Director Taika Waititi put a piece together to explain what Thor was doing during Civil War. “I just am taking a break. We had this cool adventure saving New York, that was pretty great. So I moved to Australia and moved in with Daryl,” Thor says in a documentary-style video. Thor has Daryl help him write an email to both Tony Stark and Steve Rogers about their “Relationship problems.”
“Dear Steve Rogers, remember when I goaded you into killing those prisoners and you made me swear not to tell any of the other Avengers? I still haven’t. Please let me know if you need anything, I’m not doing much at the moment,” he said.
Thor had a wall of conspiracy theory about the Infinity Stones. “Who is the purple man in the chair? He’s purple, has a magic glove, and doesn’t like standing up.”
Thor sits down to talk with Bruce Banner, who gets a call from Iron Man. “No amount of money is going to get me into your little pissing contest,” he says to Tony. Stark doesn’t want to talk to Thor. Banner says that Stark says he doesn’t know how to get a hold of Thor, and Thor says he doesn’t have a phone, and should instead send a raven.
Next, a sizzle reel was shown from the first five days of filming. After a few very quick shots of Thor and Loki together (but no real indication of what they were doing) and some scenery that was clearly Asgardian, they showed several pieces of concept art.
Loki was shown with a new costume,
several shots of Asgard, and Thor was shown with some red streaks down his face. Many tribal-looking characters were shown, in fact, perhaps indicating the presence of the “Planet Hulk” storyline rumored. One quick shot showed what seemed to be characters from The Eternals, though they could’ve also been the Celestials. A new throne room was shown, too. Then came the big finish, with Gladiator Hulk (from the aforementioned Planet Hulk) charging at Thor in a piece of CGI test footage, with helmet, gauntlet, and weapon. A full shot of Cate Blanchett’s Hela was shown, looking pitch-perfect in full green, as if she leapt from the comicbook page. Finally, Hulk jumps, screaming, down from a high point, descending upon the fire demon Surtur.
Imagine being an advisor to Loki and one his closer friends. One day, during an argument, Loki angrily exclaims that he doesn’t need you and storms out, leaving you alone and on the verge of tears. The next day, Loki wakes up feeling terrible and throughout the day he works up the courage and nerve to eventually apologise. But when he goes to find you, you’re gone and the maids tell him you’ve left the palace since you “weren’t needed anymore.”
Steve can do a lot of things - he can fight, draw, dance, look like a model and play ultimate frisbee. But he can’t cook to save his damn life. Meals with you two would consist of microwaveable food and take out. Or, you’ll just go to the tower and get Tony’s fancy ass robots to make you a proper dinner.
As aforementioned, Tony has robots to do that for you. But do you use them? No, they’re noisy, clunky and chip his darling marble worktops (in the kitchen that he never sets foot in, unless to brag about his said worktops). So, most the time you’ll cook for the both of you, simply because he’s even worse than Steve at cooking and can mess up microwave meals.
Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier
Surprisingly, Bucky is actually a very good cook. No one is sure if he picked it up at Hydra or taught himself, but you’ll come home to all kinds of food from salads to lasagna. Natasha originally said that it’s because of his arm, and just to test it out, you got Tony to hack into it somehow and make it mess up, He still made really great chocolate chip pancakes, despite his dead arm. Bucky, 1, Tony, 0.
He can toast Pop Tarts and pour milk on cereal. So, you’re covered for breakfast. But how about lunch and dinner? You do that, because last time he tried to make a sandwich, your neighbour ended up in the emergency room. Something to do with Thor getting mad and chucking a knife. Long story.
Either Loki read a crap ton of cooking books whilst doing time in Asgardian prison, or he’s just a natural. Somehow, he can cook up literally any food from any continent, and get it perfect every time. But he still can’t work out how to use a toaster - The amount of time you’ve had to stop him putting a fork in one of the slots in an attempt to get the bread out is unbelievable.
Bruce knows the basics of cooking things like pasta and pizza, but anything past the difficulty of fairy cakes is enough to freak him out. So, you are generally the cook in the relationship, but he’s allocated food orderer and payer (I made a word) whenever you get take out.
Let’s not go there. You have banned him from the oven, micowave and toaster for safety reasons - But not just for you, for the entire city. If he were to cook, the Great Fire of London would have to step aside and make room for the Great Fire of Manhattan.
Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow
Natasha is annoyingly good at cooking. She’s not exactly Gordon Ramsay (but if you piss her off, they do become chillingly alike) but she can easily make fancy ass food without difficulty, which could easily beat out your pro-microwaving skills, much to your dismay.
Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch
Wanda can cook all kinds of stuff from her home country. You couldn’t pronounce the names of it, even if you tried, but it tastes good. The irony is, she can’t do simple meals. One time, she left the chicken nuggets in the oven for like two hours and they become more coal nuggets than food. You nearly cried.
Pietro has never slowed down long enough to learn how to use an oven. He occasionally helps you with measurements and stuff when you’re cooking something, but he quickly gets fed up and is infamous for starting food fights literally every time he tries to ‘help’ you cook.
You live above a Chinese takeout place, so do you ever really need to cook? You get a discount and they have a sizable and pretty healthy menu, so you just live off of there. Sometimes you’ll go over to the tower if an actual skilled chef like Natasha is cooking, but usually your evenings are chinese takeout and Netflix.