We ran through the crumbling, dirty streets of the underground. Trying to get away from the man chasing us, all because we stole a little food. His threats could be heard, echoing off the walls of old buildings and sketchy allies. None of these threats caused us to stop running though. We speed through intersections and dashed around corners as if we were in a chariot race, begging ourselves not to lose balance as we quickly flung around the sharp turns.
Eventually, we lost the man chasing us after ducking into a doorway of our building which only contained ourselves and two others. The four of us were of no relation, but this didn’t mean we were not a family. I leaned against the wall trying to catch my breath as I watched and heard the man continue on past our home. Once he was gone, I caught a fit of giggles. My short, black haired, grey eyed, stoic faced, “brother”, Levi, glared at me.
“Tch. Of course you would laugh,” He said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I replied continuing to giggle.
“It means that this is not a laughing magtter.”
“What? Of course it is. We stole from his cart and got away because he was to old and slow.”
“(Y/n), this is serious. Everyone in the underground is battling to survive. We are at the bottom of this food chain, don’t you ever forget that.” Levi then stalked off to the stairs which he climbed to get to our living quarters.
“Such a party pooper,” I mumbled as I followed him up. How had I fallen for this man? Sure I considered him a brother, but not an actual brother. It wasn’t like we were blood related.
We reached the door and Levi gave the secret knock to let Farlan and Isabel know it was us. It was Isabel who ended up opening the door for us. Her brown hair was pulled up and her forest green eyes were as bright as ever.
“You’re back! What did you get us to eat?” She asked. She was the youngest out of all of us. I was the next youngest, then Farlan. This left Levi as the oldest out of us all.
“Well, Isabel, we have apples, oranges, and a fresh loaf of bread,” I exclaimed as the girl became excited.
“A fresh loaf of bread!? How did you guys get your hands on that?”
“We were sneaky and made sure no one was looking.”
“Nice, I’m sure Farlan will be excited to hear this.”
“Where is Farlan?” Levi asked.
“Here. I was just taking a nap. I hear we have a fresh loaf of bread,” Farlan said as he stretched his tired muscles.
“Yes we sure do!” I replied.
*end of flash back*
I ran through the packed streets as I remembered my happy, small, family from years ago. The memory brought up from the current situation I was in. Running from not a single man this time, but a group of men and women. This group was known as the survey corps. Now, usually, this group only goes outside of the walls to fight Titans, but since I was dumb enough to try to steal in front of them, they were now chasing me. Where had my skills gone? This did not matter though because I was going to escape. I always did.
I speed through ally ways and flung myself around corners as I tried to escape the group. Eventually, I was able to get away when I turned a corner and ran into an open doorway. I leaned against the wall and tried to catch my breath as I heard the group continue on their search. Once I thought I heard them all pass, I put my hood up and left the building, making my way back to the underground. That was until a figure landed in front of me. I looked up and gasped in shock as I looked at the man in front of me. He was the same ornery looking guy he was when I knew him, but something had changed. His eyes looked darker as if he had been through a lot in the past ten years. As quickly as he landed I sped off, he didn’t need me making a mess out of this better life of his.
Levi began chasing after me and after awhile I lost him, or thought I lost him. As soon as I turned a corner to regain my breath, he flew right in front of me. Levi had gotten better at using the 3dm gear.
“Stop. There is no chance of you fucking escaping,” he said in a monotone voice. Funny how some things didn’t change.
“Why should I stop running Levi, that’s all I have ever done. Steal something and run,” I replied as I took off my hood. For a second I could have sworn I saw a glimpse of surprise in those stoic eyes, but as soon as it had appeared it had vanished.
“(Y/n). Should have known it was you. You’re the only one out of group who would have been stupid enough to try to steal in front of a group of survey courps.”
“Ouch. Still as harsh and mean as ever. Makes me happy to know you stayed the same the ten years you’ve been gone.” Once again it seemed his eyes flashed emotion, this time hurt, but I was probably seeing things.
“You haven’t changed much either, have you?”
“Nope. Same old wacky girl who likes to take chances.”
“I see that.”
“So, how has the whole fam been the past ten years. You know after you left me behind and all,” I said, my glare focused of the short man.
“Well, where to start. Farlan and Isabel are dead, have been for awhile now. Otherwise the "fam” is still intact.“ The instant I heard those words leave his mouth, I could feel my heart break. That couldn’t be true, he was probably just trying to hurt me to get back at my other comments.
"That’s a lie Levi.”
“It’s not…no matter how much I wish it was.” This time I knew I wasn’t seeing things, Levi’s eyes watered a bit as his voice softened.
“No,” was all I could say before falling to my knees as tears fell from my face. Sure I was pissed that the three of them left me, but they were still my one and only family. I would have never wanted them to die.
I didn’t even realize Levi had come closer to me. This was a factor as to why I jumped when he put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him to see he was looking right back at me, his eyes watering but not a single tear shed. Soon the rest of the squad showed up, Levi now only standing behind me.
“Nice job, Levi. Now we can take her to the military police,” a tall man with blond hair and caterpillars for eyebrows said. My eyes widened as I thought of what was going to happen to me. I mean I knew, I was going to be most likely executed, but my mind didn’t want to just stop there. All of these terrible punishments passed through my mind until I heard Levi speak.
“No. She can be made into a new member of the survey legion. She has the speed, agility, and stealth that any new scout would need when facing Titans. Why waste this opportunity, we are low on recruits right now.” I glanced up in shock as I heard what could be my punishment.
“We do need more recruits and she does have some good qualities. If your willing to train and watch her, then I guess we don’t need to get the military police involved in this,” caterpillar eyebrows answered.
“I can take care of this brat with no problem,” Levi replied.
“Alright,” big eyebrows then looked down at me, “Welcome to the survey corps.” The man then walked off, followed by the other confused members of the group. All of them unsure of what had just happened.
“Get up brat,” Levi commanded me. I stood but swiftly turned to face him.
“What the hell was that!? Sentencing me to my own death?” I yelled.
“I didn’t sentence you to your fucking death brat. If anything I gave you the chance to live.”
“Really? The first instant we go outside of those walls I am going to be a Titans meal and you damn well know it.”
“Maybe you will, but at least I gave you an option to fucking live where as if you had gone to the damn military police you would have been executed because you stole a fucking loaf of bread in front of a big ass group of survey corps members.” Levi then stormed off, following the group he had come with. “Come on.” He said. I followed his command as I thought of what he had said. He wasn’t really wrong, if he hadn’t given me this chance I would have been killed. At least with this option I could possibly survive if I was lucky. It still gave me a chance.
A week had passed and I was already exhausted from all the training Levi was forcing me to do. Everyday single day I had to get up early to run. Then we would go back to eat breakfast. Next was training to fight which we did until lunch. After we ate we would go out to work with the 3dm gear which I found I was good at, considering I had used it a little bit in the underground, and then dinner. Then it was back out for more fighting. By the time we would end it would be dark and I would be too exhausted to even shower. Let’s just say it wasn’t a fun experience, I almost wished that I had been taken to the military police instead of here.
I woke up once more to get ready for the first activity of the day. Running. I dressed, brushed my teeth, put my hair up in a ponytail, put deodorant on and left to go outside to meet Levi in our usual spot, the front door of the survey corps headquarters. I walked out the door to see Levi leaning against the wall waiting for me like usual.
“Morning Levi,” I yawned.
“Morning brat,” was all he said before starting up our run. I groaned as I caught up to him.
“So how much longer do I have to keep doing this? It is literally killing me. I am getting to the point where I am too tired to even walk.”
“We will keep this up until I think you’re ready.”
“How close am I to being ready?”
“Are you kidding me right now? I am able to keep up with you now when we run laps, I can fight almost as well as you now, and I can basically beat you at using the 3dm gear. I think I am pretty close to being ready.”
“Just because you are getting better does not mean you are ready. You need to be able to think ahead when ever you fight. A Titan is not going to give you a heads up when it is coming up to attack you or try to grab you. Same thing with the 3dm gear. You need to feel like you are a part of the machine so that way you can focus less on your movements and more on what you need to do to take a Titan down. You think you can kill a Titan with knowledge of how to fight and use our gear? Well your wrong because there is a lot more to it than just that.” I watched him as he spoke, realizing that he was right. If I had any chance of surviving I would have to do better than just train, I’d have to flow.
“Alright, I understand, but is there anyway I can take a day off or something just so I can refresh and reenergize?”
“Maybe one day, brat. Depends on how you do today I guess.”
“Deal.” It was quiet for the run after that, neither of us speaking. Once we finished I went to my room and changed into the uniforms we had to wear. I then went down to the food hall to get breakfast. The instant I walked through the door and into the hall, I rushed to the food and grabbed as much as I was aloud and walked to the table I had to sit at. That’s right, Levi’s table. It didn’t really bother me, but I wouldn’t have minded if I had some freedom.
I placed my food down and began scooping it in, my hunger bringing me past the point of trying to eat like a normal human. I had gotten used to being fed constantly, but with all the training I was doing it made me even hungrier. I was eating away when I heard the tch noise Levi always makes. I chewed, swallowed, and looked up at Levi.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you really have to eat like you’re a Titan?” He answered with his own question.
“Yes I do. First of all, I had never been given, a definite, three meals a day most of my life, and second, all of this training is making me even more hungry.”
“Doesn’t give you the right to eat like that though.”
“If you don’t like how I eat then move. If not then get used to it.” I then began scooping the food back into my mouth as Levi sat down beside me, giving up in his attempt to make me look normal. I soon finished my meal and left to start fighting. Soon lunch passed and it was time to practice with the 3dm gear, which was becoming my favorite part of the day.
We walked over to the tall trees that we would be using to train on. I smiled up as we finally reached the thick forest.
“Want to have a match levi?” I asked trying to make this more interesting.
“Why?” He replied.
“Make this entertaining. I mean it already is fun, but to make it just a bit more fun than usual.”
“Yes!” I jumped up and down. The feeling of being a kid again passed through my head as I did this. Levi glaring at me for being silly as I danced, laughed, or jumped at anything that excited me. To bad the past was the past. “Alright ready short stuff?”
“What did you call me brat.”
“Oh, you heard me,” I said as I shot the 3dm gear wires into a tree causing me to speed through the air. I continued shooting the wires and flinging though the air as I tried to find the first wooden Titan I would take down. An opening appeared through the trees, a Titan dummy standing in the middle of it. I sped to it. Right before I could cut into its wooden neck, Levi flung in front of me and took it out.
“Damn it,” I cursed as I continued on.
By the end of it Levi won, no shocker there really.
“Damn it Levi. I thought I had you,” I said as I landed beside him in front of the forest which we had entered.
“Told you you weren’t ready yet.” Was all he said before walking back to the headquarters.
“I’m getting there though.”
“Sure.” As we walked I began thinking of how we used to be when our family lived together in the underground. Levi the leader with Farlan as his second in command. Me and Isabel were just there because they were willing to take us in. I remembered how in love I had been with Levi, my feelings hidden for good reasons. The memories passed through my thoughts and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“(Y/n), are you okay?” Levi asked seeming bothered by my outburst.
“I’m remembering the time when we first got the 3dm gear and tried it out. How Isabel was so excited to try it, and how when she did she flew into the cardboard boxes in the alley.” I looked at Levi to see a slight smirk on his usual stoic face. This caused my heart to race as I thought of how I caused that rare smirk to appear. Seems like those feelings had never left.
“I remember that. I also remember how when you tried it out you didn’t have any better fucking luck. You ran into the wall. I remember how scared I was when I saw you just laying on the ground, silent for once in your life. Then when I ran to your side to check on you you began laughing uncontrollably.”
“Wait, go back for a second. You were worried about me? That’s a first,” I chuckled.
“Believe me. I may not seem like I have emotions, but I do, and that moment terrified me. I though we might have lost you.”
“Wow Levi, I didn’t know your were that worried about me that day.”
“I worried a lot about you. You were the one to always do stupid shit that would either get you in trouble or injured and it seems this never changed.”
“Well, I’m glad I could cause the heartless man to worry. And you’re damn straight I didn’t change. Then you would have never found me stealing.”
“I do have a heart you shit. I just don’t express it.”
“This is noted,” I said. The rest of the way to headquarters was quite and so was the rest of the day. When I got in my room I took a quick shower and then went straight to bed. The pillows and blankets soft underneath me, dragging me into a deep slumber.
I woke to the sun shining on my face, which caused me to start getting ready for the day. I began to think over the past month as I began getting ready. Things between Levi and I had changed. We were close again just like we had many years ago. Also with in this past month my feelings for the sour faced man had strengthened no matter how much I tried to avoid it.
“Perfect,” I spoke to myself in the mirror. “Fall in love with your childhood crush who could possibly die right I front of you. Just perfect.” I finished my morning routine and went to open my door to see Levi standing in front of it. This was new.
“Levi, why are you at my door?” I asked.
“I needed to tell you that there will be no training today.”
“So, I finally get a free day. This is a first. What’s the special occasion short fry.” Now, usually, anyone who made fun of Levi would be severely punished, but not me. At least not anymore, he gave up trying after a week when he realized it wasn’t going to stop. So, instead he took a deep breath before replying.
“Tomorrow we go outside the wall to try to take back some of our territory.” This answer instantly shot down my excitement. The only reason for this day off was so we could prepare for tomorrow.
“Oh. I see. So…what do I need to do?”
“All you’ll do today is prepare your horse and outfit for tomorrow. Otherwise you are free.”
“What do you do.”
“Same thing, but I will also help Erwin make plans for tomorrow.”
“Sounds fun,” I said trying to lighten the gloomy atmosphere.
“Relax (y/n). Spend time with the others, enjoy today. You deserve this.” I lost it when I heard him say this.
“I deserve this? I’m only getting this day off because I might not make it back tomorrow. What is this? Is it supposed to be a "make your possible last day of life the best you can.” “
"You’re right,” that’s all he said before turning around and walking away. I wanted to chase after him, what reason, I don’t know. All I knew was that I wanted to spend this possible last day with him, but that was never going to happen.
I shut my door, went to my bed, and plopped down on it. Thoughts of what could happen tomorrow flowing through my head. A Titan picking me up and eating me flashed through my thoughts as I began to shake in fear. I knew this day was coming, I just thought I would have been mentally prepared, but I wasn’t.
When I regained my composure I walked out of my room and to the mess hall for breakfast. I grabbed my food and went to the table I had been sitting at for the past month. As I walked towards it I began focusing in on every face I passed. Engraving each one into my mind so that way if I survived I would know that those who didn’t would never be forgotten. At least not by me.
I arrived at my table and sat. Petra, Eld, Gunther, and Oluo only watched as I quietly sat. Nothing was said for awhile, they weren’t sure what to say and I just stared at my food trying to process what was going to happen. Finally the silence ended when Petra decided to speak.
“So, (y/n), you ready for tomorrow?” I looked up at her slowly, all emotion wiped from my face and voice.
“Don’t worry, that’s what all new recruits say the day before their first mission.” She smiled at me as if that would change how I would felt.
“That’s understandable considering that they just might not make it back.” My comment caused her smile to dim a bit before lighting back up.
“This is true, but let me tell you a secret. If you dwell on this fact, you will not only sadden yourself, but also get yourself killed. You must accept your possible fate and live like you normally would, otherwise this life can become a lot harder for you. Will you do this for me?” I didn’t answer for a while as I thought about it. Maybe she was right. I mean it must work for her, she’s always chipper.
“Sure, I’ll try my best,” I answered, a small smile adjourning my face.
“Good.” This was when Levi joined the table with his morning tea. He sat beside me.
“You feeling less defensive now?” He asked.
“Yes. I was just in shock, that’s all.”
“Kinda figured.” I began to finally eat, my food now cold but still good. I was half way through my meal when Levi began explaining everything to us.
“(L/n), you will be joining my squad.”
“Are you serious!? I’m not that good, I’ll get you guys killed.”
“You will not. You’ll be perfectly fine.”
“We have your back (y/n),” Petra added.
“Thank you,” I replied. Levi then began explaining further what tomorrow would be like. When he finished he left leaving the rest of us at the table. Eventually we all left to prepare for the next day. I got my horse and outfit ready like I was told, and then spent the rest of the day with my squad.
I rushed around the room getting ready for the mission. I grabbed what I needed and rushed to the hall to get breakfast. After we ate I was stopped by Levi.
“Listen to me. Don’t you fucking get killed out there you understand me?”
“I understand Levi.” I replied
“Good, now go catch up with the others brat.” I left like I was told and followed everyone to the stables to get our horses so we could begin our journey to the exit of the wall. The ride there seemed like ages, time slowly passing. The whole time I tried to hide my shaking, but failed. Petra, the only one to notice, would smile at me trying to comfort me. I’d smile back and then go back to shaking. I looked at Levi to see him staring at me. I blushed and looked away. ‘Why did I not tell him how I felt. If this is my last day I would have at least liked to have told him how I actually felt even if he didn’t feel the same.’ I thought. 'At least I could have passed knowing I had finally told him.’
I continued to think until we arrived at the exit we planned of leaving through. Once we got there my mind went blank. This was it, we were about to leave the wall. This was the last time I would see most of my comrades alive, considering many of them would not be returning. I looked around and saw anything from blank faces to faces that were similar to mine, pure and utter fear. This moment felt longer than the entire ride here, fear taking its course. It was silent until Erwin’s voice broke it with a loud onward.
The horses began to race through the gate on command. Soon we were outside of the wall and in Titan territory. It wasn’t till we got close to our target that I saw my first Titan. It was huge! It stood on its legs as it tried to run towards a group at our right. The group instantly went on attack mode as the Titan approached closer. It didn’t take long before it was taken out. The Titans continued coming until we reached the forest. Levi had explained that we would have to go in there to get to our destination. He had also said that we would all have to watch carefully because the Titans could appear Anywhere in the woods. This did little to calm me down, but I remembered what Petra had told me the day before. This calmed me little, but it was better than how I originally was going to enter the forest.
Everything was fine until we heard a scream in the back of the woods where everyone else was. This seemed to be a signal for other Titans to attack in the forest because a few minuets later a Titan jumped in front of our squad. I screamed a little as it had popped out of no where, but this didn’t scare anyone else in the squad.
“Eld and Gunther take it out,” Levi ordered. There was no hesitation from them as they shot off of their horses and into the air. “Brat, keep the horses from running away,” Levi ordered me as he handed me the straps from Eld’s and Gunther’s horses. I took them and made sure not to let go.
It wasn’t long until the Titan was killed and a new one took its place. After each kill another would come. It got to the point where we all had to get off our horses to try and help fight the Titans. I was doing well, killing Titan after Titan, until a Titan no one saw grabbed me. I screamed in pure terror as I looked into the crazy eyes of the Titan that had captured me. Hot tears were streaming down my face as I realized this was it, that I was going to die. My life flashed before my eyes as I was slowly raised to the Titans gigantic mouth. I closed my eyes so I no longer had to watch my own death. I pictured Levi as I awaited my death, regretting the fact that he would never know how I felt. At least he would be with me in my final thoughts.
I took one last breath in as I felt the Titans lungs exhale as air blew across me. Right before the Titan could kill me though, it was taken out. I had no clue who it was because the instant it fell I blacked out.
Everything was black, not any light to be seen. At first I thought I was dead, considering there was nothing but black surrounding me, but then I felt my heart beat against my chest, signaling that I was, indeed, alive. I tried opening my eyes, but they wouldn’t budge from their closed state. I internally groaned. I wanted to wake up and figure out how the heck I had survived. At the moment, I could only remember being grabbed by the Titan and screaming, but that was it. Everything after that was blank.
My eyes stayed impossible to open until a few minuets later when I felt the imaginary heavy weights lift off of them. My eyes flew open as light clouded into them. This caused me to have to blink crazily until my eyes adjusted to the light once more. Once I could see, I looked around. I was in an infirmary room laying on a white bed, my body covered in its white blankets. The rest of the room shared the same bland color of the bed I was in making everything seem brighter than it should be. I then saw a man in a chair beside my bed. It took me a few minuets to figure out that it was no other than Levi sleeping in the chair. He seemed to look normal except for the red puffy eyes he had. Had he been crying? That seemed impossible to me considering the man never seemed to show emotion at all.
I couldn’t help but stare at him as he slept, trying to figure out if I was just seeing things or if his puffy eyes were indeed real. A half hour passed before he finally stirred from his sleep. My assumption was proven true when I saw his eyes open to reveal blood shot eyes. It took a few minuets for the short man to figured out I was awake. When he did he instantly rushed to my side.
“You fucking idiot! You almost got fucking killed you dumb shit! I told you not to get killed and look what you fucking did you almost got fucking killed!” Levi was screaming at me in a fury I had only seen a few times in the month I had been here at the survey corps headquarters. I cowered back a bit, trying to escape the fuming man by sinking into the bed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t see that Titan coming. If I had I would have killed it,” I whispered.
“You’re sorry!? I almost lost you, damn it. I almost lost you just like the others,” he quieted down as he finished.
“Levi, what do you mean by others?”
“Farlan and Isabel.”
“What, they were in the survey corps too?”
“Is that why you left and never came back?” I quietly looked down as I asked.
“Yes, but we had no choice.”
“You didn’t have a choice Levi? Of course you did,” I said bitterly. I was still touchy around the whole being left behind bit, and the fact that he said there was no choice let it resurface. Levi never explained what truly happened and I deserved to know considering I almost died. “You had a choice to join. You know how long I waited for you three to come home. Months. I waited months. I worried for months. I was scared you had gotten caught. I asked around the underground if anyone had heard anything, seen anything. There was nothing. It was if you fell off the face of the earth. Eventually I gave up, I realized you three left me behind. I thought I had done something wrong, I thought it was my fault you left. You were the only family I had and you left, just like my parents. If I am wrong in my understanding of this then please do explain because I really would like to be out of the dark now.”
“We didn’t have a choice ( y/n). What happened to you, happened to us. We were being chased by the survey corps. I thought we had escaped, but that was when Erwin landed in front of us along with the others, trapping us. They kicked us to the ground. Erwin explained that I had two options, let Farlan, Isabel, and me be put in prison or join the survey corps. I couldn’t let them go to prison so I said we’d join. I hated how I felt, being trapped with each option being terrible. And don’t you think I didn’t feel bad about never being able to fucking tell you what was going to happen. I begged them to let me go back to tell you but the basterds wouldn’t let me. I carried that guilt for years! Then on one of our missions outside of the wall I split from my group to kill a Titan. I told Farlan and Isabel to stay with the group, they still listened to me even though I wasn’t their leader anymore,” he chuckled humorlessly. “So, I was off killing a Titan while the rest of my group was continuing on the path they were to go. See even then I was considered one of the best Titan killers and this caused my ego to sky rocket making me belive I could do anything. Let’s just say I learned my lesson that day.” Levi stopped talking. He lowered his head so he was looking at his legs. I knew where this was going, but I needed to know for sure.
“Levi, what happened?”
“I killed that Titan,” he said. That’s when I saw a single tear fall into his lap. He couldn’t be crying right? “But after I did I heard screams behind me. I figured it was another group and began heading over in that direction to help them. When I got there, I found a massacre. Limbs were lying everywhere. Blood was covering everything.” He paused and took a shaken breath. I had never seen Levi like this, I had never seen him show emotion in general, but this was strange. “I watched as the Titans were still munching on people. I then heard a scream that sounded like Farlan’s but I thought I was hearing things. It wasn’t till I heard my name being screamed that I turned in that direction to see a Titan with Farlan in its disgusting hands. I rushed over, but I was to late. I watched the fucking thing kill Farlan. The fucking bastered ate everything but his head.” Levis voice cracked as he said this. I watched as more tears split from his eyes and onto his lap. The site broke my heart and I began crying as well as I thought of what my two “siblings” had gone through. What horror they had faced. How they knew they were going to die. I hugged Levi as we cried together. A few minuets passed before Levi calmed down and pulled away from me to continue the story.
“That Titan, I killed it, but not instantly. No, I slowly killed it. I cut the damn monster to shreds and it wasn’t until I knew it was suffering that I finally ended its life. After that I fell to my knees and cried until Erwin came to get me. The only I had family was killed by them and it was all my fault. Had I not been so fucking cocky, had I just stayed with them, they would be here alive and well. But no I didn’t. They are dead because of me. Because I let us get caught by the survey corps, because I decided joining them was a better decision, because I left them. I was all of your leaders and I failed you all.” Levi looked up at me as tears continued to fall from his eyes. “And to make it all better, I almost let you die that same fucking way as they did. I almost got you killed too, the last family I had and I almost got you killed. You would think I would learn the first fucking time, but no I had to do it again.”
“Levi it wasn’t your fault. There is nothing you could have done to save Farlan and Isabel. It was their choice to listen as much as it was your choice to tell them to stay, and you never failed us. We all knew you did what you did because you knew what was best for us. You gave us all a family made of four kids who thought they would always be alone. That is more than enough to prove how you didn’t fail us. They might have died, but that was out of your hands and you did your best to stop that. That was all you could do,” I said as I watched Levi look back down at his legs. I picked his head up in my hands and made him look at me. “And there is no way in hell that you failed me. You saved me did you not, I am assuming you killed the Titan that had me, am I right?” Levi shook is head yes. “So you didn’t fail me Levi. I am still hear breathing air because you saved me. Don’t you ever dare to forget that. Do you understand me?”
“Good,” I smiled. “Now may I tell you something?”
“Yes, what is it?” Levi asked as he wiped his tears from his face.
“I have wanted to tell you this before we went on the mission in case I didn’t make it, but I couldn’t get up the courage. I think this close encounter with death has helped me decide to tell you now.” I paused before going on. “Levi, I have felt this feeling for you since we were kids. When you left I forgot about this feeling and it wasn’t until I found you again that I realized what it was. Levi, I love you, and I know you might not fe-” my sentence was interrupted by a pair of rough lips agains mine. My eyes widened in shock at the realization of what was happening, but then closed as I relaxed into it. The kiss started off as soft and unsure, but quickly changed to passionate and loving the instant Levi realized I was kissing him back. We broke apart from each other to catch our breaths.
“So does this mean that short stuff loves me too?” I chuckled.
“Yes you dumb shit,” he answered.
“Good, I was hoping you would.” I then kissed him once more. We broke apart once more, this time Levi began talking.
“Just so you know, training is not going to become easier for you.”
“ I figure as not, but a girl could dream right?”
- swhooshy soft curly hair - forehead that seems to take up about half of his entire head - puppy dog eyes that crinkle when he smiles or laugh - caterpillar eyebrows - boopable nose - cute slight underbite - cheeks that make you wanna squeeze and kiss them 24/7 - lips when they’re swollen and dark pink from biting them too much - the Birthmark™, obviously - non-existent ass - thighs that look especially good in tighter jeans - skinny chicken legs
im still not over that playstation thing with talentless caterpillar eyebrows. like. if you can’t handle the turns in a video game, of all things, then what the fuck makes you think you can handle the actual thing??
Mass Effect Relationships Week: Day 2: Pictures of You
On the dresser sits a photo. The photo is of a handsome man, staring straight at the camera and wearing a small smile. His shoulders are square; he sits with the natural profile of an old soldier, and his hair is worn close to the scalp. The light blue button-up accents his same-colored eyes, so sharp and clear but not cold like the sea. No ice in these eyes, only warmth.
On the dresser sits a photo of a man who hung the sun and the moon and the stars. Now it’s like the stars have taken that bright light the man was once made of and spread it amongst themselves, to hold tight until they burn out and all this is long gone. And supposedly, that is what happened. The Reapers that hang out in the sky late at night, uneasy shadows, say so.
Why Kaidan would believe that, he’s not sure. He’s not sure what to think about any of it, really. One day, he had everything he needed in this lifetime and then some, despite the ugliness of the war and the fight for survival. But all too soon there was a hurried kiss, a race for the beam, and radio silence.
Then his world fell apart.
Kaidan sighs, preparing himself for a long day. The new Council swear-in is today, which will be nothing more than a load of posturing and politics, something Kaidan was once good at, and even enjoyed in some respects, but now has no patience for. Then comes the next human Spectre induction, so at least he won’t be alone in that sense anymore. It’s a small thing, but the small things in life are what keep him going these days.
But the itinerary gets much worse. At the end of a long day, far after exhaustion sets in, there’s a meeting with the Reapers, and these are his worst missions, if they can even be called that. He will have to face Harbinger, their old enemy-turned-cautious-ally. Kaidan hates Harbinger with an undying passion, but there isn’t anything that can be done about it. Seeing as how Ghost has requested him in particular to be humanity’s ambassador to the Reapers, he doesn’t have much choice.
And Ghost will be there, too. Ghost, who has an uncanny and frankly quite creepy habit of reading Kaidan’s mind sometimes.
He shudders and runs his fingers over the photo. “I suppose we did know the score, huh,” he murmurs to the handsome man framed there. “But this is even harder than I thought it would be. I miss you every day, John. Please give me strength.”
As usual, there’s no answer, so he squares his shoulders and walks into the bright morning. It’s warm, but that warmth doesn’t spread to the ice in his heart. Not even close.
On the dresser sits a photo of the only man Kaidan Alenko has ever loved, but he’s not there anymore and Kaidan has work to do.
More specifically, Kaidan has to make nice and put up with this goddamned black spider-looking motherfucker while his heart is screaming and cursing and bawling in the corner.
“We are almost finished with the repairs. Soon the Citadel can go back to the Serpent Nebula.”
Well, something nice for a change- nice being, of course, a relative thing. At least the Citadel won’t be a danger to Earth anymore.
“That’s great news, Harbinger. Thank you for your hard work.”
And don’t those words just leave his mouth tasting like ash.
“We have mined 11 tons of palladium at the edge of the Far Rim that will soon arrive via the fourth fleet. Our understanding is the salarians are requesting a shipment of approximately half that. Will this request be filled? We can begin preparations if you like.”
“I don’t know, I will have to discuss it with the Council.” He makes a note on the datapad. “Next order of business?”
Harbinger drones on, emotionless. It’s all Kaidan can do to avoid using his biotics against it. Even though it’d probably swat him away like a fly. Even though it’d be pointless.
On the dresser in his bedroom sits a photo of a distant memory. Everything is pointless now.
The meeting drags on. There are several items that are concerning, but overall there are many positives. The damage done by the Reapers is slowly being cleared up, and they will soon be able to dedicate more time to actually improving civilization. Everyone will cheer.
Kaidan won’t. Kaidan can no longer cheer about anything.
He turns around and hands over the datapad to an assistant, a man with caterpillar eyebrows and stars in his drab brown eyes every single time he sees Kaidan. Eyes that are the opposite of John’s baby blues. The opposite of life and love and happiness. It makes him sick to his stomach to look at them. That probably makes him a bad person, but he no longer cares.
Ghost, until now eerily silent, makes a noise before he can walk away. It sounds suspiciously like a throat clearing.
Kaidan turns back toward the Reapers paired side by side, Harbinger’s frame wide and imposing, Ghost much smaller and far more sleek.
Sexy, Kaidan’s mind supplies helpfully.
He takes a breath and thinks about that photo. There is nothing sexy left in the universe, especially not these vile things.
He clears his throat back at it, and hopes his disgust- not just with said thing, but himself for that thought as well- doesn’t come through. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“We are requesting your presence onboard, Major Alenko.”
Kaidan startles. What the hell?
“I, uh… I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” and here he rubs the back of his neck just like John used to do, goddammit, “I mean, how can I even do that?”
In response, a door appears as though by magic in the thing’s hull, and a walkway slides out and bangs up against the dock where Kaidan stands.
On the dresser in his bedroom sits a photo of a man, and he is walking into the waiting arms of that man’s mortal enemy.
He might as well. Not much else to do anyway, really.
The first thing Kaidan is aware of is a Presence, the kind with a capital P. Terror possesses him, but he forces himself to be calm. There are running lights that lead him to some chamber, a strange place with dimensions that hurt his brain to look at; this wasn’t meant to be seen by any mortal, and he knows that for certain. But any awareness of that falls to the wayside and his heart stops- quite literally- for a second or two when he glances in the far corner.
On the dresser in his bedroom sits a photo of a man, and that man sits in front of him now.
Impossible, it should be, and yet.
It comes out as a breath, something no human ear would have heard. But the man, if he is indeed a man anymore, hears him.
“There are things in this universe we can never hope to understand. Do not ask the question, for the answer will grant you no solace. But before you ask, yes, I am real,” John Shepard says, and Kaidan sinks to his knees on the soft obsidian floor.
“John, I don’t… I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything. We never needed words anyway. I loved you the moment I saw you, Kaidan. I know you like my own heart.”
“Are you… what are you?”
“I am me,” he shrugs. “I am both what you remember and yet more. And I can make you the same. You can be one with me, if you like.”
The ice blue eyes glitter, with something like mirth, something like awe. Kaidan knows it’s reflected in the hazel of his own.
“Like you have to ask?” he whispers, still barely able to speak in fear of the apparition vanishing like smoke in the breeze. Or maybe he’s dreaming.
You’re not dreaming, says a voice in his head.
John, this can’t be real. Can it? Can I be so lucky?
Kaidan, come here.
Kaidan had never been able to resist him, and so he does, and what he feels is flesh and warmth and true human contact.
And he is finally home.
On the dresser sits a photo gathering dust, of a man made of dust. Soon, it will go into a museum, next to a series of photos of the man and his husband, who disappeared into the jaws of a Reaper a few months after his death.
Requested by @badismyname and dedicated to everyone who feels alone at Christmastime.
The airport was busy. Christmas was in only a few days, after all, and people were coming and going as quickly as they could. The crowds pressed and surged against each other, inching their way like molasses. So many bodies in such a small space- whether you usually minded that sort of thing or not, this was so tight-packed that you had to stop your trek every few minutes just to catch your breath and remind yourself which way you were going.
There was so much noise. Grumbling and yelling and machinery and squeaky wheels and the pitchy wails of crying children and that nasally voice blaring over the intercom every two minutes. As much as the sounds grated on your ears, you really couldn’t blame the kids for crying. You almost wanted to cry yourself. You wouldn’t, of course, but if you were much younger, this would have been a nice moment for a tantrum. It was five in the bloody morning and you had been forced to leave your home at two in the bloody morning just so you could get here through all the traffic, and you were still late, and now you weren’t even sure if you were where you needed to be.
The intercom buzzed and crackled and you couldn’t hear what was said, but you did pick out the words ‘gate eight’.
“Oh, man!” you exclaimed. You were gonna be late. Well, later than you already were, that is.
There was no good reason for the Doctor to be in an airport, other than he couldn’t recall ever being in an airport. He remembered train stations and bus stops and landing pads and loading docks, but he couldn’t remember ever being in an airport. He had been in one, probably more, but he just couldn’t quite remember doing it, which was just as bad as having never done it at all. Not that an airport was anything special after he had been to plenty of much more impressive space stations, but the Doctor didn’t like to think that there was somewhere on Earth he hadn’t been, especially when it was a place as common as an airport. And, if he was spectacularly honest, he wanted to get this over with while he was alone so that he didn’t embarrass himself in front of a companion later by not knowing anything about airports.
So far he had discovered that he didn’t like them. At all.
“Excuse me, sorry, sorry, excuse me, watch your toes, oh, I’m so sorry, could you, right, thank you, sorry, excuse me…”
The Doctor felt a nudge at the small of his back, gently prodding at his spine. He turned to find you, looking a bit bedraggled and out of breath. He took in the shadows under your eyes and the haphazard way you were dressed. You obviously hadn’t looked at your clothes before you put them on, and the jacket you were wearing was far too thin for how cold it was outside. Oh, you were just a little ragamuffin, weren’t you? Well, that was fine. He liked ragamuffins.
“I’m sorry,” you said, “but could I get by you real quick? I need to get to Gate Eight by, uh” -you checked a slip of paper cradled in your palm- “by half an hour ago, really, so-”
“For the flight comin’ in, you mean?” the Doctor said. You blinked at his thick accent but otherwise didn’t react. He has a nice voice, you thought. "It’s been canceled. Intercom just said so.“
Uh-oh. Upset human. The Doctor grimaced, waiting for some sort of break-down that he would undoubtedly bear the brunt of. Oh, why him? He came here for a quick look-see and self-education, not to be an angry girl’s squishy stress ball.
“Erm, yes. Plane’s grounded.” The Doctor pointed straight up and made a little twirling motion with his finger. “Blizzard.”
“I can’t believe…" You smacked a palm to your forehead and heaved a sigh, letting your whole body wilt. You had imagined this going wrong, like losing a bag or not being on time, but you hadn’t imagined that the flight would be canceled. "She’s gonna be so disappointed.”
“What?” This wasn’t the reaction the Doctor had expected. You weren’t getting hostile (although he would be wrong if he thought you didn’t seem at least a little angry), and you weren’t crying, and you weren’t having a tantrum. You were just upset. And on someone else’s behalf, if he interpreted your words correctly. “Who will be?”
“My friend,” you said. Could this be any worse? “She moved away awhile ago and she doesn’t have any friends or family where she is, so we decided to have her come spend Christmas with me. But if the flight’s canceled, then she’s stuck. She’ll be spending Christmas alone.” Something in your chest ached at the idea. Alone… alone was a hurtful thing. You knew that. "She loves Christmas.“
The Doctor blinked down at you, not quite sure how to react. He wasn’t used to meeting humans who were so… so… whatever this was. He liked it.
His telepathy wasn’t strong enough to read your mind, but he stuck his hand out for you to shake and you reluctantly returned the gesture, he got a sense of your emotions through the skin-to-skin contact. You were exhausted, disappointed, cold, concerned for your friend, hungry because you hadn’t eaten today, lonely. So, so lonely, even when there were people all around you.
The Doctor’s insides melted a little bit, and he was almost offended with the un-Doctor-y feeling. It was so mushy. He wasn’t supposed to feel mushy. But you were familiar to him. Not in the Clara way of being familiar, but in the way that most companions were. Oh. Oh, good. The Doctor had to hide his smile. You would do just perfectly, he decided, if he could convince you to come along. And if the mushiness would stop. Or maybe not. Maybe some mush would do him good, like vegetables (not pleasant, but beneficial).
"I’m the Doctor,” he introduced himself. No more mush.
His lips twitched to resist a smile. “Exactly.” He looked you up and down, a frown taking over his face. “When did you last eat?”
“Yesterday,” you admitted, “but it’s only five o'clock. Not even breakfast time yet.”
“Breakfast time is whenever you wake up to start the day,” he corrected sternly, furrowing those caterpillar eyebrows at you. “You’re just a little human. You need that.”
You took a step back, defensive. Little human? What? "Excuse me?“
"Don’t be lasagna. C'mon.”
Don’t be lasagna? What does that even mean?
“No, I don’t just follow strangers around,” you said, stepping back from him. “That’s not safe.”
“I’m not… for goodness sakes, stop looking so,” he made a meaningless gesture at your face, “sad. With your eyes and your mouth and your face. You’re making me mushy. And you’re a ragamuffin. Stop that.”
“I’m a what? A ragamuffin?” Was that something you should take offense to?
“Yes, tattered little thing,” he said, giving your worn jacket a quick tug. You looked down at it. It was threadbare and unimpressive, but you hadn’t been able to find a good coat this morning while you were stumbling around half-asleep in the dark. “Stoppit. It’s sad.”
“Of course I’m sad. My friend’s gonna be alone on Christmas,” you said. Why were you even still talking to this Doctor guy? You were tired and hungry. You could just turn around, get take-out for breakfast, and then go home. So why didn’t you?
The Doctor raised a grey brow at you. “And so are you.”
Now that, for some reason, seemed worth feeling offended over. “I will not be alone on Christmas! I have… people.”
“But you’ll feel alone. You’ll be alone inside.” The Doctor poked you right under your collarbone.
The words rang true. Unbearably true.
You tilted your head. The Doctor wasn’t anything special to look at. He was an older gentleman, his hair grey and messy, his clothes looking like they had come from a thrift shop (which was no bad thing, really, but he was dressed like a magician). Nothing about this suggested that he knew anything about you, but he obviously did, if he knew… about Christmas. Either the guy was secretly a mind-reader, or… something. Seriously, there was no plausible, non-fictional way he could have known that.
“How do you know that?” You should have just denied it, but you honestly wanted to know how he was seeing straight through you.
“Those eyes,” he said, giving you a small smile that almost seemed like an apology. “And I’m just clever.”
“Mm-hm.” You relaxed, if only slightly. “So.”
There was a beat of silence that roared with the noise of the crowd surging all around you.
“I can get your friend home for Christmas,” the Doctor blurted out.
You blinked rapidly, not sure if you had heard him correctly. “What? But there’s a storm. Plane’s grounded, remember?”
“Oh, I have a way,” the Doctor said. “Trust me.”
“I don’t even know you.”
“But I know you, if only a little bit. And no one should be alone on Christmas.” The Doctor stared down at you, examining. “You know, you’re quite pretty. For a ragamuffin.”
You swallowed. “Is calling me a ragamuffin gonna be a regular thing with you?”
The Doctor grinned. “Might be.”
He held out his hand to you. This was stupid. He could be a kidnapper. Granted, you were in the middle of an airport so crowded that you couldn’t take two steps without bumping into someone and there were security guards everywhere, so it would be a little bit difficult to be kidnapped, but the point still stood. And, as you said before, you didn’t know him. He was some strange old man who didn’t even have a real name.
But you looked at him, and all you saw in his eyes was honesty, and… hope. And he had looked at you. He had seen that you were alone. Nobody else saw that, ever. And, if he wasn’t just a crazy old man, then that meant that he could get your friend home for Christmas.
Maybe it was a bad idea. But, if it wasn’t, it could be the most brilliant thing ever.