anyway, remember when harry and louis got in touch with twitter and had them preserve the rbbsbbofficial handle bc i do and lemme tell ya that was the nicest, most hope-inspiring thing they could have ever done
Two months after Harry’s violent encounter with Niall, Y/n and Harry have been working on Harry’s temper. It wasn’t going so well, still coming home with bloody hands, cut knuckles, and covered in sweat. He was growing more frustrated with himself as time went on. He’s tried so hard to walk away from a situation that got him angry, but right as he’d walk away, every part of his body would go into fury and all he did from then on seemed out of his control. Y/n was always disappointed, but always stayed with him and defended him in any way that she could. She had never given up on him, not even for a second.
“You’re a peach” she’d always say, with the cutest fucking smile he’s ever seen in his life, “I’ll always love you, you just have to get through this.”
And oh, how badly did he want to. Not even just for Y/n, but for himself.
“Just a bit more scotch.” Harry grumbles to the bartender, sliding his glass toward him.
He hasn’t been drinking much, in fact, he really isn’t a big drinker to begin with. He only goes to bars when the guys ask him to. Of course, since Y/n wasn’t planned to be coming back from her sister’s for a couple more hours, he agreed.
“Yo, guys, look at that bird” Zayn says, grabbing the boys’ attention to a tall, slender blonde woman across the room.
The boys whistle, but Harry just simply turned his attention back to his refilled scotch. Other girls didn’t phase him, they didn’t do anything for him. Y/n is the only woman he’s ever loved, even looking at another woman didn’t feel right to him.
He sips on his drink as the boys are encouraging Zayn to approach her. Harry scoffs lightly, quickly diverting his attention to the vibrating phone in his back pocket. Quickly sliding it out, he sees Y/n’s name with a “Just left. See you soon, my love xx.” He smiles, immediately texting back saying that he’ll be waiting for her and how much he’s missed her.
It had only been three days without Y/n, but he misses her terribly. He’d spent nearly everyday comforted in her company for two years. He misses how he is with her, so delicate and true. She’s the only person to bring that out of him, how could he not miss that? How could he not miss the only person that brings out the best of him?
Harry is drowned in his thoughts until Liam snapped him out of his trance.
“Harry? Harry!” Liam says, pushing onto his shoulder.
Harry shakes his head slightly, “Uh- yeah? Yeah? What’s up?”
“Isn’t that Y/n’s ex?”
Harry’s head snaps to where Liam is pointing. He already feels his fingers clench to fists and his jaw becoming tense.
Hell no. Not him. Harry’s supposed to be getting better, he’s supposed to be making an effort to help himself. He hasn’t been doing that well, but he hasn’t fought since Y/n left and he wanted it to stay that way. What’s a better welcome back gift than for him to have not let her down again?
But he has to. Although her ex had stopped harassing Y/n since Harry stepped in, something inside of him is igniting with every passing second he spends staring at him. How dare he say all those things to her and threaten her like that? How dare he do that to his Y/n? She lived in fear for way too long because of Kurt. How could he not do something about it?
“Mate, mate. Calm down” Liam orders when he sees Harry stand up from the bar stool, “He hasn’t spoken to her in a while, yeah? That’s in the past, man. Y/n wouldn’t want you to do thi-“
“You think I give a fuck what Y/n wants me to do right now?!” Harry hisses, “He threatened her, you understand me? How would you feel if the love of your life was being harassed by a scum so much to the point where she can’t sleep at night?”
Liam swallows harshly, “I just don’t want you to lose her.”
Harry roughly grabs onto Liam’s arm, staring at him harshly in his eyes.
“I will never lose her” Harry snaps, “I’m doing this for her. If this were any other person right now I’d walk out those doors before I can blink. He ruined her life, I will never let him live that down. Now leave me alone.”
He rips his hand away from his death grip on Liam, quickly looking around the bar to see if Kurt is still there. He is. Drinking beer, chatting with some mates, seeming as though he hasn’t even acknowledged Harry’s existence.
He hears the boys muttering under their breath, only picking up a subtle “just let him be”, completely fixated on the man he’s been dying to see for months now.
His fist clench at his sides, body storming in his direction. This is it, this is what he needs to do. He doesn’t care about what Y/n would think of him, not now, because in all honesty, he’d feel more guilty if he were to let Kurt get away with what he did to Y/n than to beat him in cold blood.
Kurt looks up the second Harry approaches him, but before he has any time to react, Harry punches him as hard as he could. He drops to the floor, a loud groan leaving his lips once he’s out of shock. Harry doesn’t waste any time before lifting him back up on his feet by the back of his shirt, mercilessly ramming his back up against the nearest wall.
The bar falls silent, everyone’s attention diverted directly to the violence unfolding.
“You didn’t stop!” Harry screams in his face, teeth clenched as he speaks, “She asked you to stop and you didn’t until I stepped in! You’re fucking dead, you hear me?!”
He throws another wild punch directly to his face. Kurt almost falls down again, but his loss of balance is no match against Harry’s raging grip. He spits out blood before lifting his head up. He’s panting, teeth covered in blood, cheek already bruised with his blood smeared all over it.
“You think you’re any better?” Kurt questions between harsh breaths. “Think you can keep her with you when this is how you act?”
Harry grips his throat, glaring at him in the most threatening way he ever has before.
“Don’t you dare make this about me.”
“You know you’re a monster, Harry, yet you still keep her with you. Why do you keep doing that to her, huh? Why do you do that to her?”
Harry roars, pushing Kurt’s body towards him before throwing it back onto the wall. Kurt groans again, squeezing his eyes shut in pain.
“I said don’t make this about me!”
His grip is tighter against his neck. He watches as Kurt mildly struggles for breath, but he’s not giving up. Not just yet.
“You think I’m the worst thing that’s ever happened to her, but you’re wrong.” Kurt chokes out, “you are.”
Before he says anything else, in the midst of his uncontrollable rage, Harry throws one last punch to him. He immediately becomes unconscious. Harry lets his body drop to the floor, strangled breath making his way into his lungs.
He looks around the bar. Shocked faces, people cowering away. He doesn’t care. All he can feel are unwanted tears piling in his eyes and his hands shaking against his thighs. Everything was right, everything he said was right.
“Harry, man” Louis walks up to him, everybody still staring shocked at him, “lets get you home, yeah?”
Louis throws a jacket around Harry’s shoulders, noticing the small nod in agreement before the boys lead him out of the bar.
“The boys told me what happened.”
Harry is snapped out of his trance at the sound of her voice. He hadn’t even heard her enter the house. He hasn’t said a word since he left the bar, hasn’t even looked at anyone since as well. Something about what Kurt said affected him in a way he never thought was possible. It was like he picked on a weak spot for him, like he dug into his mind and told him that all his greatest fears have now come true. Y/n isn’t right for him, and she never will be.
Y/n sighs, sitting down on the chair next to where Harry’s sat. She grabs onto his hands softly, her thumb running softly over his knuckles.
“Don’t listen to him” she whispers, “he doesn’t know anything about us.”
Harry looks at her in confusion. How is she not upset with him? How is she letting him get away with this again? This should have been the last straw, the last chance she had given him. How could she be doing this?
“It’s okay, Harry” she smiles softly, placing her hand on his face, “you were protecting me. You shouldn’t have done that, but you did. Not because you wanted to, but because you felt like you had to.”
Harry’s vision clouds over with tears, slowly taking her hands off of him. He just can’t keep doing this to her.
“How are you defending me right now?”
“Because, Harry, you-“
“Why do you even stay with me, huh?” Harry growls, flinging himself off of the chair.
Y/n let in a sharp breath, not entirely shocked by the question, but by the way he asked it. He normally asks why when he’s his weakest, after a fight while Y/n’s cleaning him up, or in bed after love making for hours on end. He’s never said so violently, like he’d doubting the relationship they’re in. Like he’s doubting her.
“Harry, why would you even-“
“Look at you, Y/n, look at you!” Harry raises his voice, interrupting her "You have all your shit figured out, you’re pure. Do you not see that? You’re pure. The only part of you that isn’t is me. I’m the part of your life that is reckless and dangerous and you want me to live with that for the rest of my life?!”
Y/n’s eyebrows furrow at his comment. A part of her feels guilty that he feels that way, like he’s the bad part of her that doesn’t belong. But a part of her also knows he’s right. Yes, of course he’s the part of her life that’s full of danger, but she doesn’t care. If anything, it makes her stronger, makes her want to stand up for herself and stray from the idea that she’ll never be anything more than a shy, weak girl she once was. He may see them as the worst thing for each other, but to her, it’s the best.
“No,” she speaks up, “No, because that’s not something you have to live with! I’m in love with you. You- You make me a better person, Harry! It doesn’t matter to me if you’re the dangerous part of my life, because no matter crap you pull, at the end of the day you’re still the same man I will forever love. The fact that we make each other better people, Harry, that’s what you have to live with.”
“I’m a monster, Y/n.” He speaks slowly.
“You aren’t anything like that and you know that! You aren’t anything like you think you are, Harry, stop confusing who you really are with this image you want people to see you as!”
“That’s who I am, Y/n! Have you ever thought of that?!” His voice suddenly became louder, stronger, desperately trying to make her understand how absolutely wrong they are. But his eyes are bloodshot, filled with guilt and tears, overwhelmed by her seeing this side of him.
“I can’t be fixed! You can’t fix me because this is who I am! I am like this with everybody except for you. Wouldn’t you stop to think, even for a goddamn second that who I’m with you is fake?! Have you ever thought of that?!”
“Stop it, Harry! Just stop!” She yells, her hands gripping the sides of her head momentarily. "You’re drunk and you’re upset and I understand that but this is not who you are. You are hurt. You’re only 20 years old, your parents died, H. You didn’t have a home, your siblings left you because they blamed you for their death. You do this because you’re broken and you’re in pain and you want to push people away so that they don’t leave you first. I know this because you told me this yourself. How can I blame you, H?!”
“STOP DEFENDING ME!”
His voice is animalistic, roaring in so much anger Y/n feels a vibration in the air around her. He throws a glass across the kitchen, the glass shattering onto the hardwood floor. Y/n’s body stiffens, never seeing him react so violently around her. Her eyes are staring
He’s guilty the second he’s done it. He’s never acted this way toward her, but he can’t help it. He’s angry with himself. He’s had Y/n by his side for the past two years, always willing to help him and be there for him whenever he needed her. Seeing her reputation being ruined because of him, seeing how she’s been wasting her last two years hoping to change a man that can never be changed, it destroys him. She’s wasting her time with him. He’s a dead end, a false hope, and Y/n shouldn’t spend the rest of her life loving a man who could do this to her.
“Do you see that?” Harry whispers. “Do you see why this is a problem? I almost hurt you.”
Y/n shakes her head, slowly making her way toward his defeated body. She looks up at him, his eyes glossed with frustrated tears, looking at her the way he almost always does- with guilt. She runs her hands softly along his muscular arms in hope to calm him down.
“You’ll never hurt me.” She says softly, “I’m not afraid of you.”
Harry’s face scrunches in agony. He turns his head away from her, refusing to even look at her anymore. He can’t be weak, he can’t be right now.
“No. No, Y/n, stop.” He mutters, his hands pushing her away from him.
He turns his back to her, not being able to look at her right now because of how much guilt he’s feeling.
Y/n shuts her eyes softly in attempt to rid the tears clouding her vision. No matter how hard she tries, he just keeps pushing her away. It hurts her- it hurts her to see him in war with himself. How a part of him is trapped, screaming, on his knees begging to be saved, and the other part of him so sure that there’ll be nobody listening to his pleas, finding it almost comedic that he’s lost all hope in his humanity.
“What else is there for me to do, Harry? I don’t know what it is you want me to do.”
Harry keeps his back toward her. Every atom in his body is pushing him to look back at her, hold her to him until the sun comes up, but he can’t. He can’t stand how heartbroken she sounds. Hell, she’s crying. Soft cries ripping out from her, and all he can fucking think about is how this is all his fault.
“All I want to do is help you, Harry. All I do is help you and you keep pushing me away.” She sobs- broken.
Her teary eyes are desperately looking at his tense frame, just hoping he’d turn around just so they can work things out- like they always do. She hopes he can see just how much he’s hurting more than he ever has before.
“I know what you’re doing. You do this with everyone else. I know you love me, and I know you love me more than anybody else in your life right now. You’re just pushing me away because you think I’ll leave you. You think we aren’t going to last because everyone made you believe that but you know I don’t know how to live without you. I’m not everyone else, Harry, this is different, we’re different.”
Harry lets loose tears fall down his face, his fingers fiddling with each other as he tries to understand her. But he can’t, he just can’t.
She walks over to him, her hand reaching up to his shoulder. She massages his muscles softly as she presses soft kisses to his back. She’s still crying, soul shaking sobs still leaving her, but she can’t help but keep trying for him to realize she’s utterly and helplessly in love with him. There is nothing to lose between them, not if he were to just believe she would never give up on him.
“Just tell me what you want me to do.“
Feeling Y/n’s lips against his back makes him exhale a breath he didn’t know he was holding. It still amazes him how much she affects him. After two years he still never understood it. But all the good she’s done to him has only ever come back to harm her. Her friends leaving her, her having to come home to her boyfriend’s hands covered in somebody else’s blood, her having to leave her life with her family because every moment without her was another moment of danger, all because of him. And he can’t live with that.
He moves his shoulder away from her, feeling her detach from his body. He looks down, eyes squeezed shut. He doesn’t know how to do this. Especially to her.
“There’s nothing you can do, Y/n!” He cries out, flinging his body around so that he’s finally facing her.
“I would do anything for you, and you know that. But I can’t change myself just so that I can be with you. I can’t change who I am for you.” He whispers the last part, staring heartbroken in her eyes.
“God!” Y/n sobs out, punching her hands against his chest, “You know I’m not asking you to change! I just want to help you! And you won’t let me!”
Harry grabs Y/n’s wild hands in his, in hopes of calming her down. He feels like she hasn’t taken a fucking breath. She’s just so heartbroken, she’s lost and confused and on the verge of complete and utter desperation to have him stay with her.
It’s when Harry pulls her against him where she completely breaks down. He holds her head against his chest while she sobs against his black t-shirt. His fingers comb through her hair softly, chin held up by the top of her head. Harry hasn’t said anything, just listening to Y/n’s desperate pleading as she pulls at the back of his shirt.
“Pl-please don’t do this to me.” she cries out, taking in a harsh breath due to her lack of breath. “Please don’t leave me.”
She feels Harry tense against her body. He shuts his eyes softly, sighing out as he removes his hands from her.
“It’s over, Y/n.” He says softly, “Everything about us is wrong. It’s over.”
Y/n has never felt so much pain in her life. She pulls away from him, her eyes searching for any sign of remorse on his face, but there is none. He’s staring at her emotionless, but every part of him is breaking. The way she’s looking at him, he has never seen her look like that before. She just looks so- so defeated.
Just like that, everything she believed she had a purpose for has been ripped away from her. She doesn’t say anything as she lets go of him. Without a word, she half-heartedly makes her way up the stairs and into the bedroom.
Harry flinches when he hears the door slam shut. He wishes he could cry, wishes he could go onto his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wishes he could be angry, punch a wall, curse at himself, blame himself. But he can’t, he feels nothing. Isn’t that ironic? How the man who mostly feels the most dangerous feeling in the world now can’t feel a thing?
He stays in the same place he was left for what feels like eternity before he hears Y/n make her way down the steps. He turns around and rounds the corner that leads to the front door. He watches Y/n as she sets down her duffle bag, opening the closet door to grab a jacket. She grabs everything she needs before she finally opens up the front door. She can’t go back, she can’t turn around to look at him. She doesn’t have the strength.
She’s still crying. She still hasn’t said anything.
“Can you say something, please?” Harry croaks out, wanting nothing more than for her to at least say something to him, at least acknowledge his existence.
She stops walking, hand still on the doorknob. She sucks in a breath.
“You did it, Harry” she whispers, “you’ve finally hurt me.”
She turns her head, but not enough for her to be able to see him, but enough for him to know how much she means what she’s about to say.
Melly, hope you're doing great! Did you see the ot5 picture Lou Teasdale posted?? From the smg video?? The timing seems pretty suspicious after the Louis Brit video and all other attempts at ot5 reconciliation..
Lou Teasdale was being ot5 af and I’m here for it
If you’ve followed this trash heap of a blog at all, you know I’ve thought there was going to be an ot5 reconciliation at some point. I think we can all safely say that’s what happening here.
We’ve heard and/or seen positive interactions about or with Zayn between Noll, Loueh, and Loam - there’s just Harreh left now, and I think when we start getting press for solo!Harry/actor!Harry we’ll hear about it.
And its not just the band members, its their crew too. Within the last few weeks, Lou Teasdale, Caroline, and Paul have all made references to ot5 on their social media in some fashion, and I don’t think that’s just nostalgia.
I don’t think there will be any kind of announcement about ot5 until the end of the year, if anything. Right now, I think there’s just going to be some positive mutual solo promo, which makes sense - they share a fanbase and Liam and Zayn even share a similar genre and demographic.
Honestly this is me at the stadium waiting for ot5