Author’s note: I’m rewriting this fanfic because the original’s format was ugly as hell and it irked my soul so I’m redoing the whole thing
Fandom: The Hobbit
Summary: The Fem!Reader is on her period and when Fili and Kili find out what periods are they think she’s dying…(which is what it feels like)
Thorin had finally decided to make camp and you were miserable. You’ve been catching wave after wave of cramps all day. You were trying not to show the pain because you were surrounded by eleven dwarves, a hobbit, and an old wizard. NO. Everyone was sitting at the campfire and Bombur was passing around dinner. You weren’t hungry so you decided to excuse yourself, “Hey guys, I’m not really hungry so I’m just going to go lay down.” You stand and wince as another waves of craps hits you. “Y/N are you alright?” Kili asks.
Yeah! I’m great besides the fact that my uterus is trying to commit suicide!
You smile sweetly, masking the pain and say, “I’m fine Kili, I’m just tired.” You leave the campfire and lay down on your bedroll. Fili and Kili walk over to you.
“Y/N do you still have those bandages we were looking for earlier?” Fili asks. “Yeah, they’re in my bag” you say. Fili and Kili start looking through your bag and you roll over hugging your sides. “What are these?” You rolls over and what they were holding were not bandages.
Kili turns the pad over in his hands, “Are they some sort of bandage?” he asks. “Yes are a very special kind of bandage and they’re mine” you say snatching the pads from them. “What are they, and why are the special?” Fili asks. You take a deep breath and say, “Pads, they’re pads.” “What are the used for?” Kili asks.
“I use them when I’m on my period which I’m on right now” you explain. “What is a period?” Kili asks.
OH MY GOD
“You don’t know a thing about women do you?” you ask. They just blink at you. “No? Okay… A period is a cycle women go through every month where blood comes out our-” “You’re bleeding?!” Fili interrupts. “Well yes” you say. They stare at you horrified. “How long have you been bleeding?!” Kili asks. “About three days” you say. They both jump up and start running around the camp yelling “SHE’S DYING! Y/N’S DYING! SHE’S BLEEDING OUT! SHE’S DYING!” Everyone’s standing up worried and confused except for Gandalf, Thorin, and Bilbo.
“Fili! Kili! Come here!” Thorin orders. The two brothers stop yelling and obey. “Y/N is not dying” Thorin says. “But she’s blee-” “She is not dying” Thorin states firmly. Fili and Kili look a each other confused. Gandlaf step in, “Yes Y/N is bleeding but it is a natural process. Now look at the poor girl you’ve embarrassed her.” Everyone was staring at you and you were completely mortified.
Kill me now
Fili and Kili walk over to your bed roll and sit down. You sit up and face them. “I’m sorry” they say in unison. “I forgive you” you say. Fili smiles and fidgets with the hem of his tunic, embarrassed by the situation. “…Why?” Kili asks. “I don’t know! It’s just the way women were designed!” you snap. “Sorry to upset you” Kili says. “No it’s just I get these cramps and they really hurt and it makes everything all sensitive and makes me really irritated” you explain. “Oh!” They say. “I need chocolate”
line of Durin on a giant trampoline. Fili and Kili are having the time of their
lives. Then Thorin just tries not to fall over like an idiot, while yelling at
his nephews to stop their infernal jumping.
The battle was won, Erebor reclaimed, and thanks
to the amazing healing power of the elves, everyone got out with their
lives. Sure, Thorin had to use a cane to
walk and Fili had some back problems now, but they were alive, and that was all
It is what brought the company to this day. It was about a week before the big
celebration. They were going to call it “Thorin’s
Day”, to honor the bravery of their new king as he faced the dragon and
reclaimed his kingdom. Many argued, and
by many you mean Nori and you, jokingly, that it should be named “The Company’s
Day” but it didn’t have the same ring to it.
Planning and preparations were in full swing, the
food being planned, wine and ale purchased, the now golden floored hall being
decorated, it was a site to see. Now
that the other dwarves had returned, life was bustling once again in Erebor, it
was great to see the carefree smiles that no longer held worries of dragons and
death, but instead were optimistic of the future.