forgive me, insan

when I say I need space

16 years later, still I want room

it’s hard to breathe thunder

     when lightning is all I’ve ever blown

into a sand castle we built on an overcast morning


i know you all too well,  I’m afraid

the shameful reminders of who I am

     if I choose recklessly, aimlessly


     everything you do, say, be

     is evidence of this portals’ failures

i love you. all of you.

your faultlines

waiting to crumble,

earthquakes waking,

               mountains heartaches.


the bulan is watching over us

     guiding the angin’s path to freedom

i push your dalluyon away from me

because your wounds are too fresh like my own

     swallowing our pride is much tastier

     than admitting we are twins of mischief,

               pain, trauma,



insan, I don’t know how to swim in the karayan

where the nuang drinks their danom

and we wash our bannog saka

I can only swim in ambivalence, there

I am certain that wondering hurts less

than stolen truth and forgotten legacies


how can we bridge our worlds with grace?

our keys were buried long ago under ancient niog trees




     let’s sing under the mango tree.

     there we can write our stories

on leaves of saba

and share a glass of basi

to ease our Spirits’ longing

dictionary? :)

insan, pinsan, casinsin: cousin

bulan: full moon

angin: wind

dalluyon: wave(s) (ie. ocean)

karayan: river

nuang: water buffalo

danom: water

bannog: tired

saka: feet

niog: coconut

saba: banana

basi: sugar cane wine

proud of you Cuzzo @jayawskii you did it, it wasn’t easy but you pulled through and kept on swimming. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and that you continue to keep on keeping on. Remember you hold the key to your future it’s up to you to use it to open new doors. Remember the sky isn’t the limit there’s foot prints on the moon. Once again I’m proud of you Cuzzo god bless. #dreambig #proud #graduate #keepswimming #opennewdoors #key #limitsdontexist #frontier2013 #classof2013 #cousin #casinsin

Definitely blessed to have this girl in my life. @lovelylea_ she’s basically the only person who understands me Abd my situation. She always texts me to see how my days going, and on top of that can make me smile. Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me casinsin means a lot to me. #cousin #blessed #thankyou #mutual #relate #casinsin #kabsat