chair babies

  • me: babe check out this high chair I bought on craigslist for our baby
  • wife: that's definitely a lifeguard's chair
  • me. not the character 'me' in this fictional scenario, but me, the creator of this post: I guess the joke here is that lifeguard chairs are very tall, and the character was looking for a high chair for their baby. It's literally a high chair. You can even imagine the characters climbing up the ladder to strap the baby into the chair and retrieve it afterwards if you wish. Haha have a good night everyone

anonymous asked:

A concept: Bruce Wayne, waking up at noon covered in grandchildren. There is at least two children asleep on his chest, a three year old is cuddling his entire arm, and someone is dead to the world on his legs. He's trapped. Bruce hasn't been caught in a trap this effectively since 2003 and honestly it's the best thing to ever happen. He is content.

i reiterate: there is something validating about batman holding babies, it’s unbelievable. he is, generally, smiling at the baby. sometimes he plays with the baby. i especially like it when he talks to the baby. whenever i see batman smiling at a baby, i’m like yes, this is it, this is why i put up with all the bullshit. this man finds babies as adorable as i do, and that’s important. it’s just the thing that hits the spot.

so, i raise you, nebulous bat grandchild finding bruce’s nose and pulling on it, and bruce calling nebulous bat grandchild, “smart pup,” except his voice is all nasally because his nose is squished. there is another, slightly older baby, swinging their legs and inevitably kicking bruce’s knee. bruce is forcing his leg not to twitch because the older older bat child is asleep on his leg. tell me that image isn’t validating, i dare you, i bet you’re muttering “yes” at your screen right now because i sure am

Sweet Creature

Click here if you’d like to listen to the song to help set the mood. x

It was one of those days.

Harry adored his job. He really did. His work was his first love, he always said. But there were certainly days where it all got to be a little too much.

He woke up at six in the morning to be greeted by a rainy and foggy sky outside. He spent a good ten minutes gazing at the great love of his life, her hair splayed in all different directions from having forgotten to tie it up in a ponytail like she usually did. Her lips were slightly parted, and her eyes were still puffy from the night before. He exhaled a sigh at the memory of it—it was the first time they’d really fought in a little while, but it’d been a doozy. Exhaustion took it’s toll on the both of them, but they were both too stubborn to admit it. It had been over something petty that he wasn’t even angry about anymore, even though at the moment in all seemed so important. And even though they tried to never go to bed angry, their tired eyes beat out the need to make up.

He exhaled a soft sigh as he watched his love, and he could see the tension built up in her features still from last night. He didn’t want to wake her just yet, because he knew that she would not love being woken up at six in the morning if she didn’t need to get up. The two of them rarely ever got a good night’s sleep anymore, and he didn’t want to take away her rest.

He got himself out of bed and walked over to the bathroom, going about his morning routine as quietly as possible as to not wake his girls. Within half an hour he was dressed up in a pair of black jeans and one of his button-ups. Usually he wouldn’t get so dolled up to go out this early, but he had a few morning radio shows he was making a live guest appearance on and impressions mattered to him. Having decided to get breakfast on the way to work, he quickly slipped out of the house without making a sound.

The rest of the day didn’t get any better.

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sometime at granny's diner probably
  • Henry: hey, where's mom?
  • Regina: hang on, i've got this. someone say something mean to me.
  • Zelena: you'll never get your happy end–
  • Emma, whipping the door open, shoving various family members aside, knocking over tables and chairs, disturbing her sleeping baby brother, and pushing Hook out of the way: bitch what the FUCK did you just say i'll fuck you up regina deserves her happy ending and i'll do whatever it takes to get her that so you better back off–
  • Regina: there she is

“I want to talk to you about something,” Even says and Isak’s stomach literally falls out of his ass. Thing is, there’s a reason for this. Because the last time Even had used that specific phrase, he had just been accepted into a film school. In London. And Isak had just been accepted into a biomedical research position in Oslo. Of course, it all worked out in the end because they are Isak and Even and they’re like, fated, or some shit that Even always says in the nighttime hours, but damn was that a rough couple of months.

So like, the phrase causes a brief flash of panic.

Isak glances at the table– which probably should have been his first clue that something was up. Even had made all of his favorite foods for dinner. And he knew he spotted strawberry shortcake in the kitchen, so Even had gone for the big guns in buttering Isak up.

He swallows the bite of chicken and takes a swig of red wine (because he is now one classy motherfucker.) “Okay?”

Even taps his fingers on the table and then reaches up to take his own sip of wine, but puts it back down just as quickly. “Okay. Okay here we go.”

But Even says nothing right after that, so Isak has all the time in the world to fucking lose his mind.

“Even,” Isak hedges, “Baby. You’re freaking me out. Like a lot.”

“I know.” Even shakes himself, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how you’re going to take it and this is like- a life changing conversation so I’m trying to be articulate and get it right on the first try.”

Isak runs a hand through his hair, “Well, are you divorcing me?” 

Even shoots him the most deadpan look in the world, so Isak lets a little smile tug on the corner of his lips, “Okay good. You’re not pregnant, are you?”

Even freezes and opens his mouth and Isak raises his eyebrows, “That was a joke. Even, if you’re pregnant I need to have a serious discussion with someone about the laws of biology.”

Even throws a wadded up napkin, “I’m not fucking pregnant, you shit.” He plays with the collar of his white cuffed shit (Another! fucking! red! flag! because when the hell have they ever dressed up for each other?), “But like- it has to do with that.”

“Just come out and say it,” Please god, say it before Isak has an aneurysm, “Whatever it is, do it.”

So he does.

Even takes a deep breath and says, “I want to talk about adopting a kid.”

Isak blinks.

There is a bit of ringing in his ears, so he doesn’t quite hear the way Even scoots his chair back and slides to his knees right in front of Isak’s chair, “Baby?”

Me baby?” Isak says dumbly, “You want a baby. Like a real baby.”

“Yeah,” Even’s voice is level, controlled. “Yeah, I really do, Isak. And it doesn’t have to be now. But I want to talk about it with you.”

“With me,” he repeats dumbly, “You want a kid with me? Why? Oh my god, Even, I’m a mess. I’ve been going commando for the past week because I ran out of boxers and I’m too lazy to do laundry!”

That damn grin at the corner of Even’s mouth nearly does him in. The quick kiss Even presses to his lips does, “You are the only person I would ever want a kid with.”

Isak grabs his wine glass and chugs it, “A kid. Like you and me adopting a kid and taking care of it and raising it until it’s 18. Changing diapers and… going to school performances and… rocking it when it gets sick.”

Even nods softly, “And taking family vacations to the beach…. teaching him or her all about movies… and you can teach them about parallel universes and other science stuff.”

“Holy shit, Even…. you want a kid. With me.”

“I do.”

Isak thinks about it, like a home movie where the actors haven’t quite all been chosen. He sees himself and Even, and a little human with flashes of blonde hair and hears baby giggles and-

He sees Even folded into a tiny little bed with a children’s book on his lap and a nameless, faceless, child (their child) in his lap. And Even is grinning and reading to them in funny voices. Then he sees himself behind a kid, directing them on how to look in a telescope.

He sees so much.

“This is a big thing,” Isak says, “A really, really big thing. Are you sure you want to?”

“The only thing I have ever been sure of in my life is you, Isak. I want to do this with you.”

“Okay,” Isak breathes, “Fuck. Let’s adopt a kid.”

“That’s. Uh- Cas? That’s a baby.”

“I can see that, Dean.” Cas frowns down at the chubby little thing, happily cooing and gurgling away in his carseat.

“We’re supposed to take care of that woman’s baby?”

Cas nods. “I believe that’s what she meant, yes.”

Dean throws his hands in the air uselessly. He isn’t sure which pisses him off more, the situation or how calm Cas is about it. “What the hell are we supposed to do with a baby?”

Cas shrugs. “Feed it?’

“Oh my God.” Dean closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, and suddenly sees her again, lying on the ground with her blood everywhere, begging for them to make sure ‘he’ was safe. 

‘He’ turns out to be about five months old and terrifying. Well, terrifying to Dean, anyway. Cas seems to be simply curious about him.

A few hours later, Dean thinks he may have overdone it. They are finally settled into the motel along with what seems like every baby product the local supermarket carries. The room is almost hard to walk in with all the diapers and tiny clothes and bottles of lotions and liquids and lots of things that appear to do nothing but look cute.

Dean is in over his head. He knows he isn’t going to be able to turn this kid over to a police station. Foster care is amazing when it works out, but he doesn’t want to take any chances. He’s gonna find this little guy a good home where he can check in from time to time. A place Dean will know he’s safe.

So now he’s stuck taking care of a baby for the time being, and he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing.

Just as the panic sets in, he glances over and sees Cas stretched out in a chair, the baby in his arms. As Dean watches, Cas makes funny faces at the baby, until the tiny thing is grinning all over himself and gleefully flailing his arms around. Every time the child smiles, Cas does too, and Dean isn’t sure who is enjoying himself more.

Dean can’t help a smile of his own as he watches them, and the more they play, the calmer Dean feels.

Maybe this won’t be so bad.

4

TOP making sure Dae gets the best seat in the house… right on his lap.

at first i was honestly very pleased that the crewniverse was willing to handle a character who is autistic- or well- autistic coded. but then when the new episodes started to come out, it really made it clear they honestly don’t care about autistic kids at all.

every single one of her comfort items are taken away from her- often for comedy relief. its supposedly funny the way amethyst tosses her limb enhancers away, or how she was so desperate to have the comfort of them again she wore paint cans on her feet, or how ridiculous she looks with a ipad strapped to her arm. its not funny.

when she first is on earth, they literally put her in a child leash, and tie her to a pole. even though all gems are adults, you’re supposed to find it funny they’re treating her like a child- which autistic adults and teenagers often face which is humiliating and traumatizing. the deleted scene where shes strapped in a baby chair is even fucking worse and terrible to think of especially since shes supposed to be autistic. its disgusting.

we’re supposed to laugh at the odd way she words things, like autistic ppl including myself are often shamed and laughed at for. instead of having them explain to her the proper way to say things, amethyst and steven laugh at her.

even in the scene where a silly tv show becomes her special interest the way she obsessed over it and proceeds to explain it to steven is shown as weird and comedic. we’re supposed to laugh at how ridiculously obsessed she is and see her special interest as something odd.

so short version: the crewniverse shouldve never tried to make peridot autistic and treat her like a stupid little gremlin

3

Harley x Joker x Jerome x Reader


“The citizens of Gotham are warned to stay indoors until Jerome and (Y/N) have been apprehended after last night’s attack on the Wayne Industries.” The Tv blared.

“Blah, Blah, Blah… gotta be something good one.” Jerome drawled as he switched channels.

“I told you we shoulda listened to Mom.” You huffed causing your brother to glare at you.

“Yeah well, Dad’s plan got us into the building and we got the money.” Jerome hopped around on his chair, crouching so he could stay seated while watching you fiddle with the gun in your hand.

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