charming eating

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Pink funfetti cake is kinda inspired by some story I heard about a military outpost where they’d randomly get cute little fruit snacks called charms for deserts with their meals, and they all got so cagey and superstitious by the end of their tour that they’d decided charms were a bad omen and eating them meant you were about to get into a firefight. The camp divided into the guys who refused to eat the charms because they didn’t want to temp fate, the guys who were so antsy and bored they defiantly ate the charms anyway to try to make something happen, and the guys who would start fist fights with the former guys for eating the charms and cursing them all.


My dad was twenty when I was born. He has always been considered to be extremely handsome by all of my friends, people in general, but also himself. When I was barely a teenager, I went to my little brother’s (by my dad) birthday party. It was at McDonald’s, like every classy elementary school bash should be. I was the oldest one there out of all the kids, so dad and I acted as chaperones to the little ones, and I sat with him and one of the other dads who was with us, rather than with my brother and his friends. 

Dad is a charming guy. People usually eat his words up. He’s kind of flirty by nature. Usually, he’s good at it, from what I’ve observed. 

One of the employees working there was a young, very beautiful woman. She brought our food to us. I remember her being extremely nice to all of us kids, and polite towards the adults. I remember all of this because I’ll probably never forget what has happened later, it’s still engraved in my memory.

Being the guy that he is, my dad went into ‘charmer’ mode. He started chatting her up a little and making small talk. I think I was making fake vomit sounds at the time, because I remember the other dad laughing at me. Anyway, dad turns to me and points in my direction.

“Could you believe that I have a daughter this big already? Don’t I look too young to be a father of a teenager?”

The woman looked at me as well and smiled.

No. Now have a nice meal everybody.”

And she dashed away. My legend. The other dad and I almost choked from laughter. His Cola went so far up his nose that he was practically exhaling bubbles. Dad was frozen on the spot for the longest time. Truly an evening to remember. 

Close to 10 years have passed from that event. I just want to add that he’s grown out of that phase long ago. He’s more mature now, more responsible. He’s a proper dad™.

I saw you again. That silly old box of yours i still have as a keepsake caught my eye again.
I still remember your taste on my lips. Sweet. So, sweet. We met overseas. I was a stranger, but when i met you it was like i was born to meet you.
So bright, so fun, so charming. I heard about you, but i you exceded all of my expectations.
I want you again.
But sadly, it won’t happen.
I miss you Lucky Charms. Why you aren’t imported in Italy?