You keep saying “forgive” as if what I’m feeling even remotely resembles anger. It doesn’t. My feelings are closer to what I imagine it’s like to be run over by a truck. Like I can’t breathe and I’m waiting for the pain to end so that I can just lie there and not be. I feel exhausted, used, sad, unlovable, lost, tricked, stupid, betrayed, worthless, and (and this one’s important) hollow.
So don’t worry, I forgive you for breaking me. You did such a thorough job that I don’t even have the energy I’d need to feel anger.
I swear never to shame someone for oversharing about their breakup and relationship dirty laundry again because holy shit it can feel like that’s the only way to make it real and that’s especially important for people who feel trapped and paralyzed and scared of ending it even if ending it could mean both parties finally find health and happiness
In a (not sarcastic) shocking turn of events I have been crying and hyperventilating in fetal position on my kitchen floor for 2 hours. I don’t usually cry? This is an alarming detour on the emotional roller coaster like this has literally never happened and I am unable to make it not be happening anymore. I usually go angry → confused → numb → repeat
What the fuck is happening to me
I’d love to make a Facebook group and invite all of my boyfriends fuckboys to join in a John tucker must die type scenario except most of them knew about me and thus knowingly contributed to ruining my life and can burn in hell as far as I’m concerned.