cat&039;s reviews

AU where Jim is an actor and Spock is an infamous theater critic who just tears plays to shreds (not out of malice but just out of perfectionism) and it’s Jim’s great goal in life to get a glowing review out of him.

Eventually, Spock pens something like “However, James Kirk’s portrayal of Hamlet is one of the more notable in recent memory,” and Jim tracks him down so he can be like, “HA!”

But when they meet he realizes that this man is just a calm, intelligent, quiet sort of person who is also really genuinely sweet and then they fall in love. (obviously)


Finally got a long blonde wig and it is so gorgeous!! My manga-bomber, phone case, and wig are all from @spreepicky !!!

I have yet to be unhappy with the quality of their products. My favorite wigs are from there and I’ve already dropped my phone with this case twice (once quite brutally) and it is still beautiful!! The bomber is very stylish and comfortable. It’s a perfect wind breaker 🙌🏻 Even though it took a while to get here, this was a very successful haul from Spreepicky! 💕

SuperGirl 2x11 Review

Hello and welcome to the second installment of reviewing the latest episode of the gayest tv show on planet earth.

Before we get to the major parts, let me just say that I need Kara’s “Power to the Girls” t-shirt, less of the constant spin-around with Mon-El and his wavering decisions and more tiny pecks between Sanvers because shit they’re so cute and responsible and such a healthy couple.



all the reasons why:

  • I saw a post the other day, stating something along the lines of “Kara must feel so lonely. With Alex spending a lot more time with Maggie, she can’t be used to it.” And y’all, if you thought she was lonely before, well this episode just ABUSED HER MORE THAN THOSE WHITE MARTIANS.

Now, before I get pegged as “over-dramatic” for claiming it as abusive, lets examine the facts:

Mon-El is treating her like a piece of freaking shit. UHM, “YOU JUST GOTTA KEEP SWIPING RIGHT ‘TILL YOU FIND THE ONE”?!!!!!!!!! IS THAT CHICKEN NUGGET SERIOUS?! (sorry if im offending chicken nugget lovers and chickens in general) ITS SUPERGIRL, NOT A PERSON ON TINDER, YOU DON’T JUST FIND PEOPLE FROM THE PLANET OF KRYPTON ON ANY NORMAL DAY. I can go on about this for days, and if you tell me that their relationship is actually adorable and “it’s always rocky at the start”, well you might just catch these hands. They aren’t able to bend metal and carry buildings but boy, don’t underestimate the power of the gays.

  • When Alex asked her, quite adorably I might add, if they could celebrate her earth birthday on a different night because of the concert, I just melted when she made that really sad, hold-it-together face.

 But not in a good way. In a “I relate and feel so much for this fictional character, my baby doesn’t deserve this” way. Mon-El’s already got her wrapped around his finger, playing her, and if that doesn’t make things hard enough, on top of the pressure of being a reporter with a prick for a boss (i like him though) and the world continuously plagued with danger she has to eradicate every single day…

well crap I’m surprised she didn’t break down crying right then and there in front of Alex (she’s so very strong).

  •  Winn and James. Apart from everything I just mentioned, she’s constantly on edge too because her best friends, human I should point out, are out fighting crime risking their lives and, its so ironic because, as strong and diverse and cool her superpowers are, she remains helpless in this situation with her friends. Yet another reason why I just felt so bad for Kara in this episode.

2. J’onn :(

Well, she’s no longer Meghan anymore because she’s MeGONE

I’ll go home.

I felt for him, very much. Because, finally, somebody comes along after countless years of isolation and, right after he professes his love for her (without actually using the word love) she leaves with the shadow of death looming above her. (REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER SHOW I USED TO BE SO PASSIONATE ABOUT HM I WONDER WHICH ONE IT IS).

I have faith she’ll come back though. The writers for Supergirl… well let’s just say I like what they’re doing and I have some faith in them.


Before I saw the episode, I saw a few pictures of Maggie with “BARENAKED LADIES” printed on the front of her shirt AND I WAS LIKE “WHAT KINDA GAY SHIT IS THIS, SHE’S SO GAY ALREADY CALM DOWN WRITERS”

Gah, I adore them. Surges me with hope whenever I see them together, smiling, being there for each other, understanding and taking care and going out of their way to make the other extra happy by buying concert tickets out of the blue for the sake of loving them. I need more. We all need more. 


4. Mon… I don’t even want to type it out

Can they stop… or at least tone it down with his character constantly clashing with Kara. Every scene with him in today’s episode was a turn which just led to a circle of disappointment each time for Kara. 




The Verdict

It… wasn’t as good as last week’s episode. I’ll leave it at that because I think I’ve thoroughly explained why already.

But… guys… the next episode….






rawr-booklover  asked:

So I just finished going through the zine (physical) and it was honestly so amazing I'm getting emotional. Everyone did such an fantastic job! The writing/artwork is great and im so glad I found this zine. My personal fave artwork was 'Pillow fight' + 'cozy hammock' I just love when they're happy/cute they definitely need it, and Jules' postcards were BEAUTIFUL especially the front cover 1 (me and my bro loved it so much we're fighting over who gets to keep the postcard version haha 🙈) .......

…..(continued) and my fave fics were five words + the graveyard book (when I realized where this one was going I was heartbroken but in that good way after reading something so emotional but good at the same time) Sorry for the extra long messages I just wanted to let you guys know how phenomenal it all is and I can’t wait for issue 2!!! Thank you for all your hard work ❤️ 

……..excuse me while i go and cry happy tears. you’re making me emotional.

@n00dl3gal @stellatiate @materassassino @breezycheezyart 

ARRIVAL (2016)

Starring Amy Adams, Jeremy Renner, Forest Whitaker, Michael Stuhlbarg, Mark O’Brien, Tzi Ma, Julia Scarlett Dan, Abigail Pniowsky, Jadyn Malone, Frank Schorpion, Lucas Chartier-Dessert, Christian Jadah, Lucy Van Oldenbarneveld, Andrew Shaver, Pat Kiely, Sonia Vigneault, Mark Camacho, Sabrina Reeves and Nathaly Thibault.

Screenplay by Eric Heisserer.

Directed by Denis Villeneuve.

Distributed by Paramount Pictures.  116 minutes.  Rated PG-13.

Once upon a time we weren’t always afraid of aliens. They weren’t always coming to blow up our national landmarks, turn us into pod people, or eat our brains.

There is a great history of science fiction films about other worlds reaching out to us just to share their knowledge with us or to become friends. Sure, we’ve always had scary movies about space invaders, but they used to be leavened by stuff in which the visitors turned out to be all right, like The Day the Earth Stood Still (the original, not the horrible Keanu Reeves remake), The Man Who Fell To Earth, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, ET: The Extraterrestrial and Contact.

Arrival remembers this kinder, gentler world, when aliens were not necessarily to be looked upon with the utmost of suspicion.  And even if we are suspicious, perhaps we should try to understand the visitors instead of pulling out the big guns first.

Arrival starts with a relatively common premise for this kind of film – 12 giant spaceships suddenly appear over different areas of the Earth, hovering in the air mysteriously.  As normal for this type of thing, the military is called right in to handle things.  However, in a nice retro look at the pre-Trump world, the military is actually competent and intelligent enough to call in specialists, scientists and linguists in order to try to communicate with the aliens and figure out what exactly they are doing here.

Hmmm… trying to find a way to negotiate.  It’s just crazy enough that it might work.

Amy Adams plays Louise, a linguist and interpreter brought in to try and figure out a language for which she has no base of knowledge.  Jeremy Renner is Ian, a scientist who believes that the connection can made through straight science.  She is communication and he is logic.  She is heart and he is mind.  Together they make a good team.

Of course, there are differing factions in the military, too. Forest Whitaker plays the Colonel in charge, who is open to finding a peaceful solution, but who is also very conscious of the dangers of waiting too long.  The opposite side is inhabited by Michael Stuhlbarg, as a military man who feels that a show of strength is the way to fix any problem.

Arrival is a nuanced, slightly surreal fable that seems particularly trenchant at this point in history.  In the end, Arrival is just what the world needs right now – a group of smart and dedicated people using calculation, intelligence and hard work to avoid global catastrophe.

In a world where intelligence is all too often overlooked or derided, it’s nice to see a movie that celebrates intellect and empathy.

Jay S. Jacobs

Copyright ©2017 All rights reserved. Posted: February 14, 2017.

Split (2017)

*Trigger warning: discussions of trauma and violence against women*

Alright, let’s address the elephant in the room right off the bat. To say that Split has a twist ending would be utterly misleading. Do not spend the run time of this film trying to figure out a mystery that is not really there. What I will say, is that it is the best ending to an M. Night film since Sixth Sense. In that film, the ending serves as a revelation about the nature of healing and grieving and self discovery. Similarly, as the final act of Split plays out, the film sort of redefines itself and reveals its themes a little more clearly. And the final scene does deliver a very satisfying moment. That being said, there’s a good chance that the movie would be better if the thematic clarity was present throughout all three acts. At the very least M. Night has crafted a film that, against all odds, I want to see again so I can analyze it further.

Originally posted by gocactus

The excellent trailer for Split shows a very honest portrayal of the straightforward story. Three teen women are abducted by a man (I’ll simply refer to him as Split for most of this review) with dissociative identity disorder played by James Mcavoy. This happens in the first five minutes of the film. Much of the movie is spent watching them try to outsmart Split and his different personalities as a means of escape. In that first five minutes you learn that two of the young women, Claire and Marcia played by Haley Lu Richardson and Jessica Sula respectively, are popular with stable upbringings while the third woman Casey played mostly adequately and at times very well by Anna Taylor-Joy is a bit of a loner bad kid with a mysteriously unstable family. As characters, Claire and Marcia are strong confident young women. And that is basically all you can say about them. They experience literally zero character development. The actresses perhaps could have added some depth to the film with stronger performances, but they did alright with the material they were given. At the end of the day, the film simply is not about them. They serve only as foils to Casey. This seems like a missed opportunity to me, but I am glad that they are at least portrayed as competent and intelligent. Again, it’s just not their film. This film is all about two people.

Ostensibly, Split is about trauma (you gotta just trust me on the ostensibly thing and go in with an open mind). Early on, the viewer learns that both Casey and Split have experienced major childhood traumas. Casey’s is more defined while Split’s is much more intangible. These two side plots are doled out in little pieces throughout the film. Casey’s trauma is revealed through flashbacks while Split’s is revealed during sessions with his therapist. These two differing tales of pain serve as the backdrop for Casey and Split’s encounters throughout the film. I gotta say, it’s pretty effective and it is so entirely due to the performance of Mcavoy. He really owns this role and it easily could have been an utter disaster. He seems to understand that the character has to instill fear and true dread while also having fun by hamming it up and even being funny now and then. At the same time, the viewer has to feel empathy for Split. The different personalities all feel distinct and interesting. It’s a real tightrope walk and a joy to watch. I would be surprised if there is a better horror villain performance for the rest of 2017 honestly. And while Anna Taylor-Joy’s performance is not worth celebrating, she is game to play off of Mcavoy’s threatening unpredictability.

Originally posted by hellozxxy

The film’s construction is another plus to the overall experience. Just as the viewer never knows which personality of Split’s will be on display next, it’s also never clear when a scene will end and where the next one will begin. It jumps to a few different locations and timelines over the course of the film, but they all have there own distinct look and feel. So while you never know which location or time is coming, you’re also never confused once a scene begins. Each one of these locations and timelines have their own subplots. While some are more engaging than others, they’re all engaging enough to be interesting. All of this may sound frantic, but the film is actually quite calm and patient while never being slow. The run time clocks in at just under two hours, but it never seemed to drag to me.

So with all this being said, it’s a great movie right? Well, yes and no. Somehow, the sum of its very strong parts doesn’t equal a cohesive experience. I think the main problem is that whenever Mcavoy isn’t on screen, the film has that cheesy-in-a-bad-way feel of other M. Night films. It’s almost as if he directs his actors and writes his characters to approximate humanity. Like, I think he might actually be a space alien trying to write about the human experience. The dialogue often feels clunky and stiff. The film also suffers from an enormous amount of unnecessary exposition whenever Split’s therapist is in a scene. The film so often does a great job of showing and not telling only for the therapist to then tell you exactly what the movie just showed you. It’s maddening. It is at least mitigated by a fun performance from prolific character actress Betty Buckley.

I want to see this movie again, and I hope that when I do these shortcomings won’t bother me as much. At that time, I reserve the right to change my rating. I think this is a movie where your mileage may vary depending on your taste. If you’re looking for a serious examination of the effects of trauma, you may be disgusted by this movie. If you’re into horror movies that use metaphors to explore the human spirit, you may be pleasantly surprised. If an excellently acted, great villain is enough for you, you’ll surely enjoy Split. And again, the final act and ending left an excellent taste in my mouth.

3.75 out of 5 cats.

anonymous asked:

If you're light mum, who are your children?

( i have three confirmed children so far and they are literal blessings to this world!!! i love my light children ❤❤ there is:

( please go give them some love!! they deserve all of the love the world has to offer )

The Pants Project - Cat Clarke

To read the official synopsis, click here. 

I received a free ebook in exchange for an honest review. So a big thank you to the publisher and Netgalley. 

Liv didn’t know how lucky he had it in elementary school. He was able to wear any kind of clothes and now that he goes to a new school, he has to wear a skirt. Liv was born Olivia but don’t get confused he is not a girl. 

I was so happy to get an ARC of this book. This was a wonderful coming of age story about a boy learning how to define himself. Along with the trans main character we also have a diverse family. Liv has two moms and there is a character with a disability. 

There were so many wonderful characters and moments in this book. I loved how involved Liv’s moms were and his eccentric younger brother. The friendships were so organic and believable. Since Liv is starting a new school year the friendship he had in elementary is changing.

This is a middle grade fiction but I recommend it for anyone looking for a diverse read. 

I give this book a B+

The Magicians 2x03: RIP

Happy Friday!

Anything new?

Actually, I know! I know something that’s new: A GIRL’S BELOVED CAT WAS TURNED FUCKING INSIDE OUT. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. That was literally the worst thing I could EVER SEE on television, and once again I have seen every episode of True Blood.

But, this kind of unhinged depravity is exactly what I wished for…so thank you… I guess….

                                                Thas ma gurl

While we are in our state of mourning let us also pay our respects to the sassiest hedge witch around: beautiful Kacey Rohl. Too pure, and too murdery to live in any television world for long. She lived how she died: looking fierce as hell with a ponytail that just won’t quit. Kacey, you only wore black, were a literal witch, and hated everyone except for your cat….I will miss you most of all.

                                        I prefer her this way honestly 

Also I guess Alice is dead now too? Does this mean I don’t have to look at those Peter Pan collars anymore? But, what even went down in this scene? This is the situation as I understand it: she purposefully OD’d on magic in order to come back as the asshole-all-magic-thing (not looking up the name, niffler? That can’t be right) in order to destroy the Beast. However, all-magic, all-asshole Alice was not content with just killing the Beast and was turning on her compatriots UNTIL Quentin set the salamander demon that lived in his back on her, apparently killing her. Is that right??

((The whole time I was writing that, I didn’t even feel one ounce of the despair that threatens to crush me every day. This was very distracting, 3 dicks distracting. Thank you for this gift The Magicians. This is what I needed.))

So Alice, The Beast, Kacey Rohl and Kacey Rohl’s cat are all dead. What on Fillory could possibly happen now??!? An episode like this could easily be a series finale for most shows, but Umber bless and keep it, The Magicians is not most shows. This was only episode 3, witches.

                       Why do I feel like Q is always kissing crying girls?

The preview for next week suggested that Quentin wants to bring Alice back from the dead (obviously he does, his thirst level is unreal) and there is also the small matter of Fillory’s magic depletion problem. There is also a whole series regular (Jade Tailor) that hasn’t even been seen on screen yet! I am ready oh lord.

But let’s jump quickly back to the beginning of this ep (The Magicians seems to have no storytelling rules, why should I?) and talk about Eliot the Mad King. I could have watched a whole episode about Margo and Eliot plotting to oust one another. I could watch a whole SERIES about Eliot the Mad King and his fabulous nemesis Margo the Destroyer. True chemistry between actors is something that can’t be faked or studied, good acting can drum up a certain amount, but real sparks are rare and always special. Bogey and Bacall had it, Scully and Mulder had it, Eliot and Margo have it.  Their scenes together make me forget that other people are even on this show (sorry other people, if it helps you are all very, very, very, very pretty). Long live the High King and Queen.

                                    But seriously…how do I get this

Let’s do a run down of what else happened:

-Reynard (killer of the most beautiful actress in all of Vancouver, and a pure and innocent cat) is back!

-Julia got in the way.

-Penny continues to have hand struggs.

-Ember took a shit in the font of all Fillory magic.

-Quentin correctly asserted 3 dicks were better than 1 dick (the thirst tho).

And THAT’S an episode of The Magicians ladies and gents! This show is so weird, I love it so much.


Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Paul W. S. Anderson is either the most self-indulgent or the bravest director working in Hollywood. This guy has written and directed one of the most incoherent, fan service-filled, poorly put together mess of a theatrically released film I have seen in a long time. I dare anyone to explain to me how this movie makes any sense whatsoever. It’s got more plot holes than plot!

At the end of the previous film (the idiotically titled Resident Evil: Afterlife) Alice (Milla Jovovich) and her allies were about to face off against Umbrella’s army. After quickly resolving that plotline, the film really begins. After being captured, then rescued by the previously hostile Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts), Alice embarks on a new mission. Umbrella’s artificial intelligence, the Red Queen (Megan Charpentier), has finally gone Skynet and decided to annihilate all life on Earth and only our heroine can stop her.

Someone wrote this movie. Resident Evil: Retribution is not some theoretical project, not some kind of fan-fiction written by an over-eager 13-year old that is more concerned with finding a way to insert a chainsaw-wielding zombie than figuring out how that makes any sense whatsoever. It’s real.

Apparently, even though the apocalypse has happened (literally, that’s the title of the second movie), Umbrella Corp. is bigger and stronger than it’s ever been. It’s an evil organization that spends it’s time killing off its own employees (see the first film), unleashing deadly plagues on mankind, spying on people from satellites, murdering hundreds of innocent civilians, developing mind-control devices… and for what? So they can meet their yearly quota of evil. It would cost billions of dollars to pull off some of the madness that is being done in this movie and yet the facility that’s operating seems to have no trouble with budget or staffing, No one appears to be questioning the creepy holographic girl who has taken command. The more you think about it, the less it makes sense. Who is responsible for giving the exact same haircut to the hundreds of clones that are inserted into Umbrella’s testing facilities? What is the purpose of a simulation that would cost billions of dollars in terms of repairs, car manufacturing, carpentry, cloning, brainwashing, and textiles when a nice graph or some pie charts would be equally effective in a sales pitch? Why is there even a need for brand-new facilities like the one we see here when there are no governments left to sell weapons to?

Stuff in this movie just happens. Did people like seeing a giant zombie with an axe running around last time? They did?! Well thrown some in here. Do people like Michelle Rodriguez? Bring her character back from the dead! Do teenagers who play the Capcom Resident Evil games get excited at the prospect of seeing Milla Jovovich in the same outfit as Seline from Underworld? Have her find a drawer with a skin-tight outfit to wear!

The Resident Evil franchise has become a joke. It’s a series that has no idea where it’s going and constantly writes itself into corners, only to come up with increasingly ridiculous explanations for why this or that can be done. An essential component of a movie that’s So Bad it’s Good is to have memorable moments, a variety in the badness and a plot that is constantly moving. I was never bored during Retribution and the volley of unpredictable plot points is almost too much to handle. It doesn’t care at all about anything at this point. That makes it that much “better”.

Retribution culminates in an ending that you have to see to believe. My recommendation is simply to pop the DVD/Blu-ray into your player. Do not check the running time. This will allow you to be completely surprised once it comes around. What a glorious experience it is to see Paul W. S. Anderson, clearly not wearing any clothes, parading in front of the world telling all of us that he’s the king of cinema out to show us his brand new, beautiful outfit - but it can only be seen by “true fans” of the series, of course.

If you have a group of friends and you guys get together to watch bad movies as I do, you have got to get started on the Resident Evil series. They’re all pretty bad and it reaches a climax with this 5th entry.  Resident Evil: Retribution is a shining example of a horror action movie so screwed up it absolutely demands to be seen. (On Dvd, May 29, 2015)

SPLIT (2017)

Starring James McAvoy, Anya Taylor-Joy, Betty Buckley, Jessica Sula, Haley Lu Richardson,  Izzie Leigh Coffey, Brad William Henke, Sebastian Arcelus, Neal Huff, Ukee Washington, Ann Wood, Robert Michael Kelly, M. Night Shyamalan, Rosemary Howard, Jerome Gallman, Robin Rieger and Bruce Willis.

Screenplay by M. Night Shyamalan.

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

Distributed by Universal Pictures.  117 minutes. Rated PG-13.

In 2015, M. Night Shyamalan had finally seemed to have regained his mojo sixteen long years after his stunning breakthrough with The Sixth Sense had devolved into a long string of stinkers (The Village, After Earth, The Last Airbender, The Happening, The Lady in the Water, Signs and more).  The Visit was not perfect, but it was an offbeat and surprisingly funny horror film parody about a couple of kids visiting the grandparents from hell.

This mischievous and occasionally funny thriller tries to continue that film’s arch tone, but sadly for a film with a clinically insane antagonist, the film is kind of batshit crazy, just like its lead character.

The Split in the title is a reference to a split personality.  Multiple-personality disorders as a storyline may seem oh so last century (Sybil, Psycho, Sisters, The Three Faces of Eve, even Fight Club), but Shyamalan approaches the subject with tongue-in-cheek and an irreverent attitude.  This is not going to be a serious look at schizophrenia, he obviously decided early on that this was going to be a geek show deep look at the disease.

James McAvoy plays Barry, a quiet loner who works as a maintenance man at the Philadelphia Zoo.  Barry tries to stay away from people due to his disorder – he has 24 individual personalities living in his head.  For years he has been trying to keep his condition under control with the help of a psychiatric specialist (Betty Buckley), however there has been something of a revolution in his head as three of his personalities are taking control of his mind and body.  

Once they gain control, they force him to kidnap three local high school girls (Anya Taylor-Joy, Jessica Sula and Haley Lu Richardson) and trap them in a filthy subterranean dungeon, planning to sacrifice them to a coming all-powerful alpha-personality known only and darkly as the Beast.

In the meantime, in the middle of the night, the other personalities sneak forward to send out warning notes and cries for help to Barry’s increasingly worried doctor.

You’ve got to give McAvoy credit.  It’s a brave, if potentially embarrassing role to take on.  And McAvoy throws himself into it – shame and subtlety be damned, he’s going to chew the scenery here.  He acts out all of the characters, be they women, children, perverts, introverts, even a metaphysical beast.  If he eventually goes way, way over the top, well that was his job, right?

Sadly, the rest of the film is much more ho-hum.  

We’ve all seen the trapped teen girls storyline, and despite some looney-tunes variations there are very few surprises to come here. Part of that problem is that two of the three girls are given no background, they are just generic victims.  Only Taylor-Joy’s character is given a back story, a surprisingly bleak one that is played out in periodic flashbacks..

Then, with little or no real reason, there is a tag scene which inexplicably tries to make a connection to this plotline with Shyamalan’s 2000 film Unbreakable, the follow-up to The Sixth Sense which became a fairly large hit and was decently reviewed, but betrayed the first chink in the wunderkind’s armor after his sublime breakthrough.  It had been all downhill from there until The Visit.  Well, Split does have one strong similarity to Unbreakable, it’s an okay but ultimately disappointing follow-up to a movie that showed off Shyamalan’s promise as a filmmaker.

Just like its antagonist, Split has a bit of a split personality.  It actually sometimes does work as a parody of horror films, but it never quite gets it together as an actual fright flick.

Jay S. Jacobs

Copyright ©2017 All rights reserved. Posted: January 31, 2017.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017)

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is bad. Nevertheless, I have warm feelings for this final flush in the long-running series.

After the events of Resident Evil 5, Alice (Milla Jovovich) wakes up to discover that Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts) has betrayed her. Umbrella Corp is poised to deliver its final assault and wipe out the remnants of humanity. If Alice can breach the Hive within 48 hours, she can save mankind. Lucky for her, she’s got the Red Queen (Ever Gabo Anderson) and her surviving allies to help.

As is typical with this franchise, the film begins by weakly attempting to write itself out of a corner from which there was no escape. The big climactic battle that was hinted at in the last moments of Resident Evil: Retribution? It happens off-screen and Alice has not regained her superhuman powers. I can feel your disappointment. I felt it too. The good news is that for everything that’s poorly written, contrived, ridiculous, implausible or flat-out nonsensical, there are also moments that will please you. Remember that laser grid from the first movie? It’s back! Remember those Cerberus dogs? They’re uglier than ever. Want to see Alice reduce Umbrella goons to chunky salsa? You got it. Did you enjoy those poorly-handled references to the games? You’ll find more here.

There’s plenty to criticize in The Final Chapter. Zombies are once again silent when they’re off-screen, the villains are one-dimensional, the jump scares are cheap and Umbrella’s plans don’t make much sense (but we do FINALLY learn what Umbrella’s motives are, something I NEVER expected to see). The 3D is only ok. For better and for worse, this 6th film embodies everything that is this series. It’s supposed to be scary, but it isn’t. Normal human beings are able to effortlessly do backflips over 3-meter tall monsters. The plot could be condensed in a single paragraph… when it isn’t so complicated you can’t keep track of what’s going on. Yes, we still have clones popping up left and right (meaning that if your favorite character dies they can just be “brought back”). Nonetheless, the stakes somehow feel legitimate due to the setup.

I may be grading this one on a curve, but I enjoyed it. Really. I laughed when it was intended; I rejoiced seeing characters I’ve come to hate finally get their just deserts. At long last, events and motivations are uncovered in a satisfying manner and loose ends are tied up. Unlike Underworld: Blood Wars, it’s a mess that actually satisfies. An epic catastrophe. I tell you. Go to see it if you’ve viewed the other ones. Don’t skip a legitimately good film to see Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, but consider checking it out afterward. If you do, stay all the way to the end of the credits. (3D Theatrical version on the big screen, January 29, 2017)

MOANA (2016)

DIRECTED Ron Clements, Don Hall, John Musker, Chris Williams WRITTEN Jared Bush, Ron Clements, John Musker, Chris Williams, Don Hall, Pamela Ribon, Aaron Kandell, Jordan Kandell MUSIC Opetaia Foa’i, Mark Mancina, Lin-Manuel Miranda STARRING Auli’i Cravalho, Dwayne Johnson, Rachel House, Temuera Morrison, Jemaine Clement, Nicole Scherzinger

Very enjoyable, great songs, and fun characters. More than anything, refreshing to see a young lead that yields support from friends to achieve success in a quest, rather than the usual soulmate pairing.