cat-feelings

We’re adopting a kitty tomorrow from an over-crowded shelter and my mom has no cash to pay for it so I have to pay and I’ll literally be using my last bits of cash so that means I have to say goodbye to the Grumpy Cat $20 bill :(

I am dog and cat sitting in my co-worker’s incredible apartment. She has a dog and two cats, and I brought my cat along. It feels like I’m staying in an Airbnb on a working farm, which is what I’ve always wanted to do.

I always get a bit stressed when pet sitting because I’m, obviously, constantly worried their animal has gone missing or is somehow dead. This despite the fact that I know a lot about animal care. My family always had birds and reptiles and mammals of all sorts growing up. We’ve bred bunnies and kept chickens and for a very brief week did both at the same time, which is how we found out chickens will peck newborn bunnies to death, eating just enough to kill them. I’ve worked in a pet store for a few years, have been trained on giving subq fluids to dogs and cats and know how to inject them with whatever you wanna put in a needle and hand over to me. I’ve taken a taxidermy class, which I think is not exactly the opposite of relevant here, somehow. 

Despite this, despite all this, yesterday I twice stared at the humming washing machine while it was on and said to myself, “there is definitely no way a cat got in there.”

And each time after I said that to myself, I went and counted all three cats and the dog.

Every time I come into the apartment I say hello to all four animals and then settle in to do whatever I’m going to do. Five minutes will pass and inevitably at least one of the animals will leave to their preferred spot and I will think, “I definitely saw all four animals when I came in.”

And every time, I go and count all three cats and the dog.

Every time an animal makes a noise or there is an extended period of time where none of the animals make a noise, I get up and I count all three cats and the dog.

Anyway! I’ve been feeling very good lately which I’ve thought is maybe because I’m off of antidepressants in favor of stimulants and able to feel a highly contrasted emotion instead of dull joy and dull pain and dull dull. I’ve also thought that it’s maybe because I’ve been getting 7 hours of sleep every night for a solid week for the first time in…14 years. 14 years ago I was unemployed during summer vacation.

But now I think I love this fake Airbnb working farm because for the first time in a very, very long time, my anxiety has manifested in an external and real thing I can constantly soothe and satisfy. And this exhausts the constant, low-level, rolling, ambient anxiety I’m used to feeling. 

The dog and the three cats can be accounted for. I can be full of dread and then assured through real proof that everything is okay. The shit that has no name, no face, no form cannot ever manifest and so it cannot ever be soothed.

Or maybe it’s just getting 7 hours of sleep a night.

every time someone mentions brexit now (approx every 3-4 minutes) I find myself having to slide into another mental plane where nothing exists and I’ll make like I’m listening, but really all I’m doing is aggressively singing orinoco flow in my head to drown it out cos it’s too awful what’s happening 

She was so much closer than he’d realized, their faces inches apart, her expression wide and hesitant and vulnerable.

“My Lady,” he whispered. He was helpless in the ocean of blue that was her eyes; whatever had seemed so awful also seemed very far away. Nothing was dark or brutal or hopeless when they were this close, and he wasn’t the only one moving closer.


My vacations are oveerr so now It will take me more time to be able to post any finished pics, sadly D:. I have to paint a lot of new pieces for a college project ´v` BUT I will still have tons of doodles.

While my actual piece for State of Grace (by the awesome @dragonsinparis) is on the making (it won’t show up until at least next month thanks to all this stuff I gotta paint), get this quickie for one of the moments that broke me.
GO READ THAT THING AND SHATTER INTO TINY PIECES WITH ME. THIS FIC IS FLAWLES JUST GO i-i

Kissing Lessons

I was inspired by this lovely piece of art by @xallyxcatxshere and wrote this.

Essentially, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Cat Noir asks Ladybug for kissing lessons.


“Hey, milady, can I ask a favor?”

Ladybug raised a brow. “It depends on the favor, kitty.”

“Have you ever kissed someone before?”

“I’ve kissed you,” she reminded him, smiling. “Remember?”

“No.” She knew he didn’t, but he’d certainly heard enough about it from his kwami to know what she meant. “I just…” He looked down, swinging his feet. “I’m not sure I know how.”

“Really?” She glanced over at him, “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

“I’ve been kind of…sheltered. My only friend for a while wasn’t really someone I’d want to ask.”

“Hm…” She looked back to the city in front of them, tapping the edge of the building where they sat. “So, there’s someone you want to kiss?”

He blushed. “Maybe.”

“Does this mean you’ve moved on from me?” she asked, her tone light despite the confusing pain in her chest. She loved Adrien, she reminded herself, so if Cat Noir was turning his attention to someone else, that was a good thing.

“Who says it isn’t you?” He grinned, gently nudging her with his elbow.

She laughed. “Is it?”

He just smiled.

“I know a little,” she answered finally. “But I’m not exactly a kissing expert.”

He repositioned himself so he was seated facing her. “Could you teach me?”

She briefly considered the pros and cons. After all, she had a crush on someone else, and he seemed smitten with her. He was her partner, and this would complicate things. She cared about Cat Noir, and this…this could be a huge mistake. At the same time, though, this was Cat Noir. Her silly and sweet partner, who was asking her for help. While perhaps she wasn’t the best option, he trusted her and, if she were to be completely honest with herself, she trusted him, too. Their eyes met, his hopeful and hers hesitant, and she couldn’t help but nod and turn to fully face him.

She moved closer, both seated cross-legged with their knees and and feet touching. He leaned closer, heart racing.

“Okay, first you have to build up to it.” She took a steadying breath. “Eye contact. Gentle touches. Complimenting the other person.” Her lips quirked into a half-smile. “Preferably without puns.”

“You’re kitten me. No puns?” He joked, hiding his nerves behind a grin.

“Trust me, it kills the mood.”

He chuckled and hesitantly reached out a hand, “Um, can I?”

She nodded.

He rested a hand on the side of her jaw, and she swallowed at the brush of leather over her cheek.

“Good.” She leaned forward, contemplating how to explain the next step. “Okay, then for the kiss itself, you… well.” This was definitely a bad idea, she thought to herself even as she continued speaking, “I could show you.”

His eyes widened. “Y-Yeah. That… yeah!”

They’d already kissed, she reasoned. Surely, this wouldn’t change things any more than the one that had cured him of Dark Cupid’s arrow. “So, I’ll just…go ahead and demonstrate. Then, I’ll explain after.”

“Okay.”

“Now, just tilt your head,” she instructed softly.

“Like this?” He asked after doing as instructed.

“Y-Yeah and…uh…” She angled slightly, “Close your eyes.”

He nodded and closed his eyes. She watched him silently for a moment, finally cupping the back of his neck and gently pulling him closer. His breath ghosted over her lips as she moved forward, and she saw a deep red blush spread over his cheeks. Something in the back of her mind chanted that this was a mistake, but she chose to ignore it.

She pressed her lips to his, and she immediately knew that this was, indeed, a terrible mistake. Still, as she closed her eyes and moved closer, it was absolutely a mistake that she would love to make again and again. His lips were soft, she noted, wondering what kind of lip products he used and further wondering if hers were chapped by comparison.

Her nose rubbed over his as she repositioned herself for a better angle, and she smiled. Part of her had wondered if this would be awkward, but in reality it felt like the most natural thing in the world. He felt warm and safe, and she adored the way her heart fluttered at his soft hum of approval. While she had expected him to enjoy this, she hadn’t expected to be so pleased with it. His free hand moved up to slowly interlace his fingers with those of her free hand. She squeezed, and she could swear he let out a soft purr.

Part of her knew she should back off now. This was certainly a sufficient demonstration, but she wasn’t quite ready to stop. She wanted to stay here and bask in his delicate touches, in the happy little sound he made each time she shifted. The rational part of her mind urged her to slow down. Instead, she held him closert still, gently tangling her fingers in his hair and marveling at how he shivered under her touch.

In the end, he leaned back, staring up at her with wide eyes and even wider pupils, his lips and cheeks bright red as he searched her expression for some sign that she had responded to him just as much as he’d responded to her. He was rewarded by the sight of a breathless, blushing Ladybug who watched him as he delicately pressed a kiss to each knuckle of the hand he held in his own.

“I think…” She swallowed. “I think you understand it pretty well, kitty.”

“You’re a great teacher,” he murmured, looking up at her with a genuine smile, “Thank you, milady.”

That smile… That soft, warm smile… She jerked back, tugging her hand free as internal alarms sounded and woke her from her stupor. “W-well, it’s getting late. I should really be going.”

He raised a brow. “Is…everything okay?”

No. Everything wasn’t okay. She’d just kissed Cat Noir and really, really liked it. Then, he had to flash her this beatific smile that reminded her so much of Adrien it hurt. “Yeah, I just…” She fiddled with her yo-yo as she slowly backed up. “I just need to be going home. I have plans tomorrow.”

“If I crossed a line…”

“No, not at all.” She shook her head. Of course he was worried, and that only made her feel guiltier. “I just…” She let out a weak laugh, relaxing just a little. “I guess I wasn’t expecting that.”

He grinned, leaping to his feet. “You weren’t expecting to like it.”

His jab made it easier for her to dismiss the moment, and she rolled her eyes. “Don’t get a big head now. It just means you shouldn’t be nervous about kissing the girl you like.”

He stepped closer, a little hesitant but still smiling, and her heart rate spiked. “So, does that mean I can kiss you again?”

She smirked, ignoring the small, irritating part of her that was already begging her to agree. She even ignored the much larger, much more insistent part of her that urged her to shut him down. Instead, she listened to the part of her that was maybe just a bit smitten and teasingly offered, “If you can catch me.” Then, she soared off with her yo-yo, leaving him to laugh and follow her.


Okay, first of all, I am so sorry for the several stories I have in progress that I’m not working on. I don’t know what is going on with this massive writing wasteland I’ve entered, but I promise I have plans to finish other things!

Also, this was a sort of self-indulgent, impulsive piece that I didn’t ask my beta to read over (sorry), so let me know if you see any errors!

To anyone who needs the link for the art in text form, here it is: http://xallyxcatxs.tumblr.com/post/150620011553/6-ladynoir-for-the-kiss-art-challenge