ch: dean and sam

Understanding Dean

I wanted to talk more about all the Dean and Cas moments in 13x06. I was so busy flailing like a lunatic last night, and while I mentioned it briefly in my watch notes, I do think these moments of intimacy between them are telling of a bigger picture and worth examining more closely.

Look at just how much insight Cas has into how Dean works…

When Jack mentions Dodge City, Dean gets that dopey, bashful look on his face whenever he wants something badly. And it’s Cas that gives him a pointed and knowing look in return. 

It’s intentional, and our gaze is deliberately draw first to Dean, and then Cas’s reaction. Not Sam’s, who by all accounts in canon, has precisely the same amount of exposure to Dean and cowboys in 6x18. All flailing about the unwritten implications aside (okay not completely aside, because just think for a minute about how Cas has come to know this as intimately as he does), Cas knows inherently that this is something that gets Dean excited. And later, when Jack looks on in incredulity at Dean’s unabashed fanboying over the motel room and the old cowboys…

Jack: He really likes cowboys.
Cas: Yes, yes he does. 

I have trouble reading Cas’s line here as anything other than long-suffering. In my eyes, he’s framed as a long-suffering spouse who’s put up with this reluctantly, but lovingly, for what feels like forever. But whether you read their exchange as something more intimate, or just as a long-suffering friend, it’s still long-suffering. As in, Cas has had to bear witness to Dean’s cowboy obsession time and time and time again. We only know of one other instance in canon where Dean has had this particular kink on display: 6x18′s Frontierland. I’ll grant you Cas is a drama queen, but Frontierland on its own is just not enough to warrant this level of exasperation in Cas, because it was Sam who went back in time with Dean then and bore the brunt of Dean’s enthusiasm for the Wild West. 

Next, Cas knows that Dean is an angry sleeper. And okay, I’m not setting the flailing aside on this one, because JUST HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT, CAS? HMMM? We know canonically that Cas has a history of watching Dean sleep. We now know that he has a history of waking him up as well, and Cas knows how to do that in a way that is gentle and soft enough not to wake the sleeping bear as well. I would very much like to see precisely how Cas wakes Dean up.

And the coffee? That whole scene was so delightfully domestic. You get the sense that this is a ritual– a daily routine that they go through.  I adore the silent, wordless exchange between them and Cas just plunking himself down in resignation. Communication without words requires intimacy and familiarity with someone else, and we’re seeing that in spades here. 

When they split up to tackle the case, I love that it’s Sam who splits them the way that he does: Jack will stay with Sam, and Cas will go with Dean. It’s not necessarily the most logical choice, and it would have made arguably more sense for Cas to go with Jack.  I like to think that Sam is acknowledging that his brother and Cas need some space alone. 

Which leads me to my final point. Just as moments within an episode can’t stand alone and must be taken in context, so too should we look at the overall season arc and the choices that are made to put episodes where they are in chronology. 13x06 falls right after the episode in which Sam is trying is absolute, adorable best to cheer Dean up, but he’s doing it in all the wrong ways. I’m not saying that Sam doesn’t understand Dean, because he’s absolutely close with Dean and has to know things about him that others don’t because of their close proximity all their lives. But I feel like they’re making it glaringly obvious over the course of the past few episodes that Sam doesn’t relate to Dean in the way that Cas does, and contrary to whatever bullshit Dean might spew, Cas is not his brother

Sam’s insight into Dean (at least in the previous few episodes, and he certainly has a history of this in the past too) is well-intentioned and loving, but misguided. Frankly, I blame Dean for that because of how carefully he’s kept Sam from truly seeing him. The contrast between Cas and Sam and how they both relate to Dean is fascinating. Sam seeing the sanitized, performing Dean facade, whereas Cas sees beneath it. 

I’ve wavered in the past between “Sam knows” and “Sam is an oblivious moose.” I’m beginning to lean more in the direction of oblivious moose, not necessarily because that’s where I think Sam’s at, but because that seems to be the direction the writers are taking him in– as a stand-in for casual viewers and the lens through which we see the dynamic between Cas and Dean.

Who else thinks Sam and Dean need one of these??? Also I bet this would make a great story! Tag me if you find inspiration….

About anger and reality

Now, I haven’t been around much these last couple of days because of health stuff, so forgive me if I say something that’s been said a million times already.

I wanted to throw down a thought about the nature of Dean’s show of anger, or better, about the way the scene in Mia Vallens’ studio is a play on reality.

It’s nothing new that the theme of the Dabb era is reality, and this episode has gone all out with it. Shapeshifters by definition are a monster that allows a play on appearances and lies and deception. In the first episode of the show featuring a shapeshifter, Skin, we got to explore the folds of the truth of Dean’s character. Nightshifter, Monster Movie, Ask Jeeves… all explore the themes of truths and lies and identity. But I don’t want to digress :) So, this episode explores heavily the theme of deception, from the obvious element of the shapeshifter pretending to be someone else, to the visual metaphors like the ridiculously highly symbolic moment where “Dean” literally tears his face off like a mask.

And then there’s the crucial scene where Dean, Sam and Jack visit Mia Vallens’ studio and put up a performance to pretend they’re interested in her counseling service. The status of reality of the entire scene is ambiguous, and the anger shown by Dean is, let’s put it like this, ambiguously real.

I am not saying that there is no anger in Dean because that would be silly. He’s angry at God for dumping too-big responsibilities on them and disregarding their needs; he’s angry at Jack for the events in North Cove; he’s angry at Sam for ignoring the boundaries he’s trying to set regarding his role in dealing with Jack. But I think that we also have to consider that there is a level of performance to that anger shown in the counselor’s studio.

The crucial scene for the interpretation of Dean as aiming anger at his family is purposely a performance, where the line between reality and deception is ambiguous. I’d say that Dean draws from reality and uses that reality to craft a lie. That scene in Mia’s office is primarily a lie. Sam has to storm out of the room to go investigate the room (although he does take a moment to collect himself when he gets the cup of water, because the lie wasn’t a complete lie, of course), Dean has to keep the counselor busy.

Look at Jensen’s and Jared’s acting - for most of the scene, it’s the ‘pretend’ attitude. Only one thing, in my opinion, Sam brought up that Dean wasn’t expecting and made his controlled expression slip, i.e. the part where Sam talks about him not having the connection with Mary that Dean had.

Look at this bit for instance

Most of the scene is more or less like that - they’re blatantly acting with streaks of actual feelings intertwined with that. Only at this moment Jensen does a kind of face that signals that Dean is taken aback in a hurt-y way, the blink-and-retract:

It’s not about anger at all. He slips when Sam clearly goes out from the track they had been planning the scene to go, because Dean is obviously taken aback for a moment there. (Sam is also making it harder for himself, digging actual troubles of his, and he has to collect himself with the cup of water later).

When the scene is about Dean’s feelings, he is putting on a show for the counselor. And, while he does use actual feelings to make the show (of course, otherwise there’s no point to the entire episode if everything is a lie lol), Dean seems fairly in control of the persona he’s playing - let’s call it a John persona if we want. Anger, making Sam storm out of the door (sounds familiar?), blatantly drinking hard liquor, making the kid terrified of him - there is a truth to these things Dean is showing. He does hold some anger, he does mean what he’s told Sam to some degree, he has been drinking alcohol (but mostly beer), he has been acting aggressively at Jack (who, I might add, isn’t terrified of Dean, but terrified of himself - when he tells Sam that Dean said he’d kill him, he doesn’t it because he’s scared of Dean, but because he’s scared of why Dean thinks that about him).

But at the same time, Dean and Sam are playing a part. Dean makes a show of acting angry and aggressively oppositional to Sam, Sam leaves the room and go investigate (it doesn’t really matter if they’d planned it to go exactly like that - either way, they had to explore the counselor, they were there with a purpose). No matter how much truth there is behind it - Dean is still putting up a performance for Mia. He makes a show of drinking alcohol from his flask, something so blatantly “I am not taking this loss well lol” that is sure to capture the counselor’s attention on him.

I think that his anger is real (of course it can’t all be an act otherwise the emotional weight of the episode disappears and nothing makes sense), but the John persona he puts on is something he purposely play with for a specific goal.

I think that the scene suggests that he is emotionally mature enough that he play with the anger he feels. That he can use John as a performance on purpose. Maybe it’s not a coincidence he doesn’t seem to have particular reactions to Sam’s accusations that he’s acting like John - because he’s not in a position where he’s terrified of being like John, of his emotions escaping him, of being unable to control himself. It seems to me that he’s in control of his anger towards Sam and Jack, it’s not like Lisa and Ben when he felt his emotional reactions were escaping his control and was terrified. When Sam accuses him of acting like John, Dean simply reiterates his refusal to act as mother to Jack, which is the boundary he has been trying to set and Sam has been ignoring.

It’s very misleading to say that Dean’s way of dealing with grief is to turn it into anger and then unjustly aim that anger at everyone around him.

Note that Dean showed no anger toward the sheriff or drunk fries-craving girl in 13x01, Donatello or the bartender in 13x02, or Jody, Missouri, Patience or her dad in 13x03. In many cases, he actually showed empathy, care and patience with them even though he absolutely didn’t have to.

I’d say Dean’s anger at Sam, Jack, and in this episode also the therapist, was largely connected to the fact that in all these episodes, Dean is forced to do things he very openly doesn’t want to do because he either thinks they’re dangerous, a mistake, or it’s very painful for him. And yet, he has to do them anyway, and as if that wasn’t enough, he’s constantly berated for not being more happy about it. No wonder he’s angry.

Domestic Destiel

Sam notices it. He notices the way that Cas’s eyes get just a little bigger when Dean walks into the room. He notices that when Dean wishes them goodnight, his hand stays on Cas’s shoulder just long enough to be more than a friendly pat. He notices the way that when Dean does leave, Cas’s eyes follow him all the way until he’s out of sight, and even then some. He notices the way that Cas starts smelling like the soap Dean uses. He notices when Dean is cooking in the morning that he begins to put chocolate chips in the pancakes, and he’s never done that before. He notices how Cas always volunteers to wake Dean up. How Dean gets into the habit of sleeping in since this started, never waking before Cas. He notices the way that the time between finishing a hunt and calling Cas to let him know they’re safe diminishes to nearly nothing. He notices the way that Dean stops going to bars and coming back in the morning covered in red lipstick kisses, instead dragging ‘the whole gang’ along when he wants a beer. He sees how the waitress hits on Cas, and the way Dean looks at her, almost a glare. He notices when Cas sits down right next to Dean, their thighs pushed against eachother despite the booth they share being big enough for both to have plenty of space. He sees the way that Dean doesn’t move away. He sees how Cas is always ready to hand a napkin or hot sauce to Dean, before he even asks. He notices how when Dean jokes with sam, he smiles more than usual. He notices the way that Dean doesn’t smack his hand away when he goes to turn the Metallica song down. The way that he drives with his right hand, the left one hanging down, hidden from sam’s view by the seat and the rest of Dean’s body. He takes note of the way that whenever he does this, Cas always seems to sit on the left side of the back, his hand hidden too. He notices the way that Dean hums love songs as he cleans. He notices the way that Cas gets them stuck in his head too, even though he’s never paid attention to the lyrics before or gone out of his way to hear it. He notices the way that Dean leaves his bedroom door open at night, 'in case there’s an emergency’. He sees it when Cas starts making the coffee extra black, instead of with lots of sugar the way he prefers it. He hears it late at night when Cas walks across the hall and into Deans room. He sees when he goes to bed, the two of them lying in deans bed, Castiel Curled up and looking small for the first time. He sees the way that Deans arms curl around him like a shield. He hears them snoring together, tangled together under the blanket Cas must have brought from his room. He notices in the morning when he finds Cas back in his own bed, with his own pillow. He notices the way neither mention it. He notices when Dean doesn’t complain when Cas steals his bathrobe, or when he uses his shirts without asking. Sam notices when Dean and Cas bump into eachother while making dinner, both crashing to the ground. He notices when Dean looks at him, and then back to Cas (who is still in his lap from the fall). He sees it when Dean grabs the angel’s hand. He notices it when Dean opens his mouth to tell him, and Sam just shakes his head and smiles. He notices when the two start holding hands in public. He notices when Cas sits down on Deans lap and smiles more than ever. He notices the sparkle in Dean’s eyes when he looks at Cas, always like he’s seeing him for the first time. Sam notices it. And Sam is happy with it, because truly he’s okay with anything if it makes his brother happy. And God above, he’d never seen his brother more happy or more in love than with Cas.

A to Z (Fluff) - Dean Winchester

Originally posted by subcas

A = Attractive what do they find attractive about the other?

Dean loves your eyes and lips. He loves to get lost in your eyes and run his thumb over your soft lips.

B = Baby do they want a family? why/why not?

He’d want a family after you both settle down

C = Cuddle how do they cuddle?

He likes to cuddle with your back pressed up against his chest and he likes to wrap his arms around you and keep you safe.

D = Dates what are dates with them like?

He’ll take you out on dates whenever he can, to bars or diners or just watching tv shows in the bunker. 

E = Everything you are my ____ (e.g my life, my world…)

“You are my stars. You watch over me, shining brightly and twinkling happily. In the pitch black night, you’re the light in the darkness.”

F = Feelings when did they know they were falling in love?

He knew he loved you when you stood up for him in high school. You beat up the guy who was picking on Dean and got into detention for him. You were brave, strong and witty and he knew he was screwed when he knew he fell in love with you.

Keep reading

A Supernatural x “ IT ” Crossover (part 4)

Originally posted by supernatural-imagine-fanfiction

S U M M A R Y: Their next case brings the three Winchester siblings to Derry, a city in which children seem to disappear for a unknown reason…

A/N: imagine that the IT movie plays in 2017 and not in 1988.

Also this is a crossover between supernatural and the “ IT ” movie. Not the book. It’s been a while since I saw the movie so if I make any mistakes, please don’t be angry, I really enjoyed the movie and thought that it would go super well with Supernatural.

( This is going to have multiple parts )

Chapter 4

She’s not back yet?”, Dean asks and looks out of the window into the night, outside the big ’ motel ’ sign shines bright red and the clicking sound of the clock seems to be louder and slower than ever.

“It’s already past midnight.”, Sam who sits on the bed feels how the anxiety inside of him rises with every second. He taps with his feet on the ground as he tries to call Y/N once again:“Come ‘on… come ‘on…”,he whispers but the only thing he hears is her voicemail.

Devasted he throws his phone on the bedsheets next to him:“This is bad…this is really bad…”,he exclaims and swallows thickly. The brown haired boy stands up and walks over to Dean, he puts a hand on his shoulder and senses how he shivers under his touch.

“We need to look for her, Sammy.”, Dean says, his voice breaks at the end:“Something happened to Y/N, something bad- someone bad.”, He turns around and grabs his jacket and gun from the table.

“Dean- wait!”, Sam says and Dean who already has his hand on the doorknob looks at him in confusion, why should he wait? His sister was out there, kidnapped or maybe even worse-

“Your car keys.”,he says and throws them over at his older brother before he also grabs his jacket and backpack. Dean opens the door but stops immediately when he sees how 4 boys are standing infront of the Impala. A couple of bikes are thrown to the ground a few meters away from them and at the sound of a opening door they all turn their heads to look at the two brothers.

“Oh thank God.”, One of them says as he walks up to Dean:“We thought we would never find you!”,he says and rightens his glasses:“The address in this book is really blurred-”,he explains and holds up a dark blue book.

Dean’s eyes widen when his eyes fall on the book:“That’s- that’s Y/N’s journal.”,he exclaims and takes it out of Richie’s hands:“Where did you find this?”

“In her backpack- she’s actually the reason why we are here.”,he explains and Dean takes a step closer to him.

“Where is she?”, Sam asks and his voice is shacking.

“At Bill’s.”, The boy behind Richie says and the two Winchester siblings breath a sigh of relief at least they know where she is:“But she’s hurt, it seems like as if she hit her head.”

“Follow us and we bring you to Y/N…”, Richie says and the four boys grab their bikes as the two men quickly get into the car:“It’s not far from here.”

“T-they’re g-g-going to f-f-find y-y-your bro-brothers.”, Bill whispers and looks down at Y/N, she lays on the sofa and her head is placed on his lap. Her hands are covered by little bruises and a huge cut is visible on her forehead

He gently caress her cheek and sighs before he takes a patch out of the first aid kit, carefully he sticks it onto the cut and sees how she shuts her eyes tight at the touch, when someone rings the bell and his head shoots up.

“Bill it’s us!”, The voice of Richie exclaims and Bill slowly puts Y/N’s head on one of the pillows before he stands up and walks to the front door, when he opens it he not only sees his friends, but also two very concerned men.

“Where is she?”,the taller one asks and they all step into the house, when he turns his head and sees that his sister lays on the couch he and his brother both rush over to her side.

Dean carefully puts his hand on her forehead and a small smile appears on his lips, while tears start to form in his green eyes:“Oh God you’re safe…”.

Sam who also has tears in his eyes turns to look at the boys:“Thank you so much for saving her… now tell us what happened.”,he says, while his brother Dean is still kneeing infront of Y/N.

Refusing to leave his sister, in fear if he turns away she might disappear.

Bill and his friends just look at him for a while, confused why someone would act this way just because their sister, not even really, disappeared for a hour, before Eddie turns to face the younger brother.

He starts to tell them how Y/N saved Richie’s and I quotes Eddie here “ stupid ass because he wasn’t able to get through one single day without being in some sort of danger ”, how they went to the library and how she acted after Ben told her what he knows about the city. That they followed her outside she saw that she was already lying on the ground.

“I don’t really understand what I said to her, that made her run away like this, I just told her what she wanted to know.”,Ben defends himself.

The entire time they listen to the young boys and once he finishes talking Dean finally stands up and crosses his arms infront of his chest:“What did you tell her?”

“Well…she wanted to know more about the history of Derry, I was reading some books about this city when my family and I moved here, I didn’t really have a friend’s back then so I stayed at the library the first week of the summer-”

“Come to the point!”, Richie exclaims and sighs:“They definitely don’t want to hear your tragic life story, now tell them what you told her sister.”

“O-okay, so I told her that it seems like every 27 years something bad is coming into this city, during that time when it’s here people die or disappear. Y/N asked me how long it’s been since the last time and I told her-”

“27 years…”,Dean finishes Ben’s sentence and looks up at his brother:“And now that thing came back and took all these children.”

“H-How d-d-do y-y-you k-k-know about t-t-the c-c-children?”,Bill asks perplexed as he comes out of the kitchen,in his hands he holds a blue ice pack. He makes his way up to Y/N and puts it on top of her head before his eyes fall on a picture of his brother.

Sam follows his gaze and his eyes fill with sadness when he looks at the framed picture on the bookshelf:“He’s your brother…”

Bill swallows thickly :“T-T-That d-d-doesn’t a-answer m-my que-question.”,he says coldly and looks at Dean:“B-Besides w-why a-are you h-here w-without St-Stephen?”


“When Y/N saved me from Henry and his friend, she used a gun to threaten Henry, when we asked her if it’s a real one

she said that her dad brought it for her little brother Stephen- why aren’t we seeing your dad somewhere isn’t he worried about his daughter as well?”,Richie asked and looks past them out of the window.

For a minute the two brothers just look at each other, there was no point in holding up Y/N’s lie, Dean takes a deep breath before he nods his head:“I think we need to tell you boys something.”

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Don’t mind me if you’ve had enough of the debate

But I’m still not over that, from Dean’s point of view, Sam’s speech to him at the end of 13x03 meant “I expect you to accept to go through another Demon Powers Me Drama all over again”, when having to save Sam from the demon powers drama was the one responsibility that broke him, even more than having to save the entire world, and people are demonizing Dean for not being okay with it, because Dean has to be their perfect Saving Sammy Machine even if it’s not even about Sammy 1.0 but the new sleeker version that Dean’s mind associates to one of the biggest traumas of his life that’s also a few days fresh, because only Sam is allowed trauma, no, actually, only Sam and Jack are allowed trauma, Dean needs to tend to other people’s trauma and shut up like the patriarchal model of the perfect housewife

The One Thing

When Dean was six, all he wanted for his birthday was a Matchbox Impala. Just a little metal toy version of his daddy’s car.

He wanted to play with it, sure, he was a kid after all, but he really wanted it to keep with him. He wanted that little bit of his father to keep in his pocket; something to hold onto when John was away for days at a time.

When his birthday rolled around, there were no presents. John didn’t even seem to remember it was Dean’s special day. There was no cake, no gift, no card; not even a hug or a Happy Birthday from his father.

Dean tried to be strong. He tried to look disappointment in the face and say no to the tears, but he was only six. He was only a small child, and things like presents and hugs and special gifts were important; and he was disappointed.

That night after John passed out on the sofa, the birthday boy dragged a pillow and a chair over to the rented playpen that sat under the window of their motel room. He set the chair against the side and tossed the pillow into the crib before climbing inside. He lay down next to a sleeping Sam, and cradled his brother close. Sam stirred in his sleep, popped his big hazel eyes open, and smiled up at Dean. Chubby fingers grabbed at Deans shirt, and Sam pulled his brother down, giving him the biggest hug that a toddler could muster.

“Love you too, Sammy,” Dean whispered before laying down and tucking Sam under his chin.

Maybe he didn’t get the one thing he wanted for his birthday, but Dean realized, even then, at the wise old age of six, that in his brother Sam, he had the one thing he’d always need.