cat!alfred

Submission: “I made an Alfred doodle but I decided to color it cause i thought it was too simple(?. I had never drawn a furry before so it looks weird :/ he kinda looks like a cat lmao Alfred is my favorite tbh”

  • Jon: I'm thankful for my mom, dad, brothers Conner and Chris, Aunt Kara, Krypto, Wolf, and my friends!
  • Mar'i: I'm thankful for my daddy, my mommy, my bro-bro, Uncle Jay, Uncle Tim, Aunt Cass, Steph, Alfred, Grandpa Bruce, Syl'kee, Titus, Alfred the cat, Batcow, and my friends!
  • Irey: I'm thankful for my daddy, my mom, my brother, Bart, Uncle Barry, Aunt Iris, Grandpa Jay, Grandma Joan, my bunny Hoppers, and all my awesome friends!
  • Milagro: I'm thankful for my papa, my mama, my hermano, Guy Gardner, Mr.Jordan, Mr.Stewart, Mr. Rayner, Jessica, Simon, Kilowog, Chip, all my green lantern buddies, and all my friends!
  • Lian: I'm thankful for my pops, Godfather Jason, Aunt Kor'i, Uncle Dick, my Youtube vlog subscribers, and my friends: Falling Star, Piggy, Pinky, Batjerk, Superdork, and Carrothead!
  • Colin: I'm thankful for the food we have to eat, for the shelter we have to spare, for the clothes we have to wear, for all those lives who we have saved, and for my friends, who have adopted me as part of their family, and been there with me in the bad times, in the worst times, good times, and best times, like true friends.
  • Everyone: Awww!
  • Damian: I'm thankful that everyone's thankful for me.
  • Jon: ...
  • Mar'i: ...
  • Irey: ...
  • Milagro: ...
  • Lian: ...
  • Colin: ...
  • Damian: ... Fine... I'm thankful for my father, Alfred, Grayson, my sisters, and I'm not so thankful for Todd... but I'm glad he's still alive... and I'm a hell of not thankful for Drake... but I admit he's been less annoying than usual, same goes for Fatgirl, and I'm thankful for Titus, Alfred the cat, Batcow, and I guess I'm thankful for my acquaintances... my teammates... my f-f-fr-friends... no-matter how annoying and immature they are.
  • Everyone: Awww! He does care!
  • Damian: Ya ya, happy thanksgiving and all that stuff.
Batfam as Tweets and Tumblr Shitposts™
  • Dick: Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
  • Steph: That was deep
  • Tim: Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie
  • Steph: That was deeper
  • Jason: Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a damn smoothie YOU NASTY!
  • -------
  • Tim: What if trees cried because we started eating their fruit because their fruit is basically their babies. So every time we eat an apple or something, we're eating a tree baby
  • Damian: *Slowly backs away from the fruit bowl looking stricken*
  • Bruce: *Not looking up from his newspaper* we're eating their ovaries actually
  • --------
  • Jason: That feeling you get when you're angry
  • Dick: Anger
  • --------
  • Steph: Boys are so lucky to have boners to tell them when they're horny because girls are just like damn am I horny or am I hungry or am I bored I don't know I don't have a dick
  • --------
  • Jason: If I cut off my foot and like swing it at your head am I kicking or hitting you?
  • Tim: You'll most likely mentally scar me more than anything else
  • ---------
  • Dick: Carpe diem seize the day. Carpe noctem seize the night. Carpe natem seize the ass.
  • ---------
  • Jason: 80% exhaustion 10% sarcasm 20% don't care
  • Tim: That's 110%
  • Jason: 20% of me doesn't care
  • Tim: Should've seen that coming
  • ----------
  • Bruce: *Mary Poppins voice* okay children time to go
  • [Fifteen minutes later]
  • Bruce: *Batman voice* I said let's go
  • -----------
  • Alfred: Who ate all the cookies?
  • Dick: Ninjas
  • Alfred: I didn't see them
  • Dick: No one ever does
  • -----------
  • Bruce: *Calls up pizza place*
  • Bruce: WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU ARE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING
Bat-Kids React to BatCat Engagement
  • Dick: Super-excited, just wants his dad to be happy. Throws himself into wedding preparation. Lives for this. Takes cake-tasting far more seriously than either the bride or groom.
  • Jason: Passive-aggressive questioning in the fake voice of a 10-year-old, just to annoy Bruce. Is not actually worried about whether he'll have to share his room with the cats. Selina finds it hilarious. Bruce is unamused.
  • Tim: "...You know, I knew something ridiculous was going to happen while I was not-dead. This wasn't even in the top twenty worst-case scenarios, so...congrats?"
  • Cass: Quietly super-happy. Subtly works cat motifs into her costume. Tags along with Selina on patrol.
  • Steph: "About time. This house needs some more feminine energy. They're always ganging up on me."
  • "Stephanie, you don't even live here."
  • "New mommy, dad's being mean to me again."
  • Damian: Is mainly worried about Alfred the cat and how he'll react to his new step-cats.
  • Duke: Polite, welcoming, genuinely congratulatory. Also practical. Makes sure all the valuable Wayne Manor paintings are secured to the wall. Especially any with a cat in them.
  • Harper: Takes over bachelorette party planning. Has binders of blackmail material on Bruce to show Selina. This is her moment.
  • Barbara: Is just glad the tabloids will stop shipping her and Batman.
  • Jon: Do you have any pets? I have a dog!
  • Damian: yes let me introduce you
  • Damian: this is my dog Titus
  • Damian: this is my cat Alfred
  • Damian: this is my cow Batcow
  • Damian: this is my winged red bear-bat monster Goliath
  • Damian: this is my turkey Jerry
  • Damian: and this is Jason Todd.

The batcave? Well..

Sometimes, it’s a fun place to be in. Damian always gets bullied by his brothers, but I know it’s just for fun. They’re brothers after all.

Sometimes, Bruce always gets stressed out, but Alfred is always there for him. Alfred is like.. A father figure of sorts to, mister Bruce.

Damian also has this really loud friend that visits from time to time. Alfred isn’t exactly fond of the young boy, but that’s okay.

But y’know..

I think the best part about living here is the family.

Yeah definitely…

Halloween at Wayne Manor
  • Every kid in Gotham knows to hit up Wayne Manor on Halloween, they give you MULTIPLE REGULAR SIZED CANDY BARS!! none of this fun-size shit
  • They also have a separate bucket of small toys for children with complex food allergies 

  • Best decorations in town, it’s go hard or go home and Bruce never backs down from a challenge, cobwebs everywhere, GHOSTS! mother fukcing PUMPKINS!!!
  • Bruce isn’t allowed to answer the door because he lets all the kids dressed up as Batfam and Wonder Woman have as much candy as they want and gives dental floss to those dressed as clowns, also kids dressed as Superman but he’ll deny it
  • Damian:*Carves a pumpkin with a really ugly face* Drake! come at once! Tim: *Sigh* what? Damian:*Smirks and turns the pumpkin to face Tim* it’s you
  • Food fight in the kitchen with the scooped out pumpkin flesh
  • Almost everyone wears costumes to make Dick happy
  • Dick once forced Damian into a child’s Batman costume, Damian was outraged by the plastic Batarangs, Bruce totally didn’t have tears in his eyes fuck you
  • Jason never wears a costume no matter how hard Dick pouts at him, this leads to an array of replies when people ask why he’s not in costume e.g “My muscles are too big to fit in any costume” “I’m dressed as a sinner” “I’m dressed up as a serial killer. They look like everybody else” “I’m dressed as the miracle of life” “a pumpkin killed my parents, how dare you”
  • Tim once dressed as a Ghostbuster and wouldn’t stop trying to hoover up Jason and Damian
  • Stephanie and Cassandra always dress in matching or related costumes, it’s super fucking cute 
  • Dick: Where’s your outfit, Alfred?? Alfred: *pulls out a pair of rabbit ears and places them on his head* I am a bunny Master Grayson. Hop. Hop
  • Barbara dresses as a mermaid which AmAZES!! all the kids, cause it totally makes sense!!! her red hair which means she’s related to Ariel #kidlogic
  • Dick:*Dressed as Dracula* I want to SUCK YOUR BLOOD!! Jason: You can suck my di- Bruce: LANGUAGE!!
  • Batcow, Titus, Alfred the cat, and Goliath all have home made costumes made by Damian
  • Dick always gets sick from eating the most candy, he says he’s doing it to save everyone else from having cavities, he’s a dirty liar
  • Tim: *Walks around Walmart pointing to decorations* Spoopy
  • Jason: Raisins!??? RAISINS?? who the hell gives raisins on Halloween Bruce??? Monsters that’s who
  • Little kid: *See’s Jason as Red Hood on Halloween* what are you meant to be mr? Jason: I’m a used tampon Others: *through the comms* JASON!!!
  • Damian Wayne loves Valentine’s Day.
  • No, seriously.
  • He thinks that the commercialization is a disgusting display of Western capitalism, that romance is pointless and distracting, and that anyone who likes to indulge in either is deluding themselves about both the contents of their bank account and the national divorce rate.
  • But every year on February 14, Wayne Manor almost completely empties out as Bruce and the older Batkids head out to either spend the day with their s/o or spend the day moping with their other single friends.
  • (Statistically, the latter is more common.)
  • So Damian has an entire 24 hours unbothered by his family to do with as he wants.
  • His first Valentine’s Day at the manor, he was puzzled by how quickly everyone cleared out, until it was clear that he and Alfred would be the only ones at home until the 15th. 
  • At first, he made an effort to avoid Alfred in his quest to have a day to himself. That is, until he baked a chocolate tart and left it out in the kitchen.
  • “Stop trying to entice me with sugary confections, Pennyworth. I wish to be alone today, as it seems that it’s the only day in this godforsaken household that I may be so.”
  • He snuck back to the kitchen later that evening and ate two slices anyway.
  • Since then, every year he and Alfred made it a tradition to bake and share a chocolate tart just like the first one.
  • “I imagine you appreciate the peace and quiet as much as I do, Pennyworth.” “Perhaps a bit more than that, Master Damian. After all, I have lived through all of you and Master Bruce.” “Yet today, they’re all out conforming to societal norms of romance. Delightful, isn’t it?” “Quite right, sir.”
  • Other preferred Valentine’s Day pastimes include taking all his pets, including Goliath, on a romp around the manor grounds (much to the horror of the gardener); researching important historical events that happened on this day (his favorites are the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre and the assassination of Captain Cook); attacking training dummies with a sword; taking the Bat-vehicles for a joyride around town; and calling all of Grayson’s exes for the purpose of making rude noises down the line until they hang up.
  • As Robin is the only one on patrol that night, criminals and villains find themselves having to be extra-careful, because that kid is nasty when Batman and Nightwing aren’t around to restrain him.
  • Most of the Rogues just play it safe and reserve the one night for nice, legal dates instead. That way, Robin won’t beat you up, he’ll just lecture you instead.
  • “Tt. I don’t know what you’re thinking, Isley; adhering to a standard set by mass marketing, heteronormative sexual ideas, and American culture’s poor attempts to disguise their own inability to recognize lo–” “Kid, I’m gonna give you point-five seconds to shut the hell up before I feed you to a Venus flytrap.” “Aww, don’t get into it now Pammy; we haven’t even had dessert yet!“ 
  • He’s usually in bed at least two hours earlier than usual, Alfred the Cat curled up on his head and the original Alfred tucking him in after he falls asleep. He rests very peacefully…
  • …That is, until he wakes up the next morning on the 15th and realizes he has to deal with Drake’s constant presence again.
  • This aspect of Valentine’s Day Damian doesn’t know, but no matter how well his date is going, Dick always gets home before he wakes up so he can still give his little brother a goodnight kiss.

Pet owner life ft Damian Wayne

1) Poop bags, poop bags everywhere, in every pocket of every coat and jacket that Damian owns. It’s like the magic hankercheifl trick, you pull one out and they all start coming.

2) He once performed CPR on a Goldfish, Mr Gold recovered with no outward signs of damage and lived a long and happy life.

3) He trained Alfred the cat to throw up hairballs on Tim’s bed. And then outside of his bedroom door once Tim figured Damian out and started keeping his door locked 24/7.

4) Brushie brushie with all of his animals

5) Has a strict diet of natural ingredient pet food which he feeds all the animals with and he does not appreciate anybody sneaking human food to the pets, Bruce is the worst offender of this crime.

6) “Father, I have found a stray” *holds up the ugliest looking dog ever* “I wish to keep him and call him Drake”

7) “What are you eating? OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU EATING?” “Come back here with whatever you’re eating!!” “ Do not think you can fool me by ceasing your chewing. I know you’re still eating it. Open your mouth. OPEN. YOUR. MOUTH”

8) Damian abruptly waking up because Alfred the cat sat on his face and tried to smother him to death in his sleep

9) Phone memory is mostly full because of all his pet pictures and videos

10) Alfred: MRROOOWW Damian: You are a filthy liar Mr Pennyworth I have already fed you

11) Damian: *Trying to walk casually through the Batcave with a small army of ducklings waddling and quacking loudly behind him* Bruce:… Damian? Damian: They imprinted on me, I am their mother now.

“Where did the coffee table go ?”- Bruce Wayne x Reader

Just something short and stupid written in 5 minutes during my lunch break.  Didn’t proof read (I never do, I never can re-read anything I wrote so like meh) so sorry about any awful mistakes. Sometimes, I have really shitty ideas haha, hope you’ll still kinda like it though ^^’ :

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

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“The mysterious case of the disappearing furnitures by detective/Batman’s partner Richard John Grayson, 8 and a half years old : 

Recently noticed that furnitures around Wayne Manor have gone missing.

_Suspects : Bruce Wayne, (Y/N) Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth or a stranger. 
_Motive for Bruce Wayne : reminds him of his parents so he’s changing them ? But that wouldn’t explain why they’re changed on a regular basis.
_Motive for (Y/N) Wayne : …I don’t know yet, but will find one, she’s too nice to me and maybe it’s a trick so we DON’T suspect her ? Maybe she has a huge furniture dealing web out there in Gotham ! 
_Motive for Alfred Pennyworth : Less to clean.
_Motive for “stranger” : Those furnitures must be expensive, selling them might be good, but then why does Bruce not react ? Maybe it’s a mind trick that stranger is playing on Bruce, getting rid of every pieces of furniture his parents bought ? 

All of the suspect have a motive, and a good one if I might say, and I will find what is happening to all those poor furnitures ! 

09/08/01, chest of drawers disappeared.
10/08/01, new chest of drawers arrived, Alfred rolled his eyes at it.
14/08/01, lawn table gone.
14/08/01, a bit later, saw Alfred took down a few pieces of Bruce and (Y/N)’s bed, the headboard I think.
18/08/01, started my interrogation : when I asked Bruce he became very pale and looked “horrified” (according to (Y/N) who entered, she said : “what’s that horrified face my heart ?”). I’m not sure what horrified means, but it doesn’t sound nice…maybe he feels guilty ? When I asked my questions about the broken and missing pieces of furniture to (Y/N), she just burst out laughing.
26/08/01, today, almost the entire living room was empty, I asked Alfred and he said he was remodeling…I think he doesn’t want to worries me about our furnitures being stolen.
01/09/01, Saw da Bruc Dad Bruce sneaking out with the a plank that I believe is from the coffee table in the living room…very suspicious”.

Smiling, Dick stops reading the clumsy handwriting he had when he was eight and puts down his old “very important cases” notebook back on his deck, sighing, nostalgic. 

Oh the good old days when he was the only “Batboy” (who was he kidding ? Dick knew that without little brothers his life would be boring. He makes a mental note though, to hide this forever from his brother’s sight, they would mock him too much for almost everything written in that thing).

“Where do all the furniture go ?” was his actual first case, and…oh ew, just thinking about what he discovered, a few years after he “opened the case”, where those furnitures went, was grossing him out. 

But he still couldn’t help but smile at his younger self. 

He was a rather cute kid wasn’t it ? His mom would agree.

His mom. 

“(Y/N) Wayne”, the woman who was “too nice, must be a trick”…Oh he was so wrong about that. You were nice because you were the best woman in the World. You were more than nice. You were…Oh man you were the best in everything ! Your hugs and soothing wordsgot him through so many difficult moments…

One of the only thing “bothering” him about you, was still kind of awesome.

It was so damn disgusting sometimes. But also overly adorable.

Your only “flaw” was to be too in love with Bruce, and vice versa. 

You two could be so gross when together, forgetting the world around you, kissing and embracing and EWWW ! 

Sometimes, your sons had to make sure you both knew they were here by making loud noises, and even then, more often than not, they’d be the one leaving the room rather than you two stopping being so goddamn in love. 

Keep reading

Mornings at the Manor…

Bruce: *picks up the Gotham Gazette*

Dick: *doing pull-ups using the kitchen chandelier*

Alfred: *tugs at Dick’s feet to get him off the chandelier*

Tim: *typing furiously on his laptop, eyes narrowed with concentration*

Jason: *pours a fifth shot of espresso into Tim’s mug*

Damian: *picks bacon off Jason’s plate and feeds it to Alfred the Cat*

Bruce: *puts down the newspaper, buries his face in a hand, and shakes his head*

Bruce: Just one question, boys. Do you get pleasure out of humiliating your family?


I’d say stick to the Business Section, Bruce, but I guess it’s kind of hard to avoid the headlines, huh?

Alfred sleeps very often, he can be a very quiet cat believe it or not.

He’s really only hostile whenever Jonathan’s involved, but other than that, he’s a sweet little guy.

Titus is… He’s a very calm and loving dog.

He likes to play fetch when he’s bored so I help out sometimes.

Jerry doesn’t like to ask for help, I think he’s just shy to ask for it.

Though I do wish he’d ask when he really needs it. It kinda worries me that he might starve himself to death if he won’t ask.

As for this gentle giant… I admit. Sometimes we do get jealous of him but..

Goliath is like a big brother to us. We’re just glad someone’s there for our little troubled boy whenever we’re not around.

Although… there’s this one family member I wish we could meet someday. I heard he’s from Mantegua, so the chances of meeting him is slim, but he seems like a cool guy based on the stories I heard.