ll see you and freak out?” Sori asked her worried.
“I know but I want to risk more this time” [Y/N] replied.
“Are you going to stay with him?” This time, it was Taehyung to ask. It’s the first the he spoke in the night.
“It sounds creepy, but I’ve always been by his side this entire time”.