E3 Breakdown

I’m not updating the card cause it didn’t have space for me to rank each show twice - by watchability and by games shown. So I’m just gonna go for it.


Watchability: F
Games: D-

EA’s show was a fucking embarrassment. Yes, I know games are a lot of work and the people who make them rarely get the credit they’re do, but I’m sorry, nobody on earth appreciates these lead-ins showing the developers working on a tablet and pontificating about how much they love games. I’d love a video series or something about developers to go on a company’s youtube, but at an E3 presser I do not care. Not that it would have mattered, EA didn’t show anything beyond Titanfall 2. Was there a single bit of actual gameplay footage outside that? Also they showed the Battlefield 1 trailer, then showed it again 4 minutes later as the closer. Absolutely awful.


Watchability: B
Games: B-

Okay showing. Nothing earth shattering, but they had games and they showed games. I’m not sure anyone on earth really cares about the Elder Scrolls Hearthstone clone, but whatever. Wish they had given an ES6 teaser or even more about FO4’s second story add-on, though.


Watchability: C
Games: Also On Windows 10 (C+)

Not… awful? It was fine. FFXV demo looked fucking horrible (and we later found out that dude never touched the game before right then, so ??) and I’m not entirely sure why we needed several minutes of Minecraft gameplay, the game that is literally played by more people than any other game in existence. Hilarious that they just salted the earth on Xbone sales by unveiling Scorpius, also hilarious that they’re even going ahead with scorpius when the fact everything is also on Windows 10 might as well be them saying ‘this is the last XBox’. I already had to upgrade to that accursed platform though, so good for me, I guess.

PC Show

Did not watch.


Watchability: F
Games: C-


God it was so awful, it was so fucking awful, even the fact South Park looks fun and For Honor looks good and Watch Dogs 2 looks, at least, better than Watch Dogs 1 can save the presentation for how fucking horrible it was to watch. Jesus CHRIST it was painful to actually watch. Not funny, not entertaining, AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE. VR DOES NOT WORK ON STAGE. ALL WE SEE IS A BORING GAME AND A BUNCH OF DOUCHEBAGS WEARING HEADSETS, STOP HAVING LIVE VR PRESENTATIONS.


Watchability: A++++++++ Unmatchable, Sony will fuck this up next year, watch.
Games: A-

Perfect. Literally everything I want out of an E3 Presentation. Just show games, you fucks. Just show the games, and if they’re clustered, bring out someone to intro each set. This is exactly what I wanted. And it helped that nothing they showcased looked shitty. Dad of War? Well, it made me not fucking hate Kratos, so good job there. Days Gone? I dunno why it exists considering The Last of Us does, but it might be fun. RE7? Looks good. Everything looked good.

Also, despite MAKING THEIR OWN VR HEADSET, Sony did not feel the need to have a LIVE VR PRESENTATION featuring some jerk-offs wearing the thing.


Didn’t watch, outside of some Zelda clips. I keep slingshotting between excitement and dread since if it’s done well it’ll be amazing and if it’s done poorly it’ll be MGSV all over again.

Overall a decent E3.

What if he didn’t eat the mice because he saw uncomfortable Steven was about it and decided to hold onto it. That episode showed:

  • Onion pulls this crap all the time and has apparently broken windows in the Gems home. 
  • Amethyst and Vidalia were friends
  • Greg, Amethyst and Vidalia were their own little group
  • Ame had friends outside the CG
  • Ame had someone to vent to.
  • Ame and Vidalia were close and it’s probably why amethyst is super humanized and chill.
  • Onion has a pet snake.
  • Onion has his own trophy room that only he can get to full of guys
  • Gave Steven a guy and shared something ultra personal with him and didn’t have to.
  • Steven wants to give Amethyst time to vent to someone who understands her.
  • Desensitized to probably violence, theft, blood and human genitalia . Steals often and is his way of expressing himself. And has his own birthing on video tape and shows it to people. Also proves Onion was born… and not… poofed into existence.
  • Doesn’t eat and probably doesn’t like the texture of food or the way it feels when he swallows.
  • He has guys and gals and he has lots of gals. 
  • Doesn’t mind carrying things in his mouth but won’t swallow them probably. 
  • and lots more shit I’d have to go back and check.

sidenote: Does Onion have friends? Is that place between the walls his safe place away from the darkness and loud music? How often is his father gone (I know fishermen can be gone for long periods of time)? Was there any significance to the explorer gal, does she favor anyone or mean anything?

I actually like Onion a lot more now that we got a feel of how he kind of is. I think he likes Steven and enjoys to see him become so animated. Steven also feels like he has to suck it up and put his feelings on the backburner for the Gems unfortunately which could cause major issues.