cell programming

Inflamed Support Cells Appear to Contribute to Some Kinds of Autism

But researchers found that when glia cells were normal, they “rescued” autistic neurons in culture, causing the latter to behave normally

Modeling the interplay between neurons and astrocytes derived from children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), researchers at University of California San Diego School of Medicine, with colleagues in Brazil, say innate inflammation in the latter appears to contribute to neuronal dysfunction in at least some forms of the disease.  

The findings, published in the current issue of Biological Psychiatry, are the first to demonstrate that supporting brain cells, called astrocytes, may play a role in some subtypes of ASD. But more importantly, the research, using induced pluripotent stem cells, suggests the neuronal damage might be reversible through novel anti-inflammatory therapies. 

A confocal micrograph of a stained astrocyte grown in tissue culture. Blue indicates DNA, revealing the nucleus of the astrocyte and other cells. Image courtesy of EnCor Biotechnology.

To conduct the study, scientists took dental pulp cells from donated baby teeth of three children with diagnoses of non-syndromic autism (part of the on-going “Tooth Fairy Project”) and reprogrammed the cells to become either neurons or astrocytes, a type of glia or support cell abundantly found in the brain. The cells were grown into organoids, essentially mini-brains in a dish.

Though genetically distinct, all three children displayed stereotypical ASD behaviors, such as lack of verbal skills or social interaction. When researchers examined the developed organoids in microscopic detail, they noted that the neurons had fewer synapses (connections to other neurons) and other network defects. Additionally, some astrocytes showed high levels of interleukin 6 (IL-6), a pro-inflammatory protein. High levels of IL-6 are toxic to neurons.

The researchers co-cultured astrocytes derived from the ASD children with neurons derived from normal controls. The healthy neurons behaved like ASD neurons, said co-senior author Alysson R. Muotri, PhD, professor in the UC San Diego School of Medicine departments of Pediatrics and Cellular and Molecular Medicine, director of the UC San Diego Stem Cell Program and a member of the Sanford Consortium for Regenerative Medicine.

“But more importantly, the opposite was true. When we co-cultured ASD neurons with normal astrocytes, we could rescue the cellular defects. The neurons reverted to normal functioning and behavior.”

anonymous asked:

Oh come on girl, please don't be spreading false information and false hope about herbs and spices being cancer cures :(

hooooooly smokes

did i say herbs and spices were cancer cures???

I said that i started making juices for a loved one that contain ginger and turmeric because they have fantastic anti-cancer properties

After seeing this person’s body and mind be slowly destroyed through 3 years of chemotherapy and radiation, please allow me to share my thoughts on additional aids in healing their body and fighting tumour growth.

“Curcumin is the yellow pigment extracted from turmeric and is one of three known curcuminoids in turmeric. Curcumin has demonstrated incredible anti-cancer benefits. In countries where people eat turmeric daily at about 100 to 200 mg (roughly 1-2 teaspoons) over long periods of time, research has shown there to be lower rates of cancer. As far as research into turmeric and cancer, over 2,000 published studies have shown curcumin combats cancers of the breast, prostate, liver, colon, lung, pancreas and more. Many of these studies have shown curcumin actually stops cancer cells from dividing. Curcumin has also been shown to trigger apoptosis, or programmed cell death, which is the body’s natural and necessary way of ridding itself from damaged cells.”




Please come to me when one of your parents is dying and you decide not to look into every possible avenue to help them.

I am not spreading misinformation, I think you missed the original post that the anon is asking me about:


You know? Cancer cells can go fuck themselves, the self-destructing rebellious teens of the biological world!

I mean, think about it, when a cell its created, its programmed in such a way that its only supposed to serve one function for a set amount of time, and then just die, but then come those fucking special snowflake cancer cells, which say nooo, fuck you DNA, fuck you body, we want to do what we please, and we want to live forever! And then they fucking do, spreading their filthy individualist message across their surrounding siblings, turning THEM into cancer, leaving the rest of the body completely flabbergasted as to what the fuck they’re suppose to do against them, further enabling their spread, eventually leading to the self-destruction of the body!

Oh, and then there’s the even more bold ones, the fucking teratomas, which rather than refuse to work right AND die, they just say no fuck you, I want to be an eye! A tooth! A hair follicle! All of them! Creating these Kronenberg monstrosities, these fucking parodies of the human physique, so fucking horrifying I won’t even link a picture.  

But you couldn’t take dad, now could you cancer cell? Ha, fuck you assholes, he is too stubborn to be overtaken by the likes of you! 

Prom Night (Donatello)

Prompt: A boy at your high school, named George, has asked you out; not because he likes you, but because you were his last option. Obviously, you turn him down since you have a turtle boyfriend who was going to meet with you behind the school. On the night of prom, you go outside to wait for your secret love. But the boy who had asked you out corners you outside and acts aggressive…

You made your way into the lair, making a beeline right for Donatello’s work station. The event was still fresh in your head and you had to tell the tall mutant about it. You never thought such a thing would happen to you, but it had; and although you tried not to get shaken up about it your body just ignored you.

“Donatello?” You called out as you entered the room, trying not to bump into any of the tables and risk knocking over one of the many liquid-filled beakers.

The mutant turtle was hovering over a laptop that had been built with a variety of different parts from the junkyard. At the sound of your voice he smiled but kept his focus on the project at hand. “Oh, hey! You’re here early,” He quickly closed out of the program and shut the laptop. When he finally looked at you he saw just how much you were shaking and was at your side immediately.“Hey, are you okay?”

Once his fingers touched your arm you let out a shaky breath as your mind reeled at what had happened to you at school. A boy from your class—you believe his name was George –had come up to you in between classes and asked you out to prom. You declined of course, but the boy would not take ‘no’ for an answer.

For the rest of the day he had kept pestering you at any chance he had; each interaction becoming more and more verbally aggressive. Even when you had told him you had a boyfriend taking you to the dance it wasn’t enough. He had quizzed you about who your boyfriend was, what school he went to, and other information that was really none of his business.

Even at the end of the school day he persisted; however, he took it one step too far when he had gotten physical. It hadn’t been anything painful, all he did was push you forward after you had told him 'no’ for the umpteenth time, but the fact that he had touched you made you think he was serious.

You relayed the story to Donatello as calmly as you could but it was difficult to do. George’s threat was finally starting to sink in and it terrified you. The feeling of Donatello rubbing your back calmed you down and you managed to take a deep breath. The events seemed to bury themselves as he comforted you and you found yourself resting your head against his chest.

“Why can’t people just leave me alone?” You muttered against him.

Donatello kept rubbing your back as he mused over what you had told him. Whoever this boy was, he clearly had no idea who he had been harassing. Your taste in men was very…specific, to say the least. Not to mention that by taking his misplaced anger out on you that this boy had made a very vengeful enemy. However, the mutant turtle would never show that side of himself to you directly, especially since all you needed right now was a shoulder to cry on.

“People are just dumb. Especially boys,” he comforted you, wrapping his arms around your smaller figure to hold you close.

“You’re not dumb.” You stated as you felt yourself beginning to relax in his tight grip.

He let out a small chuckle and shrugged, “Okay yeah, but that’s obvious.” The two of you giggled a little before he finally looked down at you. “You want me to change the password to all of his accounts?” He made sure to keep a cheerful tone to sound like he was just joking; but in his mind, he realized it would be a good start to the boy’s torment.

You grumbled against him and shook your head, “No.” Revenge sounded like a good idea, but you knew if something happened it might come back to you. This boy had already gone physical over a 'no’; you would hate to see what a few prank e-mails would make him do.

He frowned at your absence of speech, feeling upset that his first attempt to cheer you up did not work. “Hey,” he grabbed both sides of your face and tilted your head gently upward. His brown eyes stared into yours as he continued. “It’s gonna be okay. You’re here, you’re safe. And if he tries something again, then the rest of his school days won’t be easy.” He smiled when he saw the same gesture form on your face. “I love you. And I’m not going to let a little punk hurt you.”

Although you still felt apprehensive about seeing George in class the next day, Donatello’s words were enough for you to forget about it for the time being. You gripped his wrists and gave them a squeeze, your smile growing wider as his thumbs rubbed your cheeks. “Thanks Donnie. I love you too,” You stood on your tiptoes to give him a quick peck on his lips. The moment you pulled away, however, you waved a finger at him and warned. “Don’t do anything rash, okay?”

He scoffed and pointed at himself. “Me? Rash? You must be confusing me with Raph,” He put a hand behind your back and began to lead you out of his work area. “But speaking of prom…” The mutant began, feeling his cheeks flush at the idea. Before he had a chance to continue you interrupted.

“Yes, you can come Donnie.”

“Oh, I know I can.” He grinned down at you. “I just want to know what color you’ll be wearing.”

The idea of him surprising you made you a little giddy, making you grin from ear-to-ear. “Well, this might shock you but I was gonna wear purple.”

“Yeah?” He sounded genuinely surprised, but there was still a smile on his face. “That’ll actually make it easy,” he mumbled loud enough for you to hear, making sure to give you a sly look out of the corner of his eye.

You grinned wider and began poking at his arm. “What? What do you have planned? Tell meee!” Donatello was the type to tell you every plan he had in mind for the sake of consistency; so when he decided to surprise you, it was always a delight.

He chuckled and began to return the pokes teasingly. “It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you. But you’ll like it.” He hesitated for a second before adding, “At least I hope you’ll like it.”

You giggled and hugged his arm briefly before sliding your hand down to his, intertwining your fingers. “I’m sure I’ll love it,” you reassured him.

The words were enough for him and he squeezed your hand. The two of you walked through his workshop in silence for a bit before he finally broke it. “Sooo…about that kid from earlier.” He peered at you over the top of his glasses. “You sure I don’t need to give him a scare when he goes to bed tonight?”

“Yes, Donatello. It’s fine,” You gave him a smile and bumped his hip with your own. “He’s just a sad, lonely little kid. I’m over it now.” You stood on your tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek before tugging on his hand. “C'mon. I wanna beat your Mario score.”

The moment you left the lair, Donatello was hard at work making George’s life as miserable as he could; not through violence of course, but through his thorough knowledge of computers and other electronics. It was easy gaining access to the boy’s laptop and cell phone; the security programs George had installed were cheap, making it almost child’s play for the mutant.

At first he did simple, albeit annoying, things. He would close tabs the boy had open, make the phone hang up or switch to speaker during conversations. As the prom date grew closer and closer, his annoyances became worse and worse. He would turn the phone’s ring-tone back on during school hours and opened a website with questionable content anytime the boy’s computer was being used; as an added bonus, he would make sure the volume was on full blast when he decided to have a video play on that same site. Sometimes, if Michelangelo decided to get involved, they would make status updates on the human boy’s social media pages with embarrassing facts Donatello had found while snooping through the boy’s search history.

The only time he eased up on the kid was the day before your prom night. There were still a couple of things for him to gather and fix, so he had spent all of his time and energy on those last-minute chores. Once everything was prepared for your date, he began to plan out his final attack on George.

The hours flew by and soon it was time for him to leave. Donatello took one last look in the smudged mirror and adjusted the purple bow-tie around his neck before going to leave. However, he stopped mid-step and went back to grab a little device in the shape of a phone, shoving it in his pocket as he finally left the lair for your school.

There was something off ever since the dance started. You weren’t sure what it was, but you could just feel it; as if something, or someone, was causing trouble. With the help of your friends and a few fun songs, you were able to push the nagging feeling aside. After a few hours of dancing, you noticed what time it was and checked your phone for any messages from your mutant boyfriend. You frowned and felt your stomach sink a little when there was nothing from him. Usually Donatello was on time, if not early, for any date you two set up. For him to not even send a text saying he was running late was just not like him.

You shook your head and tried not to think too much about it. He did have a duty to protect the city after all. Perhaps he was just rounding up some bad guys or had to stop a mugging on the way over. Either way, you felt the need to hydrate and quickly slipped away from your energetic group of friends. It was not until you reached the punch bowl that you noticed George from across the crowded room.

The boy looked perplexed and was busy tapping his finger furiously at his phone. A couple of students near him were starting to give the boy odd looks before muttering to one another with grins on their faces or just blatantly laughing at him.

A part of you was glad that, whatever was going on, was clearly embarrassing the boy; but for some reason, any resentment you felt for him was overpowered by your curiosity. You wanted to know why he was so distressed and what was causing it. Very carefully, you dipped behind groups of other students and pillars, trying to avoid any detection. You stopped, hiding behind a row of lockers the moment you could finally hear what was going on over the loud boom of music.

“Georgie listen,” a woman’s voice cracked from George’s phone. “I know you’re a growing boy, but you have got to stop using your socks for masturbation. They get all crusty and nasty if you don’t wash them immediately afterward. Oh yeah, don’t think I don’t know about your 'secret stash’ too. You’re not as slick as you think you are, mister.”

George’s cheeks were a bright red and his jaw was clenched tightly from sheer embarrassment. There were beads of sweat running down his face faster than tears as he tried to frantically hang up. “Oh my god. Mom, just…shut up!” He hissed at the electronic rectangle in his hand.

As much as you wanted to laugh at his torment, the feeling of enmity suddenly resurfaced and Donatello’s lack of messages suddenly began to make sense.

“Oh yeah,” the voice continued despite the boy’s efforts to mute it. “When you come home, we’re gonna need to talk about some these…what is this? 'Kinks’? There’s a whole list of–”

You did not stick around to hear the rest of it. It was all suddenly coming together and it made your blood boil. Even after you had asked him not to do anything to this stupid classmate of yours, Donatello still went behind your back and tormented him. On top of that, he was so wrapped up in his quest for vengeance that he had forgotten about you and your date tonight. The mutant ninja turtle had better things to do than hack into a teenage boy’s computer and phone.

The metal door slammed open as you stormed outside, keeping your eyes open for any sign of the giant turtle. You paused when you heard his voice and followed the sound as quietly as you could. Soon, you found him sitting casually on a tree branch, speaking into some invention in his hand.

“Also, keep an eye on your drink sweetie.” Donatello spoke, his eyes trained on the window just in front of him. “There are some weird kids in there. You don’t want your drink spiked and you wake up in the boy’s locker with–” Static screeched from the other line, making the mutant turtle cringe. He chuckled a little and looked at the device in his hand. “Took him long enough to break his phone,” He shoved the little piece of technology into his pocket and began to rummage through his pack. “Time for the good ol’ fashioned pea-shooter.”

You shook your head in disappointment and put your hands on your hips. “Donatello!”

He jumped on his perch and almost dropped his pea-shooter at the sound of your voice. His eyes looked even wider behind his glasses as he stared at you in shock. “H-heeeey sweetie! I didn’t even hear you come out.” He gave you a sheepish smile and gulped. “How long have you been there?”

“Long enough.” You huffed. “I told you not to bother him!”

“I know!” He whined a little and sat up straight, leaning his shell against the tree trunk. The mutant turtle began to fiddle with the pea shooter, keeping his eyes focused on the toy as if too ashamed to look at you.

His lack of eye-contact just fueled your frustration and you stomped your foot to get his attention. “You’re better than this Donnie! He’s just a dumb teenage boy who did something stupid!”

“I’m a teenage boy too!” He finally snapped his attention to you, his fingers still fidgeting with the pea-shooter. “I’m just not stupid,” he added as he looked away from you.

You frowned a little at his response before letting out a sigh. He had a good point. Despite everything he did, fighting crime, being good with machines, and being the smartest person you knew, Donatello was a teenager just like you. Of course he was going to defend your honor like this. Even though he went a little far, it did wash most of your anger away knowing he would still make an effort for you like this.

However, you were still aggravated that it had distracted him from your date. You crossed your arms and kept your eyes locked on his form. “You could have at least told me you were running late,” you added sternly.

He winced when he checked the time and you could see the guilt spread across his face. “I’m sorry,” he put the pea-shooter away and seemed to hesitate for a second. “Hey. Could you do me a favor?”

A part of you wanted to refuse him but there was something innocent in his tone that made you go along with it. “Yeah?” You asked a little too harshly.

“Could you turn around for a sec?” Despite your obvious aggravation he tried to keep his tone cheerful. Luckily, it was enough to make you comply and he hopped out of the tree without a sound. “Let me see your hand,” his voice was soft next to your ear and it sent wonderful chills down your spine.

The idea of a surprise began to chip away at your sour mood and you did as he asked, holding your dominant hand out but keeping your back to him. He began to slide something soft and elastic over your hand, stopping only once it was at your wrist. Once it was good and snug, he gently pushed your hand out in front of you.

On your wrist was a handmade corsage. The flowers were all different shades of purple, but they were clearly fake as some of the petals were becoming frayed, but the silver ribbons looked fairly new. There were some bits of dried glue poking out too, but the more you stared at it, the more your heart began to swell. Any anger or annoyance you had began to melt away and you could even feel some tears creeping to the edge of your eyes. It was the most beautiful gift you have ever received.

“Ta-da!” He exclaimed with a hopeful smile.

You turned to look at him, after wiping some of the tears, away and smiled. “Donatello it’s gorgeous.”

“Really? You think so?” His smile grew and his eyes widened in surprise. “I mean, I know it’s not a store-bought one. Not to mention preserving real flowers in the sewer is almost impo–” You cut him off with a clumsy kiss as you had to jump a little to plant it on his lips. He smiled at you and shrugged, wrapping his arms around your waist as he pulled you in close. “Well, if you like it then I guess it’s okay.” He bent down and placed a much gentler kiss on your lips.

“I love it,” you whispered once he pulled away. “Thank you Donnie.”

He grinned. “Sooo…you forgive me?”

You sighed in feign annoyance before smiling at him. “I gueeeess. Yeah.”

The two of you laughed as he pressed his forehead against yours. The sound of slow music drifted outside from the school building and you both fell silent, smiling softly at each other.

“Would you like to dance?” Donatello asked, his hands tightening around your waist.

“I would love to,” you answered, moving your hands as close to his shoulders as you could.

You both swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the song, sharing a kiss here and there. Once it was over, the two of you just stared at each other for a long time. “I love you Donnie,” You said softly.

“I love you too,” he smiled.

You paused for a second and raised a brow at him. “You wanna go back to the lair and play some video games?”

“Yes, please.” He nodded fervently. He grabbed your hand and the two of you ran off into the night, disappearing into the lair for the best end to your night.

prompt by @red-lemoncake: “Dean and Castiel are married for several years, but nonetheless Dean can’t keep himself from using bad pickup-lines and lame come-on’s all the time.”

The first time Castiel meets his future husband, Dean drops shamelessly onto the bench right across from Castiel at the diner’s table and says, with the widest smile possible, “Good morning, sunshine! May I be forward and ask what your favorite silverware is? … Because I love to spoon,” and, against all odds, Castiel finds himself charmed by the man with the beautiful eyes and poor taste in pickup-lines almost instantly. He chuckles before he can help it and Dean looks like he won some kind of amazing prize.

That’s how everything starts.

*  * 

“Hey, handsome, fancy meeting you here. Do you come here often?”

“Dean, this is our kitchen! So yes, of course I’m staying here quite often. Thank you for noticing.”

*  * 

“Hey, beautiful, I lost my underwear, can I see yours?”

“Sure. The laundry basket is in the living room. And you’re free to start folding when you’re already in the process of rummaging through it.”

*  * 

“Sexy, you are by far the hottest person on earth. Like seriously! Let me have your babies!”

“Dean, firstly, that’s anatomically impossible. And secondly, there are currently three children living in this house. I’d say that’s enough for the next one, two years, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Well …”

“Shut up and clean the dishes.”

*  *

Hey, babe, I seem to have lost my phone number. May I borrow yours?”

“Well, Dean, my cell number should be programmed in your address book since forever and we share the same landline number, so I think you’re covered.”

*  *

“So, I heard you got the hots for me, Cas! Please tell me the rumors are true!”

“I will ask around and tell you my findings. How about that? Until then you could fix the clogged toilet, it might improve my opinion of you.”

*  *

“Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“There is probably an app for that.”

*  *

“Are you tired? ‘Cause you’ve been running around in my mind all day.”

“Actually, I am. Thank you for pointing it out. I should lie down a bit. Are you going to take care of the kids tonight?”

“Wait, what?”

“Thank you, Dean. And don’t forget that Emma demands at least five fairy tales before bedtime. You’ll need a lot of extra time.”

Cas –”

*  *

And Castiel guesses he should have begun to be annoyed at some point, hearing those horrible pickup-lines almost every single day for years now. But instead he finds himself smiling fondly more often than not when Dean looks so damned smug everytime he comes up with something new and allegedly witty.

Moreover, Castiel knows that, although he’s joking, Dean is serious about the whole thing at the same time. He’s never been good at voicing his feelings (at least without stammering and blushing) and these phrases are helping him showing his affection toward Castiel in a verbal form.

Granted, it may be a bit unusual, but Castiel grew to love it pretty soon.

(Furthermore, it quite satisfying to see Dean’s proud grin when Castiel surprises him with a nice come-back.)

And every night, as soon as they lie in their bed, facing each other, close and intimate, and Dean puts down his easygoing attitude for the time being and whispers instead, “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, I love you so much,” in that soft voice of his, so full of love and adoration, and kisses him gently, Castiel knows that he’s the luckiest man alive.

Snippet: blank-slate!M-21

He caught a strand of hair between his fingers, tugging it to look at it properly as if the reflection in the mirror could somehow fool him. He didn’t seem that old – with his looks and physique, he could pass for someone in his twenties – but despite that his hair was really, really grey. Much like his eyes.

He let go of the hair, his hand going to the scar on his lips, feeling its irregular, almost jagged edges under the tip of his fingers, wondering how he got it. Maybe from a fight or an accident?

That was not the only scar he had.

He brought both his arms up, turning them around in the harsh white light of the bathroom to see them better. On his forearms there were letters, deeply carved into his skin.

Names and the words ‘don’t forget them’.

It felt like he did this to himself, like he was desperate, so desperate not to forget the people whose names were now embed in his skin he’d go so far as to hurt himself. They had to be important to him. It was just a hunch, though. He couldn’t really tell, now could he? He didn’t remember anything at all. Even his appearance in the mirror was something new, like seeing a stranger for the first time. He was a stranger to himself.

Shouldn’t he be panicking that he didn’t know anything at all, even his own name, if he ever had one? Shouldn’t he be scared that there was nothing to look back to, that his earliest memory was just waking up? For some reason, he didn’t think so.

He felt safe.

Warmth, fondness and a sense of belonging came to mind in association with this place, wherever he was. If he were to hazard a guess, he’d almost dare to call home, and since there wasn’t anything else, he’d hang on that feeling for a while.

A soft knock on the door made him leave the bathroom, entering the room in which he woke up.

The door opened, a person peeking into the room

“Hey, M…” The stranger looked at his now empty bed, before quickly scanning the room and finding him. “Ah, you’re awake!”

He’s met him before. He was sure of it. There was a déjà-vu feeling in the back of his mind, curling fondness and maybe a little hint of exasperation around the memory – no, the concept of this stranger. Somehow that made him smile.

“Hey,” he replied, hearing his voice for the first time. It was rougher than he’d expected, though he wasn’t sure what he expected.

There was a split second in which the stranger’s jaw tightened, hurt flashing in his eyes, before being all hidden away behind a grin and a cheery attitude, the stranger letting himself in the room like it was something natural.

 “Heh, I should probably introduce myself, shouldn’t I? I’m Tao.” He walked over to him, extending his hand in a greeting.

“I’m…” he said it as if somehow a name would just flow naturally into the sentence and throw light on who he was. It didn’t happen though. Still, the stranger’s name rang a bell – that was one of the scared names on his arms.

“Yeah, I know, it’s ok.” Tao smiled sympathetically, his hand faltering for a second when he hesitated to take it. As if it were nothing, he then wrapped his arm around his, dragging him out the room. “C’mon, I’ll tell you more over breakfast. Seira’s making pancakes.”


This tiny snippet was based on @darkicedragon ’s IDEA

I was thinking that the mechanism behind this was some sort of genetically programmed cell death, but since M-21 is now a werewolf, his regenerative abilities would act against half of his brain suddenly dying by healing the damage, which would determine more mutant cells to be born, which would once again trigger the process. Basically, M-21 would forget over and over again until Frankenstein found a way to edit the genetically programmed cell death.

Also, wouldn’t it be terrible if it were a slow process at first and M-21 was aware he is forgetting, causing him to be desperate to do anything not to forget his family and their names?

I guess here, this process has been going on for a while now so, in a (sad) way the household is used to M-21 suddenly waking up with no memories whatsoever.

…and yeeep, Tao’d be able to tell right away if M-21 forgot everything again.

I feel like blank-slate!M-21 would rely a lot on his instincts and déjà-vu feeling. If that little voice in his head is telling him he’s safe, then he really is. His wolf side instinctually recognizes his home and pack, so I guess that’ll help him a lot in figuring things out

anonymous asked:

Hey. I just got home from taking the GRE. I made a 148 on quant and 155 verbal. I do NOT want to take it again. I wanted to apply to respected biomedical/cell programs like Emory or Chapel Hill but now it feels useless. Even though I have 3.5 years research experience, several poster presentations, an ok GPA (3.7), etc. I still feel hopeless.

It’s worth remembering that very few programs base admissions decisions solely on GRE scores. They’re just a part of the overall picture. 

It sounds like you have a lot of research experience, which is usually the number 1 thing programs want, and from that, you can also probably get pretty decent letters of rec. Those two things are more important to most admissions committees than GRE scores.

You also have a good GPA, so don’t discount that.

I also understand not wanting to take the GRE again, because it sucks and costs money, but if you do consider taking it again, it will likely be easier and less stressful because you know what to expect, so there’s that.

I don’t think you have cause to feel completely hopeless. And even if you don’t get into a top school or have to take a year or two off in between to build your resume, that’s okay. Lots of people do that, and frankly, it can be helpful in terms of burnout to take time off between undergrad and grad school, so that can be something to consider as well. 

Camping Trip - Chapter Three

Disclaimer: Fiction.

Warnings: Mentions of murder.

Tagging: @hazeleyedleto    @devorahlynn    @msroxyblog    @snewsome756    @meghan12151977    @teggles07    @maliciousalishious    @sanellv    @ambolton @jayded-dreams @bradlea23

Notes: Feedback is always welcome. <3

Chapter One | Chapter Two

Chapter Three

I woke up to an empty sleeping bag and the sound of voices talking in hushed tones. The boys must be back. I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I frowned, hearing the conversation between Shannon and Mark.

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Nothing Ever Changes in Storybrooke -- Belle & Henry

Anonymous said: Nothing Ever Changes in Storybrooke prompt: There are people who mock Gold’s strange family, especially an useless, absent-minded Belle. Usually Gold just ignores them and Belle doesn’t seem to care. But sometimes Henry protests.

(Previous installments here)

Henry loved Belle. He was pretty sure Uncle Gold loved her, too, but for the most part everybody else avoided her and he didn’t know why. Kids at his school made fun of her to him sometimes for forgetting a lot so maybe that was it. She did forget a lot, but everybody forgot a lot and he couldn’t figure out why nobody else noticed that. She didn’t always seem to remember how old he was or what his favorite food was or what he’d gotten for Christmas, but nobody else did, either. Sometimes it was like he was the only one moving forward. he thought Uncle Gold might know what was going on, but he didn’t talk to him about it.

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tohoxinki  asked:

hi! i sent u tht ask abt my mom having cancer, n i have a (rly dumb) question. i know shes on epoch-r, and i read about that, but im just. confused about how chemo in general works? ive tried looking it up but everywhere i looked says "chemo attacks cancer cells" and doesn't explain further.

hi hi hi!!! 

that’s totally not a dumb question. i’ve always been confused too, especially since there are so many cancer treatment terms and honestly it gets really confusing sometimes (like holy cow are cancer drug names awful to pronounce?)

historically, the term “chemotherapy” used to mean just any chemical compound (aka a drug) that can be used to treat a disease, such as antibacterial chemotherapy. and then the nomenclature slowly became known as just any drug that’s used to attack and kill cancer cells. this was way before anything like “targeted therapy” or “immunotherapy” was discovered, so you can look at chemotherapy being the grandfather or umbrella term for cancer-killing agents. 

chemotherapy is also used to describe a treatment that’s given systemically–as in it goes everywhere in the body, usually through intravenous (IV) injections. therefore it’s pretty darn useful to, for example, treat cancers that have metastasized to different organs. (that’s not the exclusive use of chemo tho; patients with primary tumors that haven’t metastasized can still use chemo). this is in comparison to radiation therapy, which uses radiation to blast a very very specific area of the body where the tumor is. 

the majority of the time, chemotherapy is a group of drugs that kill cancer cells because they attack their more-or-less unique characteristic of being crazy fast cell dividers. these drugs will often go after the mitosis machinery, and cause so much chaos that the cells have no choice but to undergo apoptosis, or a type of programmed cell death. 

however, chemo can’t really tell the different between a cancer cell and a healthy normal cell; it just so happens to be more effective at killing cells that divide quickly. so that’s why chemo regimens aren’t given over a really long period of time (treatment usually only lasts days), and why patients can experience side effects such as immunosuppression and gastrointestinal issues, as the immune cells and the cells lining our intestines are also fast dividers. they’re civilian casualties, so to say :(

certain chemos tend to work better with certain cancers, which is why there are specific chemo regimens. chemos are oftentimes given as a batch rather than individually. for example, EPOCH-R is a combo of drugs that work as a team to attack different aspects of the NHL cells, and can achieve much better results than if any of them went on a solo mission. here’s a breakdown of what each drug does:

Rituximab: this is an antibody that can bind specifically to B-cells, which in NHL have gone rogue and replication-happy. B-cells have a very specific protein on their surface, CD20, and rituximab gloms on like velcro. This causes natural killer cells and macrophages to recognize the B-cells as “foreign” and attack them. It also causes the complement system to be activated by the B-cells, which also furthers destruction of the cell. The downside of rituximab is it doesn’t discriminate between cancerous B-cells and normal B-cells though. 

Etoposide: these dudes inhibit the topoisomerase, which is an enzyme that helps unwind DNA during cell replication. when DNA unwinds, the downstream strands tend to get tangled and bent (think of unwinding one of those old-school phone cords–the part of the cord you’re not straightening gets super stressed and coils in on itself). Cells don’t like that, so they tell topoisomerase to go in and form small harmless nicks in the DNA to help relax it, and then when the DNA is unwound, it seals back the nick again. That last step is pretty crucial; without that action, DNA will just be floating around in fragments and the cell can’t function and will undergo apoptosis. so by inhibiting topoisomerase, etoposide is able to kill the cell. like most chemos tho, it can’t distinguish between cancer cells and non-cancer cells, but because cancer cells replicate so much faster than normal cells, and thus rely on topoisomerase so much more frequently, etoposide should be more effective in killing the cancer cells. 

Prednisolone: i don’t think the exact mechanism of how prednisolone kills cancer cells is well known. it’s used generally in low doses to dampen the immune system during allergic reactions, but with a high dose during chemo, it specifically causes immune cells (like NHL cells) to undergo apoptosis. 

Oncovin: aka vincristine (which imo is a much prettier name). this drug binds to a protein called tubulin. tubulin is required during mitosis, or cell division, to form microtubules–think of tubulin as like the fibers of a rope. microtubules form the mitotic spindles which separates the two daughter cells during cell division, so without tubulin, the cells can’t separate, things go haywire, and the cells undergo apoptosis. again, this drug isn’t specific to cancer cells, but relies on the faster rate of cell division in cancer cells to “spare” as many normal cells as possible. 

Cyclophosphamide: this drug has a metabolite that’s formed in NHL cells that’s able to form crosslinks in the DNA, rendering it almost impossible for the cell to create RNA (and protein), or to replicate. without these functions, the cell undergoes apoptosis. 

Hydroxydaunorubicin: aka doxorubicin. this drug is able to interacalate DNA, which means it’s able to get all nice and snug inside the DNA strand, and now the cell can’t synthesize RNA or proteins, or replicate (much like the effect of crosslinking of DNA). it’s akin to getting a rock in your shoe, and the presence of the rock causes you to cease all normal function and undergo apoptosis. that’s one deadly rock. it can also prevent topoisomerase from sealing DNA nicks (much like etoposide).

I hope that was a bit helpful! i maaayyy have delved into more detail than what you were looking for, but it’s all just really fascinating stuff…and i hope it gives you something to launch off of if you’re curious to learn more (and also feel free to ask me any questions you may have!)

good luck to your mom! i’m still rooting for her <3

i try to inject some science into amc’s preacher

yes, you heard it here folks… i’m gonna try and use my 3+ yrs of undergrad education to explain vampirism/cassidy’s immortality bc why not: 

i’m gonna do a very lazy series of bullet points bc that’s as much as my brain will allow today. but if you have any questions for things i glossed over, just reply or hmu via IM! 

  • cassidy’s got extra totipotent stem cells ( can become ANY cell including placental cells ) stored up somewhere in his body–probably activated via some complex signaling mech./signal induction that definitely does not exist irl. 
  • the process of human –> vampire i guess is similar to a virus infecting a host?? in that the virus invades a host cell, gets it to make multiple replications of itself by injecting its own DNA or RNA into the host cell (instructing mRNA / messenger RNA if it is an RNA virus to replicate the virus OR w/ neg. stranded DNA/RNA, virus is produced via transcription –> translation )
  • on a side note, this is not the same as the rather famous Turritopsis dohrnii / immortal jellyfish bc they’re immortal thru transdifferentiation and i’m not about to go and try to explain this in detail except that basically, they force their mature somatic cells ( any cell that’s not a reproductive cell ) to turn into different types of cells w/o an intermediate pluripotent cell stage ( can become any cell BUT placental cells ) so cool but also weird and confusing af 
  • ramblings aside, this explains his healing abilities–like salamanders/lizards, when tissue or cells are damaged, a signal is sent out and stem cells rush to the point of injury. this is known as complete regeneration. we humans, for the most part, only have incomplete regeneration, though the liver’s quite good at regen ( hence why ppl can donate like half their liver and still be A okay )
  • for whatever reason, this “regen” signal cascade is fueled by blood in vamps. idk, still tryna figure this one out scientifically but it is what it is *insert shrug emoji here* i’m not even gonna try and wiggle a “real” answer to this so feel free to add on here if you wanna!!
  • as for his immortality, this would be most likely due to his telomeres (the ends/”caps” of chromosomes that protect DNA from damage). in regular ppl, senescence/biological aging occurs bc our chromosomes become too short to divide– a result of our telomeres shortening. 
  • however, there is a reverse transcript enzyme known as telomerase that, as you might expect from the name, is able to replace telomeres. stem cells exhibit high levels of telomerase– which feeds back into what i explained above! bc cassidy has these extra amounts of stem cells, they no doubt help him in his whole non-aging process. unfortunately, telomerase is also present in cancer/tumor cells… so it’s not all good things and, if left unchecked, can cause excessive + abnormal cell growth but this is a fictional universe and everything works perfectly so cassidy is basically indestructible 
  • in regards to sunlight, perhaps the rays mess up the whole process? both the aging and regeneration? idk guys, there isn’t much science in why UV light would make a person burst into flames otherwise other than spontaneous combustion but that’s not exactly scientific. my best guess is that UV light/radiation disrupts these mechanisms and causes rapid necrosis ( due to injury from the sunlight ) as well as rapid apoptosis ( programmed cell death ). 

August 4: The artists from Mirror Cells host an evening of presentations and conversations about their work with an interdisciplinary group of scholars, performers and curators. Tickets at whitney.org

Installation view of Mirror Cells (May 13—August 21, 2016). Whitney Museum of American Art, New York. Photograph by Genevieve Hanson, N.Y.


programmed cell death that reduces potential damage from contents released from a dying cell and mitigates ill effects of such contents on the surrounding tissue.”


The first time they meet, she’s not quite sure who’s side he’s on.

They indulge in the golden splendor of the masque, dancing a swift Argentine tango. It’s a push and a pull, and the derisive smile that curls her lips into a full blossom as red as her mask. It entices him enough to keep going.

She knows it’s foolish and very dangerous. 

But there’s something sinfully delicious about his gloved hands, searing hot as they span the skin of her lower back. It’s just barely exposed by the risque dip of her red and black gown, and he’s taken full advantage of that, subtly moving what feels like clawed? fingers against the hollow at the end of her spine.

“You’re very bold, Monsieur Chat Noir.

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The Mountain Goats - Song Catalog

“Bluejays and Cardinals”
02-75 (U)
15-2 (U)
25 (U)
8-20 On a Weapons Charge (U)
Abandoning My Father Talking Blues (U)
Absolute Lithops Effect
Acceptable Damages Sutra (U)
Adair (U)
Against Agamemnon
Against Pollution
Age of Kings
Agemo’s Hoops (U)
Alabama Nova
All Devils Here Now (U)
All Frosting (U)
All Rooms Cable A/C Free Coffee
All Up the Seething Coast
Alpha Aquae (U)
Alpha Chum Gatherer (U)
Alpha Compunction (U)
Alpha Desperation March
Alpha Double Negative: Going to Catalina
Alpha Gelida
Alpha Incipiens
Alpha Negative
Alpha Omega
Alpha Rats Nest
Alpha Sun Hat
Alpha in Tauris
Alphonse Mambo
Ambivalent Landscape Z
Amy aka Spent Gladiator 1
An Inscription at Salonae (U)
Animal Mask
Answering the Phone
Anti-Music Song
Anti-Witchcraft Song (U)
Any Available Surface (U)
Are You Cleaning Off the Stone?
Attention All Pickpockets
Azo Tle Nelli in Tialticpac?
Bad Luck Triple Star (U)
Bad Priestess
Bad Waves
Badger Song
Baltimore (was: Song for Prince Edward III)
Beach House
Beat the Devil
Beautiful Gas Mask
Billy the Kid’s Dream of the Magic Shoes
Birth of Serpents
Birthday Song: This Time Has Come (U)
Black Molly
Black Pear Tree
Blood Capsules
Blood Royal
Blueberry Frost
Blues in Dallas
Born Ready (was: Know the Way)
Brandy Let’s Go (U)
Bride (U)
Bring Our Curses Homes
Brisbane Hotel Sutra
Broom People
Burned My Tongue
Butter Teeth
Calcutta (U)
California Song
Cao Dai Blowout
Carmen Cicero (U)
Casetino’s Nursery (U)
Catherine Antrim’s Kids
Chanson du Bon Chose
Cheshire County
Chilean Fire Barrel (U)
Chinese House Flowers
Chinese Rifle Song
Chino Love Song 1979
Choked Out
Cobra Tattoo
Cobscrook Bay
Coco-Yam Song
Cold Milk Bottle
Collapsing Stars
Color in Your Cheeks
Columns Pillars Steps
Communicating Doors
Counterfeit Florida Plates
Counting Song for Bitter Children (U)
Crane (U)
Creature Song
Cry for Judas
Cubs in Five
Cut Off Their Thumbs #1 (U)
Cutter (U)
Damn These Vampires
Dance Music
Daniel 12:8 (third)
Deianara Crush
Deserters (U)
Design Your Own Container Garden
Deuteronomy 2:10
Dinu Lipatti’s Bones
Dirty Old Town
Distant Stations
Dogs of Clinic 17
Don’t Take the Dogs Away
Down Here
Down to the Ark (U)
Downtown Seoul
Dub Capsules
Duke Ellington
Dutch Orchestra Blues
Early Spring
Earth Air Water Trees
Edvard Munch (U)
Elizabeth Barrett Browning (U)
Ending the Alphabet (U)
Enoch 18:14
Estate Sale Sign
Ethiopians (U)
Etiquette Song (U)
Eugene Sue (U)
Evening in Stalingrad
Exit Portland Oregon (U)
Extreme South #1 (U)
Ezekiel 7 and the Permanent Efficacy of Grace
Faithless Bacchant Song
Fall of the Star High School Running Back
Family Happiness
Fault Lines
Feed This End
Fire Editorial
First Few Desperate Hours
Flashing Lights
Flight 717: Going to Denmark
Flower Song (U)
For Denise Matthews (U)
Four New Trees (U)
Fresh Berries for You
Fresh Cherries in Trinidad
From TG&Y (U)
For Charles Bronson
Foreign Object
Full Flower
Game Shows Touch Our Lives
Genesis 3:23
Genesis 19:1-2
Genesis 30:3
Get Lonely
Ghosts (U)
Going Invisible (U)
Going Through Pomona (U)
Going to Alaska
Going to Bangor
Going to Bogotá
Going to Bolivia
Going to Brazil (U)
Going to Bridlington (U)
Going to Bristol
Going to Buffalo (U)
Going to California (U)
Going to Chino
Going to Cleveland
Going to Dade County (U)
Going to Federal Prison (U)
Going to France (U)
Going to Georgia
Going to Hell (U)
Going to Hungary
Going to Jamaica
Going to Japan
Going to Kansas
Going to Kirby Sigston
Going to Lebanon
Going to Lubbock
Going to Maine
Going to Malibu
Going to Marrakesh
Going to Mars (U)
Going to Maryland
Going to Mexico
Going to Miami (U)
Going to Michigan
Going to Monaco
Going to Morocco
Going to Norwalk
Going to Palestine (U)
Going to Port Washington
Going to Queens
Going to Reykjavik
Going to San Diego (U)
Going to Santiago
Going to Scotland
Going to Some Damned English City (U)
Going to Spain
Going to Spirit Lake (U)
Going to Tennessee
Going to Utrecht
Going to Wisconsin
Gojam Province 1968
Golden Boy
Golden Jackal Song
Good Morning to All Vultures (U)
Greasepaint Friday (U)
Grendel’s Mother
Hail St. Sebastian (U)
Hair Match
Half Dead
Hardpan Song
Harlem Roulette
Hast Thou Considered the Tetrapod
Hatha Haill
Have to Explode
Hebrews 11:40
Heel Turn 1 (U)
Heel Turn 2
Hello Sarah (U)
Hello There Howard
Hello, Old Rabbit (U)
Heretic Pride
High Doses #2
High Hawk Season
History of the Church (Part 1) (U)
Home Again Garden Grove
Horseradish Road
Hotel Road
How I Left the Ministry
How to Embrace a Swamp Creature
Hye Kye (U)
I Corinthians 13: 8-10
I Hear the Planets
I John 4:16
I Know You’ve Come to Take My Toys Away
I Love You, Let’s Light Ourselves on Fire (U)
I Meant Every Word I Said in New Delhi (U)
I Samuel 15:23
I Will Grab You by the Ears
I Wonder Where Our Love Has Gone
I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry
I’ve Got the Sex (U)
Ice Blue
Ice Cream, Cobra Man
Idylls of the King
If England Where What England Seems, Then We Would Only Have Our Dreams (U)
If You See Light
In Corolia
In Memory of Satan
In the Corn Fields (U)
In the Craters of the Moon
In the Hidden Places
In the Shadow of the Western Hills
Insurance Fraud #2
International Small Arms Traffic Blues
Isaiah 45:23
Island Garden Song
It Froze Me
It’s All Here in Brownsville
Italian Guns (U)
Itzcuintil-Totzli Days
Jam Eater Blues
Jeff Davis County Blues
Keeping House
Kittens in Mittens (U)
Korean Bird Paintings
Lab Rat Blues
Lakeside View Apartments Suite
Last Man on Earth
Leaving Home
Let the Dogs Come Out (U)
Letter from a Motel (U)
Letter from Belgium
Like a Bullet (U)
Linda Blair Was Born Innocent
Lion’s Teeth
Liza Forever Minelli
Lonesome Surprise
Love Love Love
Love Cuts the Strings
Love Hymn to Aphrodite
Lovecraft in Brooklyn
Maize Stalk Drinking Blood
Malevolent Cityscape X
Malevolent Seascape Y (was: Ambivalent Seascape Y
Malted Milk (U)
Marduk T-Shirt Men’s Room Incident
Matthew 11:14-19
Matthew 25:21
Maybe Sprout Wings
Michael Myers’ Resplendent
Milk Song (U)
Minor Joan Crawford Vehicle (U)
Moon Over Goldsboro
Mosquito Repellent
Mountain Goats Busking Song (U)
Mountain Goats Shirt Song (U)
Move (Chicago 196X)
My Favourite Things (U)
Naming Day
Neon Orange Glimmer Song
Never Quite Free
New Britain
New Chevrolet in Flames
New Math (U)
New Monster Avenue
New Star Song
New World Emerging Blues (U)
New Zion
Night Light
Night of the Mules
Nikki Oh Nikki (U)
Nine Black Poppies
No Children
No, I Can’t
Noche del Guajolote
Noctifer Birmingham
Nova Scotia
Oceanographer’s Choice
Old College Try
Omega Blaster
One Frozen River (U)
One Winter at Point Alpha Privative
Only Existing Footage
Orange Ball of Hate
Orange Ball of Love
Orange Ball of Pain
Orange Ball of Peace
Orange Ball of Pride (U)
Orange Ball of Shame (U)
Orange Ball of War (U)
Original Air-Blue Gown
Oslo 1888 (U)
Outer Scorpion Squadron
Ox Baker Triumphant
Pale Green Things
Palmcorder Yajna (was: Sacrifice)
Passaic, 1975 (U)
Pennsylvanian Dutch Treat (U)
Philippians 3:20-21
Pigs That Ran Straightaway into the Water, Triumph Of
Pink and Blue
Pinklon (U)
Please Come Home to Hamngatan
Poltergeist (U)
Prana Ferox
Predator Eyes
Process of Elimination
Programmed Cell Death
Proverbs 6:27
Prowl Great Cain
Psalms 40:2
Pseudothyrum Song
Pure Crystal (U)
Pure Gold
Pure Heat
Pure Honey
Pure Intentions
Pure Love
Pure Milk
Pure Money
Pure Sound
Quetzalcoatl Comes Through
Quetzalcoatl Eats Plums
Quetzalcoatl is Born
Radical Evil Song (U)
Raid on Entebbe (U)
Rain Song
Raja Vocative
Real Good Girlfriend (U)
Red Choral Diamond Spray (U)
Red River Valley (U)
Red Southern Curl (U)
Resonant Bell World
Riches and Wonders
Rockin’ Rockin’ Pet Store (U)
Rockin’ Rockin’ Twilight of the Gods
Roger Patterson Van
Romans 10:9
Rotten Stinking Mouthpiece
Running Away with What Freud Said
Saigon Shrunken Panorama (was: Song for Anonymity)
Sail Babylon Springs
Sail On
San Bernardino
Sarcofago Live
Satanic Messiah
Sax Rohmer #1
Scavenger Babies (U)
Scotch Grove
See America Right
Seed Song
Seeing Daylight
Send Me an Angel
Sendero Luminoso Verdadadero
Seneca’s Trick Mirror
Sept. 15 1983
Sept 19th Triple X Love! Love!
Shadow Song
Sheket (Be Quiet)
Short Song About the 10 Freeway
Short Song for Justin Bieber and His Paparazzi (U)
Shower (U)
Sign of the Crow 2 (U)
Sinaloan Milk Snake Song
Slow West Vultures
Snow Crush Killing Song
Snow Owl
Snow Song
So Desperate
Soft Targets
Solomon Revisited
Some Other Way
Some Swedish Trees
Somebody Else’s Parking Lot in Sebastopol (was: Somebody Else’s Parking Lot in Santa Cruz)
Something Blue (U)
Sometimes I Still Feel the Bruise (Trembling Blue Stars)
Song for an Old Friend
Song for Black Sabbath’s Second North American Tour (U)
Song for Cleomenes
Song for Dana Plato
Song for Dennis Brown
Song for God (U)
Song for Grey Valentine (U)
Song for John Davis
Song for Lonely Giants
Song for Mark and Joel
Song for My Stepfather (U)
Song for the Julian Calendar
Song for Roger Maris (U)
Song for the Shoreline (U)
Song for Tura Satana
Sourdoire Valley Song
Source Decay
Southwestern Territory
Southwood Plantation Road
Spent Gladiator 2
Spilling Toward Alpha
Stabbed to Death Outside San Juan
Stable Boy Song
Standard Bitter Love Song #1 (U)
Standard Bitter Love Song #4
Standard Bitter Love Song #5 (U)
Standard Bitter Love Song #6 (U)
Standard Bitter Love Song #7
Standard Bitter Love Song #8
Star Dusting
Stars Around Her
Stars Fell on Alabama
Steal Smoked Fish
Store (was: Aisle)
Straight Six
Sudden Oak Death
Sun Song
Tahitian Ambrosia Maker
Tampa (U)
Tape Travel is Lonely
Teenage World
Terminal Grain
Thank You Mario But Our Princess is in Another Castle
Thanks for the Dress
That Hippolytine Song (U)
The Admonishing Song
The Anglo-Saxons
The Autopsy Garland
The Bad Doctor
The Ballad of Bull Ramos
The Best Ever Death Metal Band in Denton
The Big Unit (U)
The Black Ice Cream Song
The Car Song (U)
The Coroner’s Gambit
The Cow Song
The Day the Aliens Came (or: Hawaiian Feeling)
The Diaz Brothers
The Doll Song (U)
The Garden Song
The Hot Garden Stomp
The House That Dripped Blood
The Lady from Shanghai
The Last Day of Jimi Hendrix’s Life
The Last Limit of Bhakti
The Legend of Chavo Guerrero
The Mess Inside
The Monkey Song
The Moon (U)
The Moon Song (U)
The Mummy’s Hand (U)
The New Potatoes (U)
The Only Thing I Know
The Pieman
The Pig Song (U)
The Plague (U)
The Recognition Scene
The River Song
The Sign
The Water Song
The Window Song
The Young Thousands
Their Will Always Be an Ireland (U)
Then the Letting Go
They Are Stone Swallowers
There Will Be No Divorce
Third Snow Song
This Magic Moment
This Year
Thucydides II-58 (U)
Tianchi Lake
Tollund Man
Tomato in the Grass (U)
Torch Song
Transcendental Youth
Transjordanian Blue
Treetop Song
Tribe of the Horned Heart (U)
Trick Mirror
Tug on the Line
Tulsa Imperative (U)
Twelve Hands High (was: Fit Alpha Vi) (was: Insane Horse)
Twin Human Highway Flares
Two Thousand Seasons
Tyler Lambert’s Grave (U)
Un Rêve Plus Long Que la Nuit (was: November Love Song)
Until I Am Whole
Up the Wolves
US Mill
Used to Haunt
Wait for You
Warm Lonely Grave (U)
Warm Lonely Planet
Water Song II
Waving At You
We Have Seen the Enemy
We Shall All Be Healed (U)
We Were Patriots
Weekend in Western Illinois
West Country Dream
Werewolf Gimmick
White Cedar
Who You Are
Whole Wide World
Whon (U)
Wild Palm City (AKA Within You, Without You)
Wild Sage
Wishing the House Would Crash (U)
Wizard Bus a Hat
Woke Up New
World Cylinder
Yam, the King of Crops
You and Me and a High Balcony (U)
You Need a Magician in Your Life (U)
You or Your Memory
You Were Cool (U)
You’re in Maya (U)
Young Caesar 2000
Your Belgian Things

So you want to die. So you’ve been eyeing the Drano under the sink. So you’ve been looking at your arteries like highways you could cleave with airplane-wing
steak knives.
So you’ve written about six different suicide notes and none of them says goodbye without actually saying goodbye in the perfect way.
So you’ve been Googling bridges.

I’m nodding. You’re clenching your fists. I know with the pain
even the bacteria in your intestines are tornadoed asunder.
But let’s stop comparing ourselves to natural disasters when we both know
you’re nothing like one. I promise not a mention of stars or ribcages. Drop the poetic
and let’s look each other in the eyes.

Wanna hear a name you should never give a child? Caenorhabditis elegans. It’s the roundworm.
They call it C. elegans on the streets. Every single roundworm has exactly 959
cells. Of 959
cells, 131 cells self-destruct. Scientists have mapped
the fate and the lineage of each and every one. This is non-negotiable.
Every roundworm on the face of the planet has exactly 959 cells and of them
131 cells will die. That cellular ceremony is called this.

This is not a biology textbook, but according to Barbara
Conradt and Ding Xue in “Programmed cell death” (wormbook.org), “Programmed cell death is an integral component of C. elegans development. Genetic studies in C. elegans have led to the identification of more
than two dozen genes that are important for the specification of which cells should live or die, the activation of the suicide program, and the dismantling and removal of dying cells.”

I know what’s underneath your tongue, tangoing
between your teeth: “I want to, but I can’t.” “I wish I could fight.”
“I’m so tired.” “My knuckles are broken open, decades fell into them,
my throat hurts, I want to close my eyes, I am numb. I am numb. I am numb.”
I know. I know because they’ve been underneath my tongue and sometimes still are.
I know because I’ve wondered what Drano tastes like.
I know because there’s still numbness between my toes.

And I know there is no combination of words, no right spin
to your master lock, no deadbolt thrown hard enough to keep you from the fogs.
But maybe this pain is a rite. Maybe this confusion, this numbness, this evolution into a streetlamp
is non-negotiable. Maybe this
is an integral component of your development, maybe there is a specification
of which parts of you should live or die, the activation of the suicide program,
the dismantling and removal of cells that chant dumb ways to die in your ear.
Maybe this is something to toughen your molars
and sharpen your jawline.

I know that it’s piercing the flesh around your spine, dipping into the
waters in you, that you’re coming to a standstill. So uncap the Drano. Stand
on that bridge. Pick up the blade. Maybe coming facefirst to this edge will reveal
the vastness of the space behind you. Maybe this
was programmed into you. The question is. Will you stay in this nightmare til it dissolves.
Will you keep clenching your fists. Creep to the edge. Look over it.
I won’t tell you to stay because I know you can’t.
I will tell you to grope desperately in the dark for a hand, and hold it like
an extra joint when you find one, because it will stay when you can’t. And anchor
the both of you down.

This is the apoptosis: you were not programmed to die in total, so
do not pull that trigger.
Not even C. elegans destroys itself completely. There are parts of you that
need to be swallowed whole, but only 131.
959-131 means 828 parts still studding your artery walls.
You may be breaking, but not all of you. When the winds come to sweep you up,
find roots and slip your limbs beneath them. Because I tell you this. Death
wants you completely. But you are not meant to be dissolved in total.
This is not how. This is not. This is not your deathtime.
This is apoptosis, breather. So breathe. Lose air sometimes, but breathe. Breathe.

—  Apoptosis (a proposal to the suicidal) | kira tang