On the starship, somewhere in a dark room, a small figure was hovering over a number of monitors,watching everything that was happening, from Princess Heather’s capture, to Izzy’s crazyness all while eating a bucket of popcorn.
“Hahaha! That stupid princess really thought she could win against the forces of EVIL!? Now so the true EVIL will prevail, I only have to destroy Chris and his Chef sidekick! Hahaha!”
While laughing maniacally, the person didn’t notice someone entering the room and turning on the lights.
“Max what are you watching in this moment that is so amusing?”
The now named “Max” shielded his eyes and said:
“Minion, how many times have I told to adress me as Supreme Evil Sith Lord Max and to not interrupt my evil scheming!?”
The “Minion” pushed the bridge of her glasses up her nose and restraining herself from Force choking the annoyance she replied:
“I would hardly call this scheming and do you realise your chances of deafeating Emperor Chris are lower than the Rebels’?”
“Pff! Yeah right…What makes you think that!?”
“Besides the fact that you don’t have any type of army or weapon except for me and a broken coffee machine-”
“You don’t know how dangerous that thing is!”
“Your Sith abilities are nearly nonexistent-”
“Don’t worry, Minion! The power of pure Evil enhances them each day!”
“And Emperor Chris not only has the support of the military, but most of the noble families and huge intergalctic level stars like Lindsay and Justin.”
“And who cares about that!!!”
“You should, because people will forget all the faluts of the leader as long as he is suported by somebody popular and well liked.”
“Well even with this advantages, Chris won’t stand a chance agains the Lord of
All Is Rotten, me! Ahahahaha…”
Lost in his own stupid dreams, Max didn’t notice his “Minion” leaving the room and heading towards Lord Chef’s quarters.
“Master Chef what exactly are you planing to do with the princess?” she asked as she entered the room
Chef sensed her before arriving so he was expecting the question. Snorting a little he turned his head towards her and ansewered:
“What do you think, Scarlett? Torture and lots of pain. But not from Izzy, we want information not a traumatised child in a ninteen years old’s body at the end of the day.”
“Understood, sir! Will you need my help with this?”
“Nah…Just continue your training, the day we are going to demand my salary approaches!”
Scarlett slowly nodded and was ready to return to the clown, Max, when Chef remembered:
“Oh…Two things. One tell DJ to prepare my lunch already, I’m starving. And two remind the fucking janitor to clean the fucking flooors, even Jabbas would be disgusted by this place!”
“Yes,sir!” agreed the girl leaving.
-Just you wait, Chef, Max, soon I’ll be the one in control and you two will try anything to save your pathetic asses- Scarlett thought, a glint of malice appearing in her eyes as she got near and nearer Max’s “Evil Hideout”.
“Where were you, Minion!? You are bold enogh to leave during one of my evil rants!?”
“Lord Chef wanted to see me. He then said you had you to clean the floors!”
“That impertinent fool, how dare he do somthing like this to a Sith obviously superior…”
And as Max started another one of his stupid rents, she sent DJ a message to prepare Lord Chef’s food and wondered why didn’t she kill any one of the idiots.
-The galxy would be a much saner place-
Harold struggled to get out of the escape pod. He had a pretty good ideea where they were, but he didn’t want to believe it.
Unfotunately his fear proved to be true as he saw only lots and lots of sand around.
“Great…And Steve just cleaned me!”
“Bep.Bop” mocked R2 while kicking the sand.
“Don’t even start! All of this mass is your fault! I swear it’s as if your goal is to make me suffer.”
But R2 wasn’t listening to him, he made one of his signature sounds and turned right towards the rocky part of the desert.
“Where are you going?”
“Well I’m not going there! If I do there are higher chances my system will be screwed.”
“What makes you think there are settlements over there?”
“Hey I know that very well too. You aren’t the only one!”
“Again what mission? Hm! I’m sick of your constant bulying! Go that way if you want, but when you malfunction don’t come to cry”
In anger, Harold kicked the R2 unit and made a sharp turn around.
“And I hope you won’t follow me, begging me to help you with my mad skills!”
“Ah! Only you could be so vulgar!”
Going the other way, R2 made another rude sound while Harold watched the other leave him, shaking his head.
“Ok! I don’t need him and his irrational ideeas! It’s time to put in practice my surviving training!”
Hours later, Harold only wished that the nightmare would end. Every time he crossed a sand dune, another ten seemed to appear out of nowhere.
“That primitive droid! This mess is all his fault! But there’s no way he’ll do better than someone with actual skills!”
Suddenly, Harold saw a vehicle approaching in the distance. Feeling a sense of hope, he moved his hands around, kind of awkard.
“A transport! I’m saved! Over here!!!”
But his new found happines didn’t last for long as he saw what type of transport it was.
“Oh no…Don’t tell me it’s…”
R2D2 was moving around a rock canyon, he didn’t exactly knew in wich part of the desert the Jedi lived, but he hoped he was on the right way. Sudenly, he heard a loud clicking noise, he looked around for a minute, making sure he’s alone then continued on his way.
In the distance, some dark figures with red eyes emerged from the shadows. They cautiously approached the droid and without warning they lift him in the air while hissing and growling at each other.
Next thing he knew R2 was droped in a pile of trash. He saw around some other robots talking to each other when he recognized a voice.
“R2! It’s you!”
A dirty Harold came closer as he hurried to embrace him from relief.
In the place where the escape pod crashed four troopers were inspecting the sorroundings, trying to find any forms of life.
“Sha-Bam! Lighting has found tracks that go in that ditection!” yelled one of them.
Another one picked up a piece of metal from the sand and said:
“Good job, Brighting! And it looks like some droids were around.”
“Hmm” agreed the third while the fourth also whispered his approval.
“Wake up R2! Wake up!”
Then the bouncing of the vehicle intensified as R2’s computer lights flashed, showing he was fully aware of the situation.
The droids could only watch helpless as the other end of the transport opened and a bunch of Jawas entered, making their way towards them trough the other robots.
“Do you think they’ll melt us down?”
“I’m not melodramatic. And when is this nightmare going to end!?” shouted Harold looking at the ceiling in desperation.