cheesy dad jokes

first off, WARNING, MAJOR TAZ SPOILERS. but guys. i gotta point out some o’ the ep 57 highlights ‘cause this was wild. it was wet & it was wild, lads

  • griffin, literally clapping with childlike glee: “i know what he doooes. magnus, edward’s going to make a strength check to rip one of your fucking arms off.”
  • clint won’t stop saying merle is dead. his sons all clamor to explain to him what unconsciousness is. “you know when you go to sleep? at night??”
  • “i’m going to cast… divine wood.” “and you pop the most righteous boner”
  • the moment it became clear we were about to witness explicit umbrella vore in the podcast the adventure zone my fucking heart stopped and i literally had to leave my home and take a walk
  • “how would you like to live forever?” “I’D HATE IT. SHUT THE FUCK UP.”
  • “my day was pretty shit.” “uh, are you a MANNEQUIN? YEAH. maybe, like, keep your shit to yourself if you’re not a MANNEQUIN.”
  • magnus tries to smack a lich with his own severed arm
  • the boys are back where their story began. they sleep in one of their old campsites, and griffin notes that there are “surprisingly well-carved” makeshift chairs. god i teared up
  • magnus came here on a spaceship. we’ve finally gone full scifi
  • okay so the final revelation is fucking wild and i’d just like to appreciate 1. griffin was apparently so excited to finally say those words out loud that his heart was racing. 2. he has now made you-know-who into the most important NPC in the campaign. 3. clint mcelroy is just absolutely cackling for a full two minutes, from the moment he realizes what’s happening to the end of the episode. he’s so proud of his son for his year-long, cheesy fucking dad joke. and honestly so am i

anonymous asked:

Hi! Saw your blog on K-Pop amino, I was wondering if you can do an as your boyfriend for BTS?

Hi!!! Thanks for visiting! I gotcha! 

Originally posted by bwiseoks

Kim Sekojin as your boyfriend: 

- cooking dates

Tender love making, with occasional kinks

- Silly puns and cheesy dad jokes

- Tight back hugs

- Neck kisses

- Picnics in the park during spring 

- Kisses your knuckles when you’re holding hands

- Leaves passion marks on your chest because he loves how they look 

- Long talks about the future 

- Stares at you with a smile a lot 

- Eye fucking in public 

- Winks at you when you catch him staring

- Watches over your shoulder when you’re cooking 

- Double texts

- Sends sexy selcas, even when you’re right next to him

- pouts when you tease him, but secretly enjoys it

- buys you cute video games to play with him

Originally posted by nnochu

Kim Taehyung as your boyfriend:

- matching accessories and clothes 

- Bites your lips when making out

- Wants to be babied

- Lots of hugs and kisses 

- Loves to have all of your attention 

- Makes you a playlist 

- Loves to touch your thighs and boobs

- Wants to meet your family

- Playful teasing that’ll turn sexual FAST

- Silly arguments everyday, but makes up with you quickly (make up sex) 

- Wants to pay for everything on dates

- Whispers inappropriate comments in your ear when you’re out in public 

- Always wanting you to stay up late while he plays overwatch 

- Movie dates

- Talks about your future a lot (like marriage and kids)

- Always feels bad when he’s too busy to see you

Originally posted by itsrapmonster

Jung Hoseok as your boyfriend: 

   - lots of silly flirting

   - Quickies in the studio 

   - Shopping dates 

   - Acts cute to get his way

   - Stands closely behind you so you’d feel his 🍆
   - Bringing you to the practice room 

   - Constant compliments 

   - Always makes sure you cum first

   - Always gives you long back hugs when he’s upset

   - Long random talks about nothing 

   - Foreplay 

   - Sending sexy selcas from the studio 

   - Buys you a ton of souvenirs whenever he visits a new country 

   - You’re his screensaver 

   - Prefers calling instead of texting

   - Introduces you to his sister before his parents 

   - Isn’t shy about telling you his feelings

Originally posted by nnochu

Min Yoongi as your boyfriend:

- Naps 

- Buying you new headphones because yours were “ancient.”

- Dominates in every aspect, but occasionally liked for you to take the lead

- Losing track of time in the studio, so he tells you he’ll make it up to you 

- Cuddles with you as he works from his laptop 

- loves to watch you dress and undress

- Gives you a playlist of his favorite songs 

- booty rubs

- Let’s you read his notebook full of lyrics 

- Doesn’t ask for your opinion, but still waits anxiously for it anyway

- Gummy smiles whenever you call him cute

- Witty banter between you two

- light bdsm 

- Forehead kisses

- Meaningful conversations

- Is a sweetheart whenever no one else is around

Originally posted by trash-for-bangtan

Kim Namjoon as your boyfriend:

- SEX 25/8

- Hand holding while taking long late night walks

- quick make out sessions when he’s busy 

- Him calling you baby more than your name

- Coordinating outfits 

- asks for sexy photos for “"inspiration

- Aesthetic couple photos

- FaceTiming you while he’s up late at the studio. 

- random back hugs just so he can squeeze your ass

- Him giving you one of his tshirts to wear and the telling you how sexy you look


- Tries to cook, but burns the food and ends up buying take out while saying, “ah, you cook next time baby" 

- Constant compliments like, “no matter how you style your hair, you’ll still be beautiful.”

Originally posted by bwipsul

Park Jimin as your boyfriend: 

- constantly making videos and taking cute selcas together 

- sends you a lot of “sexy music” 

- ALWAYS talks about you

- gives you sexy looks

- likes to be dominated 

- Late night walks in the park

- Holds your hand every chance he gets

- Shameless flirting 

- Knows when something’s troubling you, and always tries to make you feel better

- Listens to your worries and gives loving advice

- Asks about your childhood and family 

- LOVES to have your attention, and loves to give you attention 

- Matching rings

- Lots of cuddling and kisses 

- Laughs at all of your corny jokes

- Sends you a ton of selcas and videos when he’s away

- gets horny at the drop of a dime 

- Everyday he has a new nickname for you

- knows all of your hotspots 

- thigh riding 

Originally posted by apgujeon

Jeon Jungkook as your boyfriend:

- Playful teasing

- sexting 24/7

- Gets embarrassed when talking about each other’s feelings

- Pouting when you steal one of his tshirts, but smiling because it looks hot on you

- Friendly competitions that ends with hot sex

- Shy back hugs and hand holding 

- Lying on your lap as he plays overwatch

- Matching earrings 

- Falling asleep on the phone together when he’s away 

- Showing you a new song he learned to play on the drums

- Telling you silly jokes just to see you smile 

- Dragging you to the gym with him

- Random timid flirting

This is the PG13 (lol) version. If you want the 18+ version, let me know!

BTS Reaction to their s/o getting injured

@marie-sarah said: “Hello love! I absolutely love your writing! I was wondering if you could do a reaction to bts s/o getting injured or something like that? I recently sprained my ankle and could use some fluff!!”

I’m so sorry about your ankle! I hope you feel better soon <3 Thank you for the request, and I hope you like it! <3 

Seokjin: The first thing he did was scold you. The idea of you getting hurt at all was a scary thing to him, and he would ask you a million questions as to how exactly it happened. “Is this someone else’s fault? Did someone do this to you? Are you sure you’re okay? Who should I call the cops on?” 

You laughed at how dramatic he was unintentionally being. “No one, silly. It was just an accident.” 

“Oh.” He said. “Well in that case, do you want ice cream? It always makes me feel better.” He would spend every free minute doing his best to cheer you up and keep your mind off your injury until he was sure you were better. He would bring you flowers and balloons, along with cheesy cards filled with dad jokes to make you smile. 

Originally posted by kthksj

Namjoon: “So can I sign your cast?” He asked, after making sure that you were otherwise okay. He was used to injuries himself, and knew what a hindrance they could be to everyday life. “Don’t worry, I’ll help out with anything you can’t do until you get better. I’ll even come over and do your dishes.” 

Originally posted by taestylips

Jimin: Even though he always treated you well, he would treat you like absolute royalty if you were injured. He would insist that he do everything, because you had to rest so you could heal. “What are you doing up?” He complained as he saw you walking across the room. 

“Um…Getting water?” 

He scooped you up in his arms, placing you back onto the couch. “You’re supposed to tell me when you want something.” 

Originally posted by amsimaria

Jungkook: “So does that mean we’re not going jogging tomorrow?” He joked, knowing it was out of the question. Seeing you hop around on one foot or limping made him feel bad though, and he wanted to do something to help. So he took the opportunity to show off his strength and carried you around every chance he got until you were fully healed.

Originally posted by docmayu

Yoongi: While he didn’t seem outwardly concerned at first, all of the little things that he did for you made it clear he was. He would text you to remind you not to strain yourself and get plenty of rest, because if you weren’t careful your injury could get worse. He also brought over food whenever he could, telling you that it was important to keep your strength up. “You know you scared me when you said you were injured.” He pouted. 

“I told you it was just a sprain.” You pointed out with a slight laugh. 

“Yeah, well…” He pulled you close, as though trying to reassure himself that you were really okay.

Originally posted by jeonbase

Hoseok: It would take him a while to believe that you were really alright. Yeah it hurt, but you’d live. Once he finally listened to you and stopped freaking out, he went back to his usual self. “Oh my god, don’t die on me, we’ve only just found each other!” He gasped for extra dramatic affect, and you couldn’t help but laugh. He seemed satisfied once he saw you smile, and made it his personal mission to make you laugh as much as possible, especially while you were injured.  

Originally posted by jungkook-e

Taehyung: Like Hoseok, he would try to distract you as much as possible. “Do you want to play a board game? Or we could watch a movie, whatever you want to do.” He kissed your nose, and you grinned at him.

“Anything? Like, you’ll even sing to me?” He nodded enthusiastically, and the two of you spent the rest of the afternoon singing along with songs and trying to rap all of the cyphers. He made sure to keep you positive by sending you memes, or taking the most ridiculous selfie he could and texting them to you at random times.

Originally posted by armyfanclub

NCT as what they got Johnny for his BDay
  • Taeyong: socks
  • Jaehyun: a hug and a funny card
  • Yuta: makes him food, low-key cheapo
  • Taeil: a warm scarf
  • Ten: himself :))))) "i wanna have xxx with you" note
  • Mark: forgot it was Johnny's birthday, made a crappy card
  • Doyoung: a super cheesy card with lame dad jokes that somehow makes Johnny tear up
  • Haechan: printed out memes
  • Winwin: nice shoes
Pentagon As HighSchoolers That Has A Crush On You

Jinho: Lead Singer of The School Choir. Writes songs about you in class as he stares at you from across the room. Often daydreams about you as well. His textbook is filled with song lyrics but somehow always aces his tests. Is too shy to speak to you so he leaves a mixtape in your locker with songs he composed that were dedicated to you. You never figure out it was him so he does this every valentines day hoping you’d one day realizes. 

Originally posted by smalljino

Hui: Junior Year Member Of The School Choir. Is the second lead singer and waiting to be the first as soon as Jinho graduates. (Is his competition in choir and for your heart) The one who comes up to you with his crew acting cool. Is greasy, often hits you with cheesy pickup lines and dad jokes thinking he looks cool. Tries to show off his vocals during school performances, often trying to sing over Jinho’s part. Jinho is in his crew but somehow Hui is the leader.

“What, do you like her too or something?”


(Meanwhile Edawns memorized by you). 

Originally posted by smalljino

Hongseok: Captain of The Wrestling Team. Tells his friends and whole family about his crush on you. Warns everyone at school that “Y/N my girl. Hands off.” even though he’s never had the courage to ask you out. You think of him as a big brother because he’s always conveniently there to save you from a flying soccer ball or from bullies. The popular girl in school likes him but he only focuses on you so you often get in trouble by her alot but he’s always there to save the day.

“I’m not dating the popular girl but I do have someone else in mind…”

Originally posted by organicdawn

Edawn: Best friends with Hui. Often skips class or sleeps in class because of the late night rap battles at an underground club that he attends to often . Often gets in fights at school with students and teachers. Doesn’t show up when there are tests until one day you flicked him in the head when he was sleeping and told him to study. Finally noticed you who sat next to him and developed a crush. Starts to come to school more often and jokes around with you in class. You then start to tutor him and help him pass classes. You are the only person he will listen to and set him straight especially when he does stupid shit. 

“So we studying together after at your place or what?”

Originally posted by edawnnie

Yeo-one: The nerd. Passes every test and always offers you the notes or answers to the next test because he’s the teacher’s pet. Likes you alot and always tries to get close to you by helping you with class work. Overshadowed by Hui because he’s Hui’s minion but still likes and admires you from afar and he’s content with it being that way as long as you know of his existence. 

Originally posted by nugutaegi

Shinwon: The popular boy in school that gets gifts and confessions from girls every day but he only sees you.Is close friends with you too. Often gives any snacks he received as a gift to you for lunch and leaves it on your desk. Doesn’t hit on you but whenever you two get into a heated argument it’s always with you against a wall and his face inches apart from yours but never actually kissing you and just walking off in frustration. Genuinely cares about you and has confessed to you once before but his high reputation always steers you away from him. 

Originally posted by hongseok

Kino: The president of The Dance Club. Performs during every school festival and rallies. Super nice and is your childhood friend who you never knew had a crush on you. You two walk home together because you live next door to each other and You two do almost everything together. You often go to his performances to support him. He is always there when you need him during hard times and knows all your secrets. He is determined one day you will be his girlfriend because he’s confident noone else knows you better than him.

Originally posted by yeo1

Yanan: The foreign exchange student who is really good in math and Korean. Eventually becomes head of the Student Council. Best friends with Yuto and Wooseok. Super strict and reserved but whenever you come to him for school concerns, he turns into a stuttering smiling mess. Always denies other student’s request but will agree to whatever you desire. Is in your p.e class and often falls on his face or gets hit by a flying ball because he wasn’t paying attention from staring at you too long. Buys you lunch often or makes lunch from home and gives them to you with a shy smile but can never eat with you because Kino is always there. Gets jealous super easily too and turns into a kid when he does.


Wooseok: shhhhhh its ok its ok.”

Originally posted by 1aeyong

Yuto: The captain of the baseball team. Knows his best friends like you but will not give up either. Very friendly and waves hi to you from across the baseball field when you are at p.e and Yanan think he’s waving at him. During school sport festivals he loves to show off his athletic skills in front of you and loves winning for you when he’s on your team and cheers for you like crazy too when it’s your turn for batting. Always invites you to a ramen shop after school and chats until it gets dark. You two become good friends even though Yuto wants to be more than friends. 

“You were cute out there on the field even though your bat flew across the field instead of the ball.”

Originally posted by adachisyuto

Wooseok: Best friends with Yanan and Yuto. Is part of the school gang of misfits but never let anyone mess with you ever. Comes to school with bruises and bandaids on his face but because you two are friends, you always ask if he’s fine and touches his face for comfort. Falls in love with you even more everyday and texts you 24/7. Cocksblocks Kino every chance he gets and always calls you after every fight so you would run to where he was with your safety kit. You end up always sitting with him on a bench near the local convenient store bandaiding him up and eating ice cream together. It has become your tradition ever since but he doesn’t tell anyone about this. Wants to protect you and likes you alot.

Originally posted by yeo1

Beauty and the Beast Part Four (Loki x Reader)

Originally posted by maryxglz

Word Count: 910

Pairing: Loki x Reader

AN: You can read part one, part two and part three here

It had been a few days since your failed attempt at escaping, all wounds had been healed from that night in more ways than you’d thought. Ever since that night Loki had been treating you like a guest rather than a hostage, which you have gratefully appreciated. His attitude towards you was no longer harsh and unrefined. In fact, he’d actually become rather sweet and almost kind, something you’d never seen in him before.

He let you roam around the gigantic house as much as you pleased, including the magnificent garden outside. No longer did he lock you in your room, instead he gave you a sense of freedom even though you were still certainly not free. Loki still hadn’t informed you why you were so important in his plan and that did frustrate you. However you weren’t going to push your luck and anger him like the other night, you didn’t want to see the beast in him again. 

You were currently sitting across from the man eating breakfast, making small talk as you munched on your cereal. The tension between you both was still awkward but you both tried to have normal conversations. “Do you enjoy literature?” Loki asked as he gestured towards the books placed next to you on the table. The topic instantly made you smile as it was one of your greatest passions, making you eager to talk about it. “I adore it actually! My favourite is Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.”

Not seeming pleased with your answer Loki rolled his eyes. “Why does that not surprise me?” His tone was bored as he continued eating from his breakfast, leaving you offended by his words. And just when you thought he was becoming a nice guy!

Not being able to help yourself you further pushed, wanting to know what problem he had with your favourite choice of literature. “What are you talking about?” Looking up from his meal he let out a sigh giving you his full attention. “Oh all that heartache and pining.” He exclaimed as he shuddered dramatically to prove his point making you scoff at his overreaction. “There are so many better things to read.” Not believing his words you quickly became annoyed at his arrogance. What could possibly be so much better than Shakespeare? “Like what?”

“This is amazing!” You gasped, hands covering your mouth as you took in the scene around you. Loki brought you to his library that apparently you hadn’t discovered yet and to say it was huge was an understatement. There were two rooms with shelves covering all the walls, various books stacked from the floor to the ceiling. You were really living your nerdiest dreams right now.

Smiling at your reaction, the demigod unexpectedly took your hand in his own causing a chill to travel down your spine at his touch. Your cheeks darkened at his sweet action, why did he make you feel this way? “If you like it so much, then it’s yours.” His words caused your jaw to drop in shock, was he for real?! “Your kidding.” 

“I don’t joke.”

Sending him a cheeky smile you gently pushed your finger against his chest in a teasing manner whilst you rocked back and forth on your feet. “You should, I think you’d have a nice laugh.” Smirking in return he leaned in close enough so that your noses were almost touching, speaking in a deep voice that made you feel weak at the knees. “I don’t think you’ll ever hear it.”

Crossing your arms you raised your eyebrow at the man. “Is that a challenge?”

Loki knew where this was going, you were never one to back down from a challenge so he didn’t expect you to now. His assumptions were confirmed when you excitedly start blurting out the lines to some cheesy dad joke. “What do you call a man with no nose and no body?”

Face-palming at your childishness Loki let out a dramatic sigh. “This is stupid-” 

Cutting him off before he could complain any longer you rushed out the end of the joke. “Nobody nose.”

He tried to hide it by biting his lip but the demigod almost laughed at your terrible joke and you weren’t going to let him forget it. “Hey you almost laughed at that one!”

Feigning annoyance towards you Loki kept up his cold front. “Please stop these are terrible-” 

But of course you ignored him as you fired out another bad joke in attempts to make the god of mischief laugh. “What cheese can never be yours?”

“Please stop-”

“Nacho cheese.”

Then the most amazing thing happened, Loki Laufeyson actually laughed and it was the most beautiful sound you’d ever heard. Immediately a wide smile spread across your face as you listened to the sound, feeling accomplished for being the cause of it.“See I told you i’d get you to laugh!”

Still hunched over a little in laughter the demigod eventually got his words out.“I don’t even know what that meant it just sounded so stupid that I laughed.”

Feeling slightly offended by him calling your jokes stupid you slightly pushed his shoulder showing your annoyance. “Hey my jokes are not bad!”

Loki smiled as he looked down at you, gently reaching up to caress the side of your face. His actions made you feel all bubbly inside, as it did when he spoke in his deep voice.“What am I going to do with you Y/N?”

anonymous asked:

Number 94 Shane McMahon??

#94- “You’re an idiot. I married an idiot.” (Shane McMahon)

From the first drabble list

Originally posted by totaldivasepisodes

       “What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Babe? Babe?” Shane called, giggling behind me. “Come on sweetheart answer the question.”

       I tried my best not to laugh as we steered down an aisle in our nearby grocery store a few hours before our families were due over for dinner. I was a nervous wreck but Shane was in the most relaxed state ever.

      “A kiwi?”

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I Hate My Job (Part 1)

Part 1 - My Annoying Coworkers

Bucky x Reader (eventually)

Summary – You are a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent that gets assigned the worst job, in your opinion.

Warnings – CA:CW spoilers and lots of insults!

Word Count – 1,360

Notes – The idea for this fic came to while I was trying to explain what I do with my Tumblr blog to a non-fandom loving friend.  The more I tried to explain, the crazier she thought I was!  I thought it would be fun to explore that perspective in a series.  I don’t know how long it’s going to be, I’m just going to play it by ear.  Please send me feedback and let me know what you think!

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Epilogue

Series Masterlist


Originally posted by who-the-hell-is-buck-barnes

You had the worst job in the world.  You absolutely dreaded getting up in the morning and going to work.  This is not what you had thought you’d be doing when you joined S.H.I.E.L.D. all those years ago.  

You spent every day thinking you were better than this, but your boss disagreed. He had handpicked you for this assignment, mostly because you couldn’t stand the people you worked with.

Life had started out great for you.  You were the middle child of seven, three older brothers and three younger. You dad had so many sons, that he sort of forgot that you were a girl.  Instead of ballet lessons, it was Karate and Tae Kwon Do.  You learned to hunt with both a rifle and a bow, and you were an excellent shot.  In college most girls took gigs as lifeguards or at The Gap, but you spent the summers training to be a rescue diver and EMT.  

There wasn’t much you couldn’t do, so it was no surprise that after college, you put in an application for Quantico.  When men in suits showed up at your door, though, it wasn’t the FBI. Back then he was known as Agent Coulson and he immediately sold you on the idea of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.  

You were happy being an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., and then the Battle of New York happened.  Then came AIM, followed by Ultron, and finally those idiots you work with decided to get their panties in a bunch and turn on one another. That was the last straw for Director Coulson.  He knew what you thought of The Team, so he knew you wouldn’t get all “star struck” and lose focus of your agenda.  You were assigned to basically babysit them and keep them from trying to kill each other again.  It wouldn’t be so bad, but they were the most unruly bunch of misfits you’d ever had the misfortune of encountering.

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things I notice about some of the zodiac signs

Gemini: hardworking, introverted, changeability, studious, dynamic

Virgo: determined, neat & organised, easy to talk to, perfectionist

Capricorn: hardworking, observant, patient, practical, good-oriented

Aquarius: intelligent, creative, introverted, trend-setter, innovative, dynamic

Cancer: love for travel, need for variation, adaptability, morals, smart, psycologist, forgives but doesn’t forget,  hates to argue

Scorpio: massive fuckboy, thinks they know everything to a person, opinionated, stubborn, cheesy, dad joke kind of guy,  (I do not have any means of harm to my fellow scorpios out there, there’s just this one person who is all of the above)

Leo: determination, slightly extroverted

Pisces: has a blurred but huge feeling of sympathy with the environment, introverted, creative, free spirit, dreamer, poet, drawn to philosophical concepts

(Sorry I don’t have all the signs I don’t know a lot of people/don’t know them enough)

anonymous asked:

theyre called dad jokes because theyre cheesy jokes a dad would say to their child...

Dad jokes have a specific style and pattern. 

“I’m hungry.”

“Nice to meet you, Hungry. I’m dad.”

That’s a typical pattern for a Dad joke. 

“Can I go to the bathroom?”

“I don’t know, CAN you?" 

That’s another typical Dad joke. 

The joke, “How does NASA organize a party? They planet.” is a pun. Just a straight up pun. Good old fashioned pun. 

Watch on

Jin back again with his (dad) cheesy jokes