GRIMM’S COMPLETE FAIRY TALES: Tales 1-4
#1 THE FROG KING, OR IRON HENRY
So, you’ve heard the one about where the princess kisses the frog, right? Well, same result, different method in this fairy tale. Instead of kissing the frog, the little brat got disgusted by him and threw him violently against a wall in the castle. No big deal; froggy turned into a King’s son after the assault anyway, married the abusive princess, and lived happy ever after. God save us from spoiled brats and savage curse-breaking.
#2 CAT AND MOUSE IN PARTNERSHIP
Ever had a roommate that was supposed to be your friend but ended up eating all of your food, lied about where they were all the time, and then chewed you out the first time you decided to stand up for yourself and confronted them about how they’ve treated you? Well, it’s like the Brothers Grimm said, and I quote: “That is the way of the world.”
#3 OUR LADY’S CHILD
The moral for this fairy tale should be plain enough: don’t be stubborn in your lies. Tell the truth, and the punishment won’t be so harsh. That’s all well and good, except that this woman’s lies got her thrown out of Heaven and her children stolen at childbirth because she refused to admit her fib to the Virgin Mary. Yes…the Virgin Mary. To top it off, the good Virgin is the alleged baby snatcher. And so, the moral becomes a bit skewed and sounds more like don’t lie, or the Lord’s Mother will nab your children right from under your nose. [cringe]
#4 THE STORY OF THE YOUTH WHO WENT FORTH TO LEARN WHAT FEAR WAS
This tale was the best of today’s bunch. A young, stupid man wants to learn how to ‘shudder.’ So he ventures forth to seek out someone to teach him. After a few different people trying and failing miserably to startle him, he is invited to stay 3 nights in a haunted castle. If he can survive that he, of course, gets to marry a princess (this is the third of four tales where the princess gets married off, btw). And so much ghost-busting and ghoul bashing ensues, as this young man is too stupid to be afraid. I mean, at one point he bowls with some ghosts using severed legs and heads. In the immortal words of FDR: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Well done, old boy.