challenging negative thoughts

//so I was thinking this morning (always a dangerous sign) that I’ve talked a bit recently about how the Tumblr RP community isn’t always very good at encouraging people to find ways to manage or get to their drafts, and is instead more likely to coddle peoples’ anxieties without actually helping them at all. 

So this is a post of a few tips and tricks that might help RPers manage some of the more common anxieties I see crop up in our circle. Now, I’m not a full psychologist and nor am I licensed counselor. But I do have my master’s degree in clinical psychology with the intention to go on for the PhD (or get licensed to practice if I don’t get into a program) so I do kinda know what I’m talking about. Hopefully some of this advice is a little helpful:

1. “My drafts just stress me out.” This is a pretty common complaint, but I think in most circumstances it’s caused by stress going on outside of the RP world. Take a step back and breathe. Handle whatever is going on in your real life. That always comes first. If you come back and your drafts are still causing you to feel panicky, the next step is to find out the more specific reasons why. That’s going to help you best address the anxiety. Read on for some common reasons.

2. “I’ve gotten so behind, there’s so many and I’m overwhelmed.” This happens all the time! You take a hiatus for a week or two, or life just got really busy for a while, or just lost muse and now it’s back. But in the meantime, your drafts have piled up- suddenly you’re looking at 20, 50, 100- how do you even start? 

The best way I’ve found to handle this is to break them up into smaller chunks. It might be helpful to copy and paste your partners’ replies over into one or more word documents. You can then further organize those word documents even more. One for short replies, one for long, one for medium length. Or you can organize by muses, by how long the draft has been in your folder- whichever way you want to handle this. If you want to put one reply per document, you can organize them into folders instead. How you do this is entirely up to you.

Set a small goal for yourself- even one draft a day is better than no drafts at all. But by breaking the work up into chunks, you’ve taken a lot of the pressure off yourself. A goal of 1-5 drafts a day is a lot better than looking at all 50. 

Another tip- use the queue! Or simply keep completed drafts saved in the drafts folder until you’ve caught up enough to start posting. The queue will stagger your posts so replies aren’t coming out all at once, and your partners aren’t able to immediately reply back. And obviously keeping them in drafts even after they’re done lets you have more time to catch up. These are just a couple of tips, however, and there are probably other good ways to manage drafts. Find what works best for you!

And don’t be afraid to drop a couple if you have no muse for those threads anymore. Just let your partner know, they’ll understand. And if they don’t, they’re just an asshole and who needs that, right? It is better to communicate that you’re dropping them, however, so you’re partner isn’t left hanging.

3. “I haven’t replied in weeks, I’m worried my partner hates me.” I guarantee this is not true. Most people in the rp community are very understanding of slow response time. Your partners want to rp with you- they’ll be thrilled to see a response, even if it’s been several weeks. Responding, even slowly, shows a lot more dedication and excitement over your threads. 

So if it’s been several weeks, and you finally have muse for that thread and want to reply to it, but feel guilty or anxious because it’s been so long- reply anyway. Your partner will be so happy to see your response. 

Another way to alleviate this anxiety is to simply talk to your partner. And I know, this can be scary- but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do the thing that makes you anxious. Take it slow if you need to, but communication is the best way to feel better about it. And I guarantee, you are going to feel so much more proud of yourself if you did the thing that made you anxious than if you didn’t.

That goes for replying as well. 

4. “I feel so inadequate compared to others. I should just stop.” This is an example of what mental health professionals call a “negative automatic thought”, or “NAT”. And like real gnats, these little thoughts get all up in your ears and start buzzing around. They can spiral out of control very quickly, until you feel absolutely terrible about yourself. These thoughts are very common in people with both anxiety and depression. 

But the thing is, they can be changed. You can actually re-wire your brain with a little work so that it won’t think these thoughts quite as often. One of the most effective ways is to simply replace the negative thought with a positive one- even if you don’t believe it. So if your negative thought is “I’m horrible compared to other people,” a replacement thought could be “No, I’m just as good as anyone else,” or “my writing is unique to me and it has value.”

You will not believe yourself at first, and it will seem a little bit weird when you start. It’s also a little challenging- your negative thoughts are automatic, you’re so used to thinking them that you aren’t even fully aware of it it half the time. But when you do catch yourself spiraling off into those negative thoughts- try to stop them. This is something we teach in therapy and over time, it does help. And it does get easier.

5. “It has to be PERFECT.” Perfectionism is at the root of a lot of peoples’ anxieties. But I challenge you with this- why? Why does it have to be perfect? What will happen if it’s not perfect? 

The answer to that, usually, is “my partners will hate me/lose interest/think I’m stupid or a bad writer.” Perfectionism is usually a fear of judgment, and it’s usually fueled by feelings of inadequacy or fears of failure. So to that, I refer you back to the previous advice about negative automatic thoughts. 

Challenge your thinking about your perfectionism. A good replacement thought for this one is “even if it’s not perfect, my partner will still be happy that I responded. My writing is still valuable to them.” Another good one- “imperfection means there’s room to grow. Mistakes don’t mean I’m a failure or no good.” 

In general, don’t let anxiety say “I can’t do this.” You can do it. Anxiety is not a permanent state. The body cannot sustain it very long- the elevated heart rate, heavy breathing, heightened arousal- it’s physically impossible for it to last. Eventually, your body will start to calm itself and even back out. This is something that is very hard to sit with, because your natural instinct is to run away from the thing that’s making you anxious. Your instinct is to close the drafts folder, to close the messenger, to log out of tumblr and ignore it all completely. But the truth is, that only makes your anxiety worse in the long run. 

Now, if these tips don’t help, or you’re finding your anxiety is so bad that it’s affecting your daily life in almost everything- I encourage people to please see a psychologist, psychiatrist, or some other mental health professional. Anxiety that’s chronically preventing you from doing the things you enjoy is anxiety that probably needs treatment. Having the extra support of a therapist or medication often makes it possible to implement some of these strategies, or find better ones that work for you. Especially if you’re having a hard time managing things on your own. 

Anybody that wants to add to this with other ideas that have been helpful to you, please feel free to do so. 

Submitted anonymously

[Image description: a person lying face down on a bed with their hands over their head, with text that reads “I am more than that negative voice inside my head.”]

anonymous asked:

So idk if your comfortable with this because it can be a touchy subject but could you do one where Josh finds out the reader self harms? I'm feeling kinda down and thought it might help to read something like that.

OK FIRST OFF IF ANYONE IS EVER SAD PLS MESSAGE ME (on my other blog omg i never check this one) AND WE’LL TALK, I LOVE YOU ALL. 

but here. 

trigger warning (self harm etc.)

JOSH DUN IMAGINE- HE FINDS OUT YOU SELF HARM

In a world full of so much pain and suffering, it was always the little things that set you off.   Tonight, it was a candle.  

You were at a party, one you never wanted to attend in the first place.  But Josh had begged, and you were never very good at saying no.  He was mingling, the outgoing one of the two of you, constantly smiling and interacting with anyone and everyone.  

It was one of those parties with music so loud you had to scream to hear anyone.  You watched a tall man with a sharp, gray suit on lean down so that his mouth was ear-level to another man.  He cupped his hand around the man’s ear, like he was about to tell a secret, but instead bellowed out directions to the nearest bathroom.  You shook your head, wondering why on earth anyone would want to listen to Kayne this loud ever.  

There was probably enough booze to intoxicate the entire city, but then again, LA parties were the real deal.  These were Josh’s new people.  His new life.  You knew you should try to be a part of it, but looking around at the company, you couldn’t help but feel extremely out of place.  Fancy dresses and glamorous hair seemed to be a consistent trend for the night.

You sat on the edge of the staircase, tapping your foot anxiously and waiting for Josh to come find you again.  You hoped he wouldn’t be too long.  While you waited, you allowed yourself to take in the full extent of people Josh was spending the majority of his time with now.  

Beauty.  Elegance.  Celebrities.  The closest thing Earth had to Gods.  You suddenly feel so, so small.  Acknowledging everyone around you was a bad idea.  So you choose to focus on something a little less personified.  

There is a burning candle across the room.  You find it odd that there’s an open flame around so much liquor.  But you quickly become entranced with the fire.  Watching as it whips and flickers with small gusts of wind you pretend to also feel.  

You suddenly imagine what it would feel like to run your skin across the flame.  You imagine the sharp burning feeling and your stomach settles slightly.  You imagine watching your skin go from pink to blistered, the transition always so captivating.   You imagine all the tension and anxiety boiling under your skin flooding to the area of injury instead, away from your mind.   You knew you had to let it out.

The idea had been planted, and well, there was no going back now.

You didn’t realize how clammy your hands had gotten until you were patting them down on your jeans, standing up from the stairs and looking around for Josh.

He wasn’t in eye sight.  

Perfect.  

You pushed your way through crowds of people, not really bothering to apologize for stepped on toes.

“Y/N!” someone calls out.  You cringe, wanting nothing more than to disappear amongst the people and easily slip outside.  But you turn around.

Tyler was making his way towards you.

“Hey, Ty,” you murmur, rubbing the back of your neck.  “Listen, I gotta go-“ your mind was too focused on thoughts of razor blades and lighters.  You were unable to really focus on speaking.  “If you see Josh just tell him I left for me?”

Tyler gives you a puzzled look.  But you don’t stick around for an explanation.  You turn around and break through the clogged area of people.

You thought you’d breathe easier once you were outside.  You were wrong.  

Your chest still felt heavy.  Heavy with thoughts of being you.  You thought about the people back there.  The girls in fancy dresses and boys in brand new suits.  You cringed at the thought of Josh being exposed to that kind of allure on a daily basis, and then having to come home to you.  

You wished you could disappear.  Fade into the nothingness that you represented.  

Normally you would practice all those coping mechanisms your therapist told you about.  Deep breathing.  Challenging the negative thoughts.  Telling someone.  Something like that.  Yeah right.  There wasn’t a single part of you that wanted to talk yourself out of this.  Because what your therapist didn’t know was that this was your coping mechanisms.  Your demons ran a lot deeper than cuts.  

You carefully unlocked the front door to your apartment.  You threw your purse on the counter, stripping off your sweatshirt and leaving it in a heap on the floor.  You made your way to the bathroom, immediately flicking on both the fan and the light.  The humming noise soothed you.  

You’d be smart about it, you thought as you removed the razor blade from your eyeliner sharpener.  None of that horizontal lines up the arm shit.  That was too obvious.  Josh would see.  You’d space them out.  One or two on the arm.  A few on the thighs.  The rest on your hips or sides.  Areas Josh wouldn’t notice.  

You fell to the floor, cradling the piece of metal between your fingertips.  You let the thoughts consume you.  If you were gonna do this, you might as well go all out.  

Worthless.  Never going to be good enough.  A nobody.  You didn’t belong in that world.  You didn’t belong in the same room as those people.  Josh had become those people.  It took you this long to realize.  Josh wasn’t the same, Columbus born and raised, kid he used to be.  He had fancy suits and knew the names of producers.  

You thought of the flame.  Flickering and doing all it could.  It burned and shined and still went completely unnoticed in a room full of those people.

You brought the metal to your upper arm, pressing and dragging the blade across.  You thought you could hear a crack, then you felt the slight tug of your skin tearing.  You watched, entranced as blood appeared, small droplets forming in places you might have pressed a little harder.  It took a moment for your body to react to the trauma, but eventually your blood started to collect, dripping down your arm.  It was so bright, so beautifully contrasting against your pale skin.  

It wasn’t enough.  

You placed the blade on the same spot and dug in deeper, this time going back and forth once each.  More blood flowed, leaving traces on your skin.  It reminded you of being little and riding in the backseat of the car while it rained.  You remember being so entranced with the raindrops flowing across the glass, leaving streaks in their wake, racing to a place you only wish you knew about.

Your blood was like rain.  

You found a new spot and cut again.

It wasn’t enough.

And again.  

You stuck your tongue out in concentration, your mind had gone a little foggy, but you needed to focus.  Your first cut was still bleeding steadily, but it fascinated you, so you tried lining up the razor blade for one more swipe.  

You pushed a little harder than intended.  

You probably should be worried about the amount of blood rushing from your skin.

But it was too beautiful to be scared.

You finally felt lighter as you watched your pain stream down your arm.  

The rest of your senses had dulled.  You didn’t hear the front door slam shut.  You didn’t hear Josh calling your name, or him knocking.

Your first thought when Josh pushes open the door is that you probably should have thought to lock it.  Your second instinct is to cover the blood.

You collect the towel on the floor beside you in a hurry, curling up and trying to make yourself look as small and discrete as possible.  You cover the cuts, desperate and ashamed.  

You’ll probably never forget the look on Josh’s face.  

His eyes are wide, his mouth slightly open.  He freezes, taking in the horror flick in front of him before he responds.  

He quickly rushes to the closet, pulling out as many towels as he can.  He rushes to the sink, wetting a washcloth before kneeling down beside you.  

You hear his knees clank as they collide with the tiled floor.  

You look up at him, feeling slightly dazed and very confused.  

His mouth is moving.  But you can’t really understand what he’s saying.  The cool water on the washcloth feels nice, until he’s putting pressure on it with his fingers, making it sting.  

You blink sharply, sitting up and trying to break away from his grasp.

“Shh,” he’s saying, his voice suddenly coming into focus.

It hurts.

“It’s okay,” Josh is saying. His arm wrapping around your front, pulling you back and he holds you in place.

That’s when the crying starts.

Completely out of nowhere, a sob originating from the darkest, deepest part inside of you erupts.  The cry cuts through the air, and suddenly everything hurts.  Your stupid cuts, your stomach, your chest.  You want to go to that place the raindrops did.  You want to go.

“Josh-“ you’re pleading, unsure of what you’re really asking for.  You want it to stop.

“Shh, baby, it’s okay,” Josh is crying too.  He’s got you cradled in his lap now, like a small child.  A small, bloody child.  “I’m here,” he’s whispering, rocking with you back and forth.  

You’re grabbing at the arm he has barred against your chest, your fingers digging into his skin.  His face is next to yours, his chin resting on your shoulder, his cheek pressed against your own.  You wished you could feel it, but the pain inside you was all you could focus on.

“I’m here, I’m here, baby,” he’s saying, over and over.  The sound of his voice is making you ache more.  “I’m right here.”

It takes you a while before you can breathe again.  Even then, it’s not proper.  It’s all choking sounds and gasping.  But you’re not sobbing anymore, so Josh takes that as a sign to help get you to your feet.

You feel dead inside.  The pain is replaced with numbness, and honestly, you’re not sure which was worse.  

He gently is stepping over bloody towels and leading you to the sink.  He unwraps the bloody washcloth from your wrist gently, peeling back parts that had dried on.  

You stare at the remnants of your self hatred.  Three, deep cuts.  Ugly and horrifying.  Matching the rest of the decor.  

Josh helps you sit on the toilet lid.  You look blankly ahead, only vaguely aware of him getting another washcloth from the cabinet.  

He kneels in front of you, getting in the way of your vacant stare.  Your eyes latch on to him instead, following his movements as he gently starts dabbing at the bits of blood left on your skin.  He’s so articulate and gentle, concentrating so hard at the task.

You’re suddenly overcome with an immense amount of guilt.  

How could you do this to Josh?  How could you put him through all this?

Here he was, again, cleaning up your chaos and destruction.  

“I’m sorry,” you croak out.  Your voice is a mess of raspy breathes.  But it’s comprehendible.  

Josh closes his eyes, the washcloth freezing in place.

He’s shaking his head.

You look down, the embarrassment and shame of what you’d done starting to sink in.  You wished you could tell what Josh was thinking.  But he’s not saying anything.  The silence makes you want to disappear.

Finally, “Let’s just get this all cleaned up, yeah?”

His voice is soft.  You wish you could decipher it.  

Once Josh is done cleaning and bandaging you up, he discards the washcloth in the trash.  There was no going back from all those stains.  He leads you to the bedroom, gently helping you out of your clothes.  He leaves you briefly to get a sweatshirt from his closet.  

The moment you slip it on, you feel safe.  Maybe you’ll add Josh’s clothes to your list of coping mechanisms for next time.  

Josh is peeling back the sheets on your side of the bed.  You walk over and he holds the blankets up for you to climb under.  

It feels strange having Josh tuck you in.  You feel like a child again.  

Your eyes are heavy.  The events of the evening have completely wiped you out.  But you doubt you’ll be sleeping anytime soon.  

You lay on your side, the blankets grasped in your fist, tucked so tightly underneath your chin.  You’re surprised when the bed dips beside you.  You’re even more surprised when Josh scoots over, slinging his arm around your middle and cuddling behind you.

You immediately exhale when he comes in contact with you.  You feel so safe wrapped up in his arms.  

You hold his arm tightly, part of you wanting to make sure he stays put throughout the night.

Josh must sense your uneasiness because he leans over and presses his soft lips to your cheek.  “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers before fitting his head comfortably behind yours.  

You fall into a deep, settled sleep like that.  Your breathing finally back to normal.

When you wake the next morning, Josh is no longer fit around you.

You rub your tired eyes, sitting up and giving the room a quick glance.  

The happenings of the previous night haunt your mind.  The full impact of what you had done hits you and you can’t help it when the tears start to fall again.  This time from embarrassment and shame.  You had finally let Josh see what a freak you were.  

You couldn’t get a handle on it for one second.  Couldn’t overcome your corrupt mind.  And now Josh knew.  You couldn’t think of anything worse.

You curled yourself into a ball, wrapping your arms around your own middle and crying into the pillow.  Josh knew.  

You felt pathetic.  Useless.  And stupid, stupid, stupid.  

“Hey, hey, hey-“ you hear.

You crack open an eye to see Josh, fully dressed, rushing towards you.  He must’ve heard you crying again.  You shake your head, burying it in the pillow.  You couldn’t look at him.  Not after last night.

He climbs in bed next to you, leaning against the headboard and pulling you into his lap again.  You were getting tired of this whole, ‘helpless child’ act.

“I thought sleeping would make things better,” he said softly.

You let your head rest back into Josh’s chest, the familiar rise and fall was soothing.  

“I’m so sorry, Josh,” was all you could think to say.

“Please,” he said, his voice desperate, “please don’t apologize.”

You shake your head, “I am though,” you sigh, “I’m so sorry, I’m so embarrassed and-“

“Stop,” he cuts you off. “I love you so much.  I wish I’d seen- wish I knew how much you were hurting.  I didn’t- I didn’t even see it.  I wish I could’ve done something, been there-“ he takes a deep breath, “I’m here now, I’m right here.  Not going anywhere.”

Josh was blaming himself.  Josh thought he could’ve done something.  You ache inside.  More guilt.

“No Josh, please, you were there.  I’m just- I’m- I’m fucked up.”

“Don’t say that,” he murmurs.

“It’s true-“

“It’s not true, you’re not.”

“I was at that stupid party last night,” you whisper, “so many people, so much to do, and all I could think about was how every single person in that room was better than me in a million different ways.  It just-“ you exhale sharply, “I just want to be good enough for you.”

You feel Josh stiffen behind you, clutching you tighter than ever.  

“Baby,” he whispers softly, “please- Why would you ever think that?”

You scoff.

“Josh, I’ve never been good enough for anyone in my entire life.  Not you.  Not my parents.  Not my friends.  I’m tired.  I’m tired of it all. I’m not LA.  I don’t fit into that world- I don’t fit into your world.”

“You,” Josh says, pulling back and looking you straight in the eyes.  His coffee eyes bore a hole in you.  “You’re my world.  Not LA, not those fancy parties.  It’s you.  It’s the Skype dates and the butterflies before my flights about to land.  It’s staying in bed all day and getting to hold you while you fall asleep.  The rest is just background.  It’s just there.  But you, you’re my world.”

You let out a desperate sob, burying your face in Josh’s t-shirt.  

You’d have to apologize later for the tear streaks.

“I love you, so much,” Josh breathes.  “I’m never going to let you forget it again.  We’re gonna get through this.  I’ll stay home.  We’ll get help.  It’ll all be okay.  I’ll be here.  You won’t have to be alone.”

Josh’s words sink in and you slowly nod.  

You don’t really believe it all.  But you desperately want to.  And that, along with Josh holding you so close, was enough for now.  

anonymous asked:

How can i build self confidence

Hi there lovely,

I have some awesome tips for you and some links :)

Steps to improve self Confidence:

  1. Focus on your strengths – figure out what you are good at! There are plenty of things that you are wonderful at and use those to build your confidence! No one is good at everything so do not fret if you are bad at something! Instead focus on what you are good at and enjoy them!
  2. Learn from your mistakes - you don’t have to be good at everything like mentioned above but use your mistakes to your advantage! Don’t worry about them- live and learn!
  3. Do what you love – make time everyday to do something you enjoy! Do something that makes you happy to improve your mood!
  4. Tell yourself you are beautiful - stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are ! Keep telling yourself and fake it until you make it! Really mean what you are saying a realize all of the beautiful things about you - including any flaws ( they make you unique!)
  5. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones – instead of thinking your legs are big or whatever your problem is, be thankful you have working legs that you can run marathons with if you wanted! Try to stay optimistic and see the positive side of everything! It will greatly improve your mood and outlook on life!
  6. Realize that beauty has no measure on your life. Okay even if someone is not beautiful that has no relevance to one’s life ! Everyone has worth and is amazing! I am sure you are the prettiest person ever but even if you are not then who really cares? What does it really matter? All that matters is that you are happy and love your life- and that should not be dependent upon whether or not you are pretty.
  7. Weight has no relevance to beauty! Whether you are 100 or 300 pounds you can be beautiful! Please do not relate the two to one another! See this post (:
  8. Spend time with people you love and who love you! It is important to spend time with loved ones! They will boost your mood and confidence! If people have a negative impact on your life then you don’t have to spend time with them! Don’t feel like you must stick around for everyone! You have to put yourself first and make sure you are happy! Don’t let others drag you down!
  9. Remember that life is simple - the sun rises and the sun sets, we just tend to complicate the process. Remember the simplicity in life and let it help you to stay calm and stay focused on the important things! Love yourself and love your life! Enjoy it while you can and don’t let everything stress you out so much!
  10. Be generous! Help others, be kind to others, and give when you can. It will spread love and make you feel better as a person.

Now, lets work on changing your thought process. Changing the way you think about things for example, when you have negative thoughts. Try these thoughts instead:

  • I am ugly - I am beautiful
  • I am worthless - I have worth
  • I am sick - I will heal
  • I hate myself - I will learn to love myself
  • I am weak - I am strong, or I wouldn’t be here today
  • I am moody - I have profound emotional depth
  • I am lost - I will find myself
  • I am scared - I have courage
  • I am crazy - It is normal to struggle
  • I am in pain - It’s okay to hurt
  • I am tired - I will not give up
  • I’m not good enough - I am better than “good enough”
  • I can’t change - I can change

Tips to help end self loathing:

  • Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you care about: “What would you say to good friend who was going through the same thing you are going through?” These are important questions. If you hate yourself, you likely say things to yourself that you would not dare say to another person. What would you say to somebody else who has the exact same traits as you? What could you say to yourself?
  • Recognize that beliefs do not equal truths: Often, people believe what they tell themselves. If you think you are a loser, you may believe it is absolute truth. Try this cognitive behavioral technique called “the three C’s”: catch, check, change. Catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself. Check whether your distressing thought is true. Change it, if not. You can talk back to your negative thoughts. Challenge them. Serve as a defense attorney to the prosecutor in your head.
  • Embrace the concept of “good enough”: Many people feel they should be perfect—never angry, always generous, never critical, always right, and so on. These expectations deny that imperfection is the human condition. If you are one of these people with too-high expectations for yourself, ask yourself what is good enough?
  • Consider turning to spirituality or religion: Many spiritual or religious traditions center on the belief that people are flawed but inherently good, not only lovable but also inherently loved. These beliefs can serve as a huge balm for the hurting soul. The practices of meditation and mindfulness, too, can foster feelings of self-compassion as well as loving kindness toward others.
  • If you hate yourself for mistakes you made, make amends: You may be reading this and thinking, “This does not apply to me. I did something so awful that I can never be forgiven.” First, as much as you condemn yourself, ask if you would equally condemn—to their face—someone else who did the same thing. If not, then you are being unfair to yourself. Perhaps you really did do something awful. If you cannot make amends to the person or people you harmed, do something good for somebody else. Beating up on yourself serves nobody. Doing good for others or taking part in a larger movement not only helps others, it helps you—and it can lead to self-forgiveness.

Helpful Links:

Self confidence links:

Hope this helps! <3

Something that really helps me when I get triggered is asking myself the following questions:

1. What just happened that triggered me?

2. What emotions am I feeling? 

3. (If you get an urge to use a behavior) Will using the behavior solve whatever problem/situation that just triggered me? (The answer is pretty much always no)

  • How will using a behavior make me feel afterward?
  • How will it affect the rest of my week?

4. What do I need right now?

  • Do I need comfort? A sense of control? Attention and acknowledgment? Affection? Reassurance? Safety? Support? An escape? To feel seen and heard? A way to quiet my negative thoughts? To have my feelings validated?

5. Is there a healthy, non self-destructive way I can get those needs met?

6. Is their a coping mechanism I can use right now to take care of myself?

  • Can I journal? Watch youtube videos or a movie to distract myself? Doodle or draw out my feelings? Color in a coloring book? Knit? Play with silly puddy or play doe? Cuddle with my cat? Curl up under my covers and listen to calming music? Rip paper or throw ice? Look at pictures online that make me smile and laugh? Go to sleep? Go on a walk? Write out a dialogue to challenge my negative thoughts? Take a bath? Light a candle? Meditate and do deep breathing?

7. Is there someone I can call/text/reach out to to get me through this?

  • (Maybe you could make a 911 list of phone numbers that you can use in the moment for support when you feel triggered)

8. Is there somewhere else I can go that will help me feel safe and calm myself down?

  • Your bed? The beach? A park you love? A bookstore? The house of a friend or family member? A coffee shop? Your favorite store? 

9. What would I tell a friend or loved one to do to take care of themselves/challenge the negative thoughts that are coming up, if they were in my position?

10. Have I been triggered by this before? 

  • What have I done in the past to cope that hasn’t worked?
  • What have I done in the past to cope that has worked?
  • Can I do whatever I did in the past that worked to take care of myself right now, in this moment?

It also might be helpful to develop your own self-care mantra.

Part of what makes triggers so uncomfortable and scary for me personally is that, in the moment, they feel like they’re going to last forever. But they don’t. They always pass eventually. That said, my mantra is about reminding myself that the painful feelings are going to pass. I usually say something to myself like:

  • “Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Keep breathing. Again and again. I know it hurts. I know you’re so uncomfortable. But you have to keep breathing. This will pass. Remember all of the times you’ve felt this way before and how each time, it eventually subsided and you found peace. Not immediately. Sometimes it took an hour or two hours or a few days or even a week, but the discomfort always passed in it’s own time. No is no different. You can get through this. Breathe. This will pass. I promise it will pass.”

I know that dealing with triggers can be so, so difficult, especially when they can’t be avoided. So if you try some of these things, or any sort of positive coping mechanism, and it doesn’t work, please, please don’t think that you’re a failure at recovery/healing. 

Taking care of yourself when you’ve been triggered is difficult and it takes time to get to a place where you can do it effectively. So be patient and compassionate with yourself through this process. You’re going to do the best you can to cope with painful situations and triggering people, and at the end of the day, that’s all you can ask of yourself. 

Your best is enough. And no matter how much you struggle with taking care of yourself and avoiding self-destructive thought-patterns and behaviors, you are enough.

Sending love,

Daniell

anonymous asked:

How do you stop feeling like you're unlovable?

Hey. 

I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way, it’s a terrible experience to feel unloved. Just remember that you are never alone. You are in no way, shape, or form unlovable, that is your illness lying to you. I know that it’s easier to say that than to believe it but you have to try to hold onto that. 

I have some self care resources to help you feel better:

Also here are some links to help overcome what you’re going through:

Take care. - Jay

The ABC Skill: Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions

In DBT, the content of the Emotion Regulation unit can be broken down into three main categories: 

  1. How to identify and understand your emotions–there are no specific DBT Skills that fall into this category, but the content is still an important foundation that the other two categories build on. 
  2. How to change or regulate your emotional responses–this includes Skills like Check the Facts, Opposite Action (link coming soon), and Problem Solving. 
  3. How to reduce your emotional vulnerability–these two Skill sets are known as ABC PLEASE.

This post is going to start covering content from the third category.  This category is incredibly important because not only will they aid you in becoming less vulnerable to crisis, but it will actually give you direction for how to build a life that you want to live–a life you have choice and control in, that is founded on positives rather than simply surviving day-to-day, crisis-to-crisis.  You want to have as much content from this third category in your life as possible in order to counter, to balance, and ultimately to supersede your Bad Days with Good Days.  This doesn’t mean the Bad Days will go away entirely, but it does mean you will have more emotional reserves (or spoons) to minimize the scale and effect of each crisis you encounter.

1. What is the ABC Skill?

The ABC Skill is really three separate Skills all rolled into one acronym because they work towards the same general goal.  Each letter represents one whole Skill that can exist independently of the other letters, which is why I’ve decided to break up the post on the ABC Skill into three posts that address one component each. 

The three components of ABC are:

  • A: Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions
  • B: Build Mastery
  • C: Cope Ahead

The ABC Skill set focuses on how to help you take action in a positive, effective manner that will have both short-term and long-term benefits to your mental health and general well-being.  Basically, these Skills exist to make your life better by reducing your vulnerability to Emotion Mind and to stress-triggered or stress-aggravated symptoms of BPD.

2. What is meant by Accumulating Positive Experiences and what is the point?

The A component of the ABC Skill is Accumulate Positive Experiences/EmotionsThis means doing things that you can genuinely enjoy, participate mindfully in, experience happiness or joy as a result, all without judging yourself or feeling guilty.  It’s important that when Accumulating Positive Experiences, you do so Mindfully because it can actually be fairly difficult to do things you enjoy when your life is dominated by distressing symptoms, bad experiences, and negative emotions. 

You might find that your depression has significantly impaired your ability to find enjoyment in the things that you used to really enjoy.  You might find that your anxiety discourages you from trying new things that might be enjoyable because you’re too afraid that you won’t actually enjoy them, or that you’ll fail, or that others will judge you.  You might find that your paranoia or hypervigilance from trauma makes it almost impossible to fully Participate in an activity that you would otherwise enjoy because you’re always on edge and don’t know how to relax anymore.

You might find that your mental illness has skewed your thinking to be so negative that you no longer see any point of seeking out positive experiences because the positive feelings that come from those experiences won’t last.  You might worry that the negative thoughts and feelings will quickly return and it’ll be all the more disappointing and distressing when you fall back down again.  It’s hard to keep getting back up and trying again when your mental illness keeps knocking you down–it might even seem safer or less harmful to not even try to get back up again because you want to protect yourself from as much hurt as possible. 

When it comes to disorders like BPD, this is a constant battle we wage between ourselves and our illness.  It’s a battle that we will likely be fighting for a long, long time.  We have ups and downs but the ups never last long enough and it can be incredibly discouraging and disheartening, which makes it harder to endure the downs.  DBT aims to provide you the tools you need to fight and win these battles by teaching you Skills that you otherwise would not have at your disposal. 

By Accumulating Positive Experiences/Emotions you effectively replenish your emotional reserves, reduce your vulnerabilities, and give yourself a reason to pick yourself back up after getting knocked down again.  The goal of Accumulating Positive Experiences/Emotions is to increase your “ups” by making those ups more frequent, longer in duration, and more stable. 

Accumulating Positive Experiences/Emotions is one component of reclaiming your life from your mental illness, to re-learn how to live a life that isn’t entirely dominated by the day-to-day struggle to survive and endure. It shifts the focus from enduring or fending off negative experiences/emotions to actually seeking out positive experiences/emotions and enjoyingThe goal is to slowly fill your life up with these positive experiences so you’re fighting those battles less often.  Accumulating Positive Experiences/Emotions serves both short-term and long-term purposes: reducing your emotional vulnerability, while also helping you build a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to you.

3. How to Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions in the Short-Term

The point of Accumulating Positive Experiences/Emotions in the short-term is to do pleasant things that are possible now.  Your BPD symptoms (or symptoms of other comorbid disorders as previously mentioned) might make it very difficult for you to enjoy much of what you used to be able to enjoy, so it’s important to take baby-steps and have hopeful but realistic expectations. 

Do small and simple things that you can enjoy as you are in this moment, and slowly build yourself up to being able to attempt bigger experiences that may be more meaningful or fulfilling.  Sometimes small, simple, and silly things can be meaningful too, because every positive feeling you make for yourself should be considered a victory when you generally feel miserable.

You Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions in the short term by:

  1. Start building positive experiences now.  Don’t delay or avoid, don’t tell yourself you haven’t done anything today to “deserve” to have a positive experience today.  You may not feel entirely comfortable spending your time on something positive for yourself, at least not right away, but this is one of those times where it’s okay to give yourself a little push.  Remember, positive experiences are good! They’re positive experiences because they don’t have negative components or consequences.  They aren’t supposed to result in feeling bad or feeling worse–they’re solely meant to benefit you in a positive and enjoyable way.  Start small and work your way up.

    Increase pleasant events that lead to positive emotions.  Try to work up to doing one pleasant thing each day–it doesn’t have to be different each day but you should try a variety of things to broaden your experiences eventually.  The List of Pleasant Events is a good place to start for ideas.  You can also make your own List of Pleasant Events/Activities and print it out, highlight it, stick it to your wall or your fridge–somewhere you’ll see it regularly–and work through it at your own pace. 

    If you find yourself avoiding doing your Pleasant Events, practice Opposite Action (link coming soon).

  2. Be mindful of positive experiences.  Focus your attention on positive moments when they are happening.  Use your Mindfulness What Skills and How Skills to do this.  Don’t multitask!  Dedicate this time to your Pleasant Event and to your experience of the Pleasant Event only.  You want to Participate and engage fully in each experience, soak up the positive feelings or thoughts or sensations. 

    Being mindful of your enjoyment will help you recall the experience at a later date, such as when you’re in crisis and are having a hard time remembering or believing that you have had or could ever have positive experiences and emotions.  If you find your mind wandering to negative territory during your Pleasant Event, refocus your attention or Turn Your Mind towards the positive.

  3. Be unmindful of worries.  It’s rare to ever be told to be unmindful of something in DBT, but this is one of those times when you don’t want to give any mental attention to thoughts or feelings you may have if they are negative and detracting from the positive experience.  You might have worries such as thinking about when the positive experience will end or what will happen after it ends; you might worry about whether you deserve this positive experience; you also might worry that others might expect much more from you now that you were able to expend the effort required to do this one Pleasant Event for yourself; etc. 

    Gently push away these thoughts if you cannot avoid acknowledging them.  Rehearse some affirmations or “challenges” to counter these kinds of thoughts.  These thoughts might be rooted in deeply-held personal beliefs about emotions and about yourself (a list of such myths and possible challenges to them will be written at a later date), so counter-arguments (“challenges”) may not come easily to you in the beginning, or you may not truly believe those affirmations or counter-arguments yet.  It takes time.

    Keep trying!  Remember, if we don’t challenge our negative thoughts/feelings or allow ourselves to have positive thoughts/feelings, then we won’t be able to accumulate positive experiences because we will always stay in one place, restricted by our negative experiences.  It may take you several tries, dozens and dozens of tries before you can effectively challenge, push away, or be unmindful of these types of negative thoughts, but it is possible.

4. How to Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions in the Long-Term

The point of Accumulating Positive Experiences/Emotions in the long-term is to make changes in your life so that positive events will happen more often in the future.  This is commonly referred to as “building a life worth living” but honestly I believe that all lives are already worth living, they just may not be lives that we want to live.  So I prefer to say that the long-term goal of Accumulating Positive Experiences is to build a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to you–a life that you want to have.  The way you make these changes is to live according to your values.

These are the steps that you would take in order to Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions in the Long-Term

  1. Avoid avoiding: Start now to do what is needed to build the life you want.  You need to make the active choice to pursue Accumulating Positive Experiences and be an active part of that accumulation, rather than hoping that these experiences will just happen by chance.  If you’re not sure about what to do or how to do it, follow the steps as a guide.

  2. Identify values that are important to you: Ask yourself, what values are really important to me in my life? What things to I want to be the foundation of my life? It’s okay if these things change as your identity shifts, and it’s also okay if these values are not 100% firm.  It’s also okay if the values you identify conflict somewhat.  What matters is that you have an idea of what is meaningful to you and the general direction you want to take your life in.  See the List of Values and Priorities for guidance.

  3. Identify one value to work on now.  Ask yourself, what is really important to me, right now, to work on in my life?  That thing may not end up being something you would value under other circumstances, but this is the step where you take your present situation into account.  From where you are at this point in time, what would benefit you the most to work on? What do you deeply want more of in your life that you currently lack, that is within your power to obtain for yourself? Your criteria for determining which value you work on first could be all sorts of things, as long as–at the core–it is about bringing something positive into your life that will make you enjoy or value your life more.

  4. Identify a few goals related to this value.  Ask yourself what specific goals you can work on that will make this value a part of my life?  This value becomes the guiding force behind your goals.  These goals can be small or more ambitious, but make sure these are things that you can work towards right away.  You don’t want to choose goals here that you wouldn’t be able to start working on until a number of future conditions have been met, though it is important to be aware of these sorts of long-term, complex goals.  The idea here is to make things as easy as possible for yourself to take definitive steps towards a more enjoyable and fulfilling life.

  5. Choose one goal to work on now.  Do a Pros and Cons, if necessary, to select a goal to work on now.  You might want to start with something small and easily achievable so that you don’t get discouraged.  You also might want to pick a goal that has a strong degree of immediacy to it, meaning that achieving this goal means instant or near instant improvement to your life in a significant way. 

  6. Identify small action steps toward your goal.  What small steps can you take to get to your goal?  This step really helps if executive dysfunction regularly interferes with your ability to set and achieve goals.  Break steps into smaller components, so that each step becomes a series of smaller steps.  It becomes easier to make progress because small tasks don’t seem nearly as daunting as tackling the whole goal at once.

  7. Take one action step now. This is pretty self-explanatory, but you have to make sure you’re actually taking action rather than just making plans and not following through on those plans.  You don’t have to tackle the whole goal in one day–you can just do one or a few of those smaller actions steps if that’s all you can handle today.  

Remember that Accumulating Positive Experiences/Emotions is supposed to make you feel better and make your life more enjoyable–it shouldn’t stress you out, constantly frustrate you, or inconvenience you.   Pursuing goals can sometimes be stressful or frustrating or even inconvenient at times, but the benefits should outweigh the disadvantages.

You can work on Accumulating Positive Experiences/Emotions in the short-term by yourself rather easily, as this Skill lends itself well to working at your own pace and listening to your own desired.  When attempting to Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions in the long-term, though, you may want to work with a therapist or close friend in order to help determine what options are feasible to work on now and what values and goals should be set aside for later, when you are further along in your recovery journey.

Further Reading: List of Values and Priorities, List of Pleasant Events, Intro to Emotion Regulation, How can I build positive experiences?   

TL;DR: Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions is a component of the Emotion Regulation ABC Skill, which is a Skill used to reduce your emotional vulnerabilities.  Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions means slowly filling your life up with positive experiences and feelings in order to make your life less vulnerable to negative feelings and experiences. 

In the short-term, this means doing some sort of pleasant thing that is possible right now, no matter how small and trivial, and doing such a thing every day.  In the long-term, this means living according to your values and allowing your values to guide your goals so that you can restructure your life around enjoying positive experiences instead of enduring negative ones.  Accumulating Positive Experiences means giving your life direction so that you can ultimately build a life that you find personally meaningful and fulfilling.

-Pandora

anonymous asked:

Hi I love you you're great but anywhoodles Do you have any headcanons relating to Zane and his fears/phobias? Sorry if that's too general

Hi i love you even more??? Not too general at all love!! 💕

  • He’s really scared of how easily he can be corrupted if someone were to get their hands on him
  • Can’t die like the rest of them can so he’s not vulnerable in that way, but he’s more vulnerable in other ways
    • Like people can just tear him open and take parts out of him and replace them with whatever they want
    • They can dig through his memory and find out stuff about the people he loves against his will and then use it against them
  • He’s scared that he’s going to see everyone he loves die while he just outlives them all
  • He’s scared of being lonely again
    • there was a time when he was made to forget everything and the people he loves and he was just by himself and he realises now just how lonely he was, he never wants to feel like that again
  • Because he can be and has been so easily controlled against his will, he really needs to be in control of his own decisions. Following Lloyd as the leader is different but when someone tries to control or influence his decisions he freaks. out. please don’t do that he can’t handle it
  • He died for his friends and now whenever one of the team goes off alone he gets so worried that they’ll be doing the same
  • He’s a robot so he doesn’t sleep properly, he has to shut himself down to sleep and that means he can’t sense things and wake up to make sure everyone is OK or help if something went wrong
    • he doesn’t need to sleep but again he gets lonely, so he stays up and talks to Pixal all the time
  • Everyone relies on him a lot because he’s so smart and he is stress because he doesn’t know everything!! What if he said the wrong thing and someone gets hurt for it!!
  • doesn’t like to fight with the guys because he’s expendable, right? They can just replace him and then he would have no friends to make him happy :(( so he tries his best not to disagree. The guys are like “Zane wth we’re always going to love you no matter what"
  • A fear of heights!!! Heights are dangerous he has too many children to look after for this
  • Gets uncomfortable if someone has hardly knows starts asking personal questions about how he works and stuff because he is suspicious he’s like why do you want to know do you want to build an evil army of me???? And they’re like what no but Zane is just >:(
  • So we see in season 5 that he’s afraid of Morro which I actually find pretty interesting? It’s not the overlord, who killed him, it’s not Chen who kidnapped him, it’s this new villain they’ve know hardly anything about and I think there are some interesting reasons as to why that might be
    • Technically, Morro is unbeatable in the beginning. He’s possessing Lloyd who and so to kill Morro they would have to kill Lloyd, and even then Morro could probably just leave his form and be fine, so yeah they can’t actually defeat him until Morro leaves Lloyd which he’s not gonna do
    • Because Morro is in Lloyd’s head, he knows everything. He knows about all the team’s weaknesses, their strengths, he probably knows them better than they know each other
    • If Morro were to threaten them with Lloyd, which he eventually does, they would have no other choice but to do what he asked
    • Even if Morro wasn’t possessing Lloyd, they might not be somewhere where water is available, because at that time they didn’t have Nya
    • It was 4 v 1 and he still beat them
    • What the hell else is sensei hiding from them? Why did he not tell them sooner? Is there more to Morro than he’s letting on? Is there more he can do?
    • Probably more but I can’t think of any currently I’m sure more will come to me ajdjsj

never fear have some nice stuff about overcoming fears

  • gets stressed cause he feels like he’s letting everyone down but they’re like no zane it’s ok everyone has things they’re scared of?
    • cole is terrified of moths, jay is ironically afraid of storms (that he’s not making), kai and nya are both afraid of snakes (learned behaviour for the win), Lloyd has a lot of phobias which I shan’t delve into rn
    • but basically they’re just tryina make zane feel better! because just cause he’s a robot doesn’t mean he has to be perfect and fearless
  • he and cole have a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig heart to heart about letting people down and honestly zazen feels so much better afterwards he’s like?? wow talking about your problems actually helps?? thanks cole
  • zane totally blames himself for garmadon dying because in a weird chain of events: chen turned into an anacondrai because took their powers, they were in the tournament because zane got captured, zane got captured because he blew himself up singlehandedly saving ninjago, so yeah he feels responsible
    • so he and Lloyd then have a heart to heart because zane now loves talking about his feelings and Lloyd is like zane literally for a nindroid that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said
    • but they have a happy chat and zane is relieved
  • the best way to overcome your fears is to practice!!! and he’s not sure about how to expose himself to his fears because they’re more internal thoughts than an action he can control but he has a good old chat with his subconscious because he loves this new found talking it out skill and he starts to challenge some of the negative thoughts he has
  • the guys make sure to be reassuring too
    • because they accidentally leave zane out of stuff cause they’re like “he doesn’t get it he wont wanna be involved”
    • but now they’ve started explaining stuff to him like jokes and games etc so if he wants to join in he can, he has a choice rather than them shutting him out

Ask me ninjago headcanons!

To Do in 2017

1. To celebrate Valentine’s Day, Easter, Christmas, Birthdays and any other “silly” celebrations… they may be social constructs, but they make life fun.. they give days meaning.

2. To find balance within each facet of your life. Balance is of utmost importance, not perfection.

3. To cherish those who are in your life. Make an effort. Connect. Appreciate. And do so often.

4. To make life interesting by holding yourself back less. Act upon urges. Acknowledge gut feelings.

5. To smile (even when you have every reason not to). That thing you’re worrying about, does it really matter?

6. To remove oneself from people, situations and behaviours that feel negative or leave you drained. Vibes are important.

7. To empower, accept, love and care for oneself. Feed yourself nutritious food, moisturise your skin, take bubble baths, drink tea, exercise, meditate, read, deactivate social media, play music… whatever works for you. Every body is beautiful… from skin folds and wrinkles, to hair strands and freckles. Listen to your body and love every part of you.

8. To reverse negative thinking. Challenge each negative thought with three positive thoughts. Underlying negative experiences, beliefs, doubts or fears that provoke unhealthy thought patterns must be understood. Growth mindsets serve us. You have so much power within.

9. To travel and tick experiences off of your bucket list. Adventures, hikes and road trips will always be fun.

Study Session // jjk

jeon jungkook x reader

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

in which you have trouble staying focused while studying, so your boyfriend helps you out by quizzing you with a twist.

smut; masturbation, thigh kink, teasing, toys, and more

words: 3,200+

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey what is therapy like? Cause I've been wanting to kms for like 7 years but I've never seen anyone about it. I should probably do something about it but I literally cannot talk about it face to face with anyone. Like I just can't talk about my feelings irl. So I don't know if anything good will come from it. Just wondering what therapy involves cause idk. I need to make up my mind soon cause I'm in my early 20s so beyond blue won't be here forever for me to access.

I would definitely recommend seeing someone
Therapy is hard at first and can be very challenging to talk about things you haven’t spoken about before but it is so rewarding

It might help to write some stuff down for the first session and give that to them so they can ask questions and stuff

You’ll probably be asked to do the DAS test (it might be different in other countries idk but it’s just Depression Anxiety and Stress) to see your levels and how severe it is etc

If you do CBT you might get given some homework and stuff, when I did it it was all about challenging the negative thoughts so I got a lot of worksheets to do which helped a lot to find new ways to think about something (if that makes sense) & I had to write in a journal which my therapist read but you might not do that idk everyone is different

Even though you’ll probably be super nervous before it I definitely recommend you see someone & not bail on it or anything
Even if you switch up therapists for a bit to find someone you’re comfy with that’s okay
It took me like five years to find a therapist I’m comfy with and now I love her and I’m glad I didn’t give up on therapy

Tips on how to be more positive

{Credit to the artist}

💖Listen to music that gives off the same mood you want to be in.
💖Eat healthy.
💖Make a sunshine file or box.
-Fill this box/file full of your happy pictures, sweet letters, love notes, print off your screenshots of your messages. Then reread them when you need them the most.
💖Surround yourself with positive people.
💖Practice positivity.
-Just the way a photographer eventually starts seeing the world in pictures, there are things we can all do to eventually see the world in a positive light. 
💖Set goals.
💖Challenge negative thoughts with positive ones.
💖Get a pet.
- Your pet does not have to be have to be anything high maintenance like a brand new puppy. Ferrets , chinchillas, gerbils, & even cats are low maintenance.
💖Make you’re home a positive place to be.
💖Ask yourself if it really matters.
💖Encourage others.
💖Remember it’s all you!!!

I’ve been Fully Committed to Recovery for 18 months!!!!!!

I am going to take a moment to reflect on my progress in the past 18 months. I want to acknowledge my progress and give myself credit, but I also want to share this so that other’s can hear a success story (in progress) and hopefully feel reassured that even when things feel impossible, they will get better.

Eighteen months ago… on October 29th, 2014 I made the decision to fully commit to recovery. 

  • I didn’t have a treatment team, and I was very hesitant. 
  • At the time, I was not doing it for myself, but for a friend I really cared about.
  • I was constantly anxious and unable to be alone for very long without feeling like I was going to be alone forever.
  • I relied mostly on the “Recovery Record” app and my close friend to stay on track.
  • Recovery was physically painful, and there were a lot of tears. I was terrified of my body’s confusing signals and was often scared something was very wrong physically.

Twelve months ago… April 2015…

  • By this point, I had decided was recovery was something that I wanted for myself (rather than solely for someone else).
  • I’d restored most of my weight, but my mind was still very much disordered.
  • I was seeing a therapist again (since about November).
  • I felt really stuck. I was able to eat consistently, but it was still very disordered.I had no memories of normal eating, and it frustrated and confused me to imagine that there was even a such thing as normal eating. 
  • I did not believe at all that I would ever be able to fully recover, and I thought a lot about what would happen if I never recovered.

Six months ago… October 2015…

  • I began an IOP program (the same one I had participated in in 2013).
  • I told myself I was going to give it my all and fully recover.
  • I felt as though I wasn’t making progress, so I withdrew from school to focus. (It helped a lot).
  • I still could not imagine what it would be like to be fully recovered. I still felt pretty hopeless that this would ever be a reality, but I settled with the idea of a partial recovery and decided to work towards that.
  • I began hesitantly challenging rules and rituals and slowly making mental progress.

Now… May 2016…

  • My body has found it’s set weight point, and I’ve maintained since November. For the most part, I no longer struggle to find clothes that I look “ok” in each morning. I can look at myself and have positive thoughts!
  • I’ve worked through difficult memories, and I truly have learned to love myself!
  • My anxiety has decreased at least ten-fold. 
  • I BELIEVE RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE. I am so close now, and I can imagine myself living a life fully recovered. I can see myself eating intuitively, exercising intuitively, thinking healthily. I can see it guys!!
  • I can challenge negative thoughts. I can pull myself out of a negative mood. I don’t have to rely on anyone else to “fix” it. I am able to take care of myself!!
  • AND SO MUCH MORE!!!

I still am working on some things, but I’ve made SO much progress. I made the decision to fully recover, never imagining I would be able to; but here I am, finish-line in sight, still moving forward.

I have learned to love myself, and I am the reason I’ve come this far. 

There is hope if you keep fighting even when you don’t believe in it!

Day 30: Feel free to express your AoD feels, the sequels getting cancelled, anything you want about the game!

I want to say many things and still it would not express enough how much I love this game and what it means to me. Still, though I think I’ve ranted enough, I cannot be calm about AoD. I’ve never been so passionate about something for so many years. This year it’s going to be 14 years since its release and I feel the same way about AoD as if it was brand new. Maybe I am more in love with it and more angry about the stuff people babble about it. I would love to finish this challenge without any negative thoughts but I won’t be able to avoid it.

Tomb Raider was my first fandom ever and I have so many fond memories of it. I left it after AoD because I couldn’t take the shit spreading through it, (especially about AoD) and because Crystal Dynamics. People seem to be blind or totally ignorant, unable to look past the glitches and errors and see the potential of it. The soundtrack, the story, the characters, the voice cast… everything is amazing in this game. I miss the old times when people took a game as a whole and didn’t look only on the visual aspect. We got to the age when the storytelling is the necessary part but nobody cares if it’s shitty - when the game looks ‘’real and has great graphics’’, people will take no matter what’s served to them. AoD was all this. It was real, human - more than their moaning Laraboot - and had something more: a quality. 

Since the franchise belongs to Crystal Shitnamics, I stopped to be interested in what’s new. They just exploit a brand that once meant something. The original games in times of Core Design were fun, I loved the fact we got to explore so many places, fight for artifacts, solve puzzles, stuck at those puzzles. This all was packed in a great storytelling. It was a challenge to play TR games. What we get from Crystal is a boring search for parents or a shooting-every-minute moaning girl. Their reboot changed a complete picture of Lara/TR and nothing was left. Their character is NOT Lara. 

AoD was the only reboot that was needed. Core people and Murti brought something totally new and unexpected in both - storyline and character development. Yet they kept her personality intact. It was still the old Lara we knew, we loved. The potential of this game and its planned sequels were immense. It was a big plan, big project, original. Many elements of the trilogy became popular in later movies or games. The game itself looks fabulously and still the effort for it didn’t affect the act of storytelling. To this day, I still find new things about this game when playing it - there’s always someting new to discover. Nothing in this game is done in vain, every cutscene, every move, every word, every face expression has its meaning, has purpose. 

What saddens me the most is what became of this fandom. The fact we are so divided is a mess.Though I totally despise the direction it has taken, I have nothing against the new era of fans. I totally respect people like the new Crystal era. What I don’t like is the way people attack AoD without any knowledge or research and bash something they have no idea about. And it’s not only fans but journalists, too, who repeat the same old shit about the game, for example that there are no tombs. Oh please, it takes you like 10 seconds to google it and find that there ARE tombs in AoD and if Core had more time, there would have been more of them. If any game lacks tombs it’s reboot and Rise. A game that is called Tomb Raider having optional tombs?! Really???
Moreover, to see how Square and Crystal feed on this and their hypocritical behaviour just add fuel to the flame. Their sentences are so disrespectful of the classic Lara, TR and mainly Core Design, it makes me puke. They wouldn’t be here without them. So much for gratefulness.

I miss Lara so much. I miss Kurtis. I miss everything about Core Design. I am grateful I could grow up with these games and found many great people thanks to it. 

To the anon whose life is breaking into pieces

I see your pain. I feel your sadness.

It’s okay to be sad. You can be sad and mad and frustrated and lost and worried and scared and empty. There is no right way to face mental illness. There is no right way to feel when you are facing a problem that seems to crush the life out of you.

There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s okay if you aren’t okay.

It’s okay to feel like everything is really hard. Because it is.

And…

It won’t feel that way forever.

You’ll learn to say “I’m not okay.” You’ll learn to speak the truth of how you feel. And you’ll be sitting in a doctor’s office, sitting in a friend’s bedroom, sitting next to a loved one while you cry.

And they will wipe the tears from your face and say “let’s make a plan.”

You’ll do it. You’ll get a treatment plan. A safety plan for coping with your darkest days. Exercises in mindfulness, meditation, deep breathing, progressive relaxation. Medications to try. Phone numbers to call and say “I’m feeling down and want to get my mind off things. Want to hang out?”

You’ll stumble through trial and error. You’ll start to notice things that work.

And for weeks and months, you will try to get better. You will try so hard.

You will step outside and feel the sun on your skin.

You’ll watch videos of cats chasing laser pointers and laugh until you cry.

You’ll comfort sad loved ones.

You’ll shriek and jump and clap your hands and spin and run and do all the things you couldn’t remember how to do before.

You’ll manage your work, break things into pieces, learn how to have fun again without being weighed down by guilt. Work won’t be easy per se, but it won’t crush you under oceans of books. You’ll deal with it, and be okay.

And… you’ll relapse too.

The bad thoughts will creep in. Tough circumstances will shake you. And in the dark of night, you will whisper to yourself, “Am I going to go through the same thing all over again?”

Only, it will be different.

You will scroll through your contacts list, visit your friends’ favorite hangouts. She is busy today; can she text you about dinner plans for this weekend? He is hanging around, looking for company, and there you are. You talk about things. You challenge negative thoughts, use mindfulness, and practice loving kindness meditation. You make a plan to tackle the problem that spurred the relapse.

And you realize you are stronger this time.

Others think of strength and imagine a rock alone, in a turbulent sea, standing tall despite the waves that batter it. They do not realize just how lonely it is to stand in that storm.

While you think of strength as hands: hands reaching out, hands holding hands, hands writing strategies, hands working towards a better future. Warm hands, flexible hands, hands that aren’t alone.

Your new strength comes from asking for help. It comes from the courage to say “I’m not okay.” It comes from adaptations. It comes from knowing that sometimes, your best move is to quit.

And it is this new strength that pulls you through.

You fix things. You quit things. You start things. You make mistakes, and learn from them. You laugh. You love. You reach out. You are so, so thankful for the life you have today. It’s different, but it’s yours.

You look back and say “That was a very dark time of my life. I’m proud of how I handled it, and how much I’ve learned.”

You move forward as a braver, kinder, stronger, gentler person.

And you write a story like this one.

anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips on how to maintain your self-love and self-steem even when a large group of people don't like you?

Hi Anon, 

I’m going to use my CBT worksheets to help you better understand what self-love and self-esteem looks like and how to achieve it.

Best,

Lena

Healthy Self-Esteem

Thoughts: These are things you need to tell yourself every day until you believe it to be true.

  • “I can do it!”
  • “I have goals.”
  • “I can accomplish my goals.”
  • “I like/love myself.”
  • “I have abilities.”
  • “I want to be ________.”

Behaviors: Activities to do every day to boost your mood.

  • Talk to people (friends, coworkers, relatives, etc.)
  • Stand up tall, look people in the eye
  • Stay in the moment (don’t dwell on the past for future)
  • Try new things
  • Stay healthy (enough–but not too much–sleep, exercise, & food)
  • Be independent, try things on your own

Reach Self-esteem

  • Be honest with yourself & your support system
  • Don’t compare yourself to others
  • Keep your perspective focused on the now
  • Exercise
  • Dress good, feel good
  • Take medications that are prescribed to you
  • Spend time with positive people
  • Be mindful of yourself (thinking positively, positive self-talk)
  • Challenge your negative thoughts (don’t let your negative thoughts keep you from enjoying yourself)
  • Identify triggers (to make them more avoidable until you can face them head-on)
  • Accept yourself –> like yourself –> love yourself

Self-validation

  • Give yourself permission: Don’t wait for others to tell you what you “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing. Give yourself permission to act on your instincts.
  • Pick a mantra: Relying on yourself for validation can be anxiety-inducing. Pick a positive affirmation to help yourself through it.
  • Meditate: Give yourself five, ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes a day where you allow yourself to just breathe and focus on something that relaxes you. Do not use electronics for this exercise.
  • Self-care: Eat nutritiously, sleep 6-10 hours a night, exercise, speak up for yourself, create a balance between business and pleasure, be with positive people, and do activities that you love.

Positive Self-talk & Mantras

  • Stop, breathe. I can do this
  • I have done this before, and I can do it again.
  • This feels bad, but it’s a normal bodily reaction. It will pass.
  • These are just feelings. They will go away.
  • This won’t last forever.
  • Short-term pain for long-term gain.
  • I can feel bad/mad/sad, and still choose to take my life in a new, healthy direction.
  • I don’t need to rush. I can take things slowly.
  • I have survived before. I can survive now.
  • I feel this way due to past experiences, but I am safe now.
  • I am not in danger. I am safe.
  • My mind is not always my friend.
  • Thoughts are just thoughts. They do not have to be true or factual.
  • This is difficult and uncomfortable, but it’s only temporary.
  • I can use my healthy coping skills to get through this.
  • I can learn from this now to make my life easier for next time.
  • Keep calm and carry on.
  • I am calm and confidently in control of my life.
  • I accept myself as I am today.
  • I possess many strengths.
  • This too shall pass.
  • I am not responsible for everything.
  • I am not responsible for everything that goes wrong.
  • There are good things in my life.
  • I can achieve my goals.
  • Change is a process.
  • I am survivor.
  • I can handle my problems.
  • I can be successful.
Anger is powerful. And from a young age we’re taught that it’s a negative energy. To be avoided; to be feared; to be calmed. But sometimes it’s necessary. Not just appropriate, justified or excusable; not just any of the passive adjectives that see to take the edge of anger, sometimes, anger is NECESSARY. Vital to emotional and physical wellbeing. More so, it’s necessary that it is EXPRESSED. We’re taught anger is dangerous, but never is it more so than when it sits bubbling under the surface, just waiting to explode. But the main reason it’s necessary, is for our own self-worth. Feelings of anger arise when we witness something that goes against what we know or believe to be right and true. When this crosses boundaries and affects our own life, anger is what allows us to say this isn’t ok. Anger is what prevents us being quietly trampled upon. Anger, once spoken, is what allows us to move on and return to a calmer state of peace and happiness.

anonymous asked:

I just can't seem to love myself when everyone around me says I'm ugly... I'm asian and I have very small eyes. I'm currently thinking about plastic surgery alot but I don't want to do it bc I'm okay with my eyes when I'm alone. But maybe I should do it bc everyone will alway say something about my eyes for the rest of my life and I will never have a boyfriend unless I fix them with surgery... any advice? :(

Hi there darling :)

I see you sent this message 6 days ago. I am so sorry for the delay in answering messages. I’ve been on a road trip and I just got back today. I hope you’re doing alright.

Honey, I’m going to be completely honest with you, I can promise you that you are not ugly. Nobody in this world is ugly. Everyone has true beauty on this planet. Inside and out. & that goes for you too!

I understand how you’re feeling and your concerns are 100% valid. I have some links for you to check into. Some are about body positive, self love and raising your self esteem and some information as well.

Steps to improve self esteem:

  1. Focus on your strengths – figure out what you are good at! There are plenty of things that you are wonderful at and use those to build your confidence! No one is good at everything so do not fret if you are bad at something! Instead focus on what you are good at and enjoy them!
  2. Learn from your mistakes - you don’t have to be good at everything like mentioned above but use your mistakes to your advantage! Don’t worry about them- live and learn!
  3. Do what you love – make time everyday to do something you enjoy! Do something that makes you happy to improve your mood!
  4. Tell yourself you are beautiful - stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are ! Keep telling yourself and fake it until you make it! Really mean what you are saying a realize all of the beautiful things about you - including any flaws ( they make you unique!)
  5. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones – instead of thinking your legs are big or whatever your problem is, be thankful you have working legs that you can run marathons with if you wanted! Try to stay optimistic and see the positive side of everything! It will greatly improve your mood and outlook on life!
  6. Realize that beauty has no measure on your life. Okay even if someone is not beautiful that has no relevance to one’s life ! Everyone has worth and is amazing! I am sure you are the prettiest person ever but even if you are not then who really cares? What does it really matter? All that matters is that you are happy and love your life- and that should not be dependent upon whether or not you are pretty.
  7. Weight has no relevance to beauty! Whether you are 100 or 300 pounds you can be beautiful! Please do not relate the two to one another! See this post (:
  8. Spend time with people you love and who love you! It is important to spend time with loved ones! They will boost your mood and confidence! If people have a negative impact on your life then you don’t have to spend time with them! Don’t feel like you must stick around for everyone! You have to put yourself first and make sure you are happy! Don’t let others drag you down!
  9. Remember that life is simple - the sun rises and the sun sets, we just tend to complicate the process. Remember the simplicity in life and let it help you to stay calm and stay focused on the important things! Love yourself and love your life! Enjoy it while you can and don’t let everything stress you out so much!
  10. Be generous! Help others, be kind to others, and give when you can. It will spread love and make you feel better as a person.

Now, lets work on changing your thought process. Changing the way you think about things for example, when you have negative thoughts. Try these thoughts instead:

  • I am ugly - I am beautiful
  • I am worthless - I have worth
  • I am sick - I will heal
  • I hate myself - I will learn to love myself
  • I am weak - I am strong, or I wouldn’t be here today
  • I am moody - I have profound emotional depth
  • I am lost - I will find myself
  • I am scared - I have courage
  • I am crazy - It is normal to struggle
  • I am in pain - It’s okay to hurt
  • I am tired - I will not give up
  • I’m not good enough - I am better than “good enough”
  • I can’t change - I can change

Tips to help end self loathing:

  • Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you care about: “What would you say to good friend who was going through the same thing you are going through?” These are important questions. If you hate yourself, you likely say things to yourself that you would not dare say to another person. What would you say to somebody else who has the exact same traits as you? What could you say to yourself?
  • Recognize that beliefs do not equal truths: Often, people believe what they tell themselves. If you think you are a loser, you may believe it is absolute truth. Try this cognitive behavioral technique called “the three C’s”: catch, check, change. Catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself. Check whether your distressing thought is true. Change it, if not. You can talk back to your negative thoughts. Challenge them. Serve as a defense attorney to the prosecutor in your head.
  • Embrace the concept of “good enough”: Many people feel they should be perfect—never angry, always generous, never critical, always right, and so on. These expectations deny that imperfection is the human condition. If you are one of these people with too-high expectations for yourself, ask yourself what is good enough?
  • Consider turning to spirituality or religion: Many spiritual or religious traditions center on the belief that people are flawed but inherently good, not only lovable but also inherently loved. These beliefs can serve as a huge balm for the hurting soul. The practices of meditation and mindfulness, too, can foster feelings of self-compassion as well as loving kindness toward others.
  • If you hate yourself for mistakes you made, make amends: You may be reading this and thinking, “This does not apply to me. I did something so awful that I can never be forgiven.” First, as much as you condemn yourself, ask if you would equally condemn—to their face—someone else who did the same thing. If not, then you are being unfair to yourself. Perhaps you really did do something awful. If you cannot make amends to the person or people you harmed, do something good for somebody else. Beating up on yourself serves nobody. Doing good for others or taking part in a larger movement not only helps others, it helps you—and it can lead to self-forgiveness.

Helpful Links:

20 Ways to Love Your Body

  1. Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams.  Honor it.  Respect it.  Fuel it.
  2. Create a list of all the things your body lets you do.  Read it and add to it often.
  3. Become aware of what your body can do each day.  Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.
  4. Create a list of people you admire:  people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world.  Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.
  5. Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.
  6. Don’t let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
  7. Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and that feel good to your body.
  8. Count your blessings, not your blemishes.
  9. Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance.  Try one!
  10. Be your body’s friend and supporter, not its enemy.
  11. Consider this:  your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months.  Your body is extraordinary—begin to respect and appreciate it.
  12. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.
  13. Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.
  14. Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don’t exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good.  Exercise for the Three F’s: Fun, Fitness, and Friendship.
  15. Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body.  Loving your body means you get to feel like that again, even in this body, at this age.
  16. Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself—without mentioning your appearance.  Add to it daily!
  17. Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, “I’m beautiful inside and out.”
  18. Search for the beauty in the world and in yourself.
  19. Consider that, “Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way.”
  20. Eat when you are hungry.  Rest when you are tired.  Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.

10 Steps to Positive Body Image

One list cannot automatically tell you how to turn negative body thoughts into positive body image, but it can introduce you to healthier ways of looking at yourself and your body.  The more you practice these new thought patterns, the better you will feel about who you are and the body you naturally have.

  1. Appreciate all that your body can do.  Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams.  Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you—running, dancing, breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.
  2. Keep a top-ten list of things you like about yourself—things that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like.  Read your list often.  Add to it as you become aware of more things to like about yourself.
  3. Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep.  When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a supermodel.   Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.
  4. Look at yourself as a whole person.  When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts.  See yourself as you want others to see you–as a whole person.
  5. Surround yourself with positive people.  It is easier to feel good about yourself and your body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of liking yourself just as you naturally are.
  6. Shut down those voices in your head that tell you your body is not “right” or that you are a “bad” person.  You can overpower those negative thoughts with positive ones.  The next time you start to tear yourself down, build yourself back up with a few quick affirmations that work for you.
  7. Wear clothes that are comfortable and that make you feel good about your body.  Work with your body, not against it.
  8. Become a critical viewer of social and media messages.  Pay attention to images, slogans, or attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself or your body.  Protest these messages:  write a letter to the advertiser or talk back to the image or message
  9. Do something nice for yourself—something that lets your body know you appreciate it.  Take a bubble bath, make time for a nap, find a peaceful place outside to relax.
  10. Use the time and energy that you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your weight to do something to help others.   Sometimes reaching out to other people can help you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world.

Helpful links:

Once you’ve looked over those links. I have some advice for you on how you can also love your body even on days where you feel very negative.

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF DURING A BAD BODY IMAGE DAY:

1. Recognize that fat isn’t a feeling.

There are always underlying emotions that we attach to feeling fat. When the “I feel fat” thoughts start up, try to identify what you’re feeling underneath the body dissatisfaction. Are you feeling lonely? Anxious? Invisible? Scared? Ashamed? Inadequate? Whatever the feelings are recognize that they are separate from your body.

2. Treat yourself as you would a friend.

Because it’s difficult to be kind to ourselves in the moment when the body hating thoughts take over, try responding to your thoughts as if you were supporting a friend. What would you say to someone you loved who was battling your same struggle with body image?

You wouldn’t tell them to not eat for the day in order to compensate for what they ate the previous night. You wouldn’t tell them to punish themselves for their body size through over-exercise, self-harm, or abusive eating habits. You wouldn’t tell them they were worthless or unloveable because of their weight. So why do you tell yourself these things? Break the cycle and start treating yourself like a friend—you deserve that kindness and love from everyone, especially yourself.

3. Recognize that you are so much more than the size of your body.

You are your strengths and talents and insight. You are the things you’re passionate about and the people you love. You are your favorite songs and books and films. You are your hopes and dreams. You are your laughter and your smile. You are unique and wonderful, and you have so much more to offer than the way you look.

Your appearance may feel important, but it’s such a small part of who you are — and not even an important one. It doesn’t define you or discount your worth, because your value as a human being isn’t contingent upon how much you weigh. Your worth is inherent. You exist and therefore, you matter. No number on the scale can ever take that away.

4. Shift your focus from the external to the internal.

Make a list of all the people you look up to and are inspired by—not because of their weight or appearance, but because of who they are, how they treat others, and how they spend their time. Write out all the qualities they have that make you appreciate and value them.

Use the list as a reminder that it’s the internal things—our dreams and our passions, our character and our attitude, our morals and our values—that truly define who we are and draw people to us; not how we look or how much we weigh. You are not an exception.

Try making your own list of things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with appearance or body size. If you have a difficult time creating one, ask some friends and family you trust to help you.

5. Think about what you want to be remembered for after you die.

I don’t want people to remember me for what I looked like, what size clothing I wore, or what I weighed. I want to be remembered for the person I was and what I contributed to the world. I want to be remembered as someone who positively affected peoples’ lives. I want to be remembered as loving friend, partner, and family member. I want to be remembered for my passion and my creativity and my strength. I want to be remembered as someone who helped people and made a difference. What do you want your legacy to be? Chances are, it doesn’t have to do with weight.

6. Instead of focusing on the size of your body, start focusing on what your body allows you to do.

The human body is such an incredible force. When we get caught up in the number on the scale and the size of our clothes however, we forget just how lucky we are to have a  vehicle to engage in life with. So stop fixating on your appearance, and start acknowledging and appreciating your body for all that it allows you to do.

Make a list of all the things your body helps you to accomplish. If you would like to get more specific, make a list of all the body parts you struggle to accept and beneath each, list all of the ways those individual parts allow you to participate in life. Because regardless of their size, our bodies do so much for us. They deserve our gratitude, not our judgement.

7. Challenge your negative thoughts.

You may not be able to change the way you feel about your body today, tomorrow, or a month from now, but you can begin the process by challenging the negative thoughts you have in the moment. Write out a dialogue between your negative voice and a self-loving and accepting one. If you have a hard time coming up with positive counters for the negative thoughts, pretend that you’re talking back to the self-deprecating voice of a friend or loved one.

Even if you don’t believe the things you say to counter the negative thoughts, it’s still so important to challenge them, because each time you do, you’re taking away some of their power and reclaiming your own. And the more you challenge those thoughts, the less you will believe them. The more you argue back, the easier fighting the voice will become. So even if it feels silly and useless in the moment, keep arguing back. Don’t allow your negative body thoughts to go unchallenged.

8. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.

There is a lot of built up energy and emotion underlying the way we feel about our bodies. Holding in how we feel or engaging in behaviors to numb out may make us feel better in the moment, but in the long run, it doesn’t remedy the pain we feel or bring us any closer to peace and self-acceptance. All it does is perpetuate how awful we feel and keep us stuck.  

In order to release that pain, we have to allow ourselves to feel our feelings. Whether that means throwing a tantrum on the floor, journaling about how you feel, venting to a friend on the phone, punching a pillow, screaming in your car, or crying in bed, you need to allow yourself to feel. Let go of the judgement you have about what you “should” or “shouldn’t” be feeling, and give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you feel. These emotions underlying your body image are important and in order to heal, you have to feel them.

9. Do self care.

When you’re struggling with body image, distract yourself with healthy coping mechanisms. Take a bubble bath, get a massage, ask for a back scratch, cuddle with a pet, make plans with a supportive friend, color in a coloring book, watch your favorite movie, get a manicure, listen to calming music, do deep breathing—whatever it is, make sure it’s something self-soothing that helps you get out of your head.

10. Be kind with yourself.

You may not be able to control the way you feel about your body, but you can control what you do in response to how you feel.

Instead of beating yourself up, you can choose to treat yourself with compassion. Instead of engaging in unhealthy and abusive behaviors, you can choose to do self-care. Instead of treating your body as an enemy, you can choose to treat it as a friend. Instead of isolating yourself, you can choose to reach out for support and surround yourself with positive people who make you feel loved and accepted. Instead of agreeing with the negative thoughts, you can choose to challenge them.

***You have more power than you think—don’t let the way you feel about your body keep you from living.

  • Coping with bad body image days may not be easy, but it is possible.
  • Don’t give up.
  • You aren’t alone.
  • Things can and will get better.

Helpful links:

Hun, please let me know if you’re ever in the need of some more help/advice. I’m always here and only an ask away. Take care and don’t forget to smile. :) xx