How Bleach characters would have ruined Bleach Lists Girl’s wedding (had they come)

Wedding + Bleach requested by @crimsonightmare . :)

My actual wedding went off with very few hitches! Yes, my new wife stepped on and ripped my dress, and a bridesmaid tripped both up and down the aisle, and my hair was so short that my veil couldn’t stay on and fell off during the ceremony…but all of that was both minor and funny. But let’s be real. If any Bleach characters had crashed my wedding, it would have been RUINED. In fact, here are the ways that various Bleach characters would have ruined my wedding, if they had come!

Oh, and just a note for my new(er) readers: BLG stands for Bleach Lists Girl and is me!

1. Rukia: wears her bankai outfit as formal wear

An elderly relative, clasping Rukia’s hand: You are a more beautiful bride than I ever imagined.

Rukia: …


2. Hitsugaya: Does not enjoy dinner

Hitsugaya: Wait, why does everyone else have steak or chicken but I have chicken fingers?

Matsumoto: It’s probably nothing!

Hitsugaya: In fact, the only other people who have this dinner…

Hitsugaya: …are all KIDS


3. Yachiru: Enjoys the dessert (too much)

BLG: Uh…didn’t there used to be a dessert bar here?

4. Grimmjow: Mistakes the dancing for fighting

Ichigo: Dude, why did you punch that groomsman in the face??

Grimmjow: He freakin’ challenged me!!


Grimmjow: It was CLEARLY a pre-punch dance!

Ikkaku: I make that mistake all the time.

Grimmjow: See?


5. Ikkaku: Is amazed (by all the wrong things)

Ikkaku: The number of flowers the brides had to grow - incredible!

Ikkaku: And they all turned out so uniform and pretty!

Yumichika: You’re right, Ikkaku.

Yumichika: But maybe you should loudly observe this at a time when the brides AREN’T walking down the aisle.

Ikkaku: …

Ikkaku (whispers): Sorry!

6. Yoruichi: Notices that the brides love cats

Yoruichi: I mean, the ceremony was very cat-heavy.

BLG: It was.

Yoruichi: You clearly wanted a cat at your wedding.

BLG: I did.

Yoruichi: So my showing up in cat form is a problem because…?

BLG: No, that was fine!

BLG: Turning human to dance with my brother and forgetting to have clothes on - that was the problem.

Yoruichi: Oh.

Yoruichi: Yeah, I keep forgetting the clothes thing.


6. Aizen: Gives a wedding toast

BLG: [sitting with her head in her hands]

Maid-of-honor: Look, things happen.

BLG: It was a twenty minute speech.

Maid-of-honor: The wedding is still going well!

BLG: He recapped what he had already said halfway through.

Maid-of-honor: This will be funny later!

BLG: It wasn’t even about us! It was about Ichigo!

Maid-of-honor: Yeah, that was a little weird.

BLG: Who gave Aizen a microphone???

7. Ulquiorra: Wants everyone to know his opinion on feelings

Ulquiorra: I once experienced a fleeting glimpse of what you humans might refer to as an ‘emotion,’

Ulquiorra: I immediately turned to dust.

Bridesmaid: Cool but this is a wedding.

Ulquiorra: Needs more dust.

8. Matsumoto: Gets very drunk

Matsumoto: Captain! It’s your song! You have to dance!!

Hitsugaya: I-I am not a single lady!

Matsumoto: Close enough!


9. Ukitake: Brings a wedding gift

BLG: [staring at the nine-foot tall sculpture of her and her wife]

Ukitake: Akon made it!

10. Lisa: Leaves her gift on the gift’s table

Lisa: Which is exactly where gifts should go.

Kensei: Not if it’s unwrapped porn!!!

11. Bazz-B: Chooses the wrong venue for his fingers speech

Bazz-B: And that’s why one finger is all it takes!

Groomsman: I know this is a lesbian wedding, but is that really appropriate?

Bazz-B: …

Bazz-B: What what do you think I’m talking about?

12. Ichigo: Is somehow better at being a bride than the actual brides

BLG (muttering): He LOOKED prettier than us…

BLG: Had a better dance…

BLG: Greeted all the tables way faster…

BLG: Pretty sure he killed a couple of hollows…


Byakuya: I feel this in my soul.

If Hitsugaya asked other characters for help with his paperwork...

As requested by anon. :)

Hitsugaya has decided he needs help with paperwork! Or perhaps he is playing a paperwork related game. Either way, he is going around asking other Bleach characters if they will help him with his paperwork. What will be the result?

1. Matsumoto

Hitsugaya: Matsumoto, I need your help with some paperwork.

Matsumoto: Ooh, captain, I’d love to, but I’ve already promised to go drinking with Kira and Hisagi!

Hitsuagaya: I’m your captain!


2. Ukitake

Hitsugaya: Ukitake, I have all of this paperwork I have to do and - 

Ukitake: Of course I’ll help you!

Ukitake: Now, which paperwork do you least mind being speckled with blood stains?

Hitsugaya: …

Hitsugaya: Maybe I’ll ask someone else.

Ukitake: Wait! At least take some candy!

3. Hiyori

Hiyori: What’s this? Some kind of weird flirting thing that short guys use?


Hitsugaya: I JUST SAID HI

4. Kenpachi

Kenpachi: Sure, I can help.

Hitsugaya: R-really?

Kenpachi: Yo! Yumichika!

Kenpachi: Help this guy with his paperwork.

Kenpachi: Yumichika loves doing paperwork.

Yumichika: Loves it?? I’m just the only one who will do it!!!

Hitsugaya: I know that feeling.

5. Hinamori

Hinamori: Why haven’t you asked me, Hitsugaya-kun?

Hitsugaya: H-Hinamori!

Hitsugaya: It’s just that you…

Hitsugaya: Well, you’ve had a rough couple of years.

Hitsugaya: And I won’t burden you any further than I already have!

Hinamori: …

Hinamori: It’s paperwork. Not a stabbing.

Hinamori: I swear, captains are so dramatic…


6. Luppi

Luppi: Look at you, tiny shinigami, trying to get other people to help you with your work!

Luppi: Pathetic!

Luppi: I could destroy eight piles of paperwork all by myself.

Hitusgaya: Do, not destroy.

Hitsugaya: I’m looking or someone to do them.

Luppi: Oh? Then why did you ask the espada of destruction?

Hitsugaya: I never even asked you!

Luppi: And you’ll come to regret that choice!

Hitsugaya: What is even going on???

7.  Cang Du

Cang Du: Give me the paperwork, Hitsugaya Toshiro.

Cang Du: I have already possessed your zanpakuto, your soul.

Cang Du: It is only right that I take from you the rest of your identity as well.

Hitsugaya: Uh, it’s paperwork, not my “identity.”

Cang Du: Well, from what I’ve heard…


8. Gin

Gin: I’m hurt, Hitsugaya.

Gin: That you never asked me for help.

Gin: You know that I love to do what I can to help out my fellow captains.

Hitsugaya: No thanks. I have enough work without getting caught up in a murder web.

Gin: A murder web? Through paperwork? How on earth would I manage that?

Hitsugaya: I don’t know.

Gin: But you want to find out?

Hitsugaya: NO

9. Aizen

Aizen: H-

Hitsugaya: NOPE

10. Karin

Karin: Well, I guess I can help.

Karin: Since you helped me with soccer or whatever.

Hitsugaya: Uh, I never asked you to -

Karin: Of course, since I don’t know anything about Soul Society really, you’ll have to teach me everything before I do the paperwork.

Karin: But that’s cool.

Hitsugaya: …is this just an excuse to learn about Soul Society?

Karin: Well it’s not like my brother is chatty!

11. Ichigo

Ichigo: Toshiro, look -


Ichigo: You know I’m always down for rescuing anybody from any situation…

Ichigo: But I’m trying to cultivate my reputation, you know?

Ichigo: It’s hard enough trying to keep my good grades and love of Shakespeare on the down low!

Hitsugaya: You like Shakespeare?

Ichigo: I don’t want people to think I’m a -

Ichigo (whispers): Nerd.

Hitsugaya: ..

Hitsugaya: Don’t think you need to worry about that.

Ichigo: R-really?

12. Byakuya

Byakuya: Help? With paperwork?

Byakuya: We are captains of the Gotei-13.

Byakuya: We do not request help.

Byakuya: - at least not with matters that are as mundane as paperwork.

Byakuya: Is this another one of your “jokes”?

Hitsugaya: …uh, yes?


Byakuya (muttering): I wish I was good at jokes.

Conversations that would happen (if Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, and Hinamori took a road trip)

As requested by anon. :)

Previously, we envisioned what sorts of conversation would happen if Aizen and Urahara took a road trip together. Now we’re going to do the same thing only for Hitsugaya, Hinamori, and Matsumoto! They’re all in a car together for days. What sorts of things will they talk about?


Hitsugaya: Wait, how come *I* have to sit in the back seat?

Matsumoto: Because Hinamori is driving and I called shotgun!

Hitsugaya: Shouldn’t I drive? I am the captain!

Matsumoto: You are, captain, but we also don’t want to be pulled over every five minutes because a kid is driving.

Hitsugaya: I’M NOT A KID!

Hinamori: But you do, uh, look like one, Toshiro-kun.

Hitsugaya: So I’ll go into bankai!

Both women: NO BANKAI

Hitsugaya: ….why did I agree to this?


Matsumoto: Oooh, it’s a vista point! Let’s take a picture!

Hinamori: Okay!

Hitsugaya: Or we could keep moving forward?

Matsumoto: Let’s get one of the two of you! Hitsugaya, put your arm around Hinamori!

Hitsugaya: Uh…

Hinamori: It’s okay, Toshiro-kun, so long as you don’t stab me!

Hinamori: This time.

Hinamori: Ha…ha?

Hitsugaya: …

Matusmoto: Such a cute picture!



Hitsugaya: I really am so sorry.

Hinamori: It’s okay, Toshiro-kun!

Hitsugaya: It’s just, I thought they had made those noodles way too spicy for you.

Hinamori: Yeah but when you lunged across the table screaming that you were going to protect me, you knocked the whole hot sauce bottle onto my shirt!

Matsumoto: Plus got us kicked out.

Hitsugaya: I didn’t want you to burn your mouth!


Matsumoto: I got road snaaacks!

Matsumoto: It’s Orihime’s trail mix recipe!

Matsumoto: A little hard to eat because of the ice cream, but totally worth it.

Matsumoto: Want some?

Hinamori: Yes please!

Hitsugaya: I’ll pass.

Matsumoto: But captain it’s a road trip!


Hitsugaya: Matsumoto, can you hand me the squeegee? I’m going to clean the windshield.

Matsumoto: [smiles]

Hitsugaya: What?

Matsumoto: It’s cute when you rely on me!

Hitsugaya: …just hand me the squeegee, Matsumoto.


Matsumoto: Oop, it looks like the captain fell asleep in the backseat.

Hinamori: Do you think he’s having fun?

Matsumoto: Definitely!

Hinamori: Do you think he really came along to “supervise” us?

Matsumoto: I think he’s just bad at asking to join in things.


Matsumoto: Man, there’s no room left in the trunk!

Matsumoto: Captain, can you hold this bag on your lap?

Hitsugaya: ANOTHER bag of souvenirs, Matsumoto?? You don’t need to buy so much!

Matsumoto: I want to remember the trip!

Hitsugaya: That’s what pictures are for!

Matsumoto: But you scowl in all of the pictures!

Hitsugaya: That’s because you always try to make me hug Hinamori!

Hinamori: Wow! Another great shot of you guys arguing!

Hitsugaya: ….or maybe we should just rely on our own memories.


Hitsugaya: Hinamori, pull over here.

Hinamori: A vista spot, really, Toshiro-kun?

Hitsugaya: It’s high. It has a nice view.

Hinamori: You like places with nice views, huh?

Hitsugaya: Yeah.


Hinamori: Wow, the world-record holder for largest watermelon, right here in front of us.

Hitsugaya: …

Hinamori: Makes you think about when we were kids, huh?

Matsumoto: You should pose like you’re both taking a bite out of it!

Hinamori: Great idea!

Hitsugaya: …

Hitsugaya: We really drove five days for this?

Hinamori: I know! Such a great bargain!


Hitsugaya: Well, we’re finally home.

Hitsugaya: Time to get caught up on all of our -

Matsumoto: Scrapbooking?

Hitsugaya: Paperwork!

Hinamori: But Matsumoto and I want to put all of these pictures into a scrapbook!

Matsumoto: And then show everyone!

Hitsugaya: But -

Matsumoto: Come on, Hinamori! I’ll buy the drinks!

Hinamori: I’ll get the crimping scissors!

Hitsugaya: …

Hitsugaya: I guess one more day off is fine.

anonymous asked:

Bleach Captains (doesn't matter from which generation. Maybe when the series starts? Minus head captain.) and where they'd take their dates in a human world? I really like your date headcanons thanks!

aw cute request. Thanks!

Soi Fon: This may sound cliche, but a cat cafe date would be so cute. Cats+tea=perfect for Soi Fon. But a regular cafe date is also nice

Gin: He’s likely to surprise his s/o by not telling them where he’s taking them for a date. He’ll just tell them to get in the car and go. This is oddly specific, but I see Gin coming up with a date like: driving to a cliff that has an amazing view of the stars at night and just sitting in the car with his s/o to stargaze

Unohana: A walk through the park might seem too plain as far as dates go, but Unohana really like sit. She likes being surrounded by all the green and sunshine. Plus, it gives her and her so quality time together

Aizen: Hmm he might think a museum date is decent enough. He can enjoy the artistic culture there. He’s not huge on romance, but a museum is a setting that’s intimate enough for him and a s/o to enjoy 

Byakuya: He might take a date to an opera or the ballet. He’d also do something simple like a dinner date. But the restaurant he picks is anything but simple. It’s going to be the most expensive place in town

Komamura: Hmmmm dates with Komamura are difficult, especially in the human world/human AU situation because he’s uhhhhh a dog. He’s probably most comfortable at home with his s/o. Although, he’d start feeling anxious and guilty about not being able to go out and enjoy the world with his s/o. So maybe a movie date? Just somewhere where he doesn’t have to be seen by too many people

Kyouraku: He’d love a picnic date! Or something outside in general, maybe a strawberry picking date or a pumpkin patch date, if it’s in season. OOOOO or he’d love to take a cooking class with his s/o. Probably Italian (:

Tousen: Of course he can’t fully enjoy a date that requires visual stimulus, but I feel he could still enjoy fun dates. A trip to the farmer’s market with his s/o would be nice, because he can still smell all the spices and food around him. Or maybe just sitting and watching the sunset, feeling the sun rays on his face

Hitsugaya: He’s not the biggest fan of dates, so his s/o will have to settle with something kind of boring like a date in his backyard or something like that. But maybe they’ll be lucky on holidays and convince him to go watch fireworks? He might be down for that

Kenpachi: He’s not the best when it comes to picking dates. His s/o will probably have to decide on a date. But as far as they go, any date where he could possibly end up in a fight with someone is great. Probably a bar or somewhere they can grab a drink, so some drunk dude tries to start some shit with him

Ukitake: He can do a fun cheesy date, like karaoke, just as easily as he can do something romantic, like making his s/o a homecooked, candle-lit meal. (Would also give in to a double date with Kyouraku if the latter begged him)