'Did i hear pizza?? I have pizza! Pepperoni, Cheese, Supreme, Meat Lovers, Whatcha want? I gots it!'
Wilford raised both his eyebrows, “OOOOoooo, m0re food ?” He looked back at his editor that was practically drooling on the pizza box.
“I’d like evEry kind we don’t haVE, please! Oh, and anothER Hawaiian.” He leaned closer and whispered, “My editor bAck tHEre might just devouR the bOX if her lunch breAK isn’t soon.” He glanced over at the clock.
“You know, witH all this pizza, and only two stoMAchs, we might noT finish….Anyone wanNA have SOme pizza? We can have a pArty!~” Wilford held up a box of pizza and waved it around tempting everyone.
First off, they want 12 large pizzas. One cheese, one Hawaiian-extra pineapple, two pepperoni and black olives, two meat lovers…Seriously? Nobody’s writing this down? Seriously? One triple-shot, half-caf vanilla latte, tall. Three of the latest copies of the Hall & Oates CD. I know, right? Exciting stuff. I didn’t know they were coming out with a new one either. Um, we’re gonna need some steaks. Steaks and a grill, they’re tryin’ to tailgate. OK, they need your overalls, I don’t know why. They need some Kibbles and Bits. We need an Etch-A-Sketch. Somebody in there likes to squiggle, ok? Possibly we need some stuffed bears. Are we good? Let’s go, people!
Hardison, Leverage, 1x05 “The Bank Shot Job” (2008)
Thank you @auxiliary-love, you guys are doing a great job sending me
requests that you know I’ll wanna do!
40. spend a day in bed
Cartman was the first to wake up,
turning slightly as he rubbed his eyes. The morning light was shedding through
his bedroom curtains, and the eighteen year old grumbled to himself, typically not the type to be an early riser.
He scratched at a swollen area on his neck,
turning to find somebody else bundled up in blue bedsheets, with red curls
popping out ever so mischievously. He smiled, even though he knew he’d go the
bathroom and see all of the bitten marks on his neck and chest and chastise his
boyfriend later. For now, he didn’t care, taking the chance to lean over and
pull down the sheets near Kyle’s face to see what he looked like
sleeping. It wasn’t like the brunette needed newly found knowledge, he already
had the blueprints of his lover’s face burned into his brain, the angles and
structures as memorable now as they were when they were younger. He was so
tempted to run a finger down his cheek, to press it against those parted lips.
But instead, he gave in to his stomach growling, getting out of bed and
spending a good two minutes finding where his boxers were, before heading into
the kitchen to make breakfast.
Kyle woke up with an itch on his
back and a soreness in his legs. He moaned, leaning up in bed and seeing the
empty spot next to him, needlessly starting to worry. He hated himself for
asking himself if it was him all the time, if he had the ability to make
someone just leave and not come back, but before he called out for his
boyfriend’s name, he saw the bedroom door open, a handsome man in teddy bear
boxers with two plates of pancakes and fruit.
“Took you long enough.” Cartman
commented, in the way that made Kyle want to forget about the food and take off
those boxers for a different kind of nutrition.
Kyle continued flipping through the
channels on the television while Cartman had his arms wrapped around his chest,
pulling him into his lap. There was nothing on, and even though Cartman bugged
him to just stop trying, Kyle just wanted to pick something, anything.
Eventually, they were in luck as Pulp Fiction
came across the catalogue.
“Finally,” Kyle commented, picking
it without Cartman’s opinion, but they both liked this movie so there were no
complaints. He sighed, leaning back and feeling Cartman place his chin on top
of his head.
“And it took you thirty minutes to
find something to watch because…?”
“Because you know I’m picky about
what I watch.” Kyle retorted. “You don’t even care, you just stick with
“That’s only slightly true.” Cartman said, smelling cinnamon from Kyle’s hair,
recognizing it from the shampoo that his mother would usually use but finding
it way better on him. “I just prefer to have action going on.”
“Mhm, which is why Legally Blonde
is one of your all-time favorite movies.”
“I have no idea what you’re even
trying to argue with that, Legally Blonde is fucking amazing.”
Kyle laughed, the same laugh that
made Cartman’s heart drop every time, and that tempted the brunette to just
walk out because he witnessed everything pleasant that life had to offer.
“You smell like pancakes.” Kyle
whispered, giggling as Cartman made his way down, sneaking pecks along his
“Do you like it?” Cartman asked
“Mm, I’d rather taste it though.” Kyle
replied before turning his body back and climbing to take kisses of his own.
Cartman cursed for the millionth
time as Kyle won another deathmatch. Kyle raised his Xbox controller like some
kind of teasing tactic, and Cartman narrowed his eyes.
“How the fuck do you not lose?”
“Cartman, you can the one out of
the two of us that is better at cooking. Won’t you let me keep some thing for
“No. That’s the fucking point of our relationship, for me to still
be the one on top, only in more intimate ways.’ Cartman reset the game, and the
two started a new match. Of course, Kyle went to his favorite spot in the level
to use his sniper rifle and Cartman was killed in the first five seconds.
“This game is rigged, you are able
to run to that spot as soon as you spawn before I can run to you!”
“Looks like you’ll have to find a
new strategy, babe.” Kyle grinned.
“Or it means we’ll have to swap
Call of Duty with Mortal Kombat, and trust me, you will not want to do that.”
Kyle held the phone to his ear,
biting his lower lip, hoping the Pizza Hut employee couldn’t hear the sounds he
made from the other side.
“Is this going to be for delivery
“Delivery, please.” Kyle glared
down as Cartman started playing with the redhead’s erection through his
underwear. He pressed his palm down on the sensitive organ, and Kyle moaned
“What can I get you?”
“Uh, ca-can I get two larges
pizzas, pepperoni and cheese…”
“We should probably make it meat
lover’s” Cartman growled, curling his hand into a fist, pumping, as Kyle
“Anything else?” The employee
asked, with a tone that seemed suspicious but not surprised.
“A 2-Liter of Dr.Pepp- Christ, Cartman not so hard!”
Cartman grinned from ear to ear as
Kyle stammered on the phone.
“…alright, I’ll get those started
and it should be there in forty-five minu-“
“Yeah, yeah, thanks, bye!” Kyle
threw his cell phone to the other side of the room before not censoring anything
coming out of his mouth until the food came.
sex at least three times today already, Cartman. Why don’t you go ahead and
work on your part of our government project?”
leaned back and flipped his textbook open, hating himself for waiting this long
to get it started but not really caring as much since it was only the first
draft needing to be done by the morning, and he considered himself the master
of bullshitting. Cartman was laying on the front side of the bed, flipping
through musicals on his Netflix account.
already did the hard part, collecting all of the research.”
does that have anything to do with your part of the essay?” Kyle sighed,
running a hand through his hair. He’d be lucky if either of them actually got
some sleep between finishing one of their final projects of the year, and doing
other stuff, of course.
worry babe, I’ll take care of it in a few minutes.” Carmtan says, as he clicks
on Mamma Mia!
the longer it takes for me to get this done, the longer it will take to fix
your little problem, won’t it?” Kyle asked, and Cartman turned back to face
him, eyeing his body lustfully.
mean, a little work now wouldn’t hurt, I guess.”
stretched out within Cartman’s hold, both of them worn out from another round
of sex, and from their seconds of whatever Pizza Hut was leftover.
like we didn’t really get much done today.” Kyle yawned, pressing his face
against Cartman’s neck. The other boy chuckled.
is Sunday, Kyle. You know, the day where people really don’t do anything for
know, but still, it just went by so quickly.”
guess it’s just because I spend the day with you that I don’t really care about
what to do during the day, as long as it’s between you and me.” Cartman
acknowledged. Kyle was about to comment about how weird it was for him to say
that, but the other boy dug his face into his back and just started kissing it
instead. Kyle shook his head and squeezed one of the hands on his hips.
Too often, animal abusers and exploiters in children’s movies and tv shows are portrayed as sneaky, sinister, shifty-eyed, cackling evil henchmen when in reality, animal cruelty is all around us and it takes many forms. Moms baking cakes. College students having a snack. A family barbeque. Beloved brands and restaurants and foods we are taught to eat from infancy. Anyone who consumes animal products is complicit in animal abuse, and there is no getting around it. We live in a society which commodifies death and suffering. We consume the products of injustice. Flesh and secretions stolen from innocent beings when we have other options.
There is no excuse. Do not think that because you are not a stereotypical cartoon villain making coats out of puppies that you are not part of the problem, or that you are truly an animal lover. Examine your actions and their implications.
Okay for real though, my meat-eating brother ate some of my meatless pepperoni from the fridge without asking me and when I confronted him about it, he didn’t know it was mine and was completely shocked to learn that it was meatless pepperoni. It’s the same price as dead-animal pepperoni and MY MEAT-EATING BROTHER LITERALLY COULD NOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE. And the same thing has happened before with my coconut ice cream.
So don’t you DARE use taste as a reason to exploit animals. That would be the shittiest possible excuse regardless, but vegan substitutes TASTE ALMOST THE EXACT SAME. And they’re usually really comparable in price. They’re a little harder to find but if more people start buying them, that problem will disappear. JUST STOP EATING ANIMALS ALREADY. IT’S STUPID AND ARCHAIC AND YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE.