#transformationtuesday So, that’s 3 years ago to now. It’s a truly unflattering pic, and I sort of don’t even want to post this, but it’s a pretty candid moment to capture how I felt. It’s real strange for me to think about and is even harder to look at, but in that time, everything was going great on paper and I was able to “succeed in life” as long as I distracted and disassociated myself to extremes and covered myself up- but in the silence of the evenings, alone with myself, I just ached and felt dead/numb. I avoided introspection or critical self analysis, hated being confronted by how much I chose to not care about myself (mostly via how bad I looked) and felt completely and increasingly out of touch with myself. It’s only been through massive self-reflection, love, honesty, trust, and healthy relationships, that that’s slowly changed and bit by bit Ive been able to slough off most of the damaged bits and come back.

Left: pre-t, age 19, 122 lbs
Right: 1yr 9mos on T, 10 days post op, age 24, 155 lbs

Who knew this is what I would or COULD grow into? Who knew I would be here in 2017 at all? Healthy and pretty fucking happy. I sure as hell didn’t.

Updates Thru 9 Months on Testosterone

Month 1:

  • Hot flashes and sweating increased
  • Fuzzier knees
  • Acne increase
  • Increased libido
  • Voice cracking
  • Hungry literally all the time
  • Mood swings
  • Oiler skin (especially my chest/back)
  • Clitorus growth (this was actually the first thing I noticed)

Month 2:

  • Leg mass/shape changing
  • Increase body hair (happy trail, side burns, eyebrows and chin) and coarser feel–week 8 was when I noticed my first chin hair!
  • Weight gain (approx. 8-10 pounds)
  • Arms getting bigger
  • Breasts getting smaller
  • Voice cracking more noticeably
  • Mood seemed to start leveling out around week 9
  • Face shape noticeably different

Month 3:

  • Voice became noticeably deeper but still cracked occasionally
  • Fuzzy facial hair increasing
  • Increased acne on back/arms/chest
  • Curves around hips lessening
  • Hair on thighs and knees getting thicker

Month 4:

  • Hair creeping onto hands and thicker on arms
  • Smell changing (body odor worse)
  • Finally seem to be settling into my voice
  • Shoulders broader (some shirts that used to fit became too small)
  • First month with no menstruation
  • Many of the same changes as the first 3 months continue to develop

Month 5:

  • Sideburns more noticeable
  • My eyebrows are absurd
  • Jaw line changing (a little soreness)
  • Shoulders and legs are sore
  • Facial hair coming in a little better, but still very patchy and blonde
  • Many of my shirts no longer fit my shoulders

Month 6:

  • Acne seems to be getting better
  • Voice started cracking again
  • First time I cut myself shaving!
  • Hair increasing everywhere, especially happy trail
  • My hands and feet grew, but not noticeably probably to anyone other than myself (I only noticed because I put on shoes I hadn’t worn for 6 months)

Month 7:

  • Need to shave more frequently
  • So much hair–upper thighs/butt and leg hair is now very thick and visible; arm hair is darker and thicker; hair on feet and hands filling in; eyebrows are out of control; nipple and pubic hair is thicker/denser and has spread
  • Somewhere around month 7 was also when I noticed that the hair on my head had a different texture/was thicker
  • Overall, around month 6/7 is when the changes started leveling off and were only noticeable in pictures

Month 8:

  • Veins in hands/feet more pronounced
  • Jaw line/face shape is VERY different
  • Facial hair still patchy, but growing back faster
  • I think my voice is finally okay

Month 9:

  • Thicker hair in general
  • Adam’s apple pretty noticeable (this actually started happening around month 6)
  • Acne on back/chest coming back?
  • Black hairs developing on upper back/shoulders

These are the updates in my journal from my first 9 months on testosterone. These things are different for everyone, but I thought a timeline might be a nice reference. I have some pictures/voice comparison videos on my transition tag as well. Overall, these first 9 months have been outstanding and I’m looking forward to doing my one year reflection post. Stay tuned and, as always, feel free to drop by my ask box if you have any questions!