catastrophic thoughts

He said he loves her. No matter what, he said. But she is rain, and she pours down randomly. A mess, a destruction, she causes things that people hates without any hesitation. Despite what, he said. I’ll still love you, he said. A lie, she realized. He hates catastrophes, and she is more than that—worse than that. Of course, she thinks, staring into nothing. How can he love the rain when he hates the storm it brings?
—  xxi. // raincracks - she is nothing but storm.

TO THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR: A CONVERSATION.

i dreamed a dream where a boy with hands larger than my heart loved me like i was the gentle to his hurt, and i loved him, too. we did not say it. he gave me the kindest words and the largest feelings and i dreamt that my heart bloated and overflowed with them;

that his nice was the balm that kept me breathing, that his hands (large and knotted with veins) could hold my entire trembling soul in them. that when he held me in his arms my happiness meant something to him, and his to me.

the girl in the mirror asks why i wake from the dream and keen like a dying animal. the girl in the mirror watches as i open and close my fist repeatedly; the girl in the mirror asks me what i’m looking for (when i say love she shuts her ears like the word hurts her).

i reach for the girl in the mirror and she reaches for me but we both only touch glass (it’s cold, and we need warmth). the girl in the mirror asks me what else i need and she collapses in on herself when i say love. the girl in the mirror asks me what i need and her mouth quivers when i say someone to look after me.

people tell me that i’m brave for loving myself, that self love is hard to come by and i am so lucky to have found it, that they are so happy for me. but here, the confession:

the girl in the mirror asks me whether she loves herself, trembles on the balls of her feet and leans towards me as though her entire world rests on my (our) answer. i say yes, yes, of course you do. you love yourself because there is no one else who will.

—  Darshana Suresh, week 15 of 52 - “love, fear, and other catastrophes” 
Rotten Queen

Mascaraed Lashes
Swollen Eyes
Cracked Lips
Tongue-tied
Poisoned Blood
Stained Skin
Decayed Bones
Ripped Veins
Bloodied Letters
Thoughts Intertwined
Glittered Words
Putrid Mind
Doll Face
Heart in Race
Blue Dress
Crowned with madness

from one of the latest episodes “ The catastrophe” at first i thought the episode was just being cute´n funny, making a number of references to internet videos *cough*

but then after all the silly moments we get to see this, this scene, completley unexpected, we see wander and sylvia finally together watching themigration, and it is this scene that i just had to draw, not only is it beautiful and exploding with colours but also “ imaginary memory selfie! that was sucha cute sentence, and also made me so happy. all in all, this episode is officially now one of my favorites! good job WoY team!

A catastrophic silence where our thoughts and feelings collide …

Where your sweetness overrides my senses and our bodies move to the same tune.

The same song.
The same melody.
The same stroke.
The same rhythm.

It’s our story, Sara, and it’s just begging to be told.

/Noah with Sara/

@williamalderson, @ellaxlancaster

The moment he received the text about the location, Ethan was headed out the door. His heart was pounding in his chest as he could only fantasize about what was going on, and why Charlotte wanted him to meet up with these people. Of course, he assumed that this was gang related, which was way his adrenaline became pumping through his veins as the cold air hit his skin. He was lost on information, yet he was too consumed with his catastrophic thoughts to ask any further questions, and besides, this seemed like a rushed situation. And not knowing what kind of situation it was, he grabbed his gun to hide inside his jacket before he walked out the door. The same pistol he couldn’t leave behind the night that he murdered those two men, the one that’s been haunting him ever since then. He didn’t know what to do with it in all honesty, and for some reason, keeping it with him seemed like the most rational thing to do at the time. It had his fingerprints all over it, so leaving it behind wasn’t an option. 

He kept aware of the street signs as he trudged forward, his hands were practically shaking at this point. It crossed his mind that this meeting was also meant to be discreet and that they shouldn’t look as crazed as he probably did. At the same time, when didn’t Ethan look anxious? As he approached Fifth and Loft, he noticed a pair of folk that seemed to fit the vague description that was given to him by Charlotte. He nodded his head as if he knew them, slowing his pace down and attempting to regain himself. “William and Ella, right?” He asked, slightly out of breath and perspiration already beginning to build on his forehead and neck. He wasn’t cut out for this kind of life, he found himself thinking, but he didn’t have much of a choice after he pulled that trigger and accepted that job. He was stuck.

“When I was six or seven, I started to have really intense anxiety… It’s always been this little buddy of mine.” “There’s general anxiety, and then there’s panic attacks, where I have really catastrophic thoughts, where I’m not in control." 

"When you’re forced to deal with something big that you don’t understand, you try to find ways to interpret the universe in a way that can make you feel safer or alleviate that crazy. For me, it was music.”- Annie Clark, The Rolling Stone, 2014

the intuitive gauges I receive on the different forms of anxiety experienced by different zodiac placements is both alarming and insightful. Saturn and sixth house anxiety is butterflies and impending doom, as if you have done something wrong, a horror. Cancerian (Moon) anxiety is catastrophized thoughts, a scarily wandering imagination, stomach aches, some sort of isolated desperation, Mercury rules the nervous system Gemini (Mercury) anxiety erupts through the chest, a sort of manic need and distractible - cannot settle or stop this pain/discomfort from heart into arms, its a confuse foreign feeling?? Virgo also Mercury is similar yet ripples more so throughout the body and is joined by rapid racing thoughts and constant motioning a need to keep manically moving… cant think of anymore right now… didnt know if that would be interesting to some people…

the article about dan and phil

an uneducated, frankly scathing and belittling article that generalised the entire fandom as being rabid teenage girls who are hungry for dan and phil purely for their good looks.

oh, sorry, yes we see them as “sex icons” because heteronormativity is at large and so is the idea we’re all young girls too because wow clearly the notion that someone over the age of 16 could be a fan is crazy and the idea of there being more than two genders is just catastrophic and the thought that we might be not all be shallow, looks-obsessed teenagers is absurd, but the blunt and unnecessary act of asking someone you’ve just met, and are interviewing, about their undisclosed sexuality is totally okay.

i say this as the twenty one year old who studied journalism for a year during her degree and dropped it afterwards because the things we were told to do in order to be a good journalist were absolutely disgusting

but yes british journalism that article sounds about right for you

Hey taylorswift I’m so excited to see you again on the 24th June in Manchester. Im attempting to be a literal version on catastrophe, and thought bringing a fake knife to the concert would be a good idea until chels told me otherwise…I’m sat in block D, not sure what row or seat because my tickets aren’t here yet, but I’m so excited to meet so many swifties like inevery-crowd !!! CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU AND TAYLORNATION THERE