How Bleach characters would have ruined Bleach Lists Girl’s wedding (had they come)
Wedding + Bleach requested by @crimsonightmare . :)
My actual wedding went off with very few hitches! Yes, my new wife stepped on and ripped my dress, and a bridesmaid tripped both up and down the aisle, and my hair was so short that my veil couldn’t stay on and fell off during the ceremony…but all of that was both minor and funny. But let’s be real. If any Bleach characters had crashed my wedding, it would have been RUINED. In fact, here are the ways that various Bleach characters would have ruined my wedding, if they had come!
Oh, and just a note for my new(er) readers: BLG stands for Bleach Lists Girl and is me!
1. Rukia: wears her bankai outfit as formal wear
An elderly relative, clasping Rukia’s hand: You are a more beautiful bride than I ever imagined.
BLG: THIS IS WHY YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WEAR WHITE
2. Hitsugaya: Does not enjoy dinner
Hitsugaya: Wait, why does everyone else have steak or chicken but I have chicken fingers?
Matsumoto: It’s probably nothing!
Hitsugaya: In fact, the only other people who have this dinner…
Hitsugaya: …are all KIDS
Hitsugaya: DID I GET SERVED THE KID’S MEAL?!
3. Yachiru: Enjoys the dessert (too much)
BLG: Uh…didn’t there used to be a dessert bar here?
4. Grimmjow: Mistakes the dancing for fighting
Ichigo: Dude, why did you punch that groomsman in the face??
Grimmjow: He freakin’ challenged me!!
Ichigo: HE WAS DANCING
Grimmjow: It was CLEARLY a pre-punch dance!
Ikkaku: I make that mistake all the time.
Ichigo: NOT HELPING
5. Ikkaku: Is amazed (by all the wrong things)
Ikkaku: The number of flowers the brides had to grow - incredible!
Ikkaku: And they all turned out so uniform and pretty!
Yumichika: You’re right, Ikkaku.
Yumichika: But maybe you should loudly observe this at a time when the brides AREN’T walking down the aisle.
Ikkaku (whispers): Sorry!
6. Yoruichi: Notices that the brides love cats
Yoruichi: I mean, the ceremony was very cat-heavy.
BLG: It was.
Yoruichi: You clearly wanted a cat at your wedding.
BLG: I did.
Yoruichi: So my showing up in cat form is a problem because…?
BLG: No, that was fine!
BLG: Turning human to dance with my brother and forgetting to have clothes on - that was the problem.
Yoruichi: Yeah, I keep forgetting the clothes thing.
BLG: THAT’S THE PROBLEM
6. Aizen: Gives a wedding toast
BLG: [sitting with her head in her hands]
Maid-of-honor: Look, things happen.
BLG: It was a twenty minute speech.
Maid-of-honor: The wedding is still going well!
BLG: He recapped what he had already said halfway through.
Maid-of-honor: This will be funny later!
BLG: It wasn’t even about us! It was about Ichigo!
Maid-of-honor: Yeah, that was a little weird.
BLG: Who gave Aizen a microphone???
7. Ulquiorra: Wants everyone to know his opinion on feelings
Ulquiorra: I once experienced a fleeting glimpse of what you humans might refer to as an ‘emotion,’
Ulquiorra: I immediately turned to dust.
Bridesmaid: Cool but this is a wedding.
Ulquiorra: Needs more dust.
8. Matsumoto: Gets very drunk
Matsumoto: Captain! It’s your song! You have to dance!!
Hitsugaya: I-I am not a single lady!
Matsumoto: Close enough!
Hitsugaya: PUT MY HAND DOWN
9. Ukitake: Brings a wedding gift
BLG: [staring at the nine-foot tall sculpture of her and her wife]
Ukitake: Akon made it!
10. Lisa: Leaves her gift on the gift’s table
Lisa: Which is exactly where gifts should go.
Kensei: Not if it’s unwrapped porn!!!
11. Bazz-B: Chooses the wrong venue for his fingers speech
Bazz-B: And that’s why one finger is all it takes!
Groomsman: I know this is a lesbian wedding, but is that really appropriate?
Bazz-B: What what do you think I’m talking about?
12. Ichigo: Is somehow better at being a bride than the actual brides
BLG (muttering): He LOOKED prettier than us…
BLG: Had a better dance…
BLG: Greeted all the tables way faster…
BLG: Pretty sure he killed a couple of hollows…
BLG: HE’S NOT EVEN A BRIDE - HOW IS HE BETTER AT IT THAN US?!
If Hitsugaya asked other characters for help with his paperwork...
As requested by anon. :)
Hitsugaya has decided he needs help with paperwork! Or perhaps he is playing a paperwork related game. Either way, he is going around asking other Bleach characters if they will help him with his paperwork. What will be the result?
Hitsugaya: Matsumoto, I need your help with some paperwork.
Matsumoto: Ooh, captain, I’d love to, but I’ve already promised to go drinking with Kira and Hisagi!
Hitsuagaya: I’m your captain!
Hitsugaya: YOU NEED A BETTER EXCUSE THAN THAT
Hitsugaya: Ukitake, I have all of this paperwork I have to do and -
Ukitake: Of course I’ll help you!
Ukitake: Now, which paperwork do you least mind being speckled with blood stains?
Hitsugaya: Maybe I’ll ask someone else.
Ukitake: Wait! At least take some candy!
Hiyori: What’s this? Some kind of weird flirting thing that short guys use?
Hiyori: YOU PERVERT
Hitsugaya: I JUST SAID HI
Kenpachi: Sure, I can help.
Kenpachi: Yo! Yumichika!
Kenpachi: Help this guy with his paperwork.
Kenpachi: Yumichika loves doing paperwork.
Yumichika:Loves it?? I’m just the only one who will do it!!!
Hitsugaya: I know that feeling.
Hinamori: Why haven’t you asked me, Hitsugaya-kun?
Hitsugaya: It’s just that you…
Hitsugaya: Well, you’ve had a rough couple of years.
Hitsugaya: And I won’t burden you any further than I already have!
Hinamori: It’s paperwork. Not a stabbing.
Hinamori: I swear, captains are so dramatic…
Hitsugaya: I AM NOT DRAMATIC
Luppi: Look at you, tiny shinigami, trying to get other people to help you with your work!
Luppi: I could destroy eight piles of paperwork all by myself.
Hitusgaya: Do, not destroy.
Hitsugaya: I’m looking or someone to do them.
Luppi: Oh? Then why did you ask the espada of destruction?
Hitsugaya: I never even asked you!
Luppi: And you’ll come to regret that choice!
Hitsugaya: What is even going on???
7. Cang Du
Cang Du: Give me the paperwork, Hitsugaya Toshiro.
Cang Du: I have already possessed your zanpakuto, your soul.
Cang Du: It is only right that I take from you the rest of your identity as well.
Hitsugaya: Uh, it’s paperwork, not my “identity.”
Cang Du: Well, from what I’ve heard…
Hitsugaya: MY LOVE OF PAPERWORK HAS BEEN SOMEWHAT OVERBLOWN YOU KNOW
Gin: I’m hurt, Hitsugaya.
Gin: That you never asked me for help.
Gin: You know that I love to do what I can to help out my fellow captains.
Hitsugaya: No thanks. I have enough work without getting caught up in a murder web.
Gin: A murder web? Through paperwork? How on earth would I manage that?
Hitsugaya: I don’t know.
Gin: But you want to find out?
Karin: Well, I guess I can help.
Karin: Since you helped me with soccer or whatever.
Hitsugaya: Uh, I never asked you to -
Karin: Of course, since I don’t know anything about Soul Society really, you’ll have to teach me everything before I do the paperwork.
Karin: But that’s cool.
Hitsugaya: …is this just an excuse to learn about Soul Society?
Karin: Well it’s not like my brother is chatty!
Ichigo: Toshiro, look -
Hitsugaya: IT’S CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA
Ichigo: You know I’m always down for rescuing anybody from any situation…
Ichigo: But I’m trying to cultivate my reputation, you know?
Ichigo: It’s hard enough trying to keep my good grades and love of Shakespeare on the down low!
Hitsugaya: You like Shakespeare?
Ichigo: I don’t want people to think I’m a -
Ichigo (whispers): Nerd.
Hitsugaya: Don’t think you need to worry about that.
Byakuya: Help? With paperwork?
Byakuya: We are captains of the Gotei-13.
Byakuya: We do not request help.
Byakuya: - at least not with matters that are as mundane as paperwork.
Bleach Captains (doesn't matter from which generation. Maybe when the series starts? Minus head captain.) and where they'd take their dates in a human world? I really like your date headcanons thanks!
aw cute request. Thanks!
Soi Fon: This may sound cliche, but a cat cafe date would be so cute. Cats+tea=perfect for Soi Fon. But a regular cafe date is also nice
Gin: He’s likely to surprise his s/o by not telling them where he’s taking them for a date. He’ll just tell them to get in the car and go. This is oddly specific, but I see Gin coming up with a date like: driving to a cliff that has an amazing view of the stars at night and just sitting in the car with his s/o to stargaze
Unohana: A walk through the park might seem too plain as far as dates go, but Unohana really like sit. She likes being surrounded by all the green and sunshine. Plus, it gives her and her so quality time together
Aizen: Hmm he might think a museum date is decent enough. He can enjoy the artistic culture there. He’s not huge on romance, but a museum is a setting that’s intimate enough for him and a s/o to enjoy
Byakuya: He might take a date to an opera or the ballet. He’d also do something simple like a dinner date. But the restaurant he picks is anything but simple. It’s going to be the most expensive place in town
Komamura: Hmmmm dates with Komamura are difficult, especially in the human world/human AU situation because he’s uhhhhh a dog. He’s probably most comfortable at home with his s/o. Although, he’d start feeling anxious and guilty about not being able to go out and enjoy the world with his s/o. So maybe a movie date? Just somewhere where he doesn’t have to be seen by too many people
Kyouraku: He’d love a picnic date! Or something outside in general, maybe a strawberry picking date or a pumpkin patch date, if it’s in season. OOOOO or he’d love to take a cooking class with his s/o. Probably Italian (:
Tousen: Of course he can’t fully enjoy a date that requires visual stimulus, but I feel he could still enjoy fun dates. A trip to the farmer’s market with his s/o would be nice, because he can still smell all the spices and food around him. Or maybe just sitting and watching the sunset, feeling the sun rays on his face
Hitsugaya: He’s not the biggest fan of dates, so his s/o will have to settle with something kind of boring like a date in his backyard or something like that. But maybe they’ll be lucky on holidays and convince him to go watch fireworks? He might be down for that
Kenpachi: He’s not the best when it comes to picking dates. His s/o will probably have to decide on a date. But as far as they go, any date where he could possibly end up in a fight with someone is great. Probably a bar or somewhere they can grab a drink, so some drunk dude tries to start some shit with him
Ukitake: He can do a fun cheesy date, like karaoke, just as easily as he can do something romantic, like making his s/o a homecooked, candle-lit meal. (Would also give in to a double date with Kyouraku if the latter begged him)