hphm youtube au

rowan: makes video essays. teaches history and maths and gives in depth analysis of your fave novels. DEFINITELY sponsored by audible and squarespace. doesnt have merch although their fans demand some. probably lives with mc. frantic midnight vlogs about the economics of moviepass. does a make over series collab with penny but ends up reverting back to their old style by the end. always in the back of mc’s vlogs going “that’s not how that happened!” and “stop being dramatic” or just shaking their head at their extra ass best friend. shops at walmart and acts like they’re broke but obviously is not. wrote a book of fun facts called “things you should know by now” that became a new york times best seller. shows up to conventions in disguise for the lulz. 

mc: STORYTIME VLOGGER OBVIOUSLY?? also does challenges and a second channel for daily vlogging (but like is lowkey inconsistent af & their daily vlogs are really “whenever i feel like it” vlogs) and a lot of vlogs with jacob !!! made a video where they gave barnaby a snake named barnaby jr & it was on trending. goes to yt conventions wearing clout glasses and riding a hover board in a supreme track suit (mc: *chokes on water* “I ALMOST DROWNED!!! *NOT CLICKBAIT**) has tacky ass merch and a book out and both are best sellers. has a disstrack on merula !!! probably would do some shit like tanacon lmao

penny: beauty blogger. (occasionally does asmr)  but like also talks a lot about mental health and social justice issues. has a wholesome, pure, kind fanbase who call themselves “pretty pennies”. came out by posting a make up tutorial called “fly looks for bis” paired with a vlog of her kissing a bunch of men and women at pride. has a video where she talks about inclusion and equality and it gets shown in schools a lot. self care queen !!! like ends every video with “remember to drink a lot of water today!” has a her own cruelty free make up line & lots of floral merch. probably plays the ukelele and writes songs about flowers she sees on the streets. shows up to every yt convention & takes all the selfies with her fans. 

jacob: appears in everyone’s content but REFUSES to become a youtuber!!!!!  is the test dummy for tulip’s experiments, partner for barnaby’s self defense videos, makes collabs with mc, lets penny do his make up, gets pranked by tonks, helps bill and rowan with research, helps charlie with getting ingredients, merula & ismelda call him “jacuck” basically the best supportive bro (people beg him to make a channel, he’s a fan fav) 

bill: makes shane dawson type conspiracy theory videos. has been doing youtube since the beginning. his first video is called “why you should not be afraid of the owlman” and it’s literally him calling the owlman a lil bitch for 2 and a half minutes. his most popular series is about the curse of the crying boy painting. has a second channel where he does cute couple vlogs with fluer (including a 25 minute proposal video & a 50 minute wedding video & a “my girlfriend does my makeup” video) tweets like a grandpa, constantly uploads accidental selfies to ig, when he goes to yt conventions he tries to meet all his fans and spend time w them. #sponsored by dollar shave club !!!!

barnaby: fitness/lifestyle videos but also uploads a lot of videos about self defense and animals (his most viewed video is literally twenty minutes of him hanging out with his pets - mainly his pet snake barnaby jr). he probably started by just making work out videos bc he saw a lot of people at his gym who weren’t getting the results they wanted due to bad form and stuff and then figured that there were probably a lot of people who were struggling with the same thing. then his audience grew and he just really likes to talk about animals so he did a video talking about sun fish and people really liked it so he kept making more and more videos where he talked about how cool certain animals were. he likes to do collabs with his friends gets & shipped with literally everyone (but mainly mc & charlie) !! lots of fan fictions about him !! does a few lets plays but only with horror games. has one (1) merch it’s a t-shirt with barnaby jr on it that says ‘lookin’ like a snake’

charlie: cooking & animal vlogs. probably lives with barnaby. used to share a flat with bill where they made a bunch of cooking vlogs together and filmed a very emotional goodbye video to said flat. now him and bill make bimonthly cooking  vlogs where they make complex meals for fluer and barnaby. owns a bearded dragon named norbert. promotes an environmentally conscious lifestyle !! ends every vlog with “none of this would be possible without you guys! thank you from the bottom of my heart!” collabed with gordon ramsay and wolfgang puck. makes barnaby taste test his food. broke the internet when he came out as asexual. makes a lot of videos on ace awareness ( “signs you may be asexual”, “ask an ace person Q&A”, “ASEXUAL REACTS TO 50 SHADES OF GREY” ) calls his fans his “little dragons” 

tulip: a force of pure chaos. was an ironic viner before vine died. now she just kinda does…stuff on youtube. has a PhD in chemical engineering and explains complex science facts in 3 minutes with marshmallows stuffed in her mouth.  teaches feminist theory in a rap and explains global warming while doing make up with no mirror ROASTS THE SHIT OUT OF KISSING PRANKS. is multitalented! and makes videos where she does everything ranging from covers to impressions to makeup tutorials to reaction videos to challenges. makes prank vids with tonks on tonks’ channel. her tweets are very nightvale-esque and she always tweets at weird times of the night. she cryptically warns the night before if a video is posting the next day, and then everyone is just constantly checking all day to see when she’s uploaded bc shes inconsistent as FUCK

felix: felix does asmr. at first he does it ironically and to prove to a certain friend of his (*cough* *cough* jane *cough*) that it definitely is a weird sex thing & people only watch those videos bc its a cute girl. his first video is called “bitchy prefect scolds you over house points role-play” and it does SO well! he finds it hilarious that people will listen to him do nothing but tell them that they’re disappointing him and can do better for ten minutes a day. but he soon begins to get surprising and very sweet comments from his viewers, with many of them telling him that his voice helps them calm down after a shitty day. makes cute couples vlogs with chester. he did a make up tutorial (everyone is always pestering him on how he does his eyebrows so he showed them the ‘felix rosier secret to fleeky brows’)  once so he lowkey considers himself a beauty blogger

tonks: “SmAsH tHaT SuBsCrIbE bUtToN!1!!!!” makes prank videos with tulip but only pranks people she knows because she’s not an asshole. also uploads a lot of videos about self defense and political issues. has her own panel at conventions and invites everyone to be there. has a second channel where she makes family vlogs with remus and teddy called the loopy lupins. (teddy is lowkey famous for his toy reviews)

talbott: a living, breathing meme of a man. never shows his face on camera. in every video he wears a super dark black hoodie with the hood up and doesnt face the camera. makes 45 minute rant videos about stuff like: all the reasons he found the ending of himym so disappointing and why he “doesn’t like money”. also has a video entitled “mc is not my friend.” where he just says “you probably think that mc is my friend. well, you are wrong.” while a warped version of despacito plays vaguely in the background but also roasts the shit out of anyone who comments mean things on mc’s videos. inspires a lot of conspiracy videos called “who is talbott winger EXPOSED” which range from theories that he’s just mc in a costume to him being a demonic entity from the beginning of time or the zodiac killer. it becomes a fandom joke after a while. 

angelica: gamer! especially loves indie games. however never does live streams. popular for raging at video games. cried while playing undertale and the WHOLE internet watched! nobody knows anything about her sexuality until one day she slips up during a lets play and calls jane her “girlfriend” and the crowd goes WILD! her series with the most views is called “drunk girl plays” where she just gets fucking hammered and plays popular multiplayer games. has the weirdest stories about her child hood. does sketches once a month

chester: content critic (his channel is named something like the daily davies or chester says) the only one who adheres to a very strict schedule (see: “any schedule”) and makes sure to tweet whenever a video will be missed or late, though he almost never explains the circumstances because he’s a very private dude online (aside from vlogs on felix’s channel and the occasional ig post his fans don’t know that much about him). his videos are very VERY detailed and never spoiler free he’s very picky, and if he likes something that’s definitely a reason to go watch it right away! got big after he made a video called “13 Reasons why this show is garbage” and it went viral as fuck! doesnt swear in his videos but works super hard on them! 

merula & ismelda: cute, goth lesbians. have a commentary channel called CUNTent creators. make fun of everything. they roast everyone. but like their channel has strayed from just being a commentary channel over the years and now it’s kind of a cluster fuck of other things. ismelda does music reviews ( “goth listens to “god is a woman””) and dark history videos ( “top ten medieval torture devices”) and merula does make up tutorials ( “how to look perfect” ) and advice videos ( “i fix your shitty lives” ). merula has a pretty famous yt beef with mc and they continuously make roast videos about each other ( tho tbh merula started it by making a roast video about jacob ). their proposal video gets #1 on trending for three days straight  

jane:  an angel. everyone who watches her channel becomes addicted. how to make slime, kinetic sand. DIY’s for EVERYTHING!! her channel is literally rosanna pansino on steriods! probably also does fast food reviews. has a second channel were occasionally she uploads vlogs, and once every month she makes a Q&A. started out with just goo and paint videos, just for fun and because she wanted to make other people smile (or help calm them down, she knows she finds the pretty paint mixing videos to be very relaxing when done correctly) does the occasional collab with felix or penny

Hogwarts Mystery Characters as things said/done in the first three weeks of school

- - - - - -

MC: “I can’t fucking find what I’m looking for and I’m going to snap and break a bitches neck if I don’t get it in the next two minutes.”

- - - - - -

Rowan: “How about we make a study group and actually get things done?”

*a week later, the study group is organized and they are all meeting up in the library*

Tulip: *dancing with Tonks up and down the aisles of books while they listen to Africa by Toto*

Barnaby: Scrolling through pictures of pomeranians on Google images

Charlie: Reading a book about seahorses and their natural habitats for no apparent reason

Penny: Sitting at a separate table with their sister, trying to teach them how to draw a hand

MC: Trying to help Ben with the notes but he can’t hear them because he has earbuds in, and is listening to music until eventually Tulip comes around and pulls the chair from underneath him.

Ben: On the verge of tears after Tulip had pulled the chair from underneath him.

Tonks: Continuously texting Rowan over and over again until they snapped and threw a pencil at them.

Rowan: “Oh, this… now this is a fucking nightmare.”

- - - - -

Penny: “I’m hot and you, yes you, you fucking know it.”

- - - - -

Ismelda: “Can I rip them apart limb by limb because I can’t stand another word coming from their mouth?”

Merula: “Go ahead, I’ll help, just don’t say that I said that. You can go to jail without me, thanks.”

- - - -

MC: I’m going to have my second mental breakdown this year, WOOHOO.

Ben: Haha! And you said I couldn’t beat you in anything. Well, I will proudly say that I have had a total of THREE breakdowns so far.

MC: Thats’s-… wh-. Ben, that’s not something to be proud of.

- - - -


Rowan: Don’t ‘fuck’ anything, please. Dear lord you people are going to drive me insane.

- - - - -


Merula: He was. was. he just went to the bathroom though.

MC: Oh, okay, thanks.

Merula: But that was like fifteen minutes ago so either way you should be worried.


Imagine: Charlie Weasley confessing his feelings for you.

Request: “Could I request a Charlie Weasley one where you’re at hogwarts together and you’re rambling about something and he kisses you cause he thinks you’re cute and that leads him to confess he’s liked you for ages. A little pining maybe? Also slytherin!reader would be amazing” For Anon.

A/N: I had no idea who to use as a face claim for young Charlie, that explains the gifs. And of course I used HP:HM references ;)

      She’s so… perfect, Charlie sighs, resting his head on his hands as he watches you, his best friend, demonstrating for Flitwick at the front of the classroom.

      “Are you alright Charlie?” His friend, Ben asks.

Keep reading