I was reading your headcanons for Hikaku and. Mito and Hikaku? She may have married Hashirama, but come on. A Sensible Being. From the Uchiha clan? What god sent this gift? Hashirama didn't realize the only reason he made peace with the Uchiha was because Mito married them to Hikaku.
Omg I LOVE this. Have some ridiculousness, I couldn’t resist.
“He’s pretty, isn’t he?” Mito asks thoughtfully, eyeing the Uchiha currently arguing—more or less politely—with Izuna. Hashirama caught enough of their conversation earlier to know that Hikaku is the main reason Izuna even agreed to peace talks, though those talks look like they’re going to go up in smoke if something doesn’t change drastically.
Hashirama blinks at his wife, then glances back at Hikaku, wondering if this is one of those things established couples are supposed to do. Looking at other people is healthy, right? And Hikaku is definitely worth looking at—all the Uchiha are pretty, but Hikaku has finer bones than most of them, and the high ponytail emphasizes the delicate angles of his face. Hashirama caught a glimpse of him smiling at his younger cousin earlier—the cousin who then attached himself to a bewildered Tobirama and refused to be shaken loose—and he was lovely indeed.
“Very,” he agrees, offering Mito a smile, happy to make her happy.
“Hmm,” Mito offers thoughtfully, and snaps her fan shut. She glides away with the poise of a queen, cutting right through the Uchihas’ argument and somehow coming out on the other side with Hikaku on one arm and Izuna gaping behind them. Hikaku doesn’t look like he has any clue how it happened, either, but when Mito turns her empress smile on him he flushes and doesn’t try to pull away.
Hashirama might have looked deeper into it, because it’s Mito and she never does anything without a reason, but that’s the moment Madara and Tobirama get into another hair-pulling match and he has to bolt over and break them up. Wrangling them back to their respective corners pushes the matter entirely out of mind, and Hashirama forgets all about it.
It stays forgotten right up until he steps into their bedroom that night and finds Hikaku tied to the headboard with Mito perched on the mattress beside him, smiling like a tigress.
“Oh,” Hashirama says dumbly, and then “Oh,” as the pieces connect, because he might not have his wife’s mind for politics but he’s gotten a lot better at reading through the layers in each of her actions, and this one is clear. He chuckles, leaning over to kiss her gently, and then offers Hikaku a warm smile. “Hello. Just her, or both of us?”
Hikaku goes crimson, stutters, and then groans in clear mortification and closes his eyes, tipping his head back against the pillows. “Both of you,” he manages, almost a squeak.
“This is a test run,” Mito says cheerfully, and stands up to drop her robe to the floor. Hashirama watches her with admiration and no little hunger, because Mito is the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and so devastatingly brilliant he can barely breathe when he looks at her sometimes.
From the sound Hikaku makes, he entirely agrees.
Mito laughs, leaning in to kiss Hashirama teasingly before she bends to offer Hikaku the same. Hashirama watches them, feeling the heat crawl through his blood and curl up his spine, and then prompts, “Test run?”
“Mmm.” Mito leans forward, the cascade of her scarlet hair tumbling free of its buns, and sprawls on the far side of Hikaku, sliding a possessive hand down his bare chest as she gives Hashirama a wicked smile. “If we all have fun and there are no objections, I can have a wedding scheduled within the week.”
His wife is an evil mastermind, Hashirama thinks fondly. He’s so glad she’s on his side, though he does feel a bit of pity for Madara, who keeps trying to oppose her. Leaning forward, he unknots the ropes holding Hikaku, and at Mito’s pout reminds her gently, “Bondage on the second date, Mito. Let’s see how he is with his hands this time.”
One of the hands in question slides up Hashirama’s shoulder, tentative but determined, and curls around the back of his neck. Hikaku puts just enough pressure behind the gesture to make it a question, and Hashirama goes gladly, kissing him thoroughly.
“I’m very good with them,” Hikaku promises, faintly breathless, when they separate, and his eyes are crimson and black in the low light of the bedroom.
Mito chuckles, looping an arm through Hashirama’s to pull him close. “Prove it,” she challenges, and tumbles Hashirama onto the bed with them.
(It’s a good night, and the look on Madara’s face the next morning when he bursts in to complain about Tobirama is very nearly better.)