I don’t want to fall in love. I don’t want to break my heart like fragile glass upon the words that they tell me. I don’t want to fall in love. But now there’s this ache that I can’t exactly explain because although I don’t want to fall in love, I want to fall in love with you. I want to watch the color of your eyes change as the sky does, I want to watch them shift from that fantastic green to the glittering gold that lies just below them. I want to see you smile and make your stupid jokes that aren’t funny but always make me laugh, I want to see the red in your cheeks rise with emotion. I want to feel your hair that is like burnished gold personified. When I heard your voice when you were about to go to sleep I felt something dangerous because I know I wouldn’t exactly mind falling asleep next to you. When I look at you I feel something dangerous because I know that if we were to sit in front of the most beautiful sunset that man had ever seen, my eyes would still be on you. I want to know what makes you tick and what makes you smile, I want to know your favorite movie and if you prefer oceans to forests or vice versa. I want you to be happy. When you don’t seem happy like you always do, I feel something dangerous, because I want so dearly to give you something that’d make you so. And that’s the most dangerous thing of all. Because although I don’t want to fall in love, I want that something to be me.
a.p. (10.6.16) I don’t want to fall in love, I want to fall in love with you
I just wanna chill. Our dark and bold auras were always meant to meet. I find comfort in our anonymity together in this huge city. Being unfazed by those who see nothing as they look deeper at our meeting. Always surrounded by many, but never getting too close. Shamelessly aimless, relentlessly restless, and yet still put together. We only are so orderly so we can freely exist as the mess we are. We find this to be the true freedom. Finding a piece of what we call our version of beauty in the most obscure places, being the explorers and observers we are. I enjoy both the fleeting and the lasting moments. They don’t have to know our philosophy. They don’t have to know what I see past your cold apathy. They don’t have to know.