I don’t know if this will reach you or whether you’ll even want to read it but I needed to send a reply. Seeing you on Horizon shook me up too it hurt but I don’t blame you and I don’t need an apology. I would’ve acted the same damn way had I been standing in your shoes, you know me. I died i still have nightmares but someone decided that it wasn’t my time, that I was still needed and Cerberus? They had the tools and they brought me back I don’t know what or who I am anymore. I don’t understand any of it either but I have to make the best of the second chance I’ve been given, no matter who dealt me this hand. I don’t like them and I certainly don’t trust them I feel like a thousand knives are pointed at my back at every waking hour but the threat is too large. I can’t just ignore this,. I don’t have much time, the Normandy is currently on it’s way to the Omega 4 relay..
….but I needed you to know that I still love you that I still care, that I’ll always remember the night we shared before Ilos and ifwhen if I return then.. well… who knows.
Take care and be safe, at least one of us needs to grow old. All my love. Shepard.
PS. You should go for another drink with the Doctor, live whilst you still can.
[2171 CE - Age 17] Rose J. Shepard. DHJ99 DTLABS (Drone Test Labs) # 659888
One week left of DTL before we pack up and head off to enlist! The nerves are starting to set in now. We had Alliance officials here the other day on a recruitment drive, they’re really pushing for DTL and CTL graduates. Perkins decided to drop out, said something about pressure from his family. I get that, I really do. Me, Scorsese, Phelps and Janua are taking a shuttle off planet this weekend for a little R&R. Scuttlebutt says Scorsese has something to ask me. Every time I’m too close to him I get this stupid lopsided grin creeping onto my face and I’m pretty sure I turn a shade of red. I know, I know, grow up! Test results are in and I hit my targets, DTL are letting the small incident the other week drop. Anyway, nothing else to report!
[2176 - Age 22] R. J Shepard Alliance Engineer Corps
I found hell on Elysium and I have a feeling it won’t be the last time. I’m not to talk about the losses. We’re on lock down communication wise. It was shore leave. We were supposed to be on down time. Not all of us were mentally prepared! The headaches still haven’t stopped. I’m signed on for 5 weeks of eval. The nightmares are getting better. Or so I tell the Doc. I attended the memorial for Scorsese. I miss you. That weekend after DTL will always stay with me. I bumped into Phelps. She was departing on a three month tour. She said I seemed different, seemed cold. Everyone does. We were naive to think we’d end up any other way. No one talks anymore. No one from my area anyway. No one asks how you are, no one wants to concern themselves with anyone else. Probably for the best. I’ve been invited to the awards ceremony. We’ll see how that goes. It can only be uphill from here. We live to fight another day. Or we’ll die trying.
—— Transmission end ——
[2183 - Age 29] Cmdr. R. J Shepard. N7 | 5923-AC-2826.
I’m to depart on the SSV Normandy as acting XO under Alliance Captain David Anderson. We’re to head to Eden Prime, our task will be posted when confirmation of arrival is dispatched. Simple shake down run, estimated mission time - 2 weeks.
[I think I bumped into one of the crew earlier whilst taking a little breather in the docking port. Alenko I think he introduced himself as. He had this little lopsided grin whilst we chatted that seemed so familiar. It’s been years since I stood and just spoke to someone, where the conversation wasn’t forced and formal. Maybe I’m not lost afterall. He seemed sweet though, it’s a shame this mission isn’t longer.]
I think about losing you and I can’t stand it. The galaxy will just keep going. Everything, even the Reapers will come around again. But you and I, we are important right now. This is what will never happen again. Us. Shepard you make me feel…human.