We really should, emotions and memories. We must have an understanding. I don’t ever want to feel you, I don’t want to end up crying on the couch at 2:30 in the morning every morning because I cant deal with the memories. I know my body hates it because I always feel the nausea building and the headaches starting. So why do you bring up the memories and the rushes of emotions. I already know how things went back then and I know that no one is going to give a damn now so why is it that my emotions have me thinking another way. Why is it that my memory thinks that it can just create new ones out of those horrid ones. I wish it would just stop. I hate feeling like this and I know my body does so why is it that I cant have an understanding with my emotions and memories, if we did it would be simple. You don’t happen anymore and I could stand living for the moment.
I’ve been trying for sixteen years to get you to protect me and you just don’t seem to get it. After everything we just went through and how much I tell you I don’t ever want to see that abuser ever again, you are CONSTANTLY bringing him around me. You don’t even care how I feel. If you did you know damn well you wouldn’t bring him around or even up in our conversations. However you choose the need to always bring down my mood by bringing him up and what do I get in return of keeping my fucking mouth shut while you bring it up. I get you yelling at me to take my sheets out of the dryer.
Who ties us in knots? wet ties, that intertwine, Entangle our lives, with heavy promises; And when we are happy we are all but soaking, clogged in the water, too wet to rise; And now enmeshed we struggle, with the connectedness of others; Our swarming bodies caught, in frenetic expectation rubbing intolerably close.
I made a gofundme for my school tuition it would mean a great deal to me if you could reblog or donate. Its my first time using gofundme and I have a lot of anxiety about posting this and asking for money but I really need help.