charmin' bear

Hoe Tip Alert: Cocoa Butter

If you haven’t already jumped on the “good-for-you-oils-and-other-shit” train, let me tell you a little about cocoa butter.

Include this stuff into your lifestyle, you’re gonna feel right soft and supple (especially on your titties, you’ll get instant results in my opinion).

Yall know those Charmin bears that love to rub their face on that toilet paper? Well you’re gonna be that toilet paper cause everyone will want to be rubbing on your skin man. Probably a bad comparison, but you get the picture.

It’s also good for scars and stretch marks and . Palmers has a formula specifically for stretch marks. It feels thicker than regular cocoa butter, but I’m sure there’s not much of a difference. Oh and it’s good for sunburns too. It’s good for after sun exposure, and I’ve heard people say they peeled less, or even not at all after using it.

Alrighty, keep your skin intact!

The Charmin commercial where the bear family goes on vacation and the father bear says they can’t stay in that hotel because the toilet paper is too weak to clean his asshole, and then the mother hands him the Charmin and calls him “big daddy” is probably the worst thing on television right now

The Signs as Famous Bears

Aries: Ted

Taurus: Po (Kung Fu Panda)

Gemini: Baloo (Jungle Book)

Cancer: Winnie the Pooh

Leo: Kenai (Brother Bear)

Virgo: Charmin Bear

Libra: Boog (Open Season)

Scorpio: Lotso (Toy Story 3)

Sagittarius: Yogi Bear

Capricorn: Queen Elinor

Aquarius: Little Jon (Robin Hood)

Pisces: Fozzie Bear (The Muppets)

Watch on

I chatted with Charmin’ Bear on Alex Mann’s web series “Conversations With A Twitter Feed.” Guess what? It’s about poop!

After being subjected to the charmin ultra commercial where the child bears talk about the state of their underwear for about the 10th time, I realized that none of the bears are actually wearing any pants.  But they specifically talk about their underwear, which means they must be wearing it under their fur.  Which means their fur isn’t fur; it’s a fur suit.

That’s right.  The charmin ultra bears are furries.