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And happy 30th to me.

  • person: but what's chicken stuffed with mozzarella cheese wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mash?
  • mom: oh no
  • dad: oh no
  • acquaintance: oh no
  • side hoe: oh no
  • obama: oh no
  • larry in the distance: oh no
  • me: *magically appears a chair and sits down* WELL NOW THAT YOU ASKED

Sebaciel Week, Day 1 (late) – Food

(Several days late now, this is an excerpt from my ongoing modern AU ft. lots of domestic sebaciel and many OOC moments for fluff’s sake) 

“I haven’t eaten all day.”

It was an innocent comment, just something Ciel realized and mentioned off-handedly as he climbed out of the front seat of Sebastian’s Gran Coupe, though he regretted opening his mouth once he caught a glimpse of the other man’s expression.

“Are you hungry?” Sebastian asked, almost eagerly. “I can fix you something.”

Keep reading

Chicken. Stuffed. With. Mozzarella. Cheese. Wrapped. With. Parma. Ham. With. A. Side. Of. Homemade. Mash.
(How is this even legit?)

“yo huh alright larents listen da pimps gonna rap to you yoyo its chicken stuffed with mozzarela cheese wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mashed potatoes”

Change of Plans

A/N This is the first story for my follower giveaway. suchabigmesss requested “a disgusting amount of fluff” with Henry coming home and finding his stressed out girlfriend in the middle of her worst day ever.

Melody answered the knock on her door wearing an oversized tee she had purloined from her boyfriend and a pair of flannel pajama pants festooned with polar bears. Her hair was in a messy bun on top of her head. This explained the slightly confused expression on Henry’s face as he stood in the hallway wearing a perfectly tailored grey suit and subtly patterned tie.

“Something tells me you forgot our date,” he said.

Melody’s hand flew to her forehead as her jaw dropped. “Oh, god, I’m so sorry! Do I have time to change? I worked a full shift last night and I was just so caught up in my school work and… Is it really Saturday?” Henry nodded as her brow crinkled in thought. “It must be because I didn’t have classes today, and oh fuck, I am so sorry. I am gonna go change right now.”

Henry caught her hand as she spun around to run for her bedroom. “Don’t.”

“I can’t go out looking like this!” She swiped her hand from her head to her toes, encompassing everything from her disheveled hair to her chipped pedicure.

He slowly shook his head. “We’re not going out.”

“Are you mad?”

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The Revenge of Scully Danvers

Humor/Fluff

Supercat, but focuses on Alex

Rating: Everone

Summary:  Cat pushes Alex’s buttons one to many times, and Alex strikes back.

Alex sighed as she looked down at the remains of her so called lunch, and not for the first time, hated Cat Grant, because it was her fault.  In the first two years her sister had been Supergirl, Alex had been spoiled by having a sister who could get from National City to Metropolis and back in fifteen minutes.  Ten, if she pushed it.  That meant that lunch from anywhere in the US was on the table.  Pizza from a parlor in Keystone City, Macaroni and Cheese stuffed chicken wings from a food truck in Columbia, Falafel from a little stand in Atlanta,  Cheese Steaks straight from Philadelphia, and when she really needed it, A Rueben with Pastrami fries from her favorite food truck in Chicago.  Even the during Kara and James’s doomed relationship, Alex hadn’t really seen a fall off in food delivery from her sister.

Then Cat Grant had happened. Cat Grant and her stupid balcony, and her stupid face, and her stupid standing lunch date with Kara, which left Alex either brown bagging it, which never happened, because Alex hated packing a lunch, or the base cafeteria.  Which, despite every effort by Lucy, Alex and Hank, never rose much about the level of “tolerable”.  

“Ma'am”

Alex looked up from her tray, to find Vasquez holding a document mailer.  "What’s that?

“Just came in from the mail drop we set up for Supergirl, Ma'am.  It’s addressed…  Well, I think it’s addressed to you.”

“You think?”

Vasquez held it out, and Alex wasn’t sure, but she thought the other woman was trying not to laugh. Alex took the envelope and flipped it over to read the address label.

“To:  Very Special Agent Scully Danvers,” was written in very neat letters in hand writing she recognized all too well.

“It’s from her,” she muttered.

“Yes, Ma'am,” Vasquez said, and Alex glared, because she could hear the amusement in the other agent’s tone.

Alex glares at her as she tore open the package and dumped the contents on the table.  There were three items inside.  Two CatCo employee ID badges, and a folded piece of paper. Alex picked up the piece of paper, and unfolded it.  Inside was a note written in the same hand as the address label.

“Agent Danvers, as your sister had no doubt told you, following the last supervillain attack on CatCo plaza, we are implementing new security policies.  One of those policies requires that all personal wear a badge printed with their photos at all times.  Since Kara insists that both you and your employer have access to the building, I went through the effort of having my computer hobbit send over a pair of badges for you.  I took the liberty of preparing appropriate cover identities.  You can thank me later.  Preferably by not calling Kara this weekend, as Carter is out of town and I fully intend to, as you put it, take advantage of your sister.  Repeatedly.  Sincerely, Cat Grant.”

Alex slowly crumpled the note into a ball, imagining it was Cat’s cold, black little heart.  Cat was never, ever going to let her forget that. Okay, maybe she’d been laying it on a little bit thick, but still.  Cat was twice her sister’s age.  She had every right to be suspicious.

She forced herself to calm down.  This would pass.  She might not have initially been very trusting, but she could see how much Kara loved Cat, and she would even admit that it was pretty obvious Cat loved her back, just as much.  Hell, Cat had invited Kara to move in with her, and was even hosting Kara’s 26th birthday party in her penthouse.

Alex could survive a couple of digs.  She could.

She reached down and picked up the badges, wondering were Cat had gotten the pictures.

Then she saw the names. “Prince, Xena W” was printed neatly under her picture, and on J'onn’s badge, “Martin, Marvin T.”

She stared at the badges for all of thirty seconds before she decided.  This was an open, formal declaration of war.  It would not go unanswered.

***

Cat Grant might very well be vicious in a board room, she might have a sharp tongue, a quick wit, and a mean streak the size of National City, but Alex Danvers had fought several actual wars, right under the noses of National City, with the barely noticing. She’s battled Astra’s Fort Rozz forces long before Supergirl came on the scene.  She’d gone toe to toe with Maxwell Lord, defeated Kryptonians in single combat, fought a White Martain, and survived a full scale thrown down with Darkseid.  All while avoiding civilian casualties and keeping collateral damage to a minimum.

Cat Grant might be a dangerous opponent under normal circumstances, but Alex knew from listening to Kara, Cat was the type to swat flies with napalm, which meant she was not cut out for this fight.  Because the one thing neither she nor Cat wanted was scorched Earth.  No.  Alex wanted to win, but she wanted to win in a way that would remind Cat that she won, while leaving Cat unable to retaliate, and leave Kara unaware there had even been a strike.

It was, ironically, Kara who gave Alex the answer she was looking for.  Alex watched the YouTube video her sister had sent her with a smile that would have made anyone who saw her tremble in fear.  When it was over, she pulled up Cat’s contact in her phone and fired off a quick text.

“Hey, I just wanted to check with you about Kara’s birthday gift.  Anything I should avoid?”

A moment later, her phone dinged with Cat’s reply.  "Avoid board games and art supplies.  Oh, and cardigans.  I think she’s used her lifetime allotment of those already.“

Alex laughed, and if it could have been described as maniacal, well, she was starting to feel like an evil genius.  After all, she *had* checked with Cat, and Cat *hadn’t* said no.  So, really, Cat only had herself to blame.

***

"You want me to do what?” J'onn asked, looking at her like she was out of her mind.

Alex just smiled. “One tiny, harmless little telepathic suggestion,” she said as she stroked the instrument of her revenge. “No one will ever know.”

“Agent Danvers, might I remind you-”

“She called you Marvin, sir,” Alex said, cutting J'onn off before the rant could pick up any steam.

J'onn looked at her for a moment, then his eyes dropped to the small, remorseless little killing machine in her lap.

“You know what Kara would do to us if she ever found out about this,” he said.

Alex nodded. “Worth the risk.”

***

Alex stepped off the elevator outside Cat’s penthouse apartment wearing her best poker face. She was ‘fashionably late’, mostly so Kara would be distracted, and not pick up on what was in the larger of the two gift boxes Alex was carrying.  This was only going to work if the presents were opened in front of Cat *and* Carter both.

She sat the boxes down at the door, and texted one of her accomplices.  A moment later, the door opened, and Lucy smiled at her.

“How is he?”

Alex lifted a finger to her lips, then tapper her ear.  Lucy nodded, remembering a bit too late about Kara’s hearing.  Alex knelt down and lifted the lid off the larger box.  Lucy grinned at the sight, and gave Alex a thumbs up as she picked up the smaller of the two boxes.  Alex put the lid back on the larger box and picked it up, following Lucy through the apartment, out to the rooftop patio where the party was already in full swing.

She set the box down on the table with the other presents, and turned towards her sister.

“Alex!” Kara shouted cheerfully as she looked up from whatever it was she and Carter had been discussing, and sure enough, just like Alex expected, her glasses her perched a bit further down her nose than usual.  Just enough so that she could see over top of them without being obvious about it. “How are you… Oh My God!”

Alex couldn’t quite keep the grin off her face as everyone on the patio turned to look at Kara, who was already rushing over towards Alex’s gift.  It had only taken one Christmas for her parents to learn they had to put Kara’s gifts in a lead lined trunk right up into Christmas morning, because the girl could not resist the temptation her x-ray vision offered when it came to presents.

Kara pulled the lid off the gift box, and squealed at the sight that greeted her, and before Alex could say anything, she reached up, scooping up the tiny little orange and white kitten.

“No way!” Carter shouted from the other side of the patio.

Alex glanced over at him, and then back at Kara, no longer even trying to hold in the smile.  Both of them were completely smitten.  It was clearly love at first sight.  In fact, the little fur ball was already standing on Kara’s arms and head bumping her chin.

Not all was peaceful, however.  Clark, James, Winn, and Eliza were all looking at Alex like she’d lost her mind. And Cat…  Oh, Cat had murder in her eyes.  Yes, that was definitely murder.

“He’s *so* cute!” Kara squealed, and Alex looked over to find that the kitten hard crawled up onto Kara’s shoulder and was chewing on her hair.

Carter, while clearly in awe of the kitten, was a *bit* more practical than Kara.  "How did you talk mom into it?“

Kara froze, still as stone for a moment, before turning to look at Alex.  "You did ask, right?”

“Of course,” Alex said.  "I called last week, and she said it was fine.  Just not to get you any board games, or art supplies.“  Alex watched as the vein on Cat’s forehead throbbed, but by the time Kara had turned to confirm Alex’s story, Cat had an amazingly convincing smile on her face.

"We can really keep him” Carter asked.

“Or course,” Cat replied, and Alex smiled just a little bit wider.  She caught Lois’s eye, where the woman was standing next to Clark by the buffet table, and victory was made that much sweeter by the fact that someone in the room realized just how well Cat had been played.

Alex turned back to watch Cat, not wanting to miss her reaction when she rubbed the last bit of salt in the wound.

“What are we going to name him?” Carter asked Kara.

“Oh, he already has a name,” Alex said.  "In fact, his name’s why I picked him.“

"What do you mean,” Kara asked.

“He’s named Grant,” Alex said, looking Cat right in the eye.  "Won’t answer to anything else.“  And J’onn’s little telepathic suggestion made sure that would always be the case.

The look in Cat’s eyes might have scared anyone else, but all Alex saw was victory.  Oh, she had no doubt that there would be reprisal.  Cat wouldn’t be Cat if she let the matter rest.  But for the next fifteen years or so, every time she cleaned a hairball out of her Jimmy Choos, every time she had to take a lint roller to her latest Vera Wang or Armani, she was going to remember this moment.