some thoughts about breakups
I think we put too much emphasis on worth when it comes to breakups, like the only reason a relationship ever ends is because one person decided the other wasn’t good enough. It can obviously feel that way regardless of the actual reasons, but there are many reasons that can cause a relationship to just not work anymore.
Sometimes people’s priorities change, or it’s discovered that they never lined up very well in the first place.
Sometimes circumstances, like distance or time availability, make maintaining a relationship too difficult.
Sometimes people realise that they don’t have the emotional resources to handle both the relationship and what’s going on in their life right now (be that work, grief, healing from trauma, dealing with illness or disability, etc.).
Sometimes people’s relationship styles/emotional needs just don’t line up – one person needs a lot of alone time and the other needs a lot of time with a partner, for example.
Sometimes people try very hard to interact in a healthy way, but they trigger each other’s past traumas or have conflicting access needs and find themselves falling into dysfunctional patterns.
Sometimes love is not enough to make a healthy relationship possible. You can care deeply about each other and try to make things work, but discover that a relationship is still not possible. Ending a relationship with someone you love can be very difficult, but sometimes it’s necessary – it’s not healthy for anyone to ignore their own needs in order to maintain a relationship.
When a good relationship ends, that doesn’t mean it was a failure. It means that it’s over; it doesn’t erase the love that you shared. Whether or not you can transition to a different kind of relationship with them, the person you cared about will still be part of your universe, and the memories you share with them will still be part of who you are. The time that you had together can still be meaningful.