centimetre

3

The Sumatran rhino, unlike most Asian rhinos, has two horns, a front and rear.  The front, or nasal horn, is the large, with one animal having a horn measured at 81 centimetres in length (thought most do not grow above 25).  The second, or frontal horn is considerably shorter, sometimes little more than a bump.  Males tend to have longer horns than females.  These horns are not used in fighting, but for scraping open wallows, pulling down edible branches, and breaking paths through dense vegetation.  The rhino’s horn is made of keratin, the same material that makes up hair and fingernails, but is also the cause of the rhino’s decline.  Rhino horn is highly valued in East Asia as a folk medicine and status symbol, and today poaching and over-hunting is by far the biggest threat to the Sumatran rhino’s continued survival.

themonthly.com.au
The 40 most Onion-like Australian politics headlines of 2015
It says a lot about the state of Australian politics that this is the third year running I have been able to compile a list of real news headlines that read as satire for the Monthly. Perhaps it says even more that I was able to compile a whole book of them from the Abbott government’s first – and thankfully only – term.

Some choice headlines from all of these gems:

Joe Hockey announces 50-centimetre extension of Parap pool which Darwin City Council says is already too long

Leaked talking points tell ministers to say ‘our cabinet is functioning exceptionally well’

LNP to host International Women’s Day function at club that only allows men

Christopher Pyne refuses to say how he ‘fixed’ higher education reform bill: ‘I want it to be a surprise for you’

Australian Border Force: Peter Dutton says his office received copy of press release, but no-one read it

Australian minister: ‘Gay marriage could damage our cattle exports’

Clive Palmer’s dinosaur Jeff destroyed by fire at Palmer Coolum Resort

Federal MP hurt leg ‘crash tackling’ Tony Abbott

Tony Abbott buys a fridge on Gumtree

8

au: after having enough of Rumple’s regular shit, Regina decides to visit Gold’s shop during his absence and makes sure to move every object subtlety one inch to the left without him knowing. Safe to say there are repercussions. 

  • chloe:*face is two centimetres away from beca’s*
  • chloe:"you seem so tense, do you need a back rub?"
  • chloe:*brushes beca’s hair out of her face*
  • chloe:"i really think this retreat is gonna help us discover everything about each other"
  • chloe:"my biggest regret is not experimenting enough in college"
  • me:...
  • me:...
  • me:are you fucking serious
2

Maybe you should start living for yourself.