A Christmas Carol is so wild to me because it takes not one, not two, but like four fucking ghosts to convince this dude not to be the biggest douche in the universe. Like, four fucking ghosts came back from the dead, rose from the Goddamn grave to be like, “I came back from the dead because you need to quit your shit.” Fuck. How big of an asshole do you have to be to have four fucking ghosts tell you to stop?
The Victorian equivalent of a white male tumblr meninist. Fight his past newspaper blogger ass, though the guy does write about his own "tragic experiences", so be warned that a caricature of you will probably be appearing in his next novel.
idk they're from Yorkshire I wouldn't risk it
Yess he spends all his time in his room writing self-insert Bible fanfic and never goes outside, 10/10 would fight this nerd. You will win. Easily.
Why would you want to fight Mary Shelley???? She's nice and bad things happened to her and she invented scifi! Go reevaluate your life choices.
Don't. He will kill you otp viciously and then spend 38 pages describing someone's hat.
It's 50/50 you'll win, but you might fall asleep from his long-winded prose before you land a punch.
Little is known about him, other than the fact that he had free access to bears and swords and a penchant for revenge and mass murder as plot devices. If you're gonna fight him, watch your back.
Whiny and allergic to adjectives and allegorical and super racist. Fight Him. So long as your childhood can take it.
Shakespeare's biggest fan, so a total dork. Also old and shell shocked. Your call.
Him and his friends will get drunk and gang up on you. Not advisable.
He was once described as "the most generous, large-hearted being in the world" and had extensive military training. Just... don't.
Still alive, so she's got a foot up on the rest of them.
Total fuckin' politics nerd. Will keep a diary of the fight.
You'd feel too mean, it'd be like punching some harmless lana del-ray book club chic. Fight her if you want but be aware of the emotional consequences.
Constantly angry looking. Just look at that mustache. You want to fight him already, don't you?
The sassiest little shit ever. Be prepared for cane wielding sassmeister. You'll probably lose, but it'll be worth it.