cece speaks

the worst thing that ever happened to me

so yesterday in study hall, my friend was drawing a picture and asked “should i turn this into a drawing of jar jar binks”

so i say to her, “boy oh boy, do i have a WEIRD picture of jar jar binks saved to my phone”

the picture came to me through a whatsapp group, in which any picture sent to the group is automatically saved to my camera roll

right at that moment, a teacher walks by, sees only the body of jar jar, and yells “NAKED PICTURE”

i become a useless, sputtering mess, turn bright red, and struggle to get any words out at all. i slam my head on the desk, and yell “no” a few times.

“WHY ARE YOU OBJECTIFYING MEN” (he was joking, but i shit you not, he actually said this) “YOU DON’T LIKE IT WHEN MEN DO IT TO WOMEN”

“IT’S JAR JAR BINKS” my friend manages to say through her tears of joy

“NAKED PICTURES OF JAR JAR BINKS”

“HE’S NOT NAKED HE’S WEARING JEANS IT’S JAR JAR BINKS” i am not saying at an acceptable volume, i am shouting

everyone is study hall, and i mean literally everyone is staring, but the teacher calls another specific teacher into the mix. a teacher who does drama stuff and who ran the camp i have gone to since the 4th grade and learned my love for theatre at.

“cece” he says “i have never seen your face so red”

“IT’S NOT NAKED PICTURES” is all i can seem to say “IT’S JAR JAR BINKS IT’S NOT NAKED IT’S WEARING PANTS”

i slam my head on the desk again. all my pens go flying. i hear someone whisper “oh my god.” everyone in study hall pretends they aren’t still watching me. later someone asks if it’s true i had jar jar porn in study hall. i take a deep breath and retell my story. the pain is never ending.

tl;dr i got caught in study hall with a picture of jar jar binks photoshopped onto a shirtless man and caused a huge scene

  • alexander listens to his favorite song: jamilton
  • alexander post a picture on social media: instagramilton
  • alexander turns into a beaver and builds a home: damilton
  • alexander is too hot: hot damnilton
  • alexander forgets to study until the last minute: cramilton
  • alexander receives an email with a virus: spamilton
  • alexander runs into something: ramilton
  • alexander sprays the frying pan before cooking: pamilton
  • alexander meets with maria reynolds: wham bam thank you ma’amilton

What do you call a gear on a secret mission?
Incognito

Drinking Christmas drinks inconspicuously.
Eggnognito

Running Inconspicuously.
Injognito

When you are in class on your phone, on tumblr secretly.
Inblognito

In a horror movie when a bunch of mist appears and something lurks inside of it.
Infognito

When the gears in your watch just got cleaned.
Incogneato

When there is a canine in your reconnaissance mission too.
Indognito

When you are hiking in the forest and trip over something invisible.
Inlognito

When you can’t see because the car exhaust is so thick.
Insmogneato

When your sink has a blockage that you can’t find.
Inclognito

When you get stuck in a muddy swamp and hide in embarrassment because you are covered in mud.
Inbognito

When you are on a secret mission in Czechoslovakia.
Inpraguenito

My English teacher begrudgingly contributed a little.

i have two followers YES so hi i’m cece and i watch girl meets world and pretty little liars religously. (not really but like… really). I turn 15 on wednesday but it’s not a very big deal. i’m in the process of learning American Sign Language and it’s great. also I’m not straight. so yeah riley matthews and maya hart are in love that’s all

storytime
  • so when i was in the 8th grade
  • our science class had those desks
  • you know, with the black counters that easily showed pencil marks and scratches
  • i sat right by these two boys
  • let’s call them Jake and Matt
  • they were taking turns drawing penises on their desk
  • Jake deicides to draw the biggest penis
  • (the biggest penis)
  • (a fatal mistake)
  • he draws a huge penis that takes up the full length of the desk
  • with his pencil eraser
  • (he thinks ahead)
  • (he isn’t completely stupid)
  • but what he doesn’t realize is that the metal of his pencil eraser scratched it into the desk
  • he tries to erase it
  • it doesn’t work
  • Jake frantically rubs at the desk
  • (Matt just stares) 
  • (he has accepted his fate)
  • (the teacher still hasn’t noticed)
  • Jake runs through his limited options
  • he hoists himself onto the desk
  • (in the middle of a lesson)
  • now the teacher notices
  • Jake brings his tongue down on the desk
  • (where we do chemical experiments)
  • (his tongue)
  • “JAKE! WE DO NOT LICK THE TABLES”
  • “yes ma’am”
  • (it is the most polite he has been all year)
  • (she hasn’t seen the penis)
  • Matt just stares ahead
  • they continue to discreetly spit on the table
  • (it works)
  • (they live another day)
  • cut to me laughing still to this day at the best thing that ever happened in middle school
This weeks Jane the Virgin was awesome.

Just sayin’.

I was pleasantly surprised by how well they condensed so much character development into one episode. I’m sad to say that I hadn’t really been thrilled with this season so far; it’s nice to see they’re back on track <3

HEY! You, Yeah You. Stop Scrolling!

Hi there I just want you to know you are the most beautiful person in the world. You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re Amazing. And you mean the world to some one. If you are cutting yourself, Please stop. If you are thinking about killing yourself, Please think about how amazing you are. Because no matter what you are the best person to ever walk the face of the earth. Okay we are going to make it. No, scratch that you will make it. You are a strong human. And you deserve to live.

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