“For what she wants, you and I are exactly right. It becomes, now, a matter for us to protect you. And for you not to fail her. Promise me that, Cassandra. That you will think, and take care, and not surrender to this.”
“Live up to her?” I said, and thought he might as well be asking for himself. And probably was.
“Promise me,” he repeated, and I did. And I’ll try. But this thing, that room, it scares me. I don’t know if it’s something I can just push on through.
I know tonight has been scary. But I don’t think I’d be doing right thing by not hugging Sen, just because might be for the last time, any more than I think would be the right thing to not make sure that you and Rye have never-ending supply of books. Do you know, one of the things I’ve enjoyed most this past week is watching expression on your face when you get explanation for something? It’s like the universe is one massive puzzle to you and thing you like above all else is to fit another piece in place.
“I haven’t drawn for years,” he said. “I stopped completely during a home visit when I was thirty. That was such – it caused the rift between Arden and I. But I needed to put it aside to follow this path, and I’ve not done more than take Siame to exhibitions since. Yet when you suggested that game, so sure that it was something I couldn’t do–”
“Had to prove me wrong?”
“Anticipating your expression made producing a handful of sketches a strangely minor issue. I’m finding myself capable of more than a few things that I thought I could not devote time to, and I suspect what you’ve changed is my sense of proportion.”
Every time Kaoren goes on mission in the Ena, I spend entire time convinced he’s not coming back. But does that mean I shouldn’t love him because he has dangerous job? Would it be better to find someone who lived safer life, even though I like them less? I know that I’m in lot of danger, but if I spend all my time not doing things, not caring about people, because I’m caught up in knowing that I’m in danger, then I’m wasting chance I’ve been given to live. I want to live while I can, even if it’s just for few weeks, or day, or hour.