cever

Message to you, that was too long for an ask

I don’t know if you already read the post I made, but I decided to move on and let go of my feelings. In order for me to be able to do that I have to be honest with you and tell you how I feel, so please bear with me, I hope this won’t make things awkward because that’s exactly what I’m trying to prevent. So here it goes:
I love you. I know “love” is an incredibly strong word and I don’t use it lightheartedly but calling this a “crush” would be cevere understatement and saying “feelings” is running away from the truth. I believe that being honest here is the only way for me to liberate myself and it means accepting reality. The reality is that you are in a happy realtionship and that any kinds of feelings are just in the way and a burden on our friendship. Of course I’d like us to be more that friends, but I accept the fact that this is just makebelief, there is no future as lovers for the two of us and we will both be happier once we finally sort this thing out.
I miss you, I miss you as a lover. The memories of us still haunt me in the night and I constantly dream of you. A while ago I dreamt of you sleeping next to me and after waking up I wondered where you had gone to, it took me a while to realize that it was just a dream. But even more than missing you as a lover I miss you as a friend, I miss seeing you and I miss being able to actually talk to you. Feelings will eventually fade but I want the friendship to stay.
You are one of my closest friends and one of the very few people I really trust and can talk to, so please bear with me while I sort myself out!
I know that you are aware of my feelings but I needed to get this all off my mind, I hope you don’t hate me for this.