I’m 21 today. I’m artsy and perfectionistic. I don’t end up making much cause it will never be good enough for me. I’m trying so hard to break past that. I’m bad at expressing my emotions and good at expressing my opinions and concerns. I like comfort and rugged simplicity- my favorite outfits are grey and black clothes with a flannel and good leather boots. I love listening to First Aid Kit, Our Last Night, and Brandi Carlisle. I’m always craving pancakes, munching on cheezits, and drinking something sweet and caffeinated. My knees hurt, I’m always tired, and I often joke that I’m getting old. It’s my third year of college, and I’m nowhere near the end. A slow pace suits me better; I don’t like burning out. I switched my major from film to business admin/management this year. I left my job at the pizza shop and started full time at a boot store. I love it. I’m happier and less tired. I’m getting better at starting conversations with strangers. Maybe one day I’ll be able to ask them if I can take a picture of them. I really want to make film shorts about people and their stories. I loved someone this year. We parted ways. I don’t know what happened. Some things don’t make sense. I don’t know how to cry at the right times. I can’t cry at a funeral or when I’m heartbroken but I’ve been known to suddenly cry while explaining a procedure to my boss or when I’m driving to Kroger. I’m finding out that friends are hard to keep the older I get. I need to figure out how to keep them. My mind still takes a few trips without me occasionally. I’m still fighting anxiety on a daily basis. I’m still trying to figure out why certain fears control me. I’m trusting God to take care of me. I don’t know His plan, but something tells me He’s going to use these past ten years of sadness for His glory. So this is me. I’m a mess but I think I’m happy. I’m going somewhere. I’m going to do things. I’m going to love on people and make good art. I think I’m gonna be okay.
This is my time capsule. It’s okay if you didn’t read it. It’s also okay if you did. I’m the open book type, for better or worse.
TL;DR I’m a mess, life is a process, and I’m trying. 👍