cat!alfred

Bat-Kids React to BatCat Engagement
  • Dick: Super-excited, just wants his dad to be happy. Throws himself into wedding preparation. Lives for this. Takes cake-tasting far more seriously than either the bride or groom.
  • Jason: Passive-aggressive questioning in the fake voice of a 10-year-old, just to annoy Bruce. Is not actually worried about whether he'll have to share his room with the cats. Selina finds it hilarious. Bruce is unamused.
  • Tim: "...You know, I knew something ridiculous was going to happen while I was not-dead. This wasn't even in the top twenty worst-case scenarios, so...congrats?"
  • Cass: Quietly super-happy. Subtly works cat motifs into her costume. Tags along with Selina on patrol.
  • Steph: "About time. This house needs some more feminine energy. They're always ganging up on me."
  • "Stephanie, you don't even live here."
  • "New mommy, dad's being mean to me again."
  • Damian: Is mainly worried about Alfred the cat and how he'll react to his new step-cats.
  • Duke: Polite, welcoming, genuinely congratulatory. Also practical. Makes sure all the valuable Wayne Manor paintings are secured to the wall. Especially any with a cat in them.
  • Harper: Takes over bachelorette party planning. Has binders of blackmail material on Bruce to show Selina. This is her moment.
  • Barbara: Is just glad the tabloids will stop shipping her and Batman.
  • Jon: Do you have any pets? I have a dog!
  • Damian: yes let me introduce you
  • Damian: this is my dog Titus
  • Damian: this is my cat Alfred
  • Damian: this is my cow Batcow
  • Damian: this is my winged red bear-bat monster Goliath
  • Damian: this is my turkey Jerry
  • Damian: and this is Jason Todd.

Jason: I think we have a name problem B.

Bruce: what do you mean?

Jason: You yell Robin and five people still answer. One hasn’t been it in years.

Dick in the background: Hey!

Jason: Two people answer to Harper.

Roy: I ain’t part of this group. I just come for the food.

Tim: Don’t forget Alfred the cat and then Alfred Pennyworth.

Alfred: I was here first sirs.

Damian: Alfred is an honorable name?

Jason: point name problem.

Bruce: how do you plan to fix it.

Jason: simple everyone gets new names. Dick is not allowed to pick them.

  • Damian Wayne loves Valentine’s Day.
  • No, seriously.
  • He thinks that the commercialization is a disgusting display of Western capitalism, that romance is pointless and distracting, and that anyone who likes to indulge in either is deluding themselves about both the contents of their bank account and the national divorce rate.
  • But every year on February 14, Wayne Manor almost completely empties out as Bruce and the older Batkids head out to either spend the day with their s/o or spend the day moping with their other single friends.
  • (Statistically, the latter is more common.)
  • So Damian has an entire 24 hours unbothered by his family to do with as he wants.
  • His first Valentine’s Day at the manor, he was puzzled by how quickly everyone cleared out, until it was clear that he and Alfred would be the only ones at home until the 15th. 
  • At first, he made an effort to avoid Alfred in his quest to have a day to himself. That is, until he baked a chocolate tart and left it out in the kitchen.
  • “Stop trying to entice me with sugary confections, Pennyworth. I wish to be alone today, as it seems that it’s the only day in this godforsaken household that I may be so.”
  • He snuck back to the kitchen later that evening and ate two slices anyway.
  • Since then, every year he and Alfred made it a tradition to bake and share a chocolate tart just like the first one.
  • “I imagine you appreciate the peace and quiet as much as I do, Pennyworth.” “Perhaps a bit more than that, Master Damian. After all, I have lived through all of you and Master Bruce.” “Yet today, they’re all out conforming to societal norms of romance. Delightful, isn’t it?” “Quite right, sir.”
  • Other preferred Valentine’s Day pastimes include taking all his pets, including Goliath, on a romp around the manor grounds (much to the horror of the gardener); researching important historical events that happened on this day (his favorites are the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre and the assassination of Captain Cook); attacking training dummies with a sword; taking the Bat-vehicles for a joyride around town; and calling all of Grayson’s exes for the purpose of making rude noises down the line until they hang up.
  • As Robin is the only one on patrol that night, criminals and villains find themselves having to be extra-careful, because that kid is nasty when Batman and Nightwing aren’t around to restrain him.
  • Most of the Rogues just play it safe and reserve the one night for nice, legal dates instead. That way, Robin won’t beat you up, he’ll just lecture you instead.
  • “Tt. I don’t know what you’re thinking, Isley; adhering to a standard set by mass marketing, heteronormative sexual ideas, and American culture’s poor attempts to disguise their own inability to recognize lo–” “Kid, I’m gonna give you point-five seconds to shut the hell up before I feed you to a Venus flytrap.” “Aww, don’t get into it now Pammy; we haven’t even had dessert yet!“ 
  • He’s usually in bed at least two hours earlier than usual, Alfred the Cat curled up on his head and the original Alfred tucking him in after he falls asleep. He rests very peacefully…
  • …That is, until he wakes up the next morning on the 15th and realizes he has to deal with Drake’s constant presence again.
  • This aspect of Valentine’s Day Damian doesn’t know, but no matter how well his date is going, Dick always gets home before he wakes up so he can still give his little brother a goodnight kiss.

*Damian’s favorite animal is the bat, he and Bruce keep track of all the bats and take care of them, Tim does it too but decided to keep from telling Damian so that he doesn’t get jealous and try to keep the away from him.
Damian’s favorite part of the bat-bathing day of the month is feeding the bats, they’re always so hungry and cuddly, it’s adorable.

*Damian is a sleep-cuddler, he will stick to the nearest object and cuddle them to death.

*Damian has an interest in gadgets, he was surprised to know his father didn’t make or design the majority of the batweapons. When he found out it was Lucius Fox he searched for him at a gala, instead of Lucius he found his son, Luke, the one and only batwing. His armor was impressive enough to give Luke the pleasure of designing your robin weapons for Damian, with a bit of his help. It was a bonding experience, he was surprised to know how competent Luke was unlike most of his brothers, so he accepted him as a brother before he even accepted his real brothers. The fact that Luke agreed with most everything he said didn’t hurt either.

*Damian has a soft spot for otters, when the batfam goes to the zoo he will stare at them for hours even if they’re not doing anything, the fluffy floofballs.

*Damian has a duck family. A hoard of duckling’s mother has been missing for days, he took them in when he noticed them taking their daily path to the lake across the manor by themselves, looking lost and unsure. It took a while, but eventually they warmed up to him enough to accept him as their new mother.
Alfred was the only one not surprised when they noticed a bunch of ducklings waddling behind Damian everywhere he went. He cleaned them up, made them a little bed, kept them safe from Alfred the cat, and accepted his role as their mother until the could save their real one from her trap in some trash in the lake. He still visits them and quacks back whenever they say hi to him from across the manor grounds. When they grew up they all would fly over to him annually to visit. (Daisy had babies!)
Bonus:
“I am the night, Todd. The son of batman. I don’t need to go on patrol with anyone. I work alone. ” Damian says, the ducklings following his every step as he walks away.

Time to Address Something

Last night we someone in our community tried to kill themselves. @alfred-the-cat-writes/ @bat-lakota had been on the receiving end of some horrible anon hate, telling her to kill herself, and last night she tried.

@redhoodshood was kind enough to let us know that she did not succeed, and is now recovering. But now she’s on the receiving end of similar anon hate.

I want to make something clear. I take this shit seriously. The fact that I am cursing should be a clue as to how mad I am. It’s a well known fact that I’m a bit older than most people on this site. I’m 23 and a teacher, and I take bullying very seriously. I take the fact that someone tried to end their life seriously.

I’m asking, that if you’re getting this kind of hate, that you turn off anon for a while. Cut the evil off at it’s source. Because that is what this is, evil.

anonymous asked:

The Batboys and their favorite of Damian's pets

Bruce: says he doesn’t like them/have a favourite but is a total sucker for Titus

Dick: loves all of them, is high key an animal person. Hangs out the most with Alfred the cat (and the person too)

Jason: Titus, he’s a dog person and if he has nightmares and is at the manor for some reason, Titus keeps him company while he tries to calm down

Tim: BatCow, since BC is in the cave Tim sees BC more than most of the other animals

Duke: he and Titus get along very well, Duke often plays with him and will secretly feed him under the table

To keep track of Damian, Bruce embedded 4 tiny tracking chips into his Robin uniform. Of course, Damian promptly found and removed them all within a month. He then preceded to surgically plant them within Alfred T. Cat, Titus, Batcow, and Jerry T. Turkey. But what Damian doesn’t know is that Bruce actually planted a 5th chip underneath Damians skin, during the first time that Alfred had to sew a knife wound closed. Like Father, Like Son.

@kid-apocalypse

Predictable (Damian x reader)

Requested: Yes
Prompts: 12. “We were never just friends.”
14. “Are you trying to seduce me?”
Word Count: 618

A/N: This is a cute Damian fluff piece! @alfred-the-cat-writes I hope you like it! It’s a part of my prompt list requests, but it’s cute and I thought you’d like it!

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