character: arishok

8

submitted by @dannycutebang 

Arishok: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrists?
Hawke: Yes.
Arishok: I was hula-hooping. I attend a class for both fitness and for fun.
Hawke: Oh my god.
Arishok: I mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.
Hawke: Why are you telling me this?
Arishok: Because no one will ever believe you.
Hawke: You sick son of a bitch.

AND HOW ON THE SECOND WEEK OF THE SECOND MONTH OF THE PUNY NEW YEAR SHALL YOU GIFT YOUR ASSIGNED SWEETIEKINS AN OFFERING OF SLAUGHTERED FLOWERS AND PERHAPS A CARD FOR IT PLEASES THE QUN FOR YOU TO DO SO.

AND IF THE VIGILANT DOES CHOOSE A CARD IT SHOULD HAVE A HEART ON IT.  THAT HEART REPRESENTS THE HEARTS OF THE THOUSANDS OF SUITORS YOU ARE PREPARED TO MUTILATE FOR RETURNED, MANDATORY AFFECTION OF YOUR ASSIGNED SNOOKIEBOOBOO.


THEN, AS IT PLEASES THE QUN, YOU WILL READ GLORIOUS QUNARI LOVE POETRY, FOUND ON PAGE 492.  SUGGESTED READINGS INCLUDE “YOUR HAIR IS AN APPROPRIATE LENGTH” AND “I FIND YOU NOT DISPLEASING.”