cgi wolves

Realtalk: Beauty and the Beast

((Spoilers: DUH))

Okay, but jokes about bad CGI wolves aside, Disney’s latest live action remake just served to remind me what didn’t work in the last few films. Keep in mind this is all my opinion and you don’t have to agree to any of it.

I could appreciate the effort they took in better explaining the lore. The classic film implied Beast could be as young as 11 when the curse took effect for them to be wasting away for “ten years” (as stated in the original Be Our Guest), and a lot of people were left puzzling as to how exactly an entire town failed to notice the ominous castle sitting on their outskirts for all those years. But as with all the other remakes Disney also attempted to flesh out the characters, usually in the form of a heavy backstory, and this is where they always seem to fall flat for me.

This is the main problem I have with live action: they seem to struggle in deciding which tone they want to run with. Do they want to prove they can play with darker and more sombre themes? Those poignant backstories and frequent deaths in the families would suggest so. But then they turn right around and try to emulate the cartoon almost frame for frame. Suddenly the action sequences, one-liners, and visual gags look too hammy and out of place, especially when juxtaposed with the aforementioned Dark Subjects. This isn’t helped by the uncanny valley characters at all.

I’m sure some kids out there find all of this enjoyable and see no problem with the new films (though personally if I saw that CG Lumiere as a child I would have run screaming out of the theatre), but all I could think as I watched Beast tear through the tower pining and singing his heart out was:

“Holy shit Disney, you should remake Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

Think about it: they could play with dark themes all they wanted and it wouldn’t feel out of place at all. The animated film was already one of Disney’s heaviest, in fact I feel it’s been swept under the rug as a result of its heavier tone. The characters themselves are some of Disney’s most subdued and wouldn’t be terribly difficult to translate into live action without changing too much, and they could go nuts with the special effects and locations all they want because it’s got everything.

Medieval city? Check. Tall, ominous towers? Check. Spectacular views for breaking out into song? Check. Political/social commentary still relevant today? Check. Vibrant/fictional locales to pour their CGI budget into? Check. They’ve got one of the best villains in that movie, whether you love to hate him or just … love … him … if you’re one of those weirdos.

But that brings up another point: if they did rework it, I want them to go really dark with it. I’m talking taking cues from their friends in Germany and Der Glöckner von Notre Dame, a musical that managed to preserve a majority of the film while also capturing the weight of the original novel.

Don’t try to redeem Frollo like you did with Maleficent. Preserve all the slimy, misguided, despicable facets of his personality. Don’t gloss over the political commentary of gypsies in Paris, and highlight Clopin’s juxtaposed sides as a result–willing to do whatever it takes to survive even if it means stealing and murdering. We already have one of the most badass women out there in Esmeralda, and finally one who isn’t a damned princess that needs her sparkly dress. Give Phoebus a bigger role, give us time to really see the conflict between his role in society and his moral compass. Focus on Quasimodo’s internal struggle, torn between his curiosity and love for the outside world, but also his blind loyalty and affection to the one man who raised him his entire life.

And for f**k’s sake those gargoyles better be hallucinations to illustrate the toll a lifetime of solitude has taken on the poor guy or I am going to flip some heavy Medieval tables.

And finally Esmeralda dies. No-one gets the girl. Phoebus fails at his job, people get hurt as a result, and he can’t even save the love of his life. And Quasimodo is left utterly broken hearted and alone, with neither his father figure or his friends by his side. The movie ends as the stage play did: with our hunchback carrying the gyspy in his arms in a sad nod to the iconic “Sanctuary!” scene, walking away into the dark unknown, presumably to die as he did in the novel, with Esmeralda in his arms. A sombre Clopin, knocked back down to a beggar (if not dead as well during the seige), narrates the closing scene.

Because life sucks and that’s what you get for attempting to turn a Victor Hugo Novel into anything less than a tragedy.

TL;DR: Disney remake HoND. I double-dog-dare you.

(Oh my god I have not drawn these guys in literal ages. It felt so weird!)

Episode 2 Recap & Theories

HOLY SHIT THIS SEASON IS MOVING LIGHTNING FAST

Jon Snow choking TF out of LF. Just like Ned did way back in Season 1. I loved this. Jon’s face while Baelish was talking was literally like “dude don’t say it, don’t say it…he said it.” The worst part for me was LF standing in front of Ned’s tomb and saying he was “sorry when he died.” FUCK YOU LITTLEFINGER I AM STILL NOT OVER THE DEATH OF NED STARK. 

Can’t say this enough - Littlefinger will betray the Starks. (If he hasn’t already). He claims to “love” Sansa, but we all know his creepy oppressive brand of love, and Sansa keeps giving him the Coldest Shoulder. Not to mention her brother just choked him up and threatened his life. my personal theory is that Littlefinger is feeding info to Cersei (or will at some point). He likes to play all sides. He will likely use the fact that the lords in the North don’t trust Dany and won’t welcome an alliance. Remember, the North sided with Robert Baratheon against the Targaryens. They have not seen the white walkers or the Night’s King, but they do remember the Mad King.

Dany calling out Varys! I’m so glad she did this, and she doesn’t even know the whole story. Imagine if she knew how Varys had intentionally undermined her brother Rhaegar? But that’s a post for another time.

Mel admitting that she’s not that great at prophecies lol. And a shoutout to the gender neutral high Valyrian! This was a long time fan theory. Fun fact: dragons are also gender neutral.

Can I just say how much I love that Jon respects Tyrion, and Tyrion respects Jon, and then Sansa with that “he’s not like the other Lannisters” line just !!! I love this. Tyrion left Westeros with literally everyone thinking the worst of him and hating him so to have these two just totally vouch for him was so amazing, and on the other hand to hear Tyrion speak for Jon to Dany, “I like him. I trust him.” YES. If the dragon must have three heads I hope its Dany, Jon, and Tyrion tbh.

But speaking of dragons…Cersei’s dragon-killing crossbow. Prepare for tears you guys. At least one of the dragons will get the dire wolf treatment. It packs an emotional punch, will make Dany more vulnerable (right now she’s basically invincible) and is a great way to save cgi budget money.

And speaking of direwolves…Nymeria. The feels, you guys. The tears. At first, when Arya said “that’s not you,” I got super scared. Did someone warg into Nymeria? Or worse, is the dreaded Waif Theory true and she’s just realizing that this isn’t the dire wolf she thought it was? Luckily, the Inside the Episode confirmed that its just D&D’s attempt at good writing. The line was meant to be a callback to season 1 when Ned tells Arya about her future as a lady in a castle, married to some lord, and Arya says “that’s not me.” Now she wants her wolf to come home with her and live in a castle instead of in the wild with her pack, which she realizes “isn’t her.” This is also a good way to save cgi money on wolves. 

The Hot Pie reunion! Literally brought tears to my eyes. Her face when she finds out Jon is alive. That she can go home. Just. Omg. Bonus: Hot Pie mentions Brienne. Double bonus: Armor = knight. But why didn’t he mention Gendry? I kept waiting for him to bring up Gendry!

Now that she’s on her way North, I predict that Arya will meet up with the Hound & Brotherhood since they are also on their way north now. And seriously where tf is Gendry?

Show!Euron = Victarion. Jumping on deck cutting people down left and right with that badass axe? Literally taken from Victarion’s like first POV chapter. This is actually a good plan on the show’s part. Obviously they scrapped Victorian’s storyline so I like the subtle shout to his character and also it makes Euron seem less like a Regular Psycho and more like a Murderous Psycho Who Is Also A Badass Pirate. Makes sense. V good plan.

Theon’s PTSD. Heartbreakingly portrayed. Alfie Allen did a great job with this, you can see it all on his face when he’s witnessing the violence around him. I’m glad the show didn’t just make it so that Theon magically “recovered” from his time with Ramsay - you don’t just recover from trauma like that. I have seen a lot of Theon hate, calling him a coward and so on, but I don’t think that does justice to his character at all. Theon was tortured and mutilated, and suffered intense psychological abuse as well. He has severe PTSD (this is made really obvious in the books when you read his POV chapters, and you can really see how the torture has impacted his mind and the way he things). Its so much more realistic that he would be triggered by the violence he sees. 

So Theon jumps in the water when he (understandably) gets too triggered and can’t deal. Now he’s floating around. Who will rescue him? If only we knew someone who has been rowing a boat for three seasons and is due for a major comeback…

Meanwhile, back in King’s Landing, Lord Tarly comes off all self-righteous and badass hurling passive aggressive insults at Jaime (seriously, can Jaime get a break?) but we’ve seen from the trailers that Jaime will lead Tarly men (archers) into battle, so he clearly falls in line. Petition to save show!Jaime from the continued abuse of his character by D&D I just can not take it anymore. So far from book!Jaime’s arc that its basically ruined his character.

Casterly Rock. Loved the looks on all their faces like yessss this will satiate their thirst for revenge on the Lannisters. Super emotional re: Tyrion getting the Rock.  Tywin swore that Tyrion would never have Casterly Rock, but it is technically his by right (Jaime can’t be lord because he is a member of the kingsguard, the Lord Commander of the kingsguard, as a matter of fact, although the show doesn’t seem to gaf about this particular fact so ???). In the books there are large gold mines underneath the Casterly Rock, but in the show those mines now are empty so idk if that helps them at all, but it is said that Casterly Rock is immune to dragon fire so I love that it is Tyrion and his cunning that will take it. Here’s how I think it will go down: Tywin, as an insult, once put Tyrion in charge of all the sewers and drains in Casterly Rock (a plan that totally backfired because Tyrion, being Tyrion, had them in tip-top shape and they never ran so well) so Tyrion is very familiar with the sewage systems in Casterly Rock and I’m willing to bet this is how he devises a strategy to get the Unsullied in.

Speaking of the Unsullied…Grey Worm is gonna die, you guys. I hate this. I hate this. But whenever the show hypes up a romance and makes me feel things, it always ends badly. And that Grey Worm speech to Missandei fucked me up. So I expect this to end horribly. I expect to cry a lot. Foreshadowing her as his weakness. Ugh. Pain. Why???

Sam! Bless this cinnamon roll. I was in real tears when he told Jorah how he was with his father when he died. Rushing in to save him when no one else would try. I expect this procedure to work. But I expect it will have unforeseen consequences later on. I swear if Sam gets greyscale I will riot.

No ravens from Castle Black re: Bran Stark is still alive ???

I do wish d&d would just admit that they don’t want to have to keep dealing with cgi wolves on top of cgi dragons instead of trying to make out like they were making some kind of deep point. They killed off Shaggydog, killed off Summer. They probably knew they couldn’t get away with either killing off or never showing Nymeria again so they have her appear only to leave again. Jon has buggered off probably to get a dragon so they won’t need to do Ghost much anymore… They don’t give two shits about the Stark/Wolf connections and since they’ve invested zero time in it why bother continuing to animate them.

Wolf gif hunt

Under the cut is 60+ gifs of various colored wolves! All the gifs are small/medium and the majority are HQ. Most are of real wolves and there are only a few CGI wolves from Game of Thrones. Some were made by me and some I found through my years of roleplaying. If you see one of your gifs and want it taken down, let me know! Please like or reblog if you use this, I worked hard on it.


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So my boyfriend sends me this picture and is like “I’m at the grocery store and I just took this picture in the parking lot. Going food shopping now. Talk to you in a little bit”

No
My answer to this cloud is “no”. I would see that and based upon every natural disaster/teen romance movie I’ve ever seen I would immediately start moving in the opposite direction. Fuck that cloud funnel cloud shit.
No.

Later when I was like “are you dead? Was there a tornado? Was there a tidal wave that trapped you in a library with CGI wolves?” He was all like “it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t twisting or anything”

Not a big deal?
I refer back to my original answer of “No”
I do not have time for scary funnel clouds.

No