Writers have to be the coolest people on the planet. They can pull from their experiences or the experiences of other people to make us feel things that we may or may not have felt before. I’d say, I’m usually okay at expressing myself, but lately I’ve just been at a loss of words or words just don’t seem to do justice to what I’m feeling. So, this one’s to all you writers for making us super feely, putting words to something we have difficulty expressing, and making the world an easier place to live in. 

i think if new years means anything, it should mean owning up to the past years mistakes, and forgiving the wounds from the past year.

so i say we start something new. let’s forgive, or at least tried to. 

for me, 2011 sucked hardcore. i mad some amazing decisions, and made huge strides in my life, but i also made some crap decisions and lost A LOT of people i cared about. and some i loved. i’ll miss them, i hate the way it ended, but it did. and it wasn’t all me. 

so if anyone fucked you over this year, or if you fucked anyone else over, forgive them. before midnight i want you to text them, call them, email them, whatever. tell them you’re sorry for what you did wrong. this does not mean admitting all guilt, it means apoligizing for whatever you had a part in. 

new years doesn’t mean much, but i think it should be a fresh start. and no-one can start fresh without a clean slate. even if it’s nothing more than an “i’m sorry" we should all do it everyone makes mistakes, own it. even if you’re not proud of it. let’s start 2012 without baggage, there is nothing worse than words unsaid.

i don’t know about you, but i need a fresh start. 

It's crazy how much things can change is just one year

I am a completely different person than I was this time last year, whether that’s for better or for worse. I know there are those out there who think worse of me, and for that I am truly sorry. But I will argue to the death, not necessarily in defense of my actions this year, but absolutely for my reasoning. I always meant well, whether it seems that way or not. And despite all of these changes, (even those viewed “for the worst”), I loved this year. I feel I really came into my own, I really enjoyed almost everything. And I definitely know that I am stronger than I was then. You can hurt me, temporarily tear me down, I may bend but you will never break me.

attn someone who used to be in my life a lot: friendships take two people. one can't make all the effort. you want to talk to me? you text me. my number hasnt changed.

i didn’t want to call you out publically, but I know you go on tumblr, so i thought this would work. 

and don’t accuse me of being childish. 

i’m just trying to tell you something. 

i’m done. 

if it was a conscious thing, you’ve made your decision. if it wasn’t, you still made your decision. 

i hope you understand this is towards you. i will always remember our crazy times, and my brain being contagious. and i don’t want to loose that. 

but i can’t keep going back and forth, between someone you can’t stand, or the person you take your anger out on. 

message me if you understand, care, or want to fix things. otherwise………..i’m done. 

i can’t be the only one to make an effort, so this time, i’m not. 

I don't understand why....

Everyone else gets to be hurt.

Everyone else gets to be hurt by my words, but if I am hurt I’m just a “drama queen”.

Everyone else gets to hold grudges, and stay ‘mad’ (or 'annoyed’) for however long they want to, but if I do that (even a little(!)) I am being childish, immature and need to 'grow up’.

Why is it that if other people get mad on bailed plans, or avoiding they just care, or are concerned, but I am stalkerish, smothering, and “need to back off”.

And please don’t tell me that its because of the way I do these things. because from a very young age I was taught my way of doing things wasn’t right, so I learned to observe society and my friends/people around me, and I try and react the way society tells me to.

But at the same time, I sometimes have to react, and act, the way my heart tells me to (which is when people always tend to disapprove).

People always tell me to be myself, while simultaneously disapproving of the way I am. I am fucking sick and tired of the goddamn double standards!!! Excuse me for caring, if you don’t like it get the fuck out of my life. I don’t need people making me second guess myself all the time. I don’t need people to disapprove of me, whether secretly or to my face. I don’t need people who look down on me, or talk down to me like I’m some emotionally delayed child. I’m not.

No-one anywhere on the face of this planet has any fucking clue what its like to be someone else. Everyone has troubles, everyonee goes through stuff. What makes us who we are is how we deal with them. No-one is any better than anyone else because of how they deal with them. And no two people live the same situations, and react the same. So you can’t tell me what you’ve had to go through was harder than anything I’ve gone through, because you have no fucking clue, and that is the gods-honest truth.

So get used to it, because this is me “doing me”. And I’m sorry if you don’t like it…..actually I’m not. I’m not going to apoligize for the way I am, not any more.

I was always taught that apoligizing, even if it wasn’t your fault was the 'bigger’ thing to do. 'Be the bigger person’, as my mom tells me.

Well I tried that, and obviously it didn’t work.

The ball’s in your court.

Not everything it my fault, it takes two to tango. Look at what you say sometimes, its just as hurtful as what is said to you, instead of always trying to pass of blame on other people. You are a monster of your own creation, same as I am of mine.

Deal with it.

When you’re struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through.
—  Nicholas Sparks, “Dear John”

ATTN:a specific person, you know who you are.