cecil x carlos

also carLOS can you imagine carlos, carlos coming to this terrifying small desert community where the clocks don’t work– where TIME DOESN’T WORK– where nothing makes sense and you’re A SCIENTIST and there’s this radio host, this overwhelming radio host who looks at you with these overwhelming unblinking shadowed eyes, you can never quite tell how many eyes, and he seems DANGEROUS, he seems too much, what nonsense he talks on the radio (how can this place really be like this how can he really be like this??) once when you are telling him about your science (NOT FOR PERSONAL REASONS, you are SERVING THE COMMUNITY, this senseless dangerous community falling over itself about street cleaners, you are here to help) you watch him nodding and his jaw is inexplicable as the Void (WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU) and he is making a note on his blackberry, his long dark fingers typing slowly (the keyboard is still touchy from the blood, he explains and you want to shout and kiss him), and you offer him a pen and he throws it on the ground and stomps on it NO CARLOS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS, WRITING INSTRUMENTS ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN, and he doesn’t make any sense, you want to touch him, you want to undo his absurd buttons and see if he trembles as you tremble, you want to graph the angles of his face, you’re a scientist, you find yourself calling him almost every day– not for personal reasons!!! you tell him and yourself– to tell him important science announcements– for safety– and to listen to his low voice curl excited around your ear, and to hear him stutter into the receiver, you hear him on the radio talking about you, how could you not hear? and how can he talk so brazenly like this, you’ve never felt like this, and you touch your hair absently and self consciously and you’re so aware of your body and your mouth and his mouth and he’s looking at you, he’s always looking at you and you don’t know what to say, his words build a new universe inside of you and he’s weird and weird and weird and you’re– you’re a scientist, and you listen to him say good night, good night, and you close your eyes because he’s so much and his world is so big and you’re a scientist and your heart shivers inside of you

because of science