cat philosopher

@academicianzex said:

“wait how do you catgirl?”

——

My first reflex was to say “ask any trans girl”. But then I realized *I’m* any trans girl. Well. I’m at least any trans.

So if you want to be a catgirl ( and not a p-cat*, the concept in philosophy which are often called catgirls; to become a p-cat* irl, you would need something like a lobotomy and a reward mechanism tying you to a human ) the first step is to be a girl. Um, but if you aren’t a girl, I guess you can be a catgirl anyway if you want. But uh you can also be a catboy too. Such things exist.

Moving on, so you’ve decided to continue on your catgirl journey! The next steps are probably applicable to all types of np-cat*s ( that’s short for “non-philosophical cat{ girl, boy, enby }s” who are, amusing, more philosophical on average than p-cat*s ). B-but since catgirls were asked about a-a-and I don’t want to get caught up in the terminology, I’ll use the word “catgirl” and she/her/hers pronouns.

S-s-s-so, the second thing that you need on your catgirl transformation is a bit of a feline affect ( FA ). The ability to mew, meow, nya~, prrum, prrr, and nyan an useful skill to cultivate, though you can be a catgirl without it! Another important asepect of FA is the ability to curl, be pet, snuggle, hug, paw at things, and bop your head against things. Non-verbal communications of and requests for affection are HUGELY important to radiate cuteness and inspire a will to protect ( WtP ) you in other people.

¡!¡BEGIN CAUTION!¡!

IRL CATGIRLS OF ANIME EXTRACTION ARE DIFFERENT. Many members of this species of catgirl seek to emulate the cuteness of *anime* catgirls. FA is important, but the type of FA here is done with a large goal of *cuteness* in mind.

Things like eating out of a pet bowl or walking about on all fours or being led on a leash, while important to many people and practiced by catgirls, isn’t central to being an irl *anime* catgirl.

Being a cat is important and fun here, but catgirls aren’t purely role-playing as cats. Catness is sometimes an end goal but often instrumental. Our catgirls are different.

!¡!END CAUTION¡!¡

0.0 -( Oh, hi again. )
^~^ -( Back to the presentation… )

[ click ]

T-t-t-t-the third thing to consider on your catgirl journey is how you look. Depending on where you are and where you’d like to be, you may find the following accessories helpful to being a catgirl:

(1) cat ears [ SO CUTE! ]
(2) a clip-on cat tail [ SWISH SWISH ]
(3) estradiol [ SO SOFT! ]*
(4) antiandrogens [ LOW BP ]*
(5) stripy socks [ ADORABLE ]
(6) a pen to draw on whiskers [ A++ ]
(7) a skirt [ SWISH SWISH ( REPRISE ) ]
(8) soft, loose clothing [ LIKE PAJAMAS ]
(9) a ball of yarn [ BAT BAT ]

( Not that I need to say this, but my lawyers will yell at me if I don’t. Make sure to research all things with a * next to them before obtaining. If you don’t, they will likely have **unanticipated** side-effects that you might not like. )

[ ptsheew ]

I-i-i-i-i-i think that about wraps up the presentation on How Do You Catgirl 101. The fundamentals are:

(1) Be a girl ( or not )
(2) Practice cute feline affect for giving and receiving affection also being a cat in general
(3) Use accessories to become more adorable and cat-like ( or walk around naked which is very feline )

If you do one thing from (1), two from (2), and own or want to own two items from (3), you can safely say that you are a catgirl. If you do two from (1) you can safely claim the title of “gender prodigy” or um “bigender”. [ The specific examples may be incomplete. (1), (2), and (3) refer to the reference classes. If you find two acts that give you kitty feelings that aren’t on the list, this satisfies (2). ]

Anyway, not to construct the Sole Gates of Catgirldom. There are many ways in, this is one of them.

fartimagines  asked:

How would the rfa, v, and saeran act when drunk?

Zen

  • ALL MEN ARE PIGS
  • downs all his drinks and gets even more drunk
  • he’s a heavyweight so something must have happened to make him get this drunk, we’re talking blackout drunk
  • the type to get into a fight (just please don’t go for the face!)
  • gets really passionate about theater all of a sudden
  • starts???? crying???? about??? theater???
  • gets rlly touchy feely and emotional with whoever he came to party with
  • he gets extra loud when drunk and he already has a booming theater voice so it’s even more intense when he’s loud because he’s drunk
  • trips every fourteen seconds and keeps thinking he needs to do his night facial routine and go to bed on the sofa of the club or bar
  • yells if people make out

Jumin

  • gets the asian glow so bad even though he drinks wine regularly
  • gets philosophical about cats and tries to hold conversations with people about three piece suits but nobody knows what he’s talking about
  • what do you mean you don’t know what cuff links are you uncultured swine??????
  • is a very thoughtful drunk but it’s obvious he’s drunk because he can’t even pick up his drink right
  • the person zen is trying to fight probably
  • will write down ridiculous new business ideas in a notepad and remind himself to send to jaehee
  • but there’s so many typos it’s actually incoherent when he tries to read it the next day
  • gets extremely cranky the next day because of a hangover

Yoosung

  • can’t handle his fucking liquor he can’t hang he’s a lightweight
  • gets lit way too fast and not only does he yell (remember the call) he also gets pretttttty damn handsy too 
  • and he goes apeshit. LOLOL makes him think he can do things he actually can’t do.
  • once he starts hearing his own heartbeat the boy freaks the fuck out 
  • is this what death feels like wait LOLOL is releasing new armor tomorrow i can’t go yet
  • will be the first one to pass out lmao 
  • probably only wakes up to throw up and then goes back to sleep
  • the friend they can’t bring drinking anymore because once he thought he “leveled up” in real life and tried to climb a fence and run away and then tried to punch v and then missed and spun around to hit himself
  • saeyoung records this and it ends up a viral hit on youtube

Jaehee

  • hics thru the roof
  • keeps adjusting her fucking collar (why did u wear a collar 2 a club)
  • will 100% stick to mc like glue and needs to use the bathroom every 30 minutes so there is a lot of bathrooming
  • a very calm and cute drunk who hiccups constantly and honestly is probably only extremely drunk bc she ordered a virgin pina colada and the bartender accidentally put alcohol in it
  • a Lightweight™
  • maybe some drunk making out but hey man nobody is complaining
  • a very quiet and very red drunk who is Suffering and literally almost dies 
  • she’s not used to being trashed drunk and she does not react well to it she’s literally panicking and trying to remain rational and freaks out if she loses ny of her coordination
  • knows to ply herself with water and fatty foods the next day so she doesn’t get a hangover cus she’s a smart one
  • The Most Responsible Person In The RFA Next To V 

Saeyoung

  • the type of dude to stand on a table and start screaming
  • he’s so Extra™ even zen is kinda like… dude.. .
  • headbangs to literally every song and honestly everyone wants to murder him because he’s hit like 5 people already headbanging
  • the type to talk really loud when drunk
  • his glasses are so fogged
  • it’s kinda funny because he’s the type of extra ass person to do dumb things sober so you bet his ass is probably gonna do some Dumb Shit drunk and it’s gonna be worse
  • probably actually incites a fight between two people and starts a fight club outside of the bar and somehow gets the offer to be the leader of a cult
  • tries to map out a blueprint for a really complicated machine so he doesn’t have to brush his own teeth anymore and writes it down on a dirty napkin with a pencil
  • probably gets bored and goes on his phone to buy like 4 crates of phd. pepper 
  • needs to be monitored like he’s an 8 year old that owns weapons of mass destruction

V

  • takes jumin-level pictures of everything and it’s really funny because even jumin is like “lmao what”
  • a very quiet and calm drunk who probably just falls asleep before he can enter the truly shitfaced zone
  • a peaceful man who just wanted to come have fun with his friends but then saeyoung kept going all “you deserve to relax you’ve been working so hard” 
  • a heavyweight drinker but no one knew this until he started getting shots and downed it like it was water
  • everyone stared at him because it was alarming he had so much pent up stress
  • probably let’s out a secret that he doesn’t even bleach his hair he just reached full premature grey hair status and just dyes it blue because rika stressed the fuck outta him and u know it
  • wants to be at home in bed and honestly everyone needs to carry him out because he passed out and refuses to wake up for longer than two and a half minutes on average

Saeran

  • his want to kill everyone increases by tenfold drunk
  • he’s so drunk that his face is all red and he’s shouting about “u fools i’ll kill everybody” because somebody bumped into him 
  • he seems to me like an angry kind of drunk. probably tries to fight saeyoung prolly cus ya.
  • once he stops being so Angry he’s probably just really sad drunk and apologetic to everyone 
  • tries to explain to people that he just doesn’t know how to respond to affection because he’s never had it and only can respond with anger but the only thing that comes out is probably “i wanna fight all of you a little less than i did before”
  • the type to sulk in a corner and look so intimidating girls wont even approach him but they all just stare at him from a distance 
  • probably falls asleep in the bathroom tbh and just wants to go home

Cat: Pack of cigarettes please.
Sales person: Are you sure that you want to waste one of your 9 lives on cigarettes?
Cat: You’re wasting your only life working in a convenience store.
Sales person: (wiping tears) 90 rubles please.

Ларёк - also киоск - a booth, a sort of a convenience store in Russia.

BTS as CATS

Yoongi aka producer cat, making that music.

Jimin aka angel cat, literally an angel on earth

Hoseok aka dance cat, a wonderful ball of sunshine

Taehyung aka faces mckitty, always making you smile

Namjoon aka philosopher cat, challenging your brain!

Jungkook aka muscles, on a quest to lift your spirits

Seokjin aka Mario, can’t decide if he loves his toys or his food more.

SuperCat Fanfic: ch 1: both

Kara sat staring at the blinking notification light. She swallowed the massive lump in her throat and winced slightly as she opened the dating app and read the suggestive message…from her boss.

This was and had always been a terrible idea. If Cat found out about this Kara was sure she’d be fired… or worse. Like most terrible ideas, when this one backfired there wasn’t going to be any way to gently extract herself from the carnage. What the hell had she been thinking? She even coerced poor Winn to help her with the technical aspects of the plan.

This was bad, but there was nothing she could to stop it now.

Yes, Cat had asked Kara to set up an online dating profile, and yes, Cat had said “both” when Kara asked her sexual preference, replying with some typical Cat Grant philosophical mumbo jumbo about “humans being limited enough… and why deny oneself when it came to potential love?”

But Kara didn’t catch most of that, because her mouth was feeling kind of dry and the collar of her polo shirt felt extra tight on her neck, and her mind couldn’t get over the fact that her boss had casually admitted bisexuality, and yes, Kara felt the same way, but maybe all the people from her planet were bisexual? Her home planet exploded before her parents had the chance to have the sex talk with her anyway. Not that she needed a sex talk, it was, oh, Cat was kind of giving a sex talk right then, and Kara had come up with this scheme.

Fact, Cat had also admitted in a roundabout way to feeling lonely. Or at least like some aspect in her life was not being fulfilled. Or possibly that she just needed some attention, and wanted to use the dating profile as a safe, harmless way to flirt with strangers and feel a bit more attractive without the fear of being painfully rejected.

Kara understood the reasons her boss was wanted the profile, but she also understood that Cat Grant had far more enemies out there then she knew about. It simply wasn’t safe for Cat to put her picture up on the internet in an uncontrolled environment like a dating profile.

Okay, so Kara actually learned that the hard way. Nearly the moment Cat’s profile had gone live the messages started. Some were threatening and some were just downright nasty, but it became apparent instantly that traditional dating sites were not going to work for someone as notorious as Cat Grant.

But Kara also knew she couldn’t disappoint her boss. She expected results and Kara was supposed to filter out the creeps and potential supervillains and find Cat a charmer. Even with the added scope of including both men and women in the search it was downright impossible. People who sent nice messages clearly had a hidden agenda. Clearly. Kara deleted all the messages before Cat had a chance to see any of them.

That was when Kara enlisted Winn’s IT expertise to help her with her haphazard plan. He rigged a VDI of the site, so it appeared that Cat’s profile was listed and live, but it couldn’t be seen by the outside world. Kara was then able to create a new profile: a charmer, (if she did say so herself.) She sent the first sweet and innocuous message and felt pretty proud of her ingenious way of thinking.

Cat could harmlessly flirt and receive attention from strangers like she so craved, and Kara was safe in knowing that she had complete control over who her boss was flirting with and wouldn’t have to go rescue her when a cray cray decided to kidnap and drop her off an 80 story building.

There was just one thing Kara hadn’t really thought out. Okay, well, like 3000 things that Kara hadn’t really thought out. Cat had the app on her phone and she had taken the bait from the Kara’s fake profile.

Kara read Cat’s reply and didn’t know what she was going to do: 

Send pic.

3

“Just your wand left - A yeah, and I still haven’t got you a birthday present.” 

Harry felt himself go red. “You don’t have to –”

 "I know I don’t have to. Tell you what, I’ll get your animal. Not a toad, toads went outta fashion years ago, you’d be laughed at - and I don’ like cats, they make me sneeze. I’ll get you an owl. All the kids want owls, they’re dead useful, carry your mail and everything” 

2

when i was in kyoto there’s this thing called the philosopher’s walk which basically connects tons of temples and it’s lined with sakura trees and a river and generally beautiful as all hell but anyway on the way we came across this random like, cart full of cats????? just full of cats ?????? and i don’t speak japanese so i don’t know what that sign says???? but anyway yeah check out this cart full of cats !!!!