I think it’s important to remember that if someone in your life is causing you harm, whether it be physically or emotionally, it is okay to stand your ground and remove them from your life. No matter who this person is to you, you deserve to be treated with respect. We have to remember our worth and remember that every one of us deserves to be loved and surrounded by people who honestly care about our well-being.
I left and it hurts. Saying goodbye to someone, even if it’s the right thing to do, will always be painful. I can remember all the good memories, all the times we laughed together, every time we danced. The beautiful moments will forever be etched in my mind, stored away like a book I’ll always be able to open and have a glimpse of what used to be. That’s what’s hard, when you leave, you tend to always remember the good. It’s so difficult, but sometimes you have to. I was living in a constant confused state of who I was; being told day after day about how he perceived me made me begin to believe it. Slowly, I was letting his thoughts of me become my own, and that should never happen. I am open-minded, easy going, positive, happy, generous, excited, energetic, adventurous, loving, intense, emotional. That is who I am and I know this. Never again will I ever let someone tell me different, much less believe them. Sometimes, you gotta leave a situation to find yourself again, sometimes that means leaving someone you love. I think back to what my mom told me once: ‘Love isn’t always enough, sometimes, love holds you back, and that’s when things get hard, because how can something so beautiful be what brings you down? It’s not easy when you’re there.’ I understand what she meant when she said that. So today, I made a choice for myself, the memories will always be there, sweet and real and honest, but now it’s about me, it’s about remembering who I am and doing what makes me happy. I’m confident the sadness I feel right now will slowly be replaced with a feeling of a weight lifted. I’m ready to be myself again and surround myself with people who love me for me.
I miss you so much already beautiful boy. When I first met you 6 years ago, I was intimidated by your size and your strong presence.. But as I got to know you, I learned you were just one big teddy bear. One handsome teddy bear that’s for sure. I’m going to miss the way you greeted me at my car every time I came home or simply when I stepped outside. I’m going to miss the way you were so protective of Buddy and Batman and never got annoyed with them when they were excited hyper puppies. I’m going to miss the way you would nudge at my hand if I wasn’t petting you. I’ll even miss the way I’d need a Benadryl every time you’d give me kisses just like the way you’re giving me kisses in this very picture. All the sneezes, the runny noses, even the occasional hives.. They were all worth it with you. Saying goodbye absolutely broke my heart and I felt as if I was saying farewell to a family member. The only thing that brings me comfort in this situation is knowing that Buddy is probably really happy he now gets to play with his big brother in Heaven.. We love you so much Spawn.. We miss you so much and we will never ever EVER forget you. RIP baby boy.. 💔👼🏼🕊