Nine years ago today I started testosterone. In my 30 years on this earth, I have embodied many genders. I have lived two thirds of my life as female and a third as male. I graduated from high school as a girl and from college as a guy; those five years were the most difficult yet joyous and rewarding of my life.

I was afraid to take this step toward medical transition; afraid I would lose everyone I loved, afraid of what I would look like, afraid of what people would say and what a freak they would think I am. I thought I would have to move far away and never talk to my parents, extended family, or friends again. I am happy to say I was very wrong.

It has taken a lot of time, patience, and communication, but for the most part I didn’t lose anyone I love, and the people I did lose weren’t real friends in the first place. Nothing has turned out like I thought it would when I first started transitioning; instead of being shunned and vilified by people from my past, I have been received lovingly.

For 20 years, I was ashamed of how I felt and stuffed down what I thought was a terrible secret, only to be met with open arms and discover affirmation, validation, and love. So, thank you to everyone who has been there. It means a lot.

After going through all of this – changing my name, my body, my presence in this world and the way I navigate it, I can just say that I feel really fucking human. And I know what it means to be alive.

Bringing the beard back. #619 #SD #sandiego #cali #california #socal #southerncalifornia #californiarepublic #ftm #trans #transgender #transman #transguy #transboy #transbeard #beard #mustache #glasses #december #charlesasher #charliewarhol (at Vista, California)

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If you’ve already binge-watched “Making a Murderer,’ another excellent documentary series about the injustices in our legal system are the Paradise Lost films (1-3). They look at three teenage boys who were falsely accused of murdering three little boys and exposes how the legal system often pinholes suspects and targets the poor. 

Devil’s Knot, the dramatized version starring Reese Witherspoon, is now streaming on Netflix.

Another good documentary along the same subject line is The Central Park 5, which is also streaming on Netflix.


Top Surgery Strip Down ft. Ryan Cassata


What Real Men Do

This is my latest video on YouTube - exploring masculinity and gender stereotypes.


Five years ago today I had top surgery. Here’s the vlog from the morning of surgery.